Wiki entries that need to be rewritten

That thread is for entries of the wiki that you think need to be rewritten and revised on the language perspective ( not about what is written but how it is written )
Basically because they don't do a very good job at conveying their informations, or they could use more description to be less bland, or more simply because the writing make your eyes bleed XP

Not really a rewrite, but it would be convenient if the entries for locations also listed what kind of flora you can find in each area. So far, it only list fauna, predatory species, and carnivorous plants. It would make it easier to know if, say, galambos grow in a particular area. Otherwise we're only left to guess, because most entries on edible plants and flora in general, excluding carnivorous plants, only state that they're native to Felarya or grow throughout Felarya.

On the page for Silvery Night, where it reads,

"The spectacle is breathtakingly beautiful, make the heart race and produce some strange effects on every sentient inhabitants who see it"

After the first comma, should read something like, "making the heart race and producing some strange effects on every sentient being who sees it."

Nyaha that kind of thing belongs in wiki corrections.

Anyway, I think the dridder entry needs rewriting, at the moment the "wanderers and weavers" thing seems disconnected from the rest; like it's not part of the rest of the article.

Anime-Junkie wrote:

Nyaha that kind of thing belongs in wiki corrections.

Indeed. I've fixed it anyway (thanks!), but further such errors should be pointed out in the appropriate thread.

Ohhhh, I thought Karbo was saying that this was now the appropriate thread~ O.o Okay, I'll stick to that. Thanks! ^^;

Fairy Pond excerpt

"The last and most interesting enchantment is an enchantment of size changing. The waters of the pond will instantly shrink any human or neko creature smaller than ten feet who touches it to a height of three inches... providing an easy and quickly replenishing source of food for the numerous fairies who dwell here. "

There's confusion about Balfrezagg in Lea's entry. It says at first that it's her homeworld and it even links to the versology page where it's a physical world. However, there is a mention that it's a kingdom. This is confusing because why would anyone name a kingdom after a planet, or the other way around, unless it's a completely unified government. There's also the fact that there is absolutely no information on the world itself at the moment, so which of the two being right is anyone's guess at this point.

Alright I note that.

I want also to make something a bit more clear. This thread is not for correction ^^;
if you see something you think is an error, a typo or should be changed please use this one instead : https://felarya.forumotion.com/t330-wiki-corrections

About the scarlet elves entry Scarlet Elves entry this sentence:

Wiki wrote:

They are sometimes called "dancing elves" because the females seem to constantly dance when they move

it seems it confused some people who think they dance all the time and stop only to sleep. Some explanations and clarification are needed to avoid this confusion.

gwadahunter2222 wrote:

About the scarlet elves entry Scarlet Elves entry this sentence:

Wiki wrote:

They are sometimes called "dancing elves" because the females seem to constantly dance when they move

it seems it confused some people who think they dance all the time and stop only to sleep. Some explanations and clarification are needed to avoid this confusion.

he's right it is confusing indeed.

I think the Elven District entry could use some polish. Specifically, adding some details how one may obtain a permit to enter, if it is a one-time use like a ticket, last until it reaches a certain expiration date, like a pass, or if you buy it once and you can keep accessing the district, so long you keep renewing it, like some sort of license.

Shady Knight wrote:

I think the Elven District entry could use some polish. Specifically, adding some details how one may obtain a permit to enter, if it is a one-time use like a ticket, last until it reaches a certain expiration date, like a pass, or if you buy it once and you can keep accessing the district, so long you keep renewing it, like some sort of license.

I didn't even know we had a page on the elven district, or an excerpt.

I don't know if this would go here, but I suggest a link in the locations section that leads to Hell and Heaven respectively, or to an Afterlife page that describes the idea of afterlife, and links to Heaven and Hell.

This is something that bugs me, no pun intended, but looking at the Miaxi, and by extension the Gyspa entry, but standing on six legs look very iffy to me in their cases. I think they'd look better if they stood on four legs, and their arms acted as the third pair. Kind of like Enemene's mantoids, whereas the arms serve as their claws. I know one could bring the argument that dridders should have six legs then with the arms being the fourth pair, but for those, I just can't see them without eight spider legs.

Also, I think Gyspas should be made smaller. Their entry says that they have an articulated maw and stretchy digestive system, but also a compressing venom for "shrinking" preys. Given they're around 50 ft tall, that last one seems quite redundant, especially since their entry says they mostly hunt on small preys. Furthermore, as they're described as cousins to miaxi, shouldn't they be closer to their size? I could see them being a little taller, like maybe 10 to 12 feet or so, but not 40-50 feet.

