Felarya
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

Felarya

Felarya forum
 
HomeSearchLatest imagesRegisterLog in

 

 Shiny's Characters

Go down 
3 posters
AuthorMessage
TheShinyMew
Tasty morsel
TheShinyMew


Posts : 7
Join date : 2014-07-26

Shiny's Characters Empty
PostSubject: Shiny's Characters   Shiny's Characters Icon_minitimeMon Jul 28, 2014 4:49 pm

I only recently joined this forum, so I thought making some characters would be a good way to start out. I'll be posting any characters I make here. Constructive criticism encouraged!

Name: Rush
Species: Centaur
Age: 40
Sex: Male
Height: 109 ft
Skin Color: Tanned
Fur Color: Golden
Hair Color: Dirty Blond
Eye Color: Coffee Brown
Predation: Specialized

~Appearance~

Rush’s horse body resembles a Palomino pattern, with the golden fur, darker stripe down the spine, and white tail. His human half is that of a young man, with messy, dirty blond hair, and large brown eyes. His face is round and soft, much like that of a child. He mostly leaves his hair alone, so it is kept messy, and extends slightly below his ears.

~Personality~

As a foal, Rush was always the most energetic, adventurous, and playful, sticking out like a sore thumb among his mostly introverted peers. He has retained these traits in his adulthood, and when he isn’t sleeping (which he surprisingly often is, for someone with so much energy most of the time), he loves to gallop and jump around the Great Rocky Fields. With all his practice, Rush has amazing agility as well as speed, which he takes great pride in, and is known to boast about. It is rare to see him in a bad mood, and he always seems to find a new way to have fun. Rush is very friendly to others as well, as long as considers you a ‘person’, and not just a tasty snack.

While Rush's high energy can make him a playful and fun person to be around, it can also prove to be annoying. Rush tends to have a hard time paying attention to social cues in conversations. You could be hinting that a specific subject is making you uncomfortable, and he wouldn't realize it right away. If someone doesn't know him very well, it could seem to them that he just doesn't care, but he really does try.

~Background~

Growing up in a herd of mostly calm and quiet centaurs in the Moyuk Hills, Rush’s outgoing personality had always stuck out. Some of the other foals his age often made jokes about his near limitless energy, and some of them were not so nice. Rush didn’t let them get him down, however. He still had friends, food, and space to play, so what did the bullies matter? When he reached adulthood, Rush left his herd and family behind, and went of to explore Felarya. He wandered about for a few years, sleeping where he could, and eating whatever prey came his way. Eventually, Rush ended up traveling all the way to the other side of Felarya, and settled down in the Great Rocky Hills, where he still lives.

~Hunting Habits~

As with all centaurs, Rush can feel tiny vibrations in the ground, which let him locate prey many miles away from him. If he is galloping after you, it will be nearly impossible to escape. When catching his prey, Rush runs up behind them, reaches down, and uses his hands to grab them. He will eat pretty much anything, but humanoids make up a large part of his diet. He finds elves to be the most tasty of them. Besides humanoids, he absolutely loves fruit, and will occasionally catch a human or two to trade with friendly fairy for some.


Last edited by TheShinyMew on Tue Jul 29, 2014 9:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Nyaha
Eternal Optimist
Eternal Optimist
Nyaha


Posts : 3845
Join date : 2007-12-09
Age : 31
Location : Canada. ^.^ Goooooo Snow!

Shiny's Characters Empty
PostSubject: Re: Shiny's Characters   Shiny's Characters Icon_minitimeMon Jul 28, 2014 6:20 pm

Not a horrible character, really. I have one a lot like him, actually. Seems like Rush would offer plenty of fun interaction. But at the same time, I'm not seeing a lot of depth of character in his bio. He doesn't seem to have any 'negative' traits. I look at what you wrote under his personality, and I see that he is a happy-go-luck guy with a lot of energy, who enjoys having fun and making friends. What I don't see is any reason someone meeting him might dislike him. He doesn't need to have, like, huge social or emotional baggage, but there should be some part of his personality a person could learn about from one or two meetings with him and say "Okay, I don't like when he does that, but he's still a really nice guy" or "That really annoys me, I can't talk to him anymore". A good, interesting character has both positive and negative traits so that both the reader, and other characters he interacts with in-universe, can decide for themselves whether or not they like the character. ^_^ Know what I mean?

