Felarya Felarya forum |
| | The life of Raynor the Naga | |
|
+6Karbo Pendragon Reiko GREGOLE gwadahunter2222 Dommo 10 posters | |
Author | Message |
---|
Dommo Naga food
Posts : 31 Join date : 2008-02-11
| Subject: The life of Raynor the Naga Tue Feb 12, 2008 5:38 pm | |
| Chapter 1My name is Raynor and I'm a large male naga. I'm a rare specimen by human standards, as I'm one of the few with brown hair, green eyes, and black scales. I'm about a hundred feet tall, which is very large by naga standards, the only few bigger than me are the truly ancient Naga Queens. I live in a cave constructed by the local humans below the frontier city of Ardan where I live helping the local farmers, and assisting in the community, be it lifting a roof onto a house, or driving off a predator that wanders into my ward. You see, I've never really cared for the taste of humans, and I've found over the years that most male Naga are the same way. We still eat them on ocassion, but usually only when there really is nothing better to eat. The taste of human just doesn't appeal to us males, they are just far too sweet, to the point of making our eyes water. But the females are crazy about them, and will walk for weeks for a good human. Ironically that's how I ended up here in Ardan. You see, the local human civilization of the Ryloth(wherin my home resides) came up with a clever way to deal with the us Naga, and the nations chemists came up with a lotion that the humans rub on themselves that makes them taste soo bad it actually initiates the naga gag reflex, and forces them to be spit out. Try as they might, the females Naga living on the borders could not find a way to get the lotion off. This is where I come in. For many years I more or less lived a nomadic lifestyle wandering around, doing what male Naga do. Trying to tempt the local females into letting me mate with them, and whatnot. You see, I've always been kind of a pussycat, and trying to play the macho angle never got me any tail so to speak. So over my 800 years of life, I spent 779 of them, learning about the female half of my speciies, since I just wasn't the typical chest thumping fearsome Naga male that many of the Females found so attractive, I figured I could find an alternative path to glory. So for a hundred years I roamed around, talking to females, and watching them. The one constant that I saw between all of them was that more than anything they love to eat humans. I mean LOVE to eat humans. So using this newfound knowledge, I proceeded for the next 500 years to go around collecting the little people, and using them win the favor of the local beauties. Pretty soon I was getting regular booty calls from almost every female in a 100 mile radius. Life was great. It was about then though when my success was at its peak that I started to draw the ire of the other male Naga. They were jealous that the females were turning them down to come and see old Raynor. So I was eventually driven out of my home range by the collective group of Males, and I was forced many, many miles away until I ran into another human nation. I had been roaming for so long that I was craving a little female attention, so I did what had worked so well for so long. I went around gathering humans, and presented them as a gift to win the heart of a local naga woman. She slapped me in the face for the insult. I was shocked. Just plain shocked. I had to know what had gone wrong. Meanwhile the humans I was carrying in my small heart shaped box, all started laughing at me. I almost smushed them flat for the insolence, when it hit me. If these humans truly seemed unafraid of me, then perhaps they knew something I didn't. So I set the box down, and pulled a young human male out and asked them why laughed at me. The little human said "Don't you know that we tastse horrible!". I said that I didn't care for the taste of human, but that you weren't exactly that bad. With that I picked the guy up and stuck him in my mouth. As soon as he hit my tongue, my eyes bugged out of my head and I spit him out. It was the worst taste I've ever experienced. I told that little guy that he was right. He did taste horrible. I set him back on the ground and released him and all of his friends. I then asked if they mgiht know what the females liked to eat? They just gave a collective shrug, and started to leave. That explains why the local females seemed like such mean bitches. Without humans to eat, it was like they all had a case of PMS that lasted more than the usual year. I had to find a way to satiate the sweet tooth of the females in order to get back to what male Naga love donig most . I had to find a way to undo whatever the humans did that made them so nasty. | |
| | | gwadahunter2222 Master cartographer
Posts : 1842 Join date : 2007-12-08 Age : 40
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Tue Feb 12, 2008 5:51 pm | |
| Your story is very interesting I will lookf forward for your next chapter Keep rocking | |
| | | Dommo Naga food
Posts : 31 Join date : 2008-02-11
| Subject: Chapter 2 Tue Feb 12, 2008 6:35 pm | |
| [ u]Chapter 2[/u]
I began my epic quest by studying this phenomonon. When I asked the local females how long this had been going on, they said that it all started about 5 years previous, and since then they hadn't had a good human. In fact due to how cranky the females had gotten over the lack of humans to eat, the other male Naga all left because the women weren't putting out. Hmm.... I sensed an opportunity here.