Crimson Elves need an overhaul. As it is now, its nothing but saying that they worship a goddess of digestion, and they bellydance. Its very difficult, if even possible to make a character off that - even if I wanted to make one who was a priestess of Luba, there's no mention about how their society functions, or how their family life or child raising works, the life of a priestess, if they're prone to literature, architecture, etc. I assume they live in groups since they have communities with a priestess. Anyway, there it is. They're sexy, but that's it. The only current way to make one, is to say the elf got kidnapped when she was young by a more developed race.

insert:

XD

Archmage_Bael wrote:

Crimson Elves need an overhaul. As it is now, its nothing but saying that they worship a goddess of digestion, and they bellydance.

They are good with plants,potions, medicine and hand to hand combat. They are incredibly agile despite their giant size. Their culture turn around digestion ie creative works comes with a full stomach (not necessary with humans the most important is to be full). Oh, they are bad with magic and master only a self-hasting spell.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

Its very difficult, if even possible to make a character off that

I make four easily three females and one male. Faoran was created just for a writing skill.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

- even if I wanted to make one who was a priestess of Luba, there's no mention about how their society functions, or how their family life or child raising works, the life of a priestess,

It's an interesting idea the priestess, you should write something about it.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

if they're prone to literature, architecture, etc.

Here some clues I gathered from the wiki

If you read in the Chronology you can see they play a big role during the elven era:

wiki wrote:

2458 B.U. – Megedyl decides to make an example and send an ultimatum to the human village of Zenkuch for the inhabitants to disarm. When they refuse, a group of Scarlet elves is sent with the order of destroying the garrison and to gorge themselves on the villagers. Soon every inhabitants find themselves digesting within bloated bellies. This act provokes horror among humans and quickly lead them to proclaim themselves independents and to prepare for war.

Some even fought against the sagolians:

wiki wrote:

281 B.U. – The Sagolians win a decisive battle against a tribe of Scarlet elves near Bulvon wood. Emperor Serrakmos III declares that “In the future, Felarya shall no longer be a land of predators and those that would eat man shall be driven from its surface.” This draw an official protest from the Dridder Kingdom.

From this rumor:

wiki wrote:

12 Among Scarlet elves is the legend of Kytian who got a belly so full after a successful hunt, that she was able to create the most epic song ever ! Sadly she was so full that it made her drowsy and she fell asleep before she could write it down...

I deduce they can write maybe a knowledge taught during the elven empire and some live in tribe.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

Anyway, there it is. They're sexy, but that's it.

They can kick your ass, they are bad spell caster. Their inspiration comes when their stomach. They were a military force during the elven empire and were still a threat even after its fall.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

I assume they live in groups since they have communities with a priestess.

Why are you not developing it by yourself ? It can be a good addition.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

The only current way to make one, is to say the elf got kidnapped when she was young by a more developed race.

you should read my story

The fact they have few development in the wiki offers a good opportunity to writers to be creative and have a greater liberty in their work. But yeah some aspects need to be worked but they can come from members of the community

If this information is in the chronology, then it should also be on their page. I shouldn't have to explore the wiki to find enough information to make a character. I do have a scarlet elf, her name is Ariahna for the time being, but all I have is that she's a good fighter, a good climber, and really sensual, which still doesn't say much about her because thats all the wiki says.

I guess I could choose alchemist or fighter, but that still doesn't say much. I need to know about their society as a whole before I start making anything about their personality, which they get from how they're raised/nutured. Thus with personality comes quirks. Three crucial elements right there - the only thing the entry says other than how much they like to eat (half their entry is just about eating and digestion, I know they focus on it, but since there's little else they seem really forced) is how they are in combat. fast climbers, not good with magic, good with hand to hand combat, very agile, good with potion making. Honestly though "agile" is used in most creatures bios as it is, so being agile isn't all that special.

Spoiler:

the green and red isn't whether its bad or good, green is something thats a little more culture based, red is involving digestion or eroticism. though since their culture includes digestion, at least when it comes to luban, makes it hard to judge whether to mark it red or green. Either way, I don't see anything about their society. At least with Nagas we know they don't spend a lot of time raising children, and they dont live in large groups. I've been pushing for more information - as it is hard to make a decent character without any knowledge of how their life is other than eating and fighting, y'know?

El Portero or whoever will be adding the ideas could start with how they raise their children. Are they birthed in the temple and marked as a child of Luban? Are they birthed at home and have some other special ritual around that. I imagine more than digestion, life would be a focus too. Are they marked at all when they're born? Does their father raise kids or the mother? or both? Do men and women have special duties in their tribes? how big are the tribes? do they use special markings and paint for a more tribal feel? One of the elves I see has an emerald belly button, maybe they like jewls on their body in some places? Do they eat together as a community or a family and share stories that way? Do they build tall building above ground, dig below ground, or make them ass needed? Do they feel a need to make houses and buildings for impression, function, or maybe the way a building is constructed and what its constructed with is part of their worship? (like a cross on a church, or crosses just in a home, or menorah, buddha, whatever.) Does the man go and build a home by himself as part of a proposal to women? Or are they built by the community? Is the man or woman dominant in their society? Are they educated? How are they educated? By their parents, or in a group? Are they competitive in nature? There's tons of questions I could ask that aren't provided.

