Averie Jauqès

Name: Averie Jauqès or Ave for short.
Race:Fire Succubi (originally human but not in the usual way to become a demon)
Sex: obviously Female
Age: 138
Age in appearance and physique: 22
height: 97 ft or 29.5 meters when succubi form. 5'9" when appearing in human size
Hair: neckline length and sandy blonde
Eyes:used to be a darkish green but are now red

Backround:

Averie was a typical farm girl and a heavy induced Gearhead/mechanic. She was born on an industrious,social,and steampunk environment world. Often ambitious and willing to meet people outside the countryside. In a highly populated she meet up with a first friend named Victor who had her common taste in interest and likes. Later the two became long lovers but that gets interrupted quickly due to a civil war and Victor's family relations not really looking kindly on Averie. That then seperated Averie and Victor for quite awhile, though this did not keep them from secretly communicating with each other. Unfortunately Victor never got the day to see Averie again; for he died on active duty near the end of the civil war when things were getting climatic to the extreme. Averie was very depressed and mourned over victor of why his life would just end when things were getting settled in a good way and became very different,moody,and pissed.

This caught a Succbi's named Malahkeeté's; attention and she went up to see what she could to "help" Averie in her troubles. The Demoness confronted Averie in a sympathetic but mischevious pattern like any to her demon would while trying to trick a person. She told Averie that Victor was in hell and had commited sins while on his "war cause" and was stuck there but regrets doing his sins and wanted to meet Averie for a last time (which was a Lie) and said she had the possibility of meeting him in hell when ever she wanted, so long as she signed and agreed to make a deal with her. Desperate and blinded with thoughts of seeing Victor, Averie obliged with the deal but not without consequesnce. Both ended up having something they wanted and not want. Averie gets to visit hell but Assimilated Malahkeete and her demon traits. Malahkeete got a Mortal body but not the way she intended. becoming a part of Averie and stuck to her as a nunsance, often playing/messing with Averies emotions and regular habits.

For now what Averie has figured out is that absorbing souls gets her closer to being seperated from becoming a full demon and ending her life "naturally" but frequently debates this as a personal issue of meeting and manipulating people for that reason and tries to find alternatives. She tries doing both task by using her Demon powers to move about dimensions to meet up with people or find ways to accomplish her goal. Putting her main focus on and in Felarya Due to find a good flow of people on and coming into it. Also for rumor that you tend to find treasure you want their.



Personality:

Averie is generally overbearing, if not crude, toward those around her, rarely afraid to speak her mind. Often Mocking or pissing off of numerous predators,people,and demons in hell. Part of this is due to her being a Demon and getting used to Her Attributes of being a fire succubi. Regualry she's pretty reasonable as long as she doesn't feel hungry or angry. Averie does have a caring side, however, and is not above showing concern for others.

Truth be told, she has a small weakness of sympathy towards people who are lonely or really lost something valuable or close in their lives and will often try to help them out if she can. though this doesn't stop her from eating you or making things bad right when u found something you lost.

Averie is highly intelligent and has a habit to try and Scrutinize all the details on a person. If you try and hide stuff intentionally from her it makes her a little (define a little as alot in a human sense and not a demon sense) ticked. probably enough to set the person's but on fire till they put it out or suggestively play with them out out of boredom of stalling and wastingtime or another way to challenge her intelligence. She makes a lot of buddies this way who are cool enough in her eyes to live greeting her. And will often share this information with other beings or demons in hell when ever she has the time too. Though the bad thing is that she's kind of anti-social and doesn't give a damn about a person unless they sputter something that'll possibly help her. though she can be caring after a person being pushed around after already trying and recuperating from humiliation.

To cool herself out she'll randomly start destroying,then,building things often setting villages.mining complexes,or cities afire or crumbled using her body. Which she likes often abandon if so. Another way she chills out is purposely finding a musician of any sort and giving them the chance to play a good tune or be eaten (or possibly killed). and to build an instrument and try master it. (her favorite is a any stringed instrument related to a violin) Machines also intrigue for a short while if she doesn't know what its used for.As you can tell she likes to feel overpowering.

feeding habits:

Her main foods used to be veggies, but she is having a new crave for anything small enough to fit inside her mouth (preferably humans or anything close to them) In the feeding pits in hell, she doesn't like eating them, but they are new and so irresistible taste. that its hard for her not to lick her lips and let her mouth salivate to try a "snack". All on survival she'll eat anything. even beating up predators she's going to try to find a way to shrink them down and eat them.

when comes to anything human like. she likes to strip them down of their clothes to make the flavor more "delicious". she also has that succubi tendency to hear the victim beg,scream and plead, and often plays with her food in that manner. She tries really hard to fight her demon appetite and will occasionally let her food go in feeling so guilty for her old self. if you can manipulate her thoughts to make her think of something like that that could be a scapegoat. but then again she might catch on quickly and eat you for trying to fool her for your escape. she has a habit to treat victims like suckers and will often 'suck' on the lower half of the body till she's ready to gulp em down.

Abilities:

obviously she has the ability to innately use fire spells and abilities at her disposal. she has learned to use Rule-based magic (which some she has are quite powerful) to try and slow the thought process of a person down. often in her taking lead of any argument or topic and even fighting. she also learned and combined a couple of spells to shrink herself down to any size smaller then her current height. she does this to to talk to people more easily or seduce them to take their soul with out a huge reaction or the possibility of a fight.

