Gunther's Guest - Contest Entry

There was a grunt of disapproval as Gunther was ejected from the tavern. The drunken con-man fell to the dirt and would have happily lain down to sleep there if it weren't for the constant coming and going of carts and horses.

Struggling to his feet, the angry words of the bar tended were lost on him as he pulled his night vision goggles down over his face. Taking in a deep breathe behind his mask, he stretched and tried to assess the situation.

It was at least an hours walk back to his makeshift camp, and considering how inebriated he was it could take even longer... might be worth trying to get one of the local riders to take him there, but he'd have to do some fancy talking if he was going to convince any of them to leave the town limits at this time of night...

Reaching into his pocket he produced a small syringe containing a tiny dose of what he liked to call 'concentrate'. Stabbing the concoction directly into his wrist, he felt an immediate thinning of the alcohol in his bloodstream, and in a few moments the world around him came back into focus. He knew he only had minutes to win his ride out of here, so quickly he advanced to the stables where the horsemen stood idly chatting.

"Evening gents." He said briskly, halting a few feet from the group.

"Good evening to you too. What business do you have here?"

"I seek a horseman to escort me to my home as I fear the effects of the alcohol shall be soon upon me and I suspect I shan't find my own way back if that happens."

The horse master chuckled.

"Oh I know just what you mean. Is your house far from here?"

"Ten minute horse ride at most I assure you."

"Do you have the coffers for it?"

"I have coffers at my residence, but for your trouble I shall of course be happy to pay double if you are willing to take me now."

The horsemen considered for a moment.

"Where exactly is your home by the way young man?"

Gunther paused ever so slightly, before coming right out with it.

"At the moment it is located just beyond the town limits at the bank of the river."

The horseman's smile vanished from his face.

"Outside the town limits? In the jungle? Are you mad, I'm not escorting you there - that's far too risky."

"Oh come now! I shall pay you extra for the danger involved, and I assure you no predator will come near us with the help of some of my particular items."

The horseman just peered skeptically.

"Unless you've got some kind of invisibility generator hidden under that hat I doubt I'll be taking you beyond the town limits..."

"Even better..." Gunther produced a small cylinder with tiny holes at the top and spun it casually in his hand. "Hear that?"

"No..."

"That is a sound that you cannot hear. It is audible only to beasts with greater hearing, namely naga's and the like... It is very unpleasant to them, and they shall retreat immediately if they hear it."

The horseman looked slightly more relaxed by this news and a glimmer of his old smile crossed his face.

"That's quite a trinket you've got there. Alright... if I get extra for it, I'll get you back to your home safely."

"Good man..." Gunther said as he casually tucked the salt shaker back into his overcoat...


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The sound of hooves echoed in the silent jungle as the horseman galloped quickly towards the river bank, his passenger holding on tight to his harness, his right hand casually twirling the salt shaker that he was passing off as an anti-predator device.

"Where exactly on the river is this house of yours?" The horseman inquired as they neared the fast flowing river.

"Just near the entrance to the rapids. And it's not so much a house as it is a mobile cart."

"Doesn't sound like much protection from predators..."

"It's camouflaged enough for my needs."

However, before the horseman had a chance to reply, Gunther called for them to halt.

"Here it is."

The horseman pulled his mount to a halt and looked around in confusion.

"I don't see anything..."

But Gunther had already dismounted and begun to walk towards the bank.

"Here it is my lad."

And with that, Gunther appeared to pull on a curtain in mid-air and the entrance to his caravan became visible, the dark interior seeming to float in space.

"That is quite a trick... so where's my coffers if you don't mind - I'd quite like to get back to town as soon as possible."

"Of course my good man... excuse me a moment while I fetch my chest."

Gunther hauled himself inside the caravan, and there was the sound of rummaging...

Then there was a burst of brilliantly light from the water behind him, and the horseman let out a cry of dismay as the towering form of a purple skinned mermaid appeared in the water behind the caravan. She seemed to glow with unnatural light as she gazed down with a fixed expression of hunger at the horseman.

Without a second thought, the horseman reigned his horse about and kicked his heels together, setting it off as fast as it would go through the dark jungle as the sound of Gunther screaming echoed into the distance...

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Vale stood in the shadows across the river from Gunther's camp as the horseman fled into the distance. She watched nervously as the unnaturally quiet mermaid stared after the fleeing figure - and she began to wonder why the man in the caravan was screaming when he clearly couldn't see the mermaid...

