Sean, Felaryan Elemental Knight (Chapter 4 part 4 uploaded)

About time I make the first chapter of the first storyline, the prologue was simply a backstory than being relevant to the story. The first storyline is simply Sean telling his arrival in Felarya three years ago, this refer to the Felarya we currently live in. This is the very first story I actually write, I never wrote any other stories of anykind so please, don't be too heavy on criticism. You can post now.

I need to know what you think of the story so far before I can post another chapter. The reason is to know if I'm going downhill or not.
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Chapter 1 - Rebirth

Part 1

"My name is Sean Okotami. Though I am 18, I became an Elemental Knight three years prior. I wasn't always the one risking his life daily to survive while accomplishing various missions, I used to be carefree and irresponsible. It all started three years ago, when I stumbled in the world known as Felarya."

In a forest near a gigantic tree, a short-haired blond boy with blue eyes, wearing a violet t-shirt with matching violet pants, along with white sneakers, a black headband and a long crimson scarf wraped around his neck with both ends coming behind along his back, ending at the level of his rear was walking while looking around. The young human had longer hair next to both eyes and strange violet stripes running all along his arms as well as a pair under both eyes going down diagonally at the cheeks.

"Ah, where am I anyway?" He said. "One minute I was walking in the woods near home, then a portal appears right on me and takes me here. There has to be a way back home somewhere." *while scrubbing his hair in anger* "Why must my life be this complicated?!"

As he continue walking, he then sees the Giant Tree farther away.

"Whoa, what's with that tree? There aren't any this huge where I live." *looking worried* "I feel like I've been wisked to another world or something, I gotta get outta here."

Then, a beautiful voice caught his attention.

"Hmm?" He then closes his eyes and open his ears. "What a beautiful voice. It came from here, I think." Following the voice, he then stumbles upon a young woman dressed in green with long brown hair. Sitting next to her, he sees something shocking.

"Wh-What the?!" A giant, teal eyed and scaled Naga with long blond hair was looking in his direction. "Hi there!" Said the Naga. The boy then fell on his knees, looking terrified at the ground while holding his head.

"Wh-what's going on? What's up with this place? Am I dreaming? Am I crazy?" The Naga changed her cheerful expression to a more serious one. " Is something wrong?" She asked. "Hey, what is this place? Where am I anyway?" Replied the boy sweating and shivering. "This is the forest near the Giant Tree, in Felarya." Said the Naga smiling.

The kid's eyes where now wide open. He bended forward with his arms stretched to the ground to stop him from falling. "Fe... la... rya..." He said "No way. This is insane, I'm not on Earth anymore?"

"Aww, your not funny. I'll just have to eat you now." Said the Naga. Upon hearing this, the boy quickly turned around and started running really fast for a human his age. "Now this is more fun." Said the smiling Naga. Farther ahead, the kid was running and jumping with great speed and agility, permorming impressive acrobatics. "I'm gonna die." Thought the young human. "I'm gonna be eaten by a giant Naga." He thought again. Tears were starting to rundown his cheeks. "At this rate, I won't survive."

He then promptly braked and turned around, looking down. The Naga, who was enjoying the chase, was puzzled to see him stop dead in his track. After catching up to him, she then grabbed him in her hand and lifted him to her face. "What's the matter? Why did you stop? It was fun." She said.

"Hey, you there, kill me." Said the boy. His captor was dumbfounded by his request, she couldn't help to say "What?" "I said kill me." Replied the kid "Eat me if you want, what do I have to live for anyway?" The young human started crying as the Naga listened to him. "I lost both my parents when I was three, I don't have any siblings, and everyone calls me a freak because of those marks. *sniff*"

As she listened, she understood that he was alone and nobody wanted to be his friend because of the violet marks on his arms and face. "No one cares about me. *sniff* Why should I live if I'm not important to anyone? *sniff*" Continued the child. Meanwhile, the brown-haired woman had caught up to her Naga friend. "So, kill me now." Said the boy. The Naga looked as if she was sorry for the human. "I can't, it's too sad what is happening to you, and..." The boy cut in and said "If you feel the same as I, then you know it's for the best." She looked at him, sadenned. "I'm of no use to anyone, I have no purpose in life. It's not my place for me to be alive. So please, help me lift that pain in my soul, this is my final wish." She closed her eyes and said "Fine." She then lifted him to her mouth. "My name, is Sean. Sean Okotami." Said the boy. "Mine is Crisis." Replied the Naga. She put Sean in her mouth, before shutting it, Sean said "Crisis, thank you, for setting me free."

