Sokkiz (help redesigning)

I've just looked at the last draft I had for Sokkiz, and after talking to some people (or AT some people), I realized I just couldn't look at him straight anymore without laughing. So I've got a problem, he's supposed to be a pretty scary guy and now I just want to take the mickey out of him.

I think this means I finally bumped my head on the infamous Marty Stu. It hurt. Also, the sight of his manly body made me gay for him.

I'm going to have to rebuild this prick from scratch, and I'd appreciate some help finding out where I went wrong, what can be done to improve upon it, and what alternatives are better than others.


So far I've got:

Race: Elf (Offworlder)
Gender: Male
Age: 332
Height: 5 feet 10 inches
Weight: 140 pounds
Hair: Greasy black
Eyes: Dull gray
Skin color: Caucasian
Profession: Dimensional Mage/Barrier Maiden (Barrier maidguy?)

Description:
He's the one on my avatar.

Personality:
At first glance, Sokkiz is impatient, and conceited. The order in which those two things come is up for debate. Also a selfish, self-important jerk with zero empathy, bordering on psychopathic behaviour with no regard for human life (like most adventurers), and a little regard for elven life (He only really believes in the sanctity of life when it's his own life). He's pragmatic and determined, also very mysogynistic for a guy who wears a dress, considering women (of all races) less than baby-making machines.
No wonder he's still a virgin: everyone around him had enough understanding of civic duty to understand explaining him the concept of sex was not a good idea. How much of his personality can be attributed to never having been with a woman is up for debate.

Background:
Born into a small family, Sokkiz enrolled at an early age in magic school. Showing nearly endless promise, he had become wizard at the age of 100 (For an elf, it's actually pretty early), having understood one element (Dimensional magic). However, this was done at the expense of everything else; he barely got any daylight, fresh air, talk, or friends, making him a sickly overachieving douche who never really understood what was so awesome about people (not even his mother).

Eventually, due to discipline problems he got kicked out of school, and then home, then he went, cleared out a dungeon, and made his own lab there, doing the only thing he could really understand and care for: bullying goblins and studying magic. Before he knew it, he was evil.

Over time, he came to master dimensional magic to as satisfactory a degree as it was possible within his world. From there, an urge deep within his being, the need to be obeyed by something, made him turn his attention to summoning magic. He didn't find much, but the part about summoning demons was the most fun, even if not the most useful. Of course, he never summoned any girl demons, he never really got over his mother in the first place.

So there was this demon who got an interest in this wizard. It wasn't difficult to manipulate the arrogant, boastful and lonely wizard into a deal: as he only cared for spells, it wouldn't be that hard to keep him happy and in working order. And for a while, the wizard was a neat tool; he took quickly to sealing magic, and then went gotta catch them all for his master.

But as Sokkiz' catches grew more and more important, so did his master's ambition. And there was this thing that... Sokkiz couldn't catch, he failed to fetch his master the heart of a falling star. While he'd have been happy to leave it at that, his master showed him the contract that stablished upon failing to catch anything he'd have to keep trying. What did Sokkiz do in response? Poached the motherfucker on the spot.

Don't you just LOVE how the tiny print also includes a clause that you're going to die slowly if you kill the other person who signed? Sokkiz doesn't.

(More when I get back from university).

Habits:
This is going to need plenty of work. I usually do this part from abilities and personality, but both still need work.

Abilities:
At first, he had so many abilities that I had to write what he can't do instead of what he can do. I just realized that as the number of abilities approaches infinite, the possibility a character can use them all intelligently and interestingly tends towards zero. Also, there was no way to challenge him, there were only things that would slow him down imperceptibly and things that would stop him dead in his tracks. So I'm trying to keep him to this.
Primary Specialty (Dimensional Magic): Sokkiz' skill with dimensional magic is nearing that of your average canopy fairy. Whether it's shifting phase or teleporting, dimensional magic is no challenge for his abilities. He doesn't do the belly warp, though, because he's never heard of it and would probably think it's a bad idea.
Secondary Specialty (Sealing Magic): The secondary specialty this wizard has is sealing magic. The ability to make sealed evil in a can. Or sealed anything, actually, but evil is easier. Sokkiz has a spell that deals with sealing off others' magical abilities, and another spell rarely in use- a spell that seals away someone. NOTE: You know Final Fantasy? It's THAT reliable... dangit.
Tertiary Specialty (Summons): An in-between between sealing and dimensional magic, Sokkiz' capabilities lie mainly in his ability to summon diverse, bizarre, and dangerous beasts. His favourite is summoning dire ligers. Handfuls of them. He also has shoulder devils, talking crows, and other crazy things.
Also does Explosions: This guy also has the standard battery of attack magic. The kind that we're bored to death of. Also, it doesn't work against predators, but it might do for crocs, lions, and squirrels.

