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Riverman
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PostSubject: Bored   Sat Apr 10, 2010 9:36 pm

I'm feeling up for any kind of rp but I do have an idea that involves pitting my race against the inhabitants of Felarya (Think randomly appearing cities like in the comic.). Anybody interested?
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PostSubject: Re: Bored   Sat Apr 10, 2010 9:53 pm

I have an idea as well.

How bout' you take the time to adequately describe said race? Are they advanced or primitive? Are they big or small? Ect. Thing is, it is not a wise decision to simply rush into things with such vague ideas as a basis. I suggest you provide a general idea as to this race, and perhaps even pin it up in the ideas section for critique. Anything would be better than poofing it into being via the roleplay area. ANYTHING


For another thing, when you say "the inhabitants of Felarya", this also leaves much to be imagined. Felarya is a big, big, HUEG AS X-BOX, type of place (To put it into perspective, the tiny parts that are mapped are only part of a single continent, and there are likely more continents as well.). Because of this, the inhabitants would be vastly different in places, and population densities would vary as well. Again, specifics would be nice. Did you have an idea as to what area this dimensional meeting would occur in? The creatures living within a forest type zone would be worlds apart from those living in the arctic type places.

Quite frankly though, I feel that this is a bad idea in general, and you probably should do some Felaryan research and take the time to flesh out your own ideas before steam rolling right in.....or at the very least make it less vague a concept....


-Yours truly RAGE Warrior3000
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PostSubject: Re: Bored   Sat Apr 10, 2010 10:29 pm

a


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PostSubject: Re: Bored   Sun Apr 11, 2010 10:11 am

Riverman wrote:
I'm feeling up for any kind of rp but I do have an idea that involves pitting my race against the inhabitants of Felarya (Think randomly appearing cities like in the comic.). Anybody interested?
It's a manga.
Riverman wrote:
race against the inhabitants of Felarya
Riverman wrote:
race against Felarya
An entire Race. Against Felarya. No. And especially not in an roleplay unless you have a specific plot in mind that you lay out beforehand.

Also, reading your description of your race... I am going to attempt a Malahite here and and deconstruct it.

Quote :
==== Early Ages 0 - 1722 ====
The Eurlian race was originally divided into various monarchies, dynasties and dictatorships. For most of their recorded history they waged unending wars against each other with little to no peace in between the conflicts. They eventually entered an industrial age and made numerous technological advances. The Eurlian race briefly entered an age of prosperity.
So it took them only 1722 years to advance to an industrial age and while they were in a constant state of warefare? I think not.
War doesn't generally condone massive technological advances. (I know a lot of stuff was invented in WW2, but that was because there was already an established base of scientists etc). A constant state of war means a few things:
  • All strong fighters are sent of to battle and usually killed. This reduces the gene pool, especially in the area of strong fighters
  • Deep thought and investigations into science are usually discouraged because you should be out fighting
  • Constant war is a drain on resources, this means barely any would be available for research if someone was even interesting in doing it (and wasn't dragged off to fight with the rest).


Quote :
==== Mass Extinction War 1722 - 1727 ====
The brief era of peace was shattered when an asteroid that measured miles in diameter entered Yijings atmosphere and slammed into the surface of the planet, throwing the entire world into disarray. The hit also threw countless tons of dust into the atmosphere and blocked out the sun for the next 3000 years. The lack of sunlight started an ice age and the majority of life on Yijing quickly died off, creating a massive hunger problem for the Eurlians. Faced with the prospect of starving to death, the various factions went to war with each other like never before seen. Millions perished in the first few weeks alone.

As the war dragged on, the borders of the various factions soon disappeared as they fought each other for what little food was left. The vast armies of each nation soon dissolved into various war bands and the social order began to break down. The Extinction of the Eurlians as a species seemed immanent until one General named Keron Tzu rallied an army to his cause and pulled off a string of victories, gaining supporters with each battle he fought and won. His mission was simple; Unite the Eurlian Race and restore order no matter what the cost.