Then she watched in amused comprehension as Gunther stepped out of his caravan, the holographic projector held in his hand as he screamed bloody murder after the retreating horseman, who was too busy fleeing to think twice about his money.

A minute later, Gunther chuckled to himself and flicked a switch on the gem-powered device, the fake mermaid vanishing back into the projector as he tossed it casually back into the caravan. Vale stepped closed to the river as she watched Gunther climb back inside, and close the curtains behind him, thus rendering the vehicle invisible once more.

Vale felt her stomach rumble and she placed her hand over it... Gunther was obviously a crafty individual, and she guessed that in that caravan there would at the very least be some bread and water she could take from the con-man.

Taking a small run-up, the short-browned haired young woman leapt noiselessly into the river, using her physically trained body to propel herself quickly under the water towards the opposite bank.

Emerging from the water, Vale quickly peeked left and right to ensure there was nobody watching her as she prepared to execute her hastily formed plan.

Flexing her mind slightly, her chameleon suit activated and, like the caravan, she vanished from sight. Silently walking towards the spot where the caravan had been, she held out her hand, feeling for the curtain as she slowed right down, not wanting to make an impact.

She felt a brief tingle down her spine and in an instant she had spun about, her hand clenched in a fist... but she could see nothing. Turning slowly back to the caravan, she reached out once more...

And had to dive in a back flip away as the curtain swung aside and Gunther stepped out, humming to himself.

Vale prepared herself for an attack, but to her immense surprise Gunther just walked straight past the invisible girl and deposited a towel at the edge of the stream on a log, casting off his coat and gloved and beginning to undress.

If she hadn't been so used to assassinating people in the shower or bath, Vale might have blushed to be bearing witness to this. As the hat hit the ground and the scarf began to come off, Vale decided that now would be a good time to raid the caravan, while he was distracted with his bathing.

Creeping over to the caravan, the young woman slipped between the curtains, making sure to go slowly so as not to cause the vehicle to creak or give off a sound.

It was pitch black within the confines of the fabric, and Vale had to navigate by feel alone... she felt many unusual objects, weapons, devices and textures... but she didn't want to arouse any suspicion by stealing anything too valuable - she was just after food.

She felt weak with the sensation, and because she didn't know that Gunther wasn't exactly a trained warrior, she felt a slight sense of fear that if he were to discover her presence she wouldn't be able to overcome him in her current condition.

Then... her hand felt a familiar sensation. An apple. With a sigh of relief she stuffed the apple into her pocket and felt around for another. Upon locating two more, she listened out for any noise from outside... she could still hear the sound of the con-man paddling about in the water, and she knew she had time for at least one more forage, and she set about it.

Within a minute, she had located what she had been searching for - a half loaf of bread.

Pulling up her mask slightly so she could take a bite out of it, Vale relished the soft fibers in her mouth as she chewed and swallowed... she sighed and felt like that would last her the rest of the night. Pulling the mask back down, she began to back out of the caravan, not wanting to turn around unless she knocked something over...

Unfortunately for Vale - she did knock something over upon reaching the exit to the caravan.

"What in the devil?!"

Gunther hit the ground hard, the invisible girl landing on top of him, her face turning bright red at her mistake as she attempted to leap back to her feet - but the man was quick enough to lash out with one hand and caught hold of her by the waist, causing her to trip and land on the muddy ground.

"Gotcha! What do you think you're doing in my caravan eh?"

Gunther hauled the weakened girl to her feet as he stood, his face in shadows with the moon at his back. All Vale could see was a pit of inky blackness as he reached for where he assumed her head was. She focused solely on Not looking down below the naked man's waist, but she never got the chance as Gunther's hand caught hold of her mask and he pulled it clean off her head, exposing her young face to him.

He looked genuinely surprised.

"My word. I've been robbed in my time, but I don't think by anyone quite so pretty."

"Get off me - you're revolting!" She said coldly, struggling as Gunther reached for his towel, wrapping it around his waist.

"You're the thief miss, not me."

"Liar. I saw what you did to that horseman..."

Gunther chuckled.

"Ha - yes that was rather excellent if I do say so myself. What have you taken from me?"

"Food. It's all I need."

"What exactly did you take?"

"Bread, apples..."

"Fine, you can keep them..." Gunther said in annoyance, tossing Vale aside and dropping her mask on top of her.

"Thanks I guess..."

Gunther stooped and picked up his scarf, tying it over his face before turning back to Vale, who had by this point chosen to de-activate her suit.