She then swallowed him alive. She was still feeling sorry for Sean and was feeling lucky to have a friend like Léa. As she was heading back to the giant tree, she heard her stomach growling, then a loud shriek coming from there too. Crisis then looked down with tears running down. Léa came to cheer her up "He is free now. So cheer up." She looked at her human friend and smiled. "But, I would be as sad as he was if I lost a friend." She said.

Another Naga with blue scales and shorter pink hair came and seemed surprised to not see Crisis in her usual cheerful mood. She seemed to not have noticed the other Naga as she headed back to the tree. "Now just what happened for her to look like that?" Said the pink haired Naga. "I think it would be best to leave her alone, Anna." Said Léa. "It's not like herself to sulk, what happened?" She asked Léa. After explaining about Sean, Anna simply replied while smirking "That has to be a first, Crisis feeling sorry for a human she ate." "Still, it must not have been easy for him, losing his parents and being rejected by everyone. He was such a sad child." She added while losing that smirk. "He is in a better place now." She said with a sincere smile this time.

That night, Crisis was gazing at the starry sky, thinking about Sean. "Sean, I hope you are happy out there." She thought. Before falling asleep, she said "If only you were still there, we could have been friends." In her belly, a strange violet light appeared, then come out hollowed white eyes.

Wait for Part 2 to know what happens next.
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I actually cried while writing this, probably because I was listening to Ciel d'aube there.

Part 2

Back inside Crisis' stomach, a strange violet light suddenly appeared. Then, a figure with completely black skin which seems to mask the mouth, bat like wings on his back almost as big in height as the creature when folded, clawed hands and feets, black hair, glowing blue eyes and... violet marks all over his body. It then clenched his hand in a fist and punched the stomach wall with the strength of a giant Naga.

The impact snapped Crisis wide awake. "What was that?" She said while touching her belly. Another punch from the creature followed. "Oww, what's going on? What is that thing inside me?" She said while bearing the pain. Léa then woke up, as well as Anna, who looked rather upset "I'm trying to sleep, what's your pro-..." she said, before noticing Crisis' belly. "Crisis, since when your belly turn violet?" she asked. Upon hearing this, Crisis looked at her belly, which was glowing violet. Scared, she said "What is happening to me?" Another punch came which Crisis beared the pain. "Something is punching me from inside." She said terrified. "But that's impossible for someone human sized to possess such strength." Anna replied.

Then, the creature lifted his foot above his head, then slammed the floor with his heel. Unable for her stomach to take anymore, she threw up the little demon, then breathed heavily after the ordeal. "What is that thing?" Said Anna while pointing the black skinned creature surrounded by a violet glow. Crisis and Léa looked at the demon, the first thing that caught their attention was his violet marks. "Those marks, it can't be..." Said Crisis. The demon turned around, looking at them, shocking Léa and Crisis. "Sean!" exclaimed Crisis. "Sean? This thing is the kid you were talking about?" Anna replied. "What happened to him?" She added.

Sean said nothing, his body seemed more muscled. He glanced at a nearby boulder twice his sized and crushed it with one punch. "Th-that strength! It's inhuman!" exclaimed Anna. Sean then formed a seal with his hands. "Fire." He said, his voice was different. At his words, a sphere of flames appeared in front of him. He formed a different seal with his hands, saying "Water." this time, followed with a sphere water appearing next to the other one. He formed seven different seals, saying "Wind." "Earth." "Lightning." "Ice." "Wood." "Light." "Shadow." with a sphere of wind, earth, lightning, ice, wood, light and shadow appearing in front of him. He then extended his arms toward them.