Keron set about occupying the major cities of Yijing and driving out the marauding bands occupying them. It was during the assault on the mega city Kraken that he met his nemesis; A foreign General named Kaiser who led the armies of a faction that hadn't dissolved into chaos. Heavily outnumbered and outgunned, Keron used his superior combat tactics to outmaneuver, outwit and destroy the forces Kaiser set against him. The fighting could have gone on for years
No it couldn't have, you said earlier that they were fighting for what little food was left. An army takes a LOT of food to sustain.
Quote :
but the stalemate between the two generals was suddenly broken by the betrayal of one of Kaisers lieutenants, Vezeel. With Kaiser dead and the armies of the last true threat crushed, all of Yijing was soon under Keron's control. It was only after the war that Keron discovered just how close his forces had come to being wiped out. The faction he had fought was manufacturing nuclear weapons to wipe out any opposition that stood in their way.
How were they building nukes while starving? How had they even discovered the tech? (see what I said about early ages).

Quote :
==== Blood On The Snow 1727 - 1750 ====
In 1749, proof that the Eurlain race wasn't alone in the universe came when the Mishhuvurthyar appeared in their star system and began bombarding Yijing from orbit. After a failed attempt to shoot down the invading fleet with missiles, Keron ordered all military forces to fall back to various underground facilities and waited for the invaders to make their next move.

With the Eurlian military seemingly defeated the Mishhuvurthyar launched a massive invasion of Yijing and began attacking major cities. They were immediately met with stiff resistance from police and organized militia forces. The E.A.F chose this moment to reappear
Reappear? That's the first I've read of them.
Quote :
and launch a surprise attack against the attacking Mishhuvurthyar forces, taking them by surprise and destroying the first attack wave. The Eurlains had also become aware of the NMX Parasite Type (Being able to instinctively tell something was "horribly wrong" with the ones who had been infected.) and began feeding them false information as part of Kerons plan to deal with the next attack.
NMX Parasite? Please, if you mention this later, you need to work on information flow. You need to explain what that is, how it got to their planet and what it does first!

