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 Of Glouteux Dunce

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PostSubject: Of Glouteux Dunce   Thu Jun 09, 2011 4:23 pm

So here I was, thinking of other ways to abuse the existence of glouteux for fun and profit- I mean, they're like... 7 kg * 20^3 = 56 ton muscle monsters without any brains worth notice. However, here's where I have come at a crossroads. I've fed them to Elsie, she goes to the misty glade once a month and spirits away two or three to butcher at her heart's content and then devour slowly. Also there's a lot of hilariously disturbing things she does to them.

And this is all good, but I'm going to use glouteux in the Joy of Hunting next, and I'd like us all to give them at least a little more thought. It's not like they could think by themselves, after all! So I wish we could try, even if as a mental exercise, to make them a little more plausible. I know glouteux are a tongue-in-cheek species if any is, but right now using them feels like abusing the canon rather than working with it. I'm not saying we should change the glouteux entry to make them more plausible! They're a joke, I get it. But we could make a mental exercise together, for the fun of it, and so that I am more at ease about the fact that a bird that acts like a zoooooombie can exist. Because I'd really like to keep using this bird. I really would, I can't express how much I love this poor devil. They're food for thoughts for me: if glouteux can survive in Felarya, so can we!


Here's what we know about the bird. It's braindead, but somehow it reaches adulthood. Now, if all it eats are creatures from the size of a housecat to the size of Ron Perlman, it wouldn't work: there's a limit to the number of those creatures available at any given time in a given area. I'm not really sure what it is, but this bird needs more food.

I'd say it isn't farfetched to picture this bird as a scavenger: some particularly stupid exemplars might attempt to eat kenshas when they're asleep instead of dead... and stop trying when the kenshas get up. Which brings us to our next point... just about anything is going to do dodo the glouteux unless it lays more eggs than a cockroach. And I could totally see those new born birds eating each other. So maybe glouteux make do by sheer press of egg numbers? You can't eat them all even if you try?

With a critter this braindead, I can imagine they need to be pretty common to reproduce. Here's a thought- maybe glouteaux actually chase anything small to attract mates, instead of for food! Because they know other glouteux will be doing the same thing! So they chase, not out of hunger, but out of hope- and when they finally do come to see another of their species, their gazes lock together, a limitless, long-awaited love born in that very instant? So if you're being chased by a glouteux, there's another way to get it off your trail: if another glouteux appears, they'll fall in love and ignore you.

As for survival... I wonder what survival mechanisms do glouteux have not to be predated on. Because I've got the feeling most glouteux actually don't walk the walk in the wild, they live in some secluded places and the ones in the wild are actually astray. Maybe glouteux come actually from an extradimensional paradise? Or... from the depths of Hell itself, being actually demonic hunters, sent to bring the souls that shall be damned to the Halls of Infinite Shame?


What is it with you? Are you a cannibalistic scavenger? Are you a true believer in the power of love? Have you come from Hell? Glouteux, a mystery you are.



Wanna join me in some useless speculation? I promise it'll be fun!

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PostSubject: Re: Of Glouteux Dunce   Fri Jun 10, 2011 1:16 am

Glouteux are dumb because they don't have their hive mind to command them. The day their queen find its way to Felarya, is the day they shall awaken X3
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PostSubject: Re: Of Glouteux Dunce   Fri Jun 10, 2011 6:04 am

What if (warning: bad ideas ahead) the glouteaux had a network like that of the dryads and could share each other's thoughts. That may not seem like a very interesting idea, but what if the synchronized minds of no less than twenty glouteaux equaled the intelligence of one human, and allowed them to act intelligently as a group/herd/pack. Unlike the dryads, the glouteaux would have to be within range of each other to join the network.

I'm not sure of exactly how it would work though. Perhaps one glouteaux gains the cumulative intelligence of the herd and becomes "the head" or "the brain." The others will follow the direction of the head into an attack or escape from a predator. To overcome the strength of the glouteaux herd, a predator must somehow reduce their numbers until their isn't enough brain power among them to sustain their unity and the lovable dumb-asses go back to bumbling around again.

Edit: I'm now imagining talking to the head of the herd, he/she would probably be arrogant and condescending towards me with his/her new found intelligence.
Yeah, it's definitely a he and his voice sounds like George Takei's, lol!
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PostSubject: Re: Of Glouteux Dunce   Fri Jun 10, 2011 7:07 am

I like to think that Glouteaux simply breed really often, which far outweights the amount that gets killed daily, and that their eggs are coated with a film that causes vegetation and detritus to stick and work as camouflage, which increases the survival rate
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PostSubject: Re: Of Glouteux Dunce   Fri Jun 10, 2011 10:58 am

to rebuttal here, you obviously haven't seen wild turkeys... I swear those creatures are the dumbest animals on the planet, and I wonder if they have any thinking ability at all, yet somehow they remain alive.
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