The nine spheres merged together and created a huge sword as big as himself with a blade shaped like a trident by having two smaller blades at the sides attached to a central blade twice as long, giving the sword a triangular look. He then took the heavy weapon and put it on his back, as if he was holding the metal like a magnet. He let out a loud "YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!", then in a flash of violet light, he turned back human with his clothes intact and apparantly unharmed before collapsing on his back.

"Sean!" yelled Crisis as she and Léa were rushing next to him, with Anna following them at her own pace. Sean wasn't moving an inch. Léa then put her ear on his chest and said "He's alive, his heart is beating like crazy though. He is simply exhausted." Crisis sighed in relief and was glad that he was going well. "Still..." said Anna. "You swallowed him alive this afternoon, how could he have survived?" She wondered having experienced it first hand. "Furthermore, how did he become a demon?" Added Léa. Everyone was puzzled, they also noticed that Sean was now a few inch taller than this afternoon, with a bit more developed muscles and his sword chaged form, being now only 1.50 meter long with the now 1 meter long blade looking triangular with crescents tightening the blade toward the guard.

The next morning, Sean weakely opened his eyes and saw the Giant Tree. "Huh... that's the Giant Tree. Where am I?" He said, half-asleep. A familiar "Hi there Sean! Glad to see you awake!" snapped him awake. "That voice!" He then stood up and saw Crisis looking at him, happily smiling. "Crisis!" He said in shock. He saw Léa sitting on her shoulder and Anna standing next to Crisis. "Hi, I didn't tell you my name before, I'm Léa." She said. "My name is Anna, believe it or not but I used to be human." She said in a sarcastic tone. "What happened? How did I get here again?" Sean said puzzled. Everyone was now looking at him with serious faces. Crisis said "Well, to be honnest, what happened is..."

After finishing their explanation of what happened last night. "No way..." said Sean dumbfounded. "Now that you mention it." he added. Everyone was looking at him. "I can't remember well but..." Inside Crisis' stomach yesterday afternoon after she swallowed Sean, he is now on his knees breathing heavily. "What's going on? I feel weird..." He said. Multicolored flames was surrounding him. "It's like something powerful was flowing from every pores in my skin." He said. Gurgling noise are heard with stomach acid flooding in, then Sean is completely engulfed in a violet flame and let out a loud shriek. The flashback ends here. "That's all I can remember." He said. Everyone seemed to understand a bit better. "Still, I wake up 1.80 meter tall, with more muscle and I created a sword with nine elements." He said a bit worried.

"We should go see Vivian. She should know more about what happened to you." Said Crisis. "I'm staying here, I need to get back my hours of sleep from last night" said Anna. "Alright, then let's go see Vivian." Said Sean. He then hopped to Crisis shoulder with great agility. "Alright, let's go!" He said enthusiastly.
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The look for demon Sean's sword is like this but with a metallic blade. The normal one look like the Four Sword, with a violet hilt, like this.

MOAR .... ahem, i like it sounds like it will be good

Great so far. The explanation of his situation on Earth was really depressing and touching; very powerful. I wonder what caused this to happen to him.

If it was an anime in Japanese with the music "Ciel d'aube" I linked to (I can't link directly to the song) it would make you cry when he starts telling his story. I'm gonna revamp Sean's bio in the Character thread since now I got the idea fixed. To avoid spoilers, I will only state what has been revealed in the story so far along with his backstory, so I will update along with chapters.
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This post will also serve as a place where you can find my work related to that story that I uploaded on deviantART, so check it out from time to time.

Prologue

Chapter 1 - Part 1

Chapter 1 - Part 2

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Elemental Knight Concept

Chapter 4 - Part 1

Chapter 4 - Part 2

Chapter 4 - Part 3

Chapter 4 - Part 4

This start nice ^^
I am curious to see what will happens next

Just for some specification, Sean do have a brother. But they were adopted by different families after their parents passed away and they never heard of or saw each other again.