Quote :
s they had anticipated, the second attack wave dwarfed the first one in size and the Mishhuvurthyar quickly seized control of every mining facility and still intact refinery on Yijing. They also attacked the supposed underground facilities the Eurlian Armed forces were hiding in, only to find them completely vacant save for NMX zombies, armed nuclear warheads and a prerecorded message from Keron Tzu himself; "You seem surprised, don't be. In a few seconds you will learn why they call me The Master of War." The resulting nuclear detonations destroyed a large portion of the invasion force.
A tactical and strategic genius. Nice.
Quote :
==== Nervous System ====
Before the Mass Extinction war, Yijing was home to a wide range of cunning predators. Because of this, the Eurlians have developed extremely keen predatory instincts. They have the innate ability to tell when they are being watched,
Humans can tell when they're being watched (The ability to do so is heightened with training and experience).
Quote :
when something is "off" about a particular individual and when something bad is about to happen to them (Example: Walking into an ambush or minefield.)
.
I find this to be overpowered. It's more powerful than the predator sense! (If you don't know what that is you NEED to go and read the wiki. I gave you the link)
Quote :
They also have metallic lenses behind their eyes that give them a limited form of night vision. While not having perfect sight, they can still see 'shadow versions' of their surroundings and able to tell when they are about to run into a wall.
Yeah... I know when I'm about to walk into a wall at night. But if you're talking about seeing things in what would be to us total darkness, also overpowered.
Quote :
==== Skeletal System ====
The Eurlians have a very heavy and durable skeletal structure that is comprised of iron, calcium, copper and trace amounts of other elements.
So many elements in the bones? No. No way. They would need to eat so much to keep up the levels. They would only be able to survive in places where they could obtain the necessary nutrients and trace elements. Not to mentions it's completely unnecessary to have so many!
Quote :
The immense durability of their bones comes partly from their composition. Heavier and stronger elements like iron make up the 'inner layers' of their bones while softer elements make up the 'surface layers'. This allows them to absorb and disperse the force of a blow and makes their bones far less likely to break in the event of severe blunt trauma. Their spines are much thicker and are able to support bones that are nearly twice as thick as an average humanoid. On average they can handle an average of 29 gravities before their skeleton starts to fracture. Larger Eurlians can withstand considerably more (30-35) gravities before meeting the same results.
You do know that the larger something is the more gravity effects it? All these metals in their bones, the size of their bones would make them very susceptible to gravity.
Quote :
In general their skeletal structure has the same functions as that of a standard humanoid with an emphasis on protection and support.
Um, the main purpose of the skeleton is to provice support. As for protection, that's an the purpose of an exoskeleton.
Quote :
==== Muscular System ====
The Eurlian muscular system is highly developed and very dense. Because of it's density and bulk, the Eurlian muscular system provides an effective defense against against blunt trauma.
On top of the already apparently super-strong skeleton? What would it take to knock one of these down? a tank?
Also dense muscles require a lot of energy and generate a ot of heat. Eurlians would have to eat a huge amount to just get by, never mind going to war. I can't see how tehy could have gone to war after the asteroid hit, they would have been to busy trying to find food! The heat means they would shine like the sun on heat vision and any predator that detects heat.
Quote :
It should be noted that because of the immense weight of the Eurlian skeletal and muscular system, the average sized Eurlian can only reach the jogging speed of an average humanoid. Only the tallest of them are capable of keeping up with other races.
Finally some realism... Oh wait.
Quote :
==== Teeth ====
Comprised of the same elements as their bones, Eurlian teeth are strong and sharp enough to cut clean through hard wood. Due to the large amount of metallic elements, their teeth are a light shade of Gray and can reflect light. They have also evolved large fangs as a natural defense and a means of hunting prey that is much faster than them. Their fangs secrete an extremely powerful paralyzing venom capable of causing violent convulsions, intense hallucination, feelings of immediate death and renders their victims unable to move but fully aware of their surroundings. The venom is a yellowish fluid that can be injected into the bloodstream or absorbed through the skin.
I find this to also be over powered. It sounds like they could take down a predator simply by biting it enough.
Quote :
==== Immune System ====
Due to the large amount of metallic alloys in their blood, the Eurlians have a mild resilience to radiation.
Wrong way around.
Quote :
=== Slow Aging ===
The Eurlian body grows and matures at a slower rate than other humanoid races. Because of this they don't reach adulthood until the age of 28, the standard Eurlian year being 437 years long. On average they live for 125 of their years.
The immensley dense muscle, extremely strong bones and the venom sacs and teeth require a really, really fast metabolism to keep them going. (Again with the food thing, fast metabolism = lots of food). A faster metabolism means the die sooner, not live longer.
Also, how iis the standard Eurlian year 437 years (earth) years long? A longer year means an orbit futher away from the sun, which means either the sun is bigger and therefore a different type. The type and size required to that long of a year while still maintaining planet to sun distance means that the sun would be incapable of supporting life. The other option is a sun-like star, but a further orbit. That means their planet would freeze. hell, it'd be so far out oxygen would be solid. Pluto orbits Sol every 248 years and oxygen is solid there. Pluto's low temerature is 33 Kelvin (-240 degrees Celsius or -400 degrees Fahrenheit). The Eurlian planet would be incapable of supporting life.
That aside... 54625 Earth years. That's how long they live for. How the hell do they support such a huge population that a life-span of that magnitude would create?
Quote :
===== Technology =====
While the Eurlian Nation has technology comparable to that of the 21st century, their military technology is considerably more advanced.
I'm going to assume that means you can claim that they have in mass production what we have on the drawing board in terms of military tech. That's just another lay of uber-powereredness.
I repeat, how could they have got to that in such a short period while in a state of constant war?
Quote :
=== Music ===
Various forms of techno, rock and heavy metal have also become popular in the mainstream media. The three most popular bands of each music genre are the rock and roll band Critical Mass, the heavy metal band Metal Head and the techno music band Zion.
Don't forget battle hymns and war chants.
Quote :
=== Racing ===
Racing in Eurlian culture has more in common with demolition derbies and blood sport that actual racing. Drivers race around a track in armored vehicles equipped with a wide range of high powered weapons. Some of the people who participate in this sport are criminals testing experimental equipment developed by the military in exchange for a pardon (In the event they survive the ordeal.). To keep the mortality rate low, a rule has been passed that each vehicle must have a fully enclosed and well protected cockpit. Drivers now have an 85% to 95% chance of survival.
Wouldn't those resources be better spent on building tanks and suchlike?

