First try at a story

Hello, this is my first attempt at a story, and Im just posting the begining as Im not sure Im good enough for this.
This story is about two of my characters I made, and some minor ones aswell.
Its about a Neko and some Efriis, and if you dont know what a Efrii is you can find them here: http://www.felarya.com/wiki/index.php?title=Minor_races#Tinies

Please excuse spelling errors as I have mild dyslexia.
Critic is very welcome but please dont be to harsh, this is my first attempt and Im still learning.

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The sun had just gone down and the forest was getting quiet as Amy walked home from her trip to the river to catch fish.
It had been a lousy day, both her belly and the box she had to gather fish for later in was empty, and she was really hungry, but atleast she had some fruit at home.
Suddenly her ears twitched as she heard voices, they sounded angry but where quite hard to hear. She stoped for a moment and concidered ignoring it as it would probably just be trubble, but her curious nature got the best of her and she carefully moved closer to the sound.
As she looked out from behind a large tree she could see the five people who were making all the noice, and the sight made her forget all about how bad the day had been. Amy licked her lips as her mouth started to water at the sight of the Efriis.


Pain coursed thrugh Clyde's body as the fist conected with his chest, and he feelt one of his ribs almost breaking from the impact.
He had been a idiot to expect a fair fight from this coward, and skilled fighter or not, he couldent stand up to four people at once.
-"Learned your lesson yet, punk?" Yelled one of the combatants as Clyde wiped some blood from his lips. His nose was bleeding badly now.
-"He aint acting so big now, is he Kazer?" Said the one that had punched his chest a few seconds ago.
Clyde tried to stand straight but his vision was blurry from a blow to the head he had gotten earlier.
The one called Kazer, the man that Clyde had first started arguing with, laughed and drew his sword.
-"Yeah, this punk wont talk trash anymore, but we should still take a memento from him. What about a finger?"
Clyde cursed his luck as Kazer moved closer, raising his sword a bit.


-"Hey! Thats enough of that little guys." Amy walked out from behind the tree and looked down at the Efriis, who in turn looked up with wide eyes.
-"Neko!"
-"Shit!"
The four Efriis that had been beating the fifth one up started to back away, but Amy was much quicker and grabed two in each hand and layed them down in her fish box. She then looked down on the beaten up Efrii, putting down her box and sitting next to him. She feelt bad for him, but she was hungry and she loved Efriis even more than fish, so she picked one up at random from the box and studied him, holding him between her thumb and index finger.
The Efrii was tanned and had short brown hair, his blue eyes wide and fearfull as he watched the giant girl lick her lips as she gazed at him.
-"D-dont...P-please dont..." Was all the Efrii could stutter out as Amy slowly opened her mouth and let her long wet tounge caress his body in one long, slow lick.
The taste was amazing, and she gently put him into her mouth and closed her lips, trapping him in her eager mouth.
She could feel him struggle and she ran her tounge along his body again, coating him in her saliva and enjoying the taste of the tiny creature as his friends in the box began to panic and scream.


Tren watched from the box as the giant Neko picked up Leo and licked him before putting him in her mouth. He was shivering madly but couldent take his eyes of the Nekos mouth, atleast not untill he could hear a tiny gulp and a sattisfied "Mmm" from her, and he watched a little bulge on her throat form and travle down, and he realiced it was Leo meeting his doom.
He tore his eyes of the Neko and started looking for a way out of the box, but the edges were far to tall for him to jump, and there were no holes in the sides. He was just about to draw his old sword and try to cut a hole when a giant hand grabed him and yanked him high into the air, and it took him a few seconds to realice what had happened.
-"No! Let me go! You cant do this!"
He knew his pleas were in vain but he couldent help himself, he dident want to die and there was no way he could fight her. As he looked down he could see the Nekos mouth wide open below him, and he realiced she was holding him above her mouth and had her head tilted back.
As she started to slowly lower him towards her mouth he began to struggle fanaticly, but it was all for nothing when he could feel her lips close around his waist, his upper half inside her dark, damp mouth and his legs on the outside, kicking at her lips.


Amy smiled widely as the little Efrii kicked at her lips and she ran her tounge over his face inside her mouth. The Efrii was even more flavorfull than the last one, and she slowly slurped him wholy into her mouth.
She pressed her tounge against his body and pressed him to the roof of her mouth before bending her tounge and pushing on his bottom, leading him down to her throat.


Tren screamed and flailed with his arms and legs as he was pushed into the Nekos throat, and he feelt the strong muscles of her throat grip his tiny body and pull him down the slipery path to her belly.

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not a bad start. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Nice vore descriptions. Will there be more?

Thanks for the kind words Yes there will be more, there is still guys in the box afterall

Kazer stared up in shock. Leo and Tren was gone just like that, and he and Serge were next on the menu.
The Nekos hand once again swooped down into the box but Kazer dident move. He was angry, he was furious at this
woman who treated him like nothing but food!
As he was lifted to her face he stared at her eyes and yelled with anger.
-"You bastard! Who the hell do you think you are?!"
The giant Nekos eyes widened with surprice for a second before she smiled slyly.
-"Im Amy, nice to meet you." She said and gulped him in before he could awnser, swallowing him at once rather than hear his angry yelling.


Amy swallowed the thrid Efrii with a sigh.
-"What a angry little man" She tought to herself as she reached down for the last one.
She picked him up and looked at him for a while before speaking.
-"Are you going to call me a bastard too?"
The Efrii looked at Amy with terrified eyes and spoke in a stuttering tone.
-"N-no... Y-your not a bastard, s-so why not let me g-go?"
Amy let out another sigh, it was no use talking to them, they would either just beg or yell.
So instead she brought him to her nose and smelled him a bit. He smelled delicious, but there was something about his smell that made her feel wierd. Then she realiced it was the Efriis pheromones, and that she better eat him before her mind got clouded by it.

Serge exhaled with relief. The Neko was sniffing him! There was a chance she would get confused and let him go.
-"But...Then why is she moving me to her mouth?" Was what Serge was thinking right before a wet, pink tounge coated his body with saliva and bent over his back to slowly push him down into the Nekos mouth.


Amy closed her eyes and sucked a bit on the little creature in her mouth. She leaned against a tree and stroked her belly with a sattisfied look on her face as she let her tounge play with the Efrii.
-"What a great day" She tought as she feelt sleep overcome her, and she sucked one last time on the Efrii to taste the delicious flavor before swallowing him.
-"Mmm..."
She feelt the little creature travle down her throat and landing with the others in her stomace. She smiled at the feeling of their movement in there and patted her belly once more before going to sleep.
It had been a great meal, but she still feelt like she had forgoten something...


< 30 Minutes Later >

Clyde looked out from behind the rock he had hidden behind and shook his head with a grin.
He had been so lucky the giant idiot had forgoten about him while eating, and not only that but she also saved his life by eating his
enemies.
He was just about to mumble "Thank you" when a thing came to his mind.
She had just eaten his kin, Efriis, like they were nothing else than food, like they werent people. Yet someday, as its bound to happen in Felarya, she herself would scream and beg as some Naga or Dridder did the same to her, and she would probably think them as monsters.
-"Bloody hypocrite" He tought as he turned and walked away, dissapearing into the forest.


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And than concludes my first attempt at a story, I hope someone out there liked it, and I would love to hear your opinions and what tips you want to give me

Good story, man. it was well drawn out and ended well. Can't really say much against it, other than check your grammar.

interesting, please continue

Thank you ^^ I hope you liked it, and I will work on my grammar