So please don't try and argue and negate everything I say, and work with me instead.

Well it seems I have to continue this discussion here even if I would prefer to do it in another topic.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

the green and red isn't whether its bad or good, green is something thats a little more culture based, red is involving digestion or eroticism. though since their culture includes digestion, at least when it comes to luban, makes it hard to judge whether to mark it red or green.

Digestion and eroticism are a part of their culture, the former is a source of creativity and the latter is the nature of the dance performed by the females.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

Either way, I don't see anything about their society.

First all most of the cultures of the different species are under construction elves include but some specie like humans, fairies, jotuns dridders have already established element.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

At least with Nagas we know they don't spend a lot of time raising children, and they dont live in large groups.

Where do you take this statement? It is not specified into the wiki. Naga tend to be loner but there are no statement about how they raise their young.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

I've been pushing for more information - as it is hard to make a decent character without any knowledge of how their life is other than eating and fighting, y'know?

Yes it's hard but in other hand it gives you a liberty to develop it in your story. It's an occasion to be creative.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

El Portero or whoever will be adding the ideas could start with how they raise their children.

Everyone doesn't have the same priorities, many characters are already adults and most of the time their childhood is shape by their authors.
Like Nagas, fairies, driidders, the scarlet elves were created by Karbo. In overall few species have a clearly statement about how they raise their children and it is added later after their creation like fairies which it came many time after the explanation of their size changing abilities.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

Are they birthed at home and have some other special ritual around that. I imagine more than digestion, life would be a focus too. Are they marked at all when they're born? Does their father raise kids or the mother? or both? Do men and women have special duties in their tribes? how big are the tribes? do they use special markings and paint for a more tribal feel? One of the elves I see has an emerald belly button, maybe they like jewls on their body in some places? Do they eat together as a community or a family and share stories that way? Do they build tall building above ground, dig below ground, or make them ass needed? Do they feel a need to make houses and buildings for impression, function, or maybe the way a building is constructed and what its constructed with is part of their worship? (like a cross on a church, or crosses just in a home, or menorah, buddha, whatever.) Does the man go and build a home by himself as part of a proposal to women? Or are they built by the community? Is the man or woman dominant in their society? Are they educated? How are they educated? By their parents, or in a group? Are they competitive in nature? There's tons of questions I could ask that aren't provided.

I have more the feeling you are overthinking. You have the right to ask you this questions but because you see no answer it doesn't mean you have the right to put pressure on other to do something you can try to resolve by yourself.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

So please don't try and argue and negate everything I say, and work with me instead.

I'm not arguing with you nor negate everything I'm just showing the facts.
I'm disagree with your statement about they are just sexy which is wrong. I agree their entry need to be flesh out more but not in the way you are doing it. Their cultural problem is not specific to them many species are in the same case. I tried to help you by suggesting you to develop it by yourself and suggesting them as ideas we can discuss but you seem to just wait things are done. I posted a link to a story with the famous scarlet with a jewel who is my character anyway, thing you didn't bother to read by judging the fact you are asking question about the fact she has an emerald on her belly button.

Let's keep it cool please ^^;

well Bael you are posing some interesting questions. I don't think all of them need to be answered but you are right , there is a lot more that could be said on that species

Sounds good, how can I help?

Just a suggestion, for pages that enumerate a lot of stuff like plants and animals, it'd be better to list them in alphabetical order, if only to make searching more convenient.

Doubling for the sake of directing attention to this thread. The article about Heaven and Hell could be trimmed down because I think we can condense information better and be clearer on certain aspect. In particular, how much freedom does a demon and ceiciel, angels and succubi especially, have when they appear in the mortal realm? Do they always appear the exact same way they do in their respective realm, albeit weaker, or can they choose to appear like a human, even down to their size? If the latter, can they do so only when they manifest in the mortal realm, or can they alter their form at will? Can they do the same, such as changing their size while in their respective realms? This could help make things less ambiguous for them because of their nature as supernatural entities.

http://www.felarya.com/wiki/index.php?title=Plant_life#Everburning_Tree

Quote :

Like its name says however, this tree is able to withstand volcanic levels of heat and cannot be consumed by any kind of fire, magical or not.

Maybe I'm being too literal, but I don't think that's at all what the name says. ^^; I could be wrong, though. But I think this sentence gives kind of a contradicting idea compared to what it says after it, but on the other hand, reading the next sentence gives a better idea of what this sentence means, so again, might not be a big deal.

Also here: http://www.felarya.com/wiki/index.php?title=Plant_life#Floodwood_Tree

Quote :

looking fairly dead-looking because of it.

Redundancy is redundant.