In conclusion:

This really, really smells like a mary-sue race to me.
I mean immensely.
If they were to launch an invasion of Felarya the guardians would intervene. I'm sure Karbo would agree with me here.
There's your RP in a nutshell: Eurlians appear and invade, start killing predators, humans, nekos, kensha beasts and everything else. The Guardians take notice and well... Rp over.
Quote :
Alright then, my ideas is having an Eurlian city appear in the dimensionally unstable Miragia forest. If my race (Copied from the forum I'm currently trying to get it approved on.) seems unbalanced that's because it is.
I noticed this just when I had finished typing everything else.
Seriously, I am disgusted. You MEANT to make a uber-powered race. What are... Just...
Felarya isn't about this kind of stuff.


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PostSubject: Re: Bored   Sun Apr 11, 2010 11:33 am

read it over, have to agree... overpowered, contradicting in some areas... just overall not a good thing to bring to Felarya... and with or without anyone's two cents on the subject... the guardians would rip them a whole new upgrade to the term "rip you a new one"... and you plan to RP this? what did you expect? People to willingly make characters or line theirs up to ultimately get killed? sorry but your plan of action speaks these words to me. "Watch as my race attacks Felarya and destroys it even though by laws of just more than common Felarya knowledge" but thats just what I am hearing....

this actually sounds extremely familiar in more then one area... but if i were to offer a solution to this problem, rethink your RP idea and the Race itself, study the wiki... prepare for the apocalypse

ok maybe not that last one... geek most of these things are just common and easily fixed issues from the looks of it... also seeing how you are new here also may mean you are just not used to how things are done here... either way... but feel free to join any RP here just so long as you follow the rules...
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PostSubject: Re: Bored   Sun Apr 11, 2010 12:17 pm

I wasn't planning on submitting this to Felarya. It was just an RP idea.
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PostSubject: Re: Bored   Sun Apr 18, 2010 12:42 am

Riverman wrote:
I wasn't planning on submitting this to Felarya. It was just an RP idea.

not a totally bad Idea actually, I can see this happening in an RP, maybe not a takeover, but maybe a war or something of the sort to give some Felarya Characters Hell for a few days.. I know a few that could use it.... but yea, this isn't going to work in its current state... even if you didn't really plan to submit this to the Forum...
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PostSubject: Re: Bored   Thu Apr 22, 2010 2:58 am

codaman wrote:
Riverman wrote:
I wasn't planning on submitting this to Felarya. It was just an RP idea.

not a totally bad Idea actually, I can see this happening in an RP, maybe not a takeover, but maybe a war or something of the sort to give some Felarya Characters Hell for a few days.. I know a few that could use it.... but yea, this isn't going to work in its current state... even if you didn't really plan to submit this to the Forum...

You can find the revised version here. As you can see it's nowhere near done yet on account of me being distracted by Borderlands which I recently got.

Unless you're still cool with the appearing city thing I have another idea. It involves me playing just two characters who came to Felarya looking for a challenging hunt. They quickly discover that their money isn't any good there and are forced to take up freelance work. The only catch is that they have to get the treasure hunters back alive before receiving their payment. You know, just in case they decided to simply take the money by force and leave them for dead.

