Indeed it's better

Alright, let's mold it all up.



Phantom Succubi, and Phantom Demons for that matter, are a reclusive race of demons living in the gloomiest, and creepiest planes of Hell. They are not very numerous in Hell, or anywhere for that matter. They are quite an oddity among demons.

In appearance, a Phantom Succubus will look like a normal Succubus, but emmanating an aura that gives them a ghostly feel or sort. They usually have dark tones, most commonly dark gray. This applies to their skin, hair, and eyes. Phantom Succubi are in average 100' tall. However, the size varies a lot between individuals.

Most Phantom Succubi and Demons have psychotic-like behavior. They are usually playful, but their fun gravitates often around malicious acts, sadistic practical jokes, and dark humor. For this reason, they are known as Trickster Demons, usually referring to the obscenely life-threatening "jokes" they tend to pull on mortals. They are also curious and fascinated by the behavior of other demons. Because they are usually cut-off from other demons, they are very interested on how a "city demon" react in general, as they are unpredictable and twisted. For some odd reason, Phantom Succubi and Demons come out to the public more often on a particular day that is celebrated every year on a backwater planet of no importance.

Phantom Succubi and Demons are masters of illusions. Their illusions are so realistic that they can be used as potential weapons. Getting out of a Phantom Succubus' illusion is all but impossible, mainly because their way of thinking is so foreign to most races. However, demons and angels have an easier time breaking through their illusions than mortals, but it is still a very difficult task for them. Their illusions can range from simple duplication, to pseudo-reality altering, limited only to the target's perspective. However, they are not without their flaws. Phantom Demons and Succubi all have weak physical attributes for demons. Phantom Demons' strength, speed, agility, senses, stamina, and durability would be classified as merely peak human abilities in average. For demon and angel standards, it's weak.

Phantom Demons and Succubi can also turn immaterial like ghosts. However, instead of becoming immaterial the same way spirits do, they become a living illusion, a sort of phantasm without substance. In this state, they have complete control over their non-physical form, allowing them to shape their body however they please. The downside to this is that, while immune from physical harm, they can't physically harm anything anymore. In addition, they are very vulnerable to many forms of magic. In particular, dispel types of spells, which are capable of harming them in this form. However, they still can solidify their phantasm to become pseudo-semi-tangible. In this state, they can still shape-shift, but it is only limited to body shape in that form, no longer their full appearance, and they are now vulnerable to both physical harm and dispel magic. As solid phantasm, they can only use illusions to return to immaterial phantasm. A Phantom Demon can only turn into solid phantasm by turning into immaterial phantasm first. The same applies for the reverse process.

Phantom Succubi are voracious, and usually feeds on anything small, mainly mortals and souls. They uses their skills at manipulating illusions to attract their preys. Even when becoming human-sized, and looking like a human, they can still pull off a very stretchy and strong digestive track to eat you even if you are about the same size when they solidify in phantasm state. Their digestive track, like that of other Succubi, are very strong and neutralizes magic. Also, if they turn into immaterial phantasm when they have eaten something, whatever they ate will become immaterial phantasm as well. Interestingly enough, will vulnerable to magic in that state, it doesn't work from the inside.



So what do you think?

An advice don't try to make a description on both phantom succubis and demons at the same time, because phantom demons is a category the phantom succubis belongs, so a phantom demon can't have different abilities from a phantom succubis.

You sould focuse more about the phantom succubi.

Okay, this should apply to only Phantom Succubi. Though Phantom Demons actually share the same weaknesses.

In general then?

The phantom succubi are a specie contrary to the phantom demon which is a category.

The words to explain a category are not the same than the words use to describe a specie.

How you write the bio it's too generic, you should focuse more on the phantom succubi to flesh her than the phantom demon.

To be simple you should forget the phantom demon or make two separate descriptions. one for the phantom succubis and one for the phantom demons

Okay, ignore all instances of Phantom Demon in the description then, and replaces them with Phantom Succubi.

Checked this discussion late (for some reason, new post notices aren't showing up next to the threads )

... So I think I'm missing the contradiction between the Phantom Demon and Phantom Succubi? What's going on, exactly?

It's still too much generic you don't explain how they create their illusions, you describe the effect but not the process.
Edit:
I mean speaking about both the phantom succubis and the phantom demons make think all phantom demons are mostly phantom demons and make the description too generic in my opinion.

Except that it's ok

You got a better idea?

sorry I edit my post.

Quote:

However, demons and angels have an easier time breaking through their illusions than mortals, but it is still a very difficult task for them.

Sounds too much classical, you should use more neutral words or remove it.

Quote:

Phantom Demons' strength, speed, agility, senses, stamina, and durability would be classified as merely peak human abilities in average. For demon and angel standards, it's weak.

same here

This two sentences, gave them a RPG side.

Quote:

Phantom Succubi and Demons are masters of illusions. Their illusions are so realistic that they can be used as potential weapons. Getting out of a Phantom Succubus' illusion is all but impossible, mainly because their way of thinking is so foreign to most races. However, demons and angels have an easier time breaking through their illusions than mortals, but it is still a very difficult task for them. Their illusions can range from simple duplication, to pseudo-reality altering, limited only to the target's perspective. However, they are not without their flaws. Phantom Demons and Succubi all have weak physical attributes for demons. Phantom Demons' strength, speed, agility, senses, stamina, and durability would be classified as merely peak human abilities in average. For demon and angel standards, it's weak. Phantom Demons and Succubi can also turn immaterial like ghosts. However, instead of becoming immaterial the same way spirits do, they become a living illusion, a sort of phantasm without substance. In this state, they have complete control over their non-physical form, allowing them to shape their body however they please. The downside to this is that, while immune from physical harm, they can't physically harm anything anymore. In addition, they are very vulnerable to many forms of magic. In particular, dispel types of spells, which are capable of harming them in this form. However, they still can solidify their phantasm to become pseudo-semi-tangible. In this state, they can still shape-shift, but it is only limited to body shape in that form, no longer their full appearance, and they are now vulnerable to both physical harm and dispel magic. As solid phantasm, they can only use illusions to return to immaterial phantasm. A Phantom Demon can only turn into solid phantasm by turning into immaterial phantasm first. The same applies for the reverse process.

I think they can be merged in one paragraph.

_________________
I can call the snows, and wind, and lightning. The trees may bend to me when I ask. The rivers may flow where I ask them to.
But I am granted these things because I ask , with respect in my heart, and I am willing to offer something in return. I request only the barest needs for myself and my people.

That would make it too long; and they focus on different points, so they should be split into two paragraphs.

I'm still a bit confused about where the conflict is?

I post to this thread to explain one of my problem as non native english speaker I have difficulties with long text. So when I see the explanation too heavy I mean by too much explanation or details which are not necessary.

How I separate the explanation there are two comparison, one with the others demons, angels and the humans from earth because the mortals in Felarya are a bit different because they are many creature master in illusion.

And the second with the comparison with the other of succubis.

In the Felarya's view, the comparison with the other succubis is more important because we don't know the mortal's standard in Felarya engulf many of the giant creature of Felarya, and we don't know their strenght next to a demon. A kensha by example can be stonger than many type of demon.

That's why I think it will better to separate some paragraph and make two descriptions.

I hope Sean and Quantum you understand what I mean