Prohibited magic (Mind-affecting magic): If you could control minds and you were in Felarya, you could think of a million better things to do than questing. Therefore, I can't let my characters control minds.
Prohibited magic (Divination): Work smart, please? Do not want detect plot.

Hybrid elements:
While everyone else was getting laid, this guy was developing magic. Hence these two hybrid elements.
Bizarre Hybrid (Summoning-Dimensional): One of his best, Bizarre Hybrid combines dimensional and summoning magic to summon only aspects of creatures, allowing Sokkiz to form a bizarre dimensional ectoplasm construct powered by... power summoned from other dimensions. It's really big, ugly and nasty, plus its abilities can be customized. Sokkiz generally sticks to an aggressive combination of drills, claws and springs on this thing. This thing can, at best, cause moderate wounds to a large predator, buying time for him to finish the seal.
Power Element Magic (Summoning-Sealing): The Power Element Magic is rarely used; there's rarely anything worth using it with. Anyway, through the use of Power Element, Sokkiz can draw on a sealed creature's power to power someone else. You know Naruto? Sorta like that, except Sokkiz' technique is still in the early stages, he wouldn't be caught dead using this shit on himself. Other people are just fine, though results vary wildly.

Okay, lets see what we can do with your character. Brainstormin Time

Is he an elf with no pointed ears? D:

Personality:

As far as I can tell from your avatar. He looks like he's gonna be the cocky type of guy. I mean a guy that knows that many spells and what not surely is going to be arrogant.

Background:

Not to sure about how you wanna go about this one. Its hard to make a background if there is no personality. Maybe the role of the anti hero. The guy that happens to be there with the power to stop the threat. And it doesn't matter how it is stopped. Usually the anti heros are approached by powerful forces to aid them but they dont really care about their problems. Especially if it doesn't concern them. (just tryin to get the thought bubble goin )

Habits:

Need to be developed with their personality. He could do a lot of knuckle cracking or neck cracking.

Abilities:

I can understand why mind control would be prohibited. But why fire? Electricity? Those seem legit to me. Not to mention it would be very useful to have those.

VenomX3000 wrote:

Okay, lets see what we can do with your character. Brainstormin Time
Is he an elf with no pointed ears? D:

Err, I just threw in "elf" because he's supposed to be too conceited to be human. I didn't remember they had pointy ears until a lot later, and he was already designed by then.

VenomX3000 wrote:

Personality:
As far as I can tell from your avatar. He looks like he's gonna be the cocky type of guy. I mean a guy that knows that many spells and what not surely is going to be arrogant.

That, for sure. Sokkiz is conceited, conceited, and conceited... maybe he could also take a cue from Sasori, he hates waiting or keeping others waiting? He's always in a hurry, so it would kinda make sense.

VenomX3000 wrote:

Background:
Not to sure about how you wanna go about this one. Its hard to make a background if there is no personality. Maybe the role of the anti hero. The guy that happens to be there with the power to stop the threat. And it doesn't matter how it is stopped. Usually the anti heros are approached by powerful forces to aid them but they dont really care about their problems. Especially if it doesn't concern them. (just tryin to get the thought bubble goin )

Antihero? I doubt it, he's not here to help anyone but himself. That's what I'm working with: I need him to actually HAVE to go to Felarya and go look for stuff PRONTO or die an horrible and meaningless death; else, why the fuck would he have come? Plus there are no threats for anyone to face in Felarya, the guardians do it already if it could unite anyone, and if it couldn't, no one cares about people who aren't their friends; you can only save one person at a time.

Also he has to be hunted by something that'll track him into the mouth of Hell, or he wouldn't be taking all those risks himself, he'd be sluggishly sending in adventurers to look for info, while staying at a safe spot in Negav.

Finally, antiheroing is already Spencer's territory, you know, and while Sokkiz can seal him in thirty seconds, Spencer can slit his throat in SNIKT. An important part of his balance is that Sokkiz is not fast.