Of course, keeping a bunch of gold digging idiots alive is easier said than done.
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PostSubject: Re: Bored   Thu Apr 22, 2010 6:08 am

Riverman wrote:
codaman wrote:
Riverman wrote:
I wasn't planning on submitting this to Felarya. It was just an RP idea.

not a totally bad Idea actually, I can see this happening in an RP, maybe not a takeover, but maybe a war or something of the sort to give some Felarya Characters Hell for a few days.. I know a few that could use it.... but yea, this isn't going to work in its current state... even if you didn't really plan to submit this to the Forum...

You can find the revised version here. As you can see it's nowhere near done yet on account of me being distracted by Borderlands which I recently got.

Unless you're still cool with the appearing city thing I have another idea. It involves me playing just two characters who came to Felarya looking for a challenging hunt. They quickly discover that their money isn't any good there and are forced to take up freelance work. The only catch is that they have to get the treasure hunters back alive before receiving their payment. You know, just in case they decided to simply take the money by force and leave them for dead.

Of course, keeping a bunch of gold digging idiots alive is easier said than done.
do you by any chance have a bio of these chars?
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PostSubject: Re: Bored   Thu Apr 22, 2010 10:49 am

So this has a chance of happening then? Just give me a second to come up with something.

Name: Kale Alon Reztoc

Species: Eurlian

Sex: Male

Age: 44

Hair: Black and short cut

Eyes: Dark Gray

Height: 8'7

Body: Bulky, muscular, tanned complexion and has a jagged scar over the left half of his face.

Outfit: Bullet proof combat suit with reactive armor plating. Designed to withstand an explosive blast and allow the wearer to survive with relatively few injuries. The suit has been painted green to match the planets terrain and the helmet is missing. It still bares Kales rank Colonel) and the Eurlian star.

Occupation: Former Commando sniper, big game hunter, reluctant freelancer

Personality: Antisocial (With the exception of beautiful women.), violent, hardhearted, cold and calculating.

Weapons: 30mm sniper cannon (4 to 5 meters long and a chore to carry.), a revolver that has been modified to fire shotgun shells and two hunting knives.

History: Kale served in the E.A.F for 27 years before retiring. He quickly became bore with his state of life and then heard about Felarya. Upon arriving he quickly discovered that his money wasn't worth anything and was forced to take up freelance work. Most of the people he has escorted have been eaten alive despite his and Evellic's best efforts. The rest wound up being shot because he found them to be exceptionally annoying, much to his partners dismay.



Name: Evellic Rizen

Species: Eurlian

Sex: Female

Age: 38

Hair: Black, Waist length and done in a braid

Eyes: Dark Gray

Height: 8'1

Body: Slim, extremely athletic and has a light tan complexion.

Outfit: Warrior style armor that is made from the same metal plating as Kales combat suit. Although providing greater mobility, it lacks the bulletproof layer, showing off her skin and only covers her torso, upper arms and upper legs. Evellic also wears sandals.

Occupation: Arena fighter, semi finalist, big game hunter and Kales partner.

Weapons: A 6 foot long samurai like blade, twin daggers and a modernized longbow.

Personality: Hot headed, aggressive, uncaring (Unless Kale does something stupid, like say, shooting their employers.), mean spirited and extremely arrogant.

History: Evellic is on Felarya for the same reason as Kale; Boredom. She is also facing the same problem he has and although admitting that she and Kale have a much better chance of making money if they work together, they have had no success what so ever. To make matters worse, Kale has killed the select few employers that have stood a chance of surviving a tour of Felarya simply because he couldn't stand their (Unbelievably irritating.) personalities. Normally she wouldn't mind seeing a few idiots die but it's only a matter of time before their supplies run out.
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PostSubject: Re: Bored   Thu Apr 22, 2010 10:54 am

Riverman wrote:
So this has a chance of happening then? Just give me a second to come up with something.