Another thing, I'm going to use some Japanese suffix like -sama (Master or anyone of superior status) or -sensei (teacher or doctor) since it got some punch, I won't use -kun, -san or -chan though. I will, however, use terms like Onii-san (big brother, sometime abbrevieted as Nii-san. Onii-chan means someone older than you by a few years, but not related to you.) and Onee-chan (big sister, abbreviated as Nee-chan. Onee-san is for non-relatives.) since I find it better than Big Brother/Sister.

The second Chapter is on. I came with the idea of signaling the Element whenever Sean uses an Elemental magic attack so you can know which type it is since some will be more subtle. I also give the attack name the color of the corresponding Element so you know when he is attacking. I'd like to know what to think of it so far.
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Chapter 2 - Elemental Knight, I'm No Longer Human

Crisis was still on her way to the Chodorni Waterfalls with Léa and Sean on her shoulders. While passing through the forest, Sean picked a leaf and played a song using the leaf like a whistle. "That's a nice song, you're very good." commented Crisis. "Yeah. For some reason, I never forget a song or melody I hear and I can reproduce it perfectly with any instrument." replied Sean. "You seem to love music, I can tell since Léa-nee-san has a beautiful voice and she's a wonderful singer." Added Sean. Crisis simply nodded and smiled. "What's the name of that song?" She asked. "It's named, For Endless Fight. It's about warriors fighting for everlasting peace." He answered. "Hold on one second." he said. Crisis stopped, Sean hopped down from her shoulder and went toward a fallen branch. He drew his sword and started cutting the branch, sculpting it until it took the form of an egg shaped flute. "It's an ocarina, we can make wonderful music with this." He said. He played a few notes and said "The sound is top-notch." He then hopped back on the shoulder of her Naga friend and they resumed their walk. "I have another song I can play, it's named Departure." He said before playing the song in his new instrument.

They finally arrived at the Chodorni Waterfalls. "We're here." Said Crisis. "Whoa! Those are waterfalls? I can't even see the top!" Exclaimed Sean. "Hmm?" He saw a bald human falling down the waterfall, then a Rock Harpy swooped down and gobbled up the bald human in mid-air. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Owned!" Exclaimed Sean amused by the scene.

"Vivian! I'm here." Said Crisis. Then a Naga taller than Crisis with light purple skin, almost white blue-ish hair, deep purple eyes and light blue-ish, white-ish and gray scales came out of the nearby forest, looking as if she was trying to seduce someone. "How's my little sister doing?" she asked. Sean simply looked at her, blushed, then facepalmed looking down. "Jesus Christ! It's EVERYWHERE!" he exclaimed. Apparently, Sean isn't a fan of over-sexed stuff. "I'm doing great!" answered Crisis. "I've brought someone to meet you." she added while looking at Sean. Vivian simply looked at Sean and said "Thank you, he looks tasty." Upon hearing this, Sean immediatly stood up, drew his sword while starring at Vivian. "Hey, hey! If you want a piece of me then try and get it!" He said, taunting Vivian. Just before she could grab him, Sean jumped on the back of her hand and dashed toward her face. Vivian now had a better view of Sean and immediatly noticed his marks and his sword. Surprised, she swinged her arm, sending Sean flying in the nearby forest. "Sean!" exclaimed Crisis after losing sight of him in the vegetation. "Those marks and that weapon, so he is the new one." Said Vivian with a serious look. "Hmm? New one?" said Crisis, confused.

In the forest, Sean is laying on his belly then weakly get-up. "Dammit, she was supposed to explain me about yesterday, not trying to eat me." he said upset. He picked his sword and headed toward the waterfall. He hadn't walked far before hearing a loud croaking noise. He stopped, looked around, then heard another croaking. He turned toward the source of the noise, and came face to face with an Arboreal Frog. "What's that?!" Exclaimed Sean. The frog then launched it's tongue which Sean swiftly dodged. He then ran away, with the frog chasing him, launching his tongue toward Sean who kept dodging. He then side-stepped as the frog landed near him, and slashed the beast with his blade in quick succession with no effect. "Dammit, it's useless!" Said Sean. He then resumed running and dodging.