VenomX3000 wrote:

Habits:
Need to be developed with their personality. He could do a lot of knuckle cracking or neck cracking.

I was thinking about making him blow up squirrels for fun, actually. But come to think of it, yes, the cracking would be appropriate. If not out of paranoia, I suppose he could be fighting (rather than escaping or negotiating with) awfully bigger things out of mere arrogance.

VenomX3000 wrote:

Abilities:
I can understand why mind control would be prohibited. But why fire? Electricity? Those seem legit to me. Not to mention it would be very useful to have those.

Come to think of it, yes, boom is good, if not for the preds, for the crocs, lions, sharks, cliffs on top of preds... yes, I want this on him. What else would he use to blow up squirrels?

seems like you've already got quite a bit of his bio in your head. i was mainly goin off a bank slate, i dont know any of the people he's goin to interact with or have a connection with him.

I do like the idea of him using others for his advantage. thats almost the role of a villain though, and i'm not sure if thats what ya goin for. me personally, i love the idea cuz im a terrible person and always side with the villains. Also, what do ya have in mind that would make him come to Felarya?

when you said..."Antihero? I doubt it, he's not here to help anyone but himself." That's actually a good def. of one hahaha

im not so sure about the blowin up squirrels. if i recall they supposed to be rare. A good luck charm to a preds and an omen to prey. wherever he's maily goin to be, maybe findin a small creature there is what he can blow up. or maybe, since you gonna keep the fire and lightning, he can be like a pyro. instead of usin a lighter, he can act like he's holdin an invisible one and flick his thumb up. then a little flame hovers above his thumb. but he'll do this quite a bit.

VenomX3000 wrote:

seems like you've already got quite a bit of his bio in your head. i was mainly goin off a bank slate, i dont know any of the people he's goin to interact with or have a connection with him.

Not much, actually... it's kinda barebones. But as for the people he's going to interact with, the current sequence (not that I've asked anyone for permission yet, it's still all in the drawing board) would be, as far as named characters belonging to anyone else are concerned:

Karbo's Xarmaroch (win against. Twice. Then lose. Then go sit on a corner sucking his thumb over. Then get better and talk to).
Turboman500's Natalie (Get his ass monumentally handed to him, then get humiliated by, then barely escape from).

As for the people he's going to team up with, I was thinking a neko who's up for her first adventure, a lawyer who got caught up because of dimensional disturbances, and a... I don't know what else.

VenomX3000 wrote:

I do like the idea of him using others for his advantage. thats almost the role of a villain though, and i'm not sure if thats what ya goin for. me personally, i love the idea cuz im a terrible person and always side with the villains. Also, what do ya have in mind that would make him come to Felarya?

The reason that makes him come to Felarya is the only thing I'm certain about in his background: there's something here that he's after, and without it, he'll die a really fucking awful death. Also, he must have brought it upon himself somehow, even if it was at the expense of another awful thing.
So it's basically a long series of "Do X or die". He doesn't have a choice, but most should agree he never deserved one anyway.

VenomX3000 wrote:

im not so sure about the blowin up squirrels. if i recall they supposed to be rare. A good luck charm to a preds and an omen to prey. wherever he's maily goin to be, maybe findin a small creature there is what he can blow up. or maybe, since you gonna keep the fire and lightning, he can be like a pyro. instead of usin a lighter, he can act like he's holdin an invisible one and flick his thumb up. then a little flame hovers above his thumb. but he'll do this quite a bit.

Pyromaniac? I don't like that. It sounds like it'd make him look stupid, and that's the last thing I want. I'm aiming not for fiendishly crafty, but for alien-level intelligence with this one... the squirrel blow-up would even be kind of a spoiler the way I've got things designed. I'm already doing fiendishly crafty with Hansel.

not so much a pyromaniac. you remember X-men 2? just the way Pyro kept pullin out his lighter, lighting it and then closin it back up. Just a weird little quirk is all.

at first when you said Xarmaroch, i didn't think it would work. then i remembered you have a really powerful/skilled mage, so im not against that. Im curious to know what the relation is, since you say he's gonna fight him 3 times. obviously it seems like a little sparrin match.

when it comes to teaming up, always remember the basics. You need: the main, the girl, the brute, the comic relief, and the crazed one. again those are just basic and theres plenty of other categories that can string together to make a good party, i'll try to think of some others unless youd rather come up with them.

i'll leave the do or die thing up to you, since im not sure what hes after other than he'd die without it.

