my story's

Nighttime Meal!

It was night time when i woke most of the villagers were asleep i could see some of them hanging about on the outside,i was a little anoyed that they'd broken my rule but still tonight i was in a good mood so i didn't care.I stayed laying on the ground watching the villagers converse but before long i got to my feet bored with the goings on in my village.Just then i heard a low growl,to the humans and neko's on the outside of there homes it would sound like a thunderstorm,but I knew all it meant was that i was hungry and would soon have to go hunting to soothe my hunger.I looked around to the forest it seemed quiet and i knew all the night creatures would soon come out hunting i turned to the villagers "ok little guys i'm going hunting and you know that means....hide in yourlowest cellars until i'm back" I address the villagers on the outside though i knew my voice would carry across the whole village seeing as how it was only small.

As i left i noticed a flurry of movement in the village people rushing indoors and lights being switched off,I didn't know much about how human society worked exept for what i had seen during the day when i watched the village as i always did.Anyway i decided the villagers would be safe so then i took the steps into the forest,those first steps were always the hardest,what was worse was wondering would my little human and neko friends be there when i get back,i had come back on more than one ocasion to find that there homes had been ransacked by raiders or torn apart by predators in there search for sustenance.Back to my hunt,it had been a few minutes but still i had not seen anything that looked like it could present a good meal,but then that was me just being unpatient in truth it wasn't like i expected to find anything the moment i went hunting.

Then i caught the smell,that wonderfull smell,the smell i loved some much,the smell of young naga,although this one seemed to be lost i figured 'if it's lost i can have some fun with it' that's what i thought to myself as i moved following the scent my lips glisening with a mixture of saliva and pink lip gloss.I walked and walked and for a few moments i didn't think i was going in the right direction but then i saw her,the young naga had green scales on her snake half and lovely blue hair and.....she was asleep,my heart sank as disapointment set in.But nevermind at least i wouldn't have to deal with screamin not to mention pleading and i found it ever so funny when they were halfway down my throat and they begun panicking,it felt soooo very good.

I bent down laying upon the ground just at the back of the girl,i extended my long pink tongue pushing it ever so slightly underneath the end of the naga's tail.Oh the taste i found her taste ever so delightull,not wanting to keep the girl or my empty stomach waiting i pulled back my tongue dragging the naga with me,happily i closed my pink lips around the naga's tail and sucking it in ever so slowly.The dragging motion seemed to wake the young naga "huh wha-" the naga girl says before realisation sets in and she began screamin and holding on to a nearby root but it didn't help her.My tongue emerged beneath the girls human half i forced the rest of the naga into my mouth before i tilted my head back,now gravity helped me as i swallowed with a loud 'GULP!' sound and the naga's bulge soon disapeared from my throat.

Content i got to my feet patting my stomach already it had started to work on the meal inside anyway i was happy that's all i cared about that and the pleasent feeling of a young naga struggling inside of me.It was late,later than it had been when i had woken so i decided it would be best to return to my village.I returned to the village in mere minutes and the moment i arrived there was a flurry of life in the village as in the houses lights switched on.I layed down wrapping my arm around the village as i always did.I let out a yawn "ok little one's i'm going back to sleep now ok" I say before closing my eyes happy at my full stomach and the struggling naga inside me which lulled me to sleep.

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ok this is my first story using Dupe it's in first person so i'm hoping it's a good story....i would like constructive critism please.

First person is hard I think. Here I think it turned out well. Just maybe you could describe more what is going on in her mind

An unpleasent day part 1

It was horrible.....how could they do this.....to me......what did i ever do to them.....oh......yeah....i suppose if i talk about it............then it won't be as unpleasent........but still i don't believe how they could.........there was two of them and one of me.....oh god i'm never gonna live this down....still...not all bad i guess........made a new friend out of it.....a neko friend......

Ok um starting at the begining i was hunting yeah thts right hunting,i was happy calm and pleasent i'd just caught a group there was a human and a neko they'd both been caught by a naga see.Well i like the taste of naga's so i reached down picking the naga up by the tail,i got the usual "please no don't eat me" and "you can't i'm a predator like you" or "i don't want to die" I giggled i found this quite amusing so casually I responded with "well miss i don't want to die either........do you want me to die?"I smiled knowing i had the naga now.Then the naga gave me the cutest look i had yet seen with her bright amber eyes and said "sorry miss no i don't want you to die" I giggled popping the naga into my mouth....oh how she screamed probably the best scream i'd heard yet,I rolled the naga around on my tongue i smiled feeling the naga girl pound her fists onto my tongue before i swallowed.

Then i moved to the neko's i picked up the male wasting no time in swallowing him.....Neko's are funny you know there tails taste like marshmallows,there so soft and they have a nice sweet taste kind of like fish.Anyway i was feeling cruel today so i bent down to pick up the female but she dodged my hand 'good' i thought you know because i like a chase though this chase would lead to a different situation than i had ever expected it to.As I was chasing the female i hit something,something big and sticky and i found the more i struggled the more i found that i could not escape only getting tangled in what i soon realised to be a web!