Averie is a keen analyst, and can easily deduce an opponent's strategies and weaknesses soon after a battle begins.She has a weapon and and some abilities from defeating and making a pledge with a reaper of a different universe. she has made a certain pledge with the reaper and he granted her a couple extra abilities and a weapon in a Thaumaturgic sense. She has gained the ability to pin point dimensional ways to travel in and out easier then her demon power would let her accomplish. The second thing is that she can move quite fast, relative to 3 times the speed of sound when she puts all her personal magic into it, but can do it only do it for a limited times. it consumes alot of energy to move like that in second nature. The third is the weapon the reaper gave her which u can guess is going to be a scythe. The scythe is razor sharp naturally and can cut through most things, even hard titanium with relative ease. It can also cut through and disperse magic, with the exception in weakness with wild, a well suited type of Thaumaturic magic, and innate magic that angles use. She's had experience fighting thugs and criminals when she was human with a weapon similar to a scythe. that makes her all the more deadly when in close combat. though she never really needs to use these abilities unless fighting a demon,angel or being that's causing real trouble to her. though this self handicap lets her get into crappy or fun situations but she doesn't mind much since she's just going to end up back in hell if she dies anywhere out of it.

Likes:intellectual people, machines, veggies, fruits, story tellers, snackkies, witty people, wise elders, angles that like to compromise, demons that dont heavily abuse her, string instruments. firearms, lonely people,ghost.
Dislikes: your face, babies, hyper people,old farts, incompetent bad ass wannabees, people who are over confident. raw meat, squids,octopuses, some fairies, people who feel "RANGERIFFIC". people who try to control someones will.

Excuse me while I correct your grammar and spelling:
Spelling errors in Red, Grammar errors in Green. Terminology correction in Cyan. Sentence Structure/Flow needs revising in purple.
Other in Blue.
"⊙" denotes that the following text is about the correction in the corresponding colour.

This caught a Succbi's named Malahkeeté's;
⊙Succubi is the plural of Succubus. So that Should be:
This caught a Succubus' named Malahkeeté's;

sympathetic but mischevious pattern
[u]Not really described well. I can't offer suggestions without talking to you.

She told Averie that Victor was in hell and had commited sins while on his "war cause" and was stuck there but regrets doing his sins and wanted to meet Averie for a last time (which was a Lie) and said she had the possibility of meeting him in hell when ever she wanted, so long as she signed and agreed to make a deal with her.
Really long sentence is reeeeally long. That would be far better broken up into 2 or 3 sentences.

for he died on active duty near
⊙This depends, but died in action means he was killed by the enemy.
for he died in action near


Both ended up having something they wanted and not want. Averie gets to visit hell but Assimilated Malahkeete and her demon traits. Malahkeete got a Mortal body but not the way she intended. becoming a part of Averie and stuck to her as a nunsance, often playing/messing with Averies emotions and regular habits.
Uh... That's weird. You don't explain how that works or why Malahkeete would want a mortal body.

Often Mocking or pissing off of numerous predators,people,and demons in hell.
⊙Mocking doesn't need to be capitalised and you forgot to put spaces between teh commas .⊙That's not really needed
She often mocks predators, people, and demons.

Averie is highly intelligent and has a habit to try and Scrutinize all the details on a person.
⊙ Just a sentence flow correction ⊙ A 50/50 terminology/flow correction here. Also, scrutinise doesn'r need to be capitalised. ⊙ What details? It's not clear. Is it details of personality, emotional details, physical details or something else?
Averie is highly intelligent and has a habit of trying to study all the details on a person.

If you try and hide stuff intentionally from her it makes her a little (define a little as alot in a human sense and not a demon sense) ticked.
⊙Well unless specified I'm sure people assume that it's in a human sense. Anyway, I'm sure the levels of "ticked" are similar. (It's not like she's a rage demon). ⊙ Adding "off" for sentence flow.
If you try and hide stuff intentionally from her it makes her a little ticked off.

probably enough to set the person's but on fire till they put it out or suggestively play with them out out of boredom of stalling and wastingtime or another way to challenge her intelligence.
⊙"Probably" needs capitalisation. [color:4daa=red⊙] Wrong "butt." ⊙ That's assumed, isn't it? ⊙ Are you saying there that she'll play with them out or boredom? And what's that about challenging her intelligence? ⊙ You need a space between "wasting" and "time."
Probably enough to set the person's butt on fire or suggestively play with them out out of boredom of stalling and wasting time or another way to challenge her intelligence.

There are more mistakes but It is late here and my internet is playing up. I'll have to finish tomorrow.

However I will say that this character is triggering my mary-sue senses. The base concept is fine, but you need work to remove the sue-ishness and polish this character in some other areas. That said, I think she has potential.

One thing more:
[irony]

Quote :

people who try to control someones will.

[/irony]

yeak....kinda wrote this all in the middle of the night so you can criticize my grammar. thanks. and to the flow i felt like it shouldn't be too long so i was trying to make it short. so thanks again on that.

and to this part:

Both ended up having something they wanted and not want. Averie gets to visit hell but Assimilated Malahkeete and her demon traits. Malahkeete got a Mortal body but not the way she intended. becoming a part of Averie and stuck to her as a nunsance, often playing/messing with Averies emotions and regular habits.

Yeah, i actually might make a story on this character so i tried to shorten and simplify it down for the reader. thought its a good thing u mentioned that because I apparently forgot to mention some stuff. Due to being drowsy and the mind Working slow at that moment.