Also, welcome to Felarya!
Back to top Go down
http://tanoshiiatsu.deviantart.com/
TheShinyMew
Tasty morsel
TheShinyMew


Posts : 7
Join date : 2014-07-26

Shiny's Characters Empty
PostSubject: Re: Shiny's Characters   Shiny's Characters Icon_minitimeTue Jul 29, 2014 2:14 pm

Thanks for the reply! I read through it again, and noticed that too. I did write most of it half-asleep, so that's probably a good part of the reason. Since he's so high energy, maybe he could be bad at reading social cues, or start spouting off about a topic that nobody else really cares about. I know I have that problem IRL.
Back to top Go down
jedi-explorer
Felarya cartographer
Felarya cartographer
jedi-explorer


Posts : 1474
Join date : 2011-12-06
Age : 36
Location : Fantasy Land ^_^

Shiny's Characters Empty
PostSubject: Re: Shiny's Characters   Shiny's Characters Icon_minitimeTue Jul 29, 2014 7:15 pm

Darn you! Yes Darn you! Also welcome you, but mostly darn youuuuu!! XO How'd ya know this is the kind of character I was thinking of making this week? I mean like a few days ago I had the inspiration to make a male centaur who travels Felarya to solve the problem that most have: Too stationary to have fun. Okay now that I'm done cursing/giving you props...Let's get to the real results of my anaylsis.

First awesome point is the appearance is pretty hot and interesting. I know a few of my gals would fawn over him personally BUT! Have you thought about how hard he's going to be to draw with all this? If you pull it off it'll be awesome, but I can tell you complex traits are a double edged sword when it comes to drawing or getting a pic commissioned or art traded with somebody. ^^; Just a piece of advice and warning though cause i really do love the color choices. Heck maybe when I find my art box I'd accept a ten point commish to do him on a white background if ya like.

Okay I'm with Nyaha that could add a negative point more than the one where the other centaurs didn't like his ubber super duper fradjelistic enegerynessswoo!! Bit. <.< But honestly? Not what I think needs padded out. Unless you're writing a story? I'd add some sound bites from his adventures abroad! Even if you are there are spoiler friendly metheods I may be able to help you learn that work for OCs who have ongoing story but want to just yak about themselves. XD Another thing you should like pad out? Food preference. Hunting style and such. I know it's probably "eats anything" or whatever, but it helps add to the bio. Another thing is you rely a bit too much on just his "super energy" bit. What else can he do? How does he handle encounters with agressive predators who pick fights or the various humans whom likely fight back when he preys on them? What's his reaction to some fauna and flora. Anything!! You can use all this to pad out a bio to pretty awesome levels just with some very basic info. Oh and if he has no magic? List what he thinks about others who have it. How envious he is of it or how much he fears those who have it and include WHY! Why is a big factor.

Whew....That was allot of reveiwing...@_@ Okay well good character, make some revisions and he'll be great....ooh...woozy....*Faint*
Back to top Go down
TheShinyMew
Tasty morsel
TheShinyMew


Posts : 7
Join date : 2014-07-26

Shiny's Characters Empty
PostSubject: Re: Shiny's Characters   Shiny's Characters Icon_minitimeTue Jul 29, 2014 9:10 pm

Thanks for all your advice! I added in some of the suggestions, and expanded on a few things.
Back to top Go down
Nyaha
Eternal Optimist
Eternal Optimist
Nyaha


Posts : 3845
Join date : 2007-12-09
Age : 31
Location : Canada. ^.^ Goooooo Snow!

Shiny's Characters Empty
PostSubject: Re: Shiny's Characters   Shiny's Characters Icon_minitimeWed Jul 30, 2014 12:05 pm

While I agree with Jedi on most points, you shouldn't add too much padding or it'll get hard to read through. A rule of thumb I like to use when writing bios is to keep the info provided down to things a character or person could learn about the OC within one or two meetings with him or her. That helps make it concise and prevents spoilers and keeps getting to know the character interesting. ^_^ (It also gives me a lot of freedom to think things up for them on the fly when writing or RPing, but it's a secret to everybody. ;3 Hush hush.)
Back to top Go down
http://tanoshiiatsu.deviantart.com/
Sponsored content





Shiny's Characters Empty
PostSubject: Re: Shiny's Characters   Shiny's Characters Icon_minitime

Back to top Go down
 
Shiny's Characters
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» My Characters
» Friendly and Kind Predators (To Humans)
» Q's characters
» CO's characters
» my characters

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Felarya :: Idea forums :: Character discussion-
Jump to: