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 The 4th guards of Felarya

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Komandr2465
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PostSubject: The 4th guards of Felarya   The 4th guards of Felarya Icon_minitimeWed Apr 18, 2012 11:17 am

Please go to my deviantart page Komandr 2465 and comment there to if you like it. It is a concept only and it's called
The 4th guards of Felarya New Bio

I have pasted it here:


The 4th guards of Felarya New Bio
by ~Komandr2465

The 4th guard on Felarya is a squad that originally was part of the 4th guards armored corps. back on their home.

Initially they were a five man group that was to scout for enemy tanks and take them down with experimental heavy weapons.

Upon arriving through unknown means on Felarya one member had already gone missing. The group had a brutal learning curve and lost a member on the third day to a Naga, their primary opponents mainly because of where they appeared in the world.

Soon enough Ivan develops his opinions on the way Felarya works.

The 4th stumble upon a Giant Naga eating a smaller one and as per Ivan's belief they engage the larger Naga. The fight is going badly for them when Ivan scores a lucky shot with his rail sniper and hits the Naga in the eye. The bullet bounces in her thick skull scrambling her brains. As of now they are hunting Ameril's sister Tera and learning how to fight the various predators, though the group still need to disengage with a high frequency.

They will NOT seek out a large predator unless it has eaten, is eating, or is going to eat a sentient being. However the sociable Ivan often need to be bailed out because of his willingness to talk to anything that will listen.

Members:
Ivan (Leader/Sniper)
Kosov (Second in command/Explosives expert)
Ameril (The Naga they rescued/Close quarters specialist)
Nikolai (Scout/Jetbike pilot pending permission of their creator)
Alex (Combat engineer)
Vladimir (Eaten by Naga early on)

Weapons:
Ivan (7.62mm Rail sniper, 5.56mm SMG, 25mm Hand Cannon)
Kosov (85mm Rocket launcher, 5.56mm SMG, 25mm Hand Cannon)
Ameril (Daggers, 12.5mm HMG, 25mm Hand Cannon)
Nikolai (Various bombs, 5.56mm SMG, 25mm Hand Cannon)
Alex (Various mines, 5.56mm SMG, 25mm Hand Cannon)
Vladimir (Died with the weapons Ameril uses)

The popular to carry not to use 25mm hand cannon: An absolute last resort, If a Human fires it, they WILL break their arm. It was designed to punch through light armor and can often enough kill a 50ft Naga with a single shot provided you hit them in the right spot. It takes a lot of desperation to drive someone to pull the trigger.

5.56mm SMG: Standard issue to everyone except Ameril because Vlad took it to his grave. It is only effective against small Fairies, hostile Humans and Small Naga (Provided you hit a soft spot) It's light weigh low recoil and good rate of fire make it quite suitable to shooting for a predators eyes in the hope to blind them.

7.62mm Rail Sniper: Penetrates almost all known armor and is suitable to attack even the dreaded Giant Naga, though you must hit a vital spot as the capacitor take ten seconds to recharge and that is a VERY long time with a pissed off Naga after you.

The other weapons are self explanatory.

Even with all these weapons the squad must be alert at all times. They are very powerful provided you know where to aim. Still the squads ability to survive on Felarya is almost completely because of their sharp minds and quick reflexes.


Last edited by Komandr2465 on Wed Apr 18, 2012 11:28 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Pasting the story concept directly here)
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parameciumkid
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PostSubject: Re: The 4th guards of Felarya   The 4th guards of Felarya Icon_minitimeWed Apr 18, 2012 8:17 pm

Sounds promising enough if in whatever stories or whatever you use them in you make these people unique and memorable. They sound so far a bit like the main character group in Halo: Reach - was this maybe intended, an inspiration, or am I completely off the mark?
Also, results from subconscious proofreading:
Spoiler:
All in all the errors you did have were generally insignificant, just little typos here and there. If you're concerned about that kind of thing, just go back over your post when you're done and "read it aloud" at least so you hear it in your head, being careful to read the actual letters on the page and not what you thought you typed, and you should catch most of this stuff pretty easily yourself. Of course if that doesn't work let me know because it comes naturally to me and I might just be mistakenly assuming it's easy for others...
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Komandr2465
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PostSubject: Re: The 4th guards of Felarya   The 4th guards of Felarya Icon_minitimeThu Apr 19, 2012 6:58 am

Its worth noting that they were part of an armored group but do not actually poses any tanks.
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walkingbyself
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PostSubject: Re: The 4th guards of Felarya   The 4th guards of Felarya Icon_minitimeThu Apr 19, 2012 9:48 am

For future note when posting character Bio's you might want to post them under the "Character Discussion" thread. They sound like a somewhat interesting group, but without anything else then what you have given here I can't really get to interested in them. Though I will wait for their actual story before saying whether or not I like them or not. Also a word of caution, using large caliber weapons do have the negative side effect of drawing out other predators. As well as many other things, weapon effectiveness, has also been discussed quite a lot so you might want to take a look at those threads as well.
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rcs619
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PostSubject: Re: The 4th guards of Felarya   The 4th guards of Felarya Icon_minitimeThu Apr 19, 2012 11:55 am

Alrighty, elite heavily-armed military squad in Felarya. That usually means they are exceptionally skilled and/or excessively armed.

Both of those CAN make for overpowered characters if taken to the extremes. Just pointing that out.

First of all, I am not trying to be mean here, but there are some things to consider when bringing in high-end weaponry. I am just going to point out some potential issues I see.

Quote :
The popular to carry not to use 25mm hand cannon: An absolute last resort, If a Human fires it, they WILL break their arm. It was designed to punch through light armor and can often enough kill a 50ft Naga with a single shot provided you hit them in the right spot. It takes a lot of desperation to drive someone to pull the trigger.

First thing. I have to ask if you know how large a 25mm round is.

The 4th guards of Felarya Natammo

A 25mm round is larger than most handguns, even large handguns like a desert eagle. The 12.7mm round to the left of it, that is the .50cal BMG, which the 25mm shell is a little double the size of. It is just completely unsuited to a handgun. The fact is, side-arms are generally ONLY issued for personal defense against infantry. These guys are already loaded down with anti-armor weaponry. What kind of sense does it make to give them a single-shot anti-armor side-arm as well?

Also, the rounds would be massive, heavy and take up vital space where ammo for more important weapons could go. Also, the weapon itself would probably be as big as some SMG's.

Getting to the rest of it. NO military with any sense would issue a weapon that has a 100% injury rate to those who use it. That is just stupid from a design standpoint, and from a practical standpoint. Honestly, it'd probably kill the operator when it comes back and smacks them in the face. A desert eagle, the .50cal version, already has tremendous recoil and requires two hands to keep it from breaking your nose when you fire it. If you shot this 25mm handgun, and it broke your arm, it would fly back into your face and possibly do some serious injury.

Basically, side-arms are meant to complement a soldier. They don't give snipers a scoped pistol as a side-arm, they give him something he can use against infantry because his rifle is not meant for close-quarters gunfights.

Quote :
5.56mm SMG: Standard issue to everyone except Ameril because Vlad took it to his grave. It is only effective against small Fairies, hostile Humans and Small Naga (Provided you hit a soft spot) It's light weigh low recoil and good rate of fire make it quite suitable to shooting for a predators eyes in the hope to blind them.

I'm assuming you mean 5.56mm as in assault rifle bullets. There are plenty of 9mm pistol caliber SMG's that are standard issue. What you have here is an SMG that fires rifle-caliber rounds, and yet somehow is lightweight and has low recoil? I just can't see how that would work. It'd be closer to an assault-rifle, MAYBE a carbine, than any SMG.

Quote :
7.62mm Rail Sniper: Penetrates almost all known armor and is suitable to attack even the dreaded Giant Naga, though you must hit a vital spot as the capacitor take ten seconds to recharge and that is a VERY long time with a pissed off Naga after you.

A man-portable railgun? That brings up some very serious logistical questions. What is it's power source? Unless you're hauling around a portable reactor, or had a very long extension cord hooked up to one, it would be using batteries. Electricity, especially the massive amounts needed to electromagnetically launch even a small projectile, do not just appear out of thin air. Batteries only have so much power in them, which means a limited number shots. How would you recharge it when the power runs out? Even if you get to Negav, there isn't any guarantee that your technology is compatible with anything there.

Also, railguns place enormous stress on the rails/barrel with each shot, as each shot generates a massive amount of heat and friction. At some point the rails would need to be changed out too.

Also, it would require very specific ammo to withstand said massive amounts of heat and friction.

Honestly, heavily energy-dependent weapons like that are just not suited for infantry. There's a reason why a laser-rifles would actually suck. Their firepower, be it lasers, or the electromagnetic rails on a railgun, is 100% dependent on the energy source. Railguns are excellent on starships and heavy vehicles because they can have their own reactors, or huge batteries to supply the power, but in a man-portable rifle, there's no way you could get a power source that small to put out enough power to justify the weapon. Why would a military bother making a super complex railgun sniper rifle, when they can mass-produce anti-tank rockets and their launchers and teach any soldier they have to use them in less than an hour?

I'm not saying an anti-tank squad in Felarya wouldn't work. I'm just saying that the weapons you've given them are kind of impractical for humans to use. You can have them be a little more futuristic without giving them railguns and such. Also, random thought, if they are from a more futuristic world. Maybe they were a squad trained to fight mechs? Would make the transition into fighting giants a little easier (although I imagine a Felaryan pred is 3 or 4 times larger than any practical mech humans would ever make).
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Komandr2465
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PostSubject: Re: The 4th guards of Felarya   The 4th guards of Felarya Icon_minitimeThu Apr 19, 2012 1:27 pm

Yeah, the 25mm will probably be scraped. And on a side note Ivan's 4th could only kill a giant predator IF they were able to ambush it. If the engagement starts with the predator being aware of their presence a quick retreat it no doubt the best option. Of course I DO plan to kill off some of the characters in the squad, so by no means are they invincible.
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Komandr2465
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Komandr2465


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PostSubject: Re: The 4th guards of Felarya   The 4th guards of Felarya Icon_minitimeThu Apr 19, 2012 1:33 pm

parameciumkid wrote:
Sounds promising enough if in whatever stories or whatever you use them in you make these people unique and memorable. They sound so far a bit like the main character group in Halo: Reach - was this maybe intended, an inspiration, or am I completely off the mark?

Sorry man, other then being a squad with complementing talents, the emphasis of these stories will be character interaction and dialogue. Combat will be quick and to the point. I'm not writing Felarya DBZ here.
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parameciumkid
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PostSubject: Re: The 4th guards of Felarya   The 4th guards of Felarya Icon_minitimeThu Apr 19, 2012 2:09 pm

Awesome. It would have been okay anyway, to have an inspiration and even to model after it, but it would've been pretty lame not to have something original in mind story-wise, so I'm glad you do.
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