Back at the waterfalls, Sean came out of the foliage, then jumped to avoid the incoming tongue and out comes the frog. Crisis, Léa and Vivian where looking at those two. "Crap! How am I supposed to fight that thing?" He dodged another tongue, when he accidentaly crossed his hands and formed a strange seal with his hands." His marks and clothes save for the headband, scarf and sneakers turned red as well as his sword's hilt. Flames where now revolving around him as he looked puzzled. Léa noticed something fishy about the seal Sean formed with his hands and said "That seal..." We see Sean in his demon form performing the same seal then the fire sphere appeared. The flashback ends here. "It's the same one he formed last night." she continued. "Whoa, what now?" Sean said. "Sean..." said Vivian. He looked at her and she continued "Aim at the Arboreal Frog and say 'Fire Element - Bullet Fireball'." Sean then said "Okay..." He aimed at the Frog shouting "Fire Element - Bullet Fireball!" Then he shot a fireball, hitting the Frog in the face. Sean regained his confidence and shouted "Awesome!" "Now take out your sword and finish it with a Flame Sword." Said Vivian. Sean unsheated his blade which caught fire once drew out. "Cool!" Exclaimed the kid. He dashed toward the overgrown amphibian then shouted "Flame Sword!" The flame surrounding the blade turned blazing red then Sean slashed the beast in his face.

The frog then let out a cry before retreating. "How do I get rid of these flames!?" yelled Sean rolling on the floor. "Simply cross all your fingers." Answered Vivian. Sean did so and his marks, clothes and the hilt of his sword turned violet again with the flames around the blade and himself having disappeared. Sean sighed in relief. "Gee, thanks." He said to Vivian. "You're welcome. So you are the new Elemental Knight?" replied the Naga. "Hmm? Elemental Knight?" said Sean confused.

"Aaah, so that's what those powers were about." Said Sean after Vivian explained her how he fought the frog. "So what is this Elemental Knight thing you were talking about?" asked Sean.

"The Nine Elements are the forces that shaped the living world. Each is represented by a color and represent one human aspect. Fire, represented by red, represent stamina. Water, represented by blue, represent agility. Wind, represented by green, represent perception. Earth, represented by orange, represent physical strength. Lightning, represented by yellow, represent mobility. Ice, represented by cyan, represent resistance. Wood, represented by brown, represent control. Light, represented by white, represent intelligence. Shadow, represented by black, represent magical power. The nine combined represent individuality, represented by violet. Every year, the nine Elements imbue a human with their powers, they are dubbed Elemental Knights. Depending on the color of their aura, they will be more powerful with the corresponding Element. Depending on the shade of the aura, they will either be more powerful, but limited to their elemental powers only for darker shades, or stay at their basic power level, but capable of learning any kind of magic for lighter shades. Every 5 years, a human with a violet aura will be chose, they are capable of using all nine Elements equally. Every 250 years, someone with a neutral shaded aura will be chosen. Those are as powerful as darker shaded and can learn any magic as lighter shaded. Those are borns with marks the same color of their aura all over their body. And every 2500 years, someone with a neutral violet aura is chosen, capable of using every elements and every magic at their full power."

After telling the legend, Vivian said "Did you get all that...?" before noticing Sean had fallen asleep. Annoyed, she yelled "WHERE YOU LISTENING?!" Sean snapped awake. "AAAH! Yes ma'am!" He said nervously. "So this is why I have those marks. It must be awesome to be capable of using every magic at all." he said proud. "However, you must know that... you are no longer human." Said Vivian. Everyone froze. "I... I'm not... human? What do you mean?" he said sweating terrified. "The power given by the Elements is too powerful for a human to contain it. As such, the human temporarely die, before being reborn as a Demi-Immortal, a cross-breed between a human and an Immortal. The human will now possess powers in his nine aspects beyond the limit of humans. Since you were already strong in those aspects, the difference in your new found abilities are very subtle." Answered Vivian. "Ooh, so that's why you weren't digested when I swallowed you yesterday." Said Crisis while looking at Sean. "That's not quite right, a Demi-Immortal would have merely took longer before being digested, while Sean is completely unharmed. Most likely, when he was reborn, his cellular makeup adapted to the digestive enzyme. Instead of melting, his skin would produce and release the nutriments we absorb from humans." Explained Vivian. "Given his young age, this might proves vital to him." Added Vivian.