Spoiler:
 

Spoiler:
 
have you read anything about felarya? these two are lame Mary sues, that seems to both be designed in a hurry and designed to counter anything they might meet in felarya... so to answer you question... not a chance in hell with these two T_T'
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PostSubject: Re: Bored   Thu Apr 22, 2010 11:10 am

I'm going to attempt a malahite here:

Quote :
Name: Kale Alon Reztoc

Species: Eurlian

Sex: Male

Age: 44

Hair: Black and short cut

Eyes: Dark Gray

Height: 8'7

This part's fine. 8'7" is pretty tall though

Quote :
Body: Bulky, muscular, tanned complexion and has a jagged scar over the left half of his face.

the tall dark muscular type with scars over their faces are the stereotypical cliche badass. I think he could do well without a scar, make him slightly less buff, but as long as he holds true to his word, and the guy has enough resolve he can still be a badass.

Quote :
Outfit: Bullet proof combat suit with reactive armor plating. Designed to withstand an explosive blast and allow the wearer to survive with relatively few injuries. The suit has been painted green to match the planets terrain and the helmet is missing. It still bares Kales rank Colonel) and the Eurlian star.

Occupation: Former Commando sniper, big game hunter, reluctant freelancer

captain would be the last field officer rank. he cant be a commando sniper and a col. at the same time.

Quote :
Personality: Antisocial (With the exception of beautiful women.), violent, hardhearted, cold and calculating.

so he's a womanizer. Evil laugh

Quote :
History: Kale served in the E.A.F for 27 years before retiring. He quickly became bore with his state of life and then heard about Felarya. Upon arriving he quickly discovered that his money wasn't worth anything and was forced to take up freelance work. Most of the people he has escorted have been eaten alive despite his and Evellic's best efforts. The rest wound up being shot because he found them to be exceptionally annoying, much to his partners dismay.

military personnel don't just "get bored" they're trained to be loyal and serving to their country. If people got bored with the military, there wouldn't be very many soldiers. I suggest changing it from bored to something that pissed him off. That sounds better with his personality.

______________________________________

Quote :
Name: Evellic Rizen

Species: Eurlian

Sex: Female

Age: 38

Hair: Black, Waist length and done in a braid

Eyes: Dark Gray

Height: 8'1

Body: Slim, extremely athletic and has a light tan complexion.

Quote :
Outfit: Warrior style armor that is made from the same metal plating as Kales combat suit. Although providing greater mobility, it lacks the bulletproof layer, showing off her skin and only covers her torso, upper arms and upper legs. Evellic also wears sandals.

Occupation: Arena fighter, semi finalist, big game hunter and Kales partner.

this sounds kind of like power suit/armor, but it's an interesting design. only one thing though: what's "Warrior style armor" warrior style armor is different in many cultures, is it like a karate Gi? or plate mail? if it's like plate mail you may want to describe how the armor looks, spikes, color/material, etc.

Quote :
Personality: Hot headed, aggressive, uncaring (Unless Kale does something stupid, like say, shooting their employers.), mean spirited and extremely arrogant.
She sounds like she suits her partner pretty well. It's a little short for a personality description though.

Quote :
History: Evellic is on Felarya for the same reason as Kale; Boredom. She is also facing the same problem he has and although admitting that she and Kale have a much better chance of making money if they work together, they have had no success what so ever. To make matters worse, Kale has killed the select few employers that have stood a chance of surviving a tour of Felarya simply because he couldn't stand their (Unbelievably irritating.) personalities. Normally she wouldn't mind seeing a few idiots die but it's only a matter of time before their supplies run out.
If they both get bored, how did they meet each other? they sound like friends and you may want to state somewhere a brief idea of how they met. A short and sweet history isn't too bad though. If anything it's not too lengthy, but since you're just trying to give us the general idea, I don't have many issues with this.
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PostSubject: Re: Bored   Thu Apr 22, 2010 6:06 pm

I was only half awake when I came up with those profiles. I'll do them properly after I get some rest.
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