For those of you who have read my story, i need some constructive feedback on Guar and the gang. Figured this would be just as good a place as any to try to get said feedback.


For those of you who haven't read my story.... WHAT ARE YOU SITTING AROUND HERE FOR? lol

you can find it here, at my DA site...

http://mdbear84.deviantart.com/

Uh, couldn't you simply post their bios directly here since you made a thread for them?

hmmm never thought of that.

i haven't realy made bios for them yet, but ill get to work on it

ok, took me a while to track Guar down, but here all i could get from him.

Name: Guar
Race: Taru'draug. They have a similar build to many werewolves, only they do not alter their form.
Age: unknown. The race is said to be ageless
Height: Roughly 6 feet even
Hair color: Gray fur with a silver edge to it
Eye color: Pupil less white with a slight Mother-of-Perl look to them. see "special"
Clothing: Emerald Green tunic, Ivory white slacks, black leather boots, dirt brown cloak. see "special"
Weapons: Gold tonfas, see "special"

History: Guar's people were banished from a world called Londverna out of fear and suspension. Using their technology, they traveled around the multiverse, looking for a new home based on a legend they had verbally passed down. According to the legend, the race's new home would be marked by the finding of the Artifacts of the Knight Protector.

It wasn't until they reached the Legacy Universe that they ran into trouble. A group of humans known as the Supernatural Hunters found a way to kill his once thought immortal race, destroying all of his tribe save him. Guar made his way to Felarya merely by accident, when one of the Supernatural Hunters (also able to travel the multiverse) shot at his traveling device and sent him to this world between worlds.

Upon his arrival, and after making new friends, he discovered that the artifacts were actually here and has decided to live on a small peninsula north of Negev city on the other side of the Jewel river. He has named this new peninsula Londverna (after his home world) and erected Londverna village as a Felarya safe haven. Though his tribe was destroyed, the complete destruction of his race has not been confirmed and he hopes that one day they will find their way here.

Special:
-Having made friends with Alvar, Guar trains with him from time to time, being able to barely match his fairy opponent.
-Guar found out the hard way (and barely survived both times) that his race are distasteful and inedible to native Falaryans. However, visitors to felarya find their flavor remarkably sweet and very irresistible. For this reason, Guar will usually inquire of a creatures background before taking any violent action against a pred.
-Being the protector of Londverna, Guar does not tolerate any voreing there. However, understanding that he is in a world bent on such rules, he does not interfere with someone's meal outside of Londverna's boundaries save for one exception: Nekos.
-After a year in Felarya, Guar took a Neko as a wife, Neleh (bio to come). They have two children, Axe and Ace, who take the neko body and face, but take after their father in the ears, eyes and tail.
-Guar (as well as his race and sons) are technicly blind. The race as developed a special sight called "Aura Sight". As the name implies, Guar's sight is based on the aura that liveing creatures give off, much like heat vision. In Felarya, where just about everything is liveing, they see very well. But in a world rulled by robots, they are compleatly blind.
-The artifacts are a symbol of ruler-ship among his people. As such, they give the wearer special abilities as fallows:
*Tunic: protection from projectiles and fast flying weapons. Can be bypassed by a slow knife or such
*Pants: ability to leap up to a distance of 80 feet straight up
*Boots: increased speed up to 60mph
*Tonfas: causes an explosion with each impact
Each artifact's abilities are all at will and feed off of the wearer's aura. The more aura he feeds into them, the more potent the ability. If used improperly or for too long, the artifacts will completely drain the subject of his aura and will incapacitate him/her or even kill him/her.
-Though he spends most of his time in Londverna, Guar does tend to travel Felarya often. This is to find refuges in need of his safe haven as well as to see the rest of his new home.

So thats it... questions?... comments?... I know its a long bio, but there is a lot of info i have to pull out of the story.

sounds cool, only thing that seems odd is the "aura sight" you say that his race is blind in a world of technology... but from what i know, stone, water and metals have an aura too, it's just different from living things^^

hmmm. if that is the case, then it might be better to say "Living Aura Sight"