Sean then stood up. "Hey, Vivian..." said Sean. She then looked toward him. "Can you teach me how to use those Elemental powers?" he continued. "If I want to survive here, I need to learn how to defend myself. And since you are well versed in magic, you should be able to." said Sean. "I was about to tell you the same thing. I can and I will. The training will begin tommorow." She said. "Aye." Said Sean. "I'd better go back to the Giant Tree, there might be humans there by this time. See you!" Said Crisis before heading back to the Giant Tree with Léa. "Speaking of which, is there any fruits around here? I don't trust any fruit bigger than me." said Sean. "Well, there are fruit trees right next to you." said Vivian. Sean looked to his right and saw fruits of all colors in trees. "Let's just hope those won't try to eat me." he said before going toward the trees.
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The songs For Endless Fight and Departure can be found here. For Endless Fight is actually For Endless Fight II and Sean only play the main part of both song, not the little background one.

I need some feedback before I can post the third chapter.

its good moar plz

(this enough feedback?)

I edited the first post to add an announcement, basically if I don't get any comments after a full after I upload a chapter, the story will end there. Since this is my first fiction, I consider no response as the story is not good. This will last until I get past the point of no return.

No comments doesn't really mean the story isn't good. Try to see it from this point of view; many people which are here in the Forum are reading many stories and watching other authors. For example I'm reading the story from Zoekin, Kikijonson, Reikodoggy, trh23, Moonlight-pendent, Elportero, Kellic and other (sorry if I've forget now someone ...) and this is most time very much. Just have a little patience. I'll try to take a look over your story in the next days but actually I'm a little busy with my own story-line

Yeah, I'm with Ravana.

I apologize for not giving input. Contrary to what I've always believed, these fanfictions are ACTUALLY worth reading. I hope you'll forgive me for such.

I agree with Ravana as well.

As for your story, I think your descriptions are good and flow nicely But I admit I am a bit worried on these elemental powers... The idea of having a "choosen one" type of character that discover he/she wield enormous power can be nice but can easily lead to mary-sue-ed characters as well I think ^^;

Great possibilities but great risks huh? Don't worry, I'll try not to make him too reliant on those powers or a god modder. By the way, I'm writing his bio on DA, it contains some spoilers on the plot to come though. One other thing, what's a Mary-sue character?

Decent story. Kinda dislike how well you get along with main cast, though I'm a bit of a prick when it comes to, well, anything. Don't take any criticism from me as being something 'bad' or 'important to fix'.

Sean Okotami wrote:

One other thing, what's a Mary-sue character?

A character who either fills a common cliche (Drizzt-Wannabees, Sephiroth Wannabees, Ninja that runs around in a bright orange jumpsuit [But with black hair!] named Oturan, etc), violates common rules of a realm far too often without reprecussions, is simply too 'perfect' (I have a College Degree, am a master of a dozen weapons, can blow someone up with a wink, and all at the nice young age of 14!), is used for Self-Insertions in fanfics, etc.

Hard to describe correctly and with all the variances. Heck, it's hard to not start giving more examples to further explain it.

I checked wikipedia, Karbo just stopped me from making him a Mary-sue. In the next chapter, I will work on his flaws. So far it's only the nicer members of the cast he befriended, the next ones will take more than this.

EDIT: Oh I remember while watching anime, the first time the protagonist uses his abilities, it looks real powerful, but with the next episodes, it doesn't seem as powerful. This was no exception here, as the story will progress, fights will last longer and will sometime ends on close calls or defeat.

EDIT 2: I changed the warning on the first post, I changed it so I can know if I'm going downhill or not when I post a chapter so I can correct it with the next one.

Sean Okotami wrote:

EDIT: Oh I remember while watching anime, the first time the protagonist uses his abilities, it looks real powerful, but with the next episodes, it doesn't seem as powerful. This was no exception here, as the story will progress, fights will last longer and will sometime ends on close calls or defeat.