The neko escaped but i couldn't think of her at that time my mind was in a state of panic and i could not think straight at all it was horrible,Then there was pain hot seering pain coursing through my body as fangs pierced my skin then nothing i could not feel any pain just a strange numbnness and two male hands feeling my entire boody.The male whoever it was pinched my butt it was painfull i let out a small squeak then he turned me over.And you know i'll never forget that face it was rough and emotionless he had blonde hair and bright blue eyeshe was naked obviously,then he revealed his manhood ugh it was ugly and he....he shoved it into m...m..my womanhood and forced it in and out,it was painfull but i could see a look of pleasure upon his face as he thrust repeatedly in and out of me then he turned me over forcing his manhood into my ass while he groped my breasts harshly before forcing his mahood into into my mouth and cummed directly into my mouth.I cried tears rolling down my face as the male dridder forced my legs togethor and my arms to my side before hoisting me off the web he held me with his two front legs.I was spun repeatedly over and over again hot sticky stilk pressed against my skin coating my way up my legs past my butt covering my breasts but for some reason he left my head free of the silk cocoon and then everything went black...


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this is my second story i know it's short but it's gonna be a two part story with a possible new charector.

it's a littel disterbing, but still good

This is strange, it don't really look like your other stories on DA ...
I admit I like less this one.. somehow the vore and sex seems a bit gratuitous compared to your previous works ^^;

um well i do not have an acount on DA i think that may be someone else i was unaware that someone had the name GiantessFanXXX over on da

Quote :

um well i do not have an acount on DA i think that may be someone else i was unaware that someone had the name GiantessFanXXX over on da

Well, only one X, actually, but.... wait, so you're saying that' NOT you? ........................ Wow. Eerie.

That's what I thought too.. o_O

oh ok, my bad ^^;

good story..

Good story, but you need better grammar, badly.

These are not good stories. Please remember to capitalize your I's and please re-read your words to see if they make any sense. I had to look over these stories several times just to understand what it was you were trying to get through.


EDIT;

More critique!

Your character thinks in an odd, somewhat sexualized way that I doubt most others do. I don't know one character in Felarya who thinks about letting her 'pink lips' allow the prey to go into her mouth. It's just weird.

The flow of your stories just doesn't make sense at all. Also, why would a village have underground cellars? If they had those, they wouldn't need Dupe. Word choice is still something I dislike. 'Since the village was only small'. Seriously, what does that mean? Couldn't you instead write; 'since the village was not just small, it was downright tiny', or something more interesting then that?


And of course... an evil dridder. Who raped her. Wow. There's just... agh... you can't even write sex right.

L'Ryn wrote:

These are not good stories. Please remember to capitalize your I's and please re-read your words to see if they make any sense. I had to look over these stories several times just to understand what it was you were trying to get through.


EDIT;

More critique!

Your character thinks in an odd, somewhat sexualized way that I doubt most others do. I don't know one character in Felarya who thinks about letting her 'pink lips' allow the prey to go into her mouth. It's just weird.

The flow of your stories just doesn't make sense at all. Also, why would a village have underground cellars? If they had those, they wouldn't need Dupe. Word choice is still something I dislike. 'Since the village was only small'. Seriously, what does that mean? Couldn't you instead write; 'since the village was not just small, it was downright tiny', or something more interesting then that?


And of course... an evil dridder. Who raped her. Wow. There's just... agh... you can't even write sex right.

Jeez....why can't you be nicer? You can still criticize people without outright putting them and their hard work down as garbage. We aren't all born epic writers or anything like that. X_X

Tsurugi wrote:

Jeez....why can't you be nicer? You can still criticize people without outright putting them and their hard work down as garbage. We aren't all born epic writers or anything like that. X_X

It's not criticizing her/him, it's critique. Brutally honest critique. I'm afraid I can't honey coat it, because everyone already responded on how nice the stories were. But I was not being mean until the very last part.

I suck at writing too, but the disregard for proper grammar and still getting 'good story!' as a comment frustrates me.

I would also appreciate if you could be more tactful when you criticize...

Being brutally honnest is fine of course, but here it was bordering on being outright rude...

Critique and Criticize are two different things. If I just said the story sucked, then that would be me criticizing it. Instead I gave suggestions for change, which is critique... like proper grammar. And spellcheck.

If you don't want me critiquing the story... then how come you people won't do it? Do a bit of critique yourselves and maybe I won't be so mean about it!

She was dead and she knew it,the creature was relentlessly chasing after her gaining in speed as sped through the water.

The young blonde mermaid Ariela had chosen a terrible day to come towards the shore in search of fresh prey because while she had been hunting a nearby group of neera she herself was being hunted.Ariela thought it ironic as the hunter became the hunted.A 20 foot Long Arthronode had appeared before she had a chance to react the crab had emerged from sand it had been using as cover.As soon as Ariela saw the Arthronode she was curious having never seen one before only having heard about them from older mermaids.Ariela stared at the crab for minutes and it seemed to stare back until the arthronode charged at her,Ariela panicked not wanting to lose her perfect hunting spot but at the same time she wanted to lose the fierce predator chasing her.