VenomX3000 wrote:

not so much a pyromaniac. you remember X-men 2? just the way Pyro kept pullin out his lighter, lighting it and then closin it back up. Just a weird little quirk is all.

Hmm, yes... but just to show he's a little more cultured, maybe instead of flames, he could do geometric shapes, colored lights, and stuff...

VenomX3000 wrote:

at first when you said Xarmaroch, i didn't think it would work. then i remembered you have a really powerful/skilled mage, so im not against that. Im curious to know what the relation is, since you say he's gonna fight him 3 times. obviously it seems like a little sparrin match.

Ah. No, I meant kill him twice, then lose. Then go suck his thumb and bang his head against the wall in a corner because the damn dog keeps coming back... I thought this'd be at least pathetic enough for Xarmaroch not to eat him on the spot. Killing him temporarily shouldn't be that difficult.

Xarmaroch'd probably just play around the first time just to see the look on the guy's face the first time he comes back, then get serious on the second, and then play around the third time just to show him he's not worried at all. While making an American Idol judge impression.

VenomX3000 wrote:

when it comes to teaming up, always remember the basics. You need: the main, the girl, the brute, the comic relief, and the crazed one. again those are just basic and theres plenty of other categories that can string together to make a good party, i'll try to think of some others unless youd rather come up with them.

Well, as far as teams are concerned, Sokkiz is pretty self-sufficient, anyone who uses summons is. Maybe he'll keep to temporary sidekicks instead.

VenomX3000 wrote:

i'll leave the do or die thing up to you, since im not sure what hes after other than he'd die without it.

Neither am I. What could he want that he can't get on his own being this powerful? It's kinda bugged me, too. Maybe a genie or stuff.

Stabs wrote:

Hmm, yes... but just to show he's a little more cultured, maybe instead of flames, he could do geometric shapes, colored lights, and stuff...

That could work just fine.

Stabs wrote:

Ah. No, I meant kill him twice, then lose. Then go suck his thumb and bang his head against the wall in a corner because the damn dog keeps coming back... I thought this'd be at least pathetic enough for Xarmaroch not to eat him on the spot. Killing him temporarily shouldn't be that difficult.

Xarmaroch'd probably just play around the first time just to see the look on the guy's face the first time he comes back, then get serious on the second, and then play around the third time just to show him he's not worried at all. While making an American Idol judge impression.

So is this gonna be a serious guy or a comedic guy? Also, why is he even fightin Xarmaroch in the first place?

Stabs wrote:

Well, as far as teams are concerned, Sokkiz is pretty self-sufficient, anyone who uses summons is. Maybe he'll keep to temporary sidekicks instead.

any particular ideas on what he can summon?

Stabs wrote:

Neither am I. What could he want that he can't get on his own being this powerful? It's kinda bugged me, too. Maybe a genie or stuff.

That's a hard one to say. Seems like the only real reason he'd even need to be in Felarya is to find that object. Why would he need to find a genie? hahaha. Maybe he just find some really powerful artifact that will aid his problems in his background or personality. I wouldn't be able to say since I don't know.

VenomX3000 wrote:

So is this gonna be a serious guy or a comedic guy? Also, why is he even fightin Xarmaroch in the first place?

Xarmaroch wouldn't be able to take him seriously, and sometimes neither can I, but Sokkiz is supposed to be disturbing, not exactly serious nor comedic. Just disturbing, and though sometimes you'd laugh, the effect desired is roughly dramatic.

VenomX3000 wrote:

any particular ideas on what he can summon?

Dire ligers, talking crows, shoulder devils, black pegasi, killer whales, golems and the item shop shopkeeper. Credits to Silent_Eric for the Ever Merchants.

VenomX3000 wrote:

That's a hard one to say. Seems like the only real reason he'd even need to be in Felarya is to find that object. Why would he need to find a genie? hahaha. Maybe he just find some really powerful artifact that will aid his problems in his background or personality. I wouldn't be able to say since I don't know.

In my first draft, I was planning on a special stone tablet, split in four, that contains lost, ancient and profound insights into the genesis and truth of all life, which allow the user to remake any living being. In the instance desired, remaking himself so that he is not going to die horribly.