But the hero find new and more powerfull power

gwadahunter2222 wrote:

Sean Okotami wrote:

EDIT: Oh I remember while watching anime, the first time the protagonist uses his abilities, it looks real powerful, but with the next episodes, it doesn't seem as powerful. This was no exception here, as the story will progress, fights will last longer and will sometime ends on close calls or defeat.

But the hero find new and more powerfull power

Yes, but by the time he acquires them, enemies are already more powerful. Don't you worry, I like making battles lenghty and suspenseful. Crud, I'm not far enough for a Valentine Special, and I found a great song too. ;_; Oh well, better luck next year. ^^

Sean Okotami wrote:

Yes, but by the time he acquires them, enemies are already more powerful. Don't you worry, I like making battles lenghty and suspenseful. Crud, I'm not far enough for a Valentine Special, and I found a great song too. ;_; Oh well, better luck next year. ^^

But the story becomes monotonous with a new and more powerfull ennemy too defeat and the hero need to become more powerfull.

It's never end

*sigh* It's not a story about defeating "The Lord of all EVil" or anything like that, I just uploaded two chapters and now I feel like I'm under pressure. Wait until the story progress far enough before worrying too much.

Sean Okotami wrote:

*sigh* It's not a story about defeating "The Lord of all EVil" or anything like that, I just uploaded two chapters and now I feel like I'm under pressure. Wait until the story progress far enough before worrying too much.

Listen to me, you show the Elemental knight most as a kind of chosen one than a normal person. The pressure you feel is you who create it not me or anyone else, if you don't start to answer now to the comments. It's not later in your story you will answer, I suggest you to developp more the personality of Sean because something is missing to make him a interesting character and it's not the power of the elemental knight whcih will solve it

The pressure you think is normal because you start really to think about your story, it's not easy to find a good idea

Good luck

At the third chapter, is personality will develop. But I will spoil some of his drawbacks:

He suffers from extreme case of hemophobia(fear of blood), he can take it in small quantity like if he cut himself by accident, but from the point where it starts dripping quickly, he's frozen in fear. Blood reminds him of his parents' death as their illness made them cough-up blood often.

He is very reckless, it fluctuates between dare-devil and foolish. He would go to incredible lenghts for a friend even if it's life-threatening.

Aside from music, his memory is forgettable. He usually omit details and most of the time, it's important.

He never underestimate his foes, instead he over-estimate his own abilities which isn't better.

He's very cocky and usually taunts his opponents too much.

He has too much of a knack for fighting and will jump into any opportunity for him to fight without realising how dangerous his foe might be.

He acts before thinking.

He has the habit of flirting with girls around his age.

He's someone very stubborn and impatient, when he wants to learn something he wants to learn it fast. He learns only after many tries.

He's short-tempered, but that's mostly due to his impatience.

He's also over-zealous, over-exerting himself very often.
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That's pretty much about his drawbacks. I should be able to upload his bio today on DA so that might answer about his personality.

Another thing, this is actually my first fiction ever. I know ignorance is no excuses, but we can't expect your first work to be a master-piece.

From now you need to developp it in your story good luck
And another advice don't use this flaw to developp his power at the same time, because the flaws will look an excuse to make him more powerfull.
In clear you need to do a good separation between the problem of Sean Okotami and the problem of the Elemental knight. In clear the flaws of Sean Okatmi has the power of the elemental knight won't solve them

I finally finished Sean's bio. It would have been faster, but I kept screwing up.

http://seanokotami.deviantart.com/art/Sean-Okotami-Bio-77493859

Next time I'll try to be a bit less detailed, I gotta correct that habit.

EDIT: I found a more detailed pic of the Four Sword, so you know what Sean's normal sword look like.

Differences between the actual Four Sword and Sean's are as follow:

The tip of the handle is pointy instead of round.

The blade is a bit wider.

There's no wrapping around the handle.

The points of the hilt are pointing at the sides instead of pointing up.

There's no circle drawn on the hilt.

https://2img.net/h/i140.photobucket.com/albums/r6/Aqua_Lander/Piirrustuksia/IMG_0097.jpg