Ariela let out a scream swimming along the shoreline the arthronode chasing close behind her and gaining with in grabbing distance,Suddenly the crab lashed out at Ariela with a claw Ariela barely managed to dodge it but it had left a larg gash in her back she screamed out in sheer agony.Ariela was losing blood fast combined with this and panick she would soon be too weak to swim from the crab,Still she swam on being stubborn she never left the shoreline and wouldn't be able to with the wound if the crab didn't get to her the blood loss would kill her.The Arthronode lashed out at Ariela again this time the crabs claw gripped around Ariela waist and the young mermaid was momentarily engulfed in a burning pain and flashes of blue light before her body hung limp in the Arthronode's claw.

She was conscious but all Ariela could do was watch and mentally scream she could barely breathe even,she was moved back towards the Arthronodes mouth she was put side ways into the crabs mouth and was being pulled in further by the crabs sticky tongue.Ariela mentally screamed closing her eyes as the tongue dragged her further into the Arthronode's maw then it closed around her and all Ariela could see when she opened her eyes was darkness.Then without warning Ariela was pulled backwards into a tight brief space before she was deposited in a large open space.
"oh my goddess oh my goddess"Ariela says to herself now the paralysis was wearing off,but it was too late for ariela to struggle.A searing pain coursed through arielas body looking at her hand she saw it melt away before her very eyes,Ariela screamed she could barely breathe she punched the stomach walls in anger and desperation.

Outside The Arthronode laid down burying itself in sand and pretty soon ariela's struggles stopped completely.

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leaving the other stories for a bit to post a few short storys instead.

Cool story bro

Have to say though, you really need to work on making it come to life. Your stories are pretty much bare bones. While that can be good for some types of writing, it doesn't work well here. Work on describing what things look, sound, smell like, and all that.

For example, the part about the drider raping her -really- needed to be emotionally charged to make you feel sorry for her, but it wasn't. If you want people to be interested in your stories, you need to make them feel as though they're either watching it, or are the character themselves, in this case. Keep trying!

Deep in the Dridder forest and within the vast tunnels there was a single lone dridder,although she wasn't realy alone,the young trapdoor dridder Eva lived behind an oak door in a small cave. The walls,floor and ceiling coated with silk and it was illuminated by strands of silk leading to the surface that reflected light into her cave from web to web.

If Eva was to step outside from her cave she would be met with a similar site the floors and ceiling of the tunnels coated with silk but the walls either side of the door did not have any silk uon them.If she was to walk a little further down the cave she would see another wooden door on the opposite side to her home,it was the same in the other direction.The area she lived underground had been converted into a small village with it's shops and restaurant and silk barriers on the exits of the village exept for the one leading up to the surface.

But not everone in the village was a dridder some conisted of other species like chilotaurs who Eva always found to be good fun at the village party's and sometimes the odd human,neko or elf came to live within the village walls.It seemed everyone in the village new each other well exept for Eva who usually kept to herself and disliked the company of others exept for events like party's or fights.Eva sighed she brushed her Green hair out of her face as she exited from her home ocasional she passed another type of dridder on her way to the village shop,but she never acknowledged them just grunting if they said anything to her.

The vilage shop was probably the best source of food Eva knew,as she was a terrible hunter and as she entered the shop through the door her stomach le out a low growl demanding food.Eva looked around most places she looked had something that was cocooned they'd even cocooned the fruit but with the village being underground it was understandable.Eva smiled tilting her head as she examined the collection of humans they had.Each human was cocooned save for there head and had obviously been shrunken for easy transport and most of which screaming and pleading others crying to themselves,she often ignored the males concentrating more on the females.

Eva used her left hand putting it up behind a red haired human girl "mm i think...yeah i'll have you because you looked kind of cute"she says more to herself than the crying human girl,casually Eva plucked the girl from the thread of silk holding her to the wooden shelf but eva knew tha this one girl wasn't going to keep her fed for the whole day and she began to once again scan the shelves.Eventually she left the store clutching a total of six humans three in each hand,Eva had chosen them carefully they all had one thing in common well two things but Eva didn't count the fact they were all crying save for the red haired girl no it was he fact that to Eva they were all cute.

Eva opened the door to her home with one of her front legs closing it with one of her hind legs,she sighed by now she was very hungry and moved forward placing all six girls down upon her table sitting at it,examining her purchase they had cost her a total of six crystals but they were worth it.Licking her lips Eva picked up the first one she intended to eat,a cute blonde girl,Eva licked the girl over causing her to burst into even more tears she extended her tongue laying the girl on it feet first,slowly she drew in her tongue just so she could see the panic in the girls eyes,then she closed her mouth around the girls head enjoying her flavour before tilting her head back and swallowing,Eva traced the girls decent to her stomach with a finger.

Eva continued this with the other girls though she changed the ways she swallowed them face first,diagonally and sideways she swallowed them all until she came to the last one i was the red haired girl she had found cute in the store...