"Quite a suit you've got there." Gunther commented in a voice that Vale almost thought was admiring.

"Yes it is... not much good when it's smeared with mud though. Kinda ruins the effect."

"No doubt. You should take a quick plunge in the river, that'll clean it right off..."

"I think I'll be fine for now." Vale said, standing and pacing slowly over to stand near Gunther, not close enough to be within arms reach, but close enough to at least be sociable. He had after all chosen not to try and kill her...

"So what are you doing in my neck of the woods?" Gunther said casually as he pulled his coat back on and strapping his hat back on his head.

"Trying to find a town... I've been in the wilderness for way too long and I just want to find somewhere I won't be worried I'll be eaten every five minutes."

Gunther continued to dry his legs before he pointed casually back the way the rider had come, his drunkenness all washed away by the cool river water and the natural healing powers of the soil.

"That way. About half an hour of walking should get you there, and that suit you've got should keep you safe from the visual predators... not so much from the ones who rely on movement."

"You seem to know a lot about the predators around here... I take it you're used to these conditions?" Vale said with interest, taking out Gunther's bread and taking another satisfying bite from it as the con-man responded.

"Yes, though I prefer to keep myself within city limits. Sometimes it's unavoidable, and it'll be a while before I can return to that particular town... That said - I work best alone."

"I know that feeling..." Vale took a step closer to Gunther and swallowed the lump of bread in her mouth, looking at Gunther's toned body with mild interest. It stirred a feeling in the pit of her gut, but she assumed that was simply hunger.

A silence descended between the pair as Gunther turned and looked at her, his eyes hidden under the brim of his hat as they peered at the young woman.

"And why dear girl are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" Vale said defensively, frowning slightly.

"Like you're going to pounce on me any second."

Vale's face went red and she took a step back, turning away from Gunther and sinking her teeth into the bread...

She felt the sharp pinch on her bottom and in a flash she had performed a flawless pivot kick, her heel connecting with Gunther's cheek and sending him spinning to the ground, his hand on his cheek as he grunted with surprised pain.

"By the Ancients girl! That was a bit uncalled for wasn't it?"

"Don't touch me!" Vale said coldly, her fist clenched.

"Alright alright! You're the one who nicked my bread lass, I feel I was entitled to a little something in return."

"You're disgusting."

"So you've said before." Gunther said, standing back to his feet and dusting himself off.

Vale just kept chewing silently as Gunther gazed out onto the water.

Then the con-man squinted out onto the water and took a step towards it.

"What is That?"

Turning, Vale saw a furrow appearing in the water downstream - moving Upstream...

"It's not a mermaid is it?" Vale said nervously, taking a few strides away from the bank.

"No... Mermaids are much larger... and look, there's something on the surface."

Strapping on his goggles, Gunther examined the object moving rapidly towards them. It was one of the most peculiar things he'd ever seen, and given the insanity he witnessed daily in Felarya - that was saying something...

The object skimming the surface of the water was an upturned Umbrella - and it appeared to be propelling itself with great speed up the waterway. And riding it... was a man in a suit and a hat whose face seemed to be masked by some kind of breathing apparatus.

"Oh... him. Right."

Gunther sighed and moved over to his caravan, flicking open the shutters and beckoning for Vale to step inside.

"I suggest you climb in. We need to move this caravan further away from the river bank before that man gets here."

"Why - what danger does he pose that we can't overcome together?" Vale asked in confusion as she stepped forwards, peering at the rapidly approaching man.

"It's not him... I know him and he wouldn't try to hurt either of us... but he's on the water - and I know he's taunting someone by doing that. Does the name Anko mean anything to you?"

"No?"

"Well it will if you hang around here - she's not very sociable... so please climb in so we can leave before she shows up to try once again to snatch her prize off the waters surface?"

Vale took a moment to take it all in, before she nodded.

"Very well... but keep your hands off me, understand?"

"Understood - In."

And with those words, Vale calmly climbed into the caravan, and Gunther smiled to himself as he picked up his remaining items of clothing from the riverbank.

"Oh Umbrella Man, you always have the most perfect timing..." And with that, he clambered aboard his vehicle and closed the curtains behind him...

Note: I'd have posted it all at once but I kept being told "ROFL MESSAGE TOO BIG YO"

Wow... That is a Most Excellent Story. It's really really very great! Bravo.
Ha ha! Gunther is definately one of my favorite characters in Felarya.

Cheers buddy I'm glad you like him so much.