I then proceeded to capture some humans and begin a trial and error process of getting the lotion off of them. I'd try something then taste the human afterwards to see if they were tasty. I spent 10 years trying, but no matter what I did I couldn't mask the nasty taste that the humans had. However, the more time I spent with the humans the more I found them interesting. Perhaps they might shed light into an alternative techniques I could use to win their hearts.
Thus I set down to observing the little humans in their natural habitats in towns and villiages to see what the males did to win over their species. I had to be careful doing this, as these people were well defended around town, and the last thing I needed was to be fleeing for my life from a horde of human hunters. It was a certain day that I noticed that the males would head to the market and get a strange brown substance. Then later that day, I saw nearly all of those that did walking around in the prescence of a female! This set my mind in motion. Perhaps there might be a way...
I managed to capture one of the human males I saw and I asked him why he and all the other males were in the market. I told him that if I thought he was honest that I'd let him free, and also reward him. He told me that they were buying a substance called chocolate that the females of his kind craved, and that the males used it to win over the females. He said this stuff was only made on special occasions by the city cooks, and was very expensive. I asked him how well it worked, and he smiled at me and said it ALWAYS worked. I smiled and let him go, and I gave him my word that if he ever needed my help that only had to mark the great tree at the end of the fields outside of the city and that I'd meet him there. I let him go, and he went on his way happy to be alive.
For the next few years I tried to acquire this "Chocolate" substance that was spoken of by that human, but to no avail. The city of Ardan was far to well protected for even 50 naga to penetrate. Then one day, while doing my usual cattle stealing in a farmers field I saw that the great tree had my mark on it. I went to the spot and found the little human pleeing desperately for my help. It turned out that his mate and younglings were carried off by a harpy while they were journeying between towns. He asked that I retrieve them. I told him what he asked me to do was very dangerous, but I would be willing to try to save his family, if he could get a humans weight in chocolate by the following spring. So I set off to the harpy roost that was perhaps 20 miles away from Ardan.
I made my way to the roost through the forest, and found the roost at the foot of a small mountain. Upon finding the roost I let out my traditional challenge of the Naga and told the Harpy that I wanted the humans it had. The large Female Harpy sneered at me and told me to leave before she gutted me like a fish. Insulted I charged at her, summoning the power of the earth to me(that is what I am atleast, is an earth Naga). She leapt into the air, and came down upon me with her talons. I was no female Naga whom she might be able to boss around, I was a male Naga of the Stonetail Tribe, and this harpy would pay with her life! I would make a head dress from her wings.
I managed to dodge her strike, and in response I turned my tail into a stone warhammer and clubbed the flying bitch as she passed. I nailed her squarly in the torso, and completely caved in her ribcage. I then lifted the dying harpy from the ground, and with a great yell, I ripped it its wings off and cast it into the dust. Now calming down from my rage, I proceeded to search for the humans of the small man. Unfortunatley I didn't know what they looked like, so I took the cage that had all 20 of them, and carried it with me back to the great tree. The humans were truly frightend of me, as they had seen me easily destroy that harpy, and they must have thought that I was going to eat them. But I suppose it was their lucky day.
When I finally arrived, I saw that there was a small army of humans at the tree. I thought I might be in trouble, so I asked the human who had asked my help, to call off the humans, because there were so many that I doubted I'd be able to escape. It was about then that a human wearing a metal shell, and weilding a boom stick, stepped in front of the army, and asked for the release of the humans. I responded by telling him that was my intent the entire time, and that I had the harpy wings to prove it.
I set the cage on the ground reached over my back and pulled out the 2 harpy wings. I heard a collective gasp. The human leader then said "Friends, MAGATHA IS DEAD!" and a large cheer went up. I reached down to the cage and ripped the front wooden bars off and let the humans go. They all ran to the small army, and the human leader looked up to me and said "You Naga have performed a great deed for us. How may we repay you. Surely, there is something we can do for you?"
I thought on it a while, I asked the leader to come forward, and I lowered my hand. He stepped on and I lifted him to my face. I said "I wish to know why the humans taste so foul. The females of my kind have turned away us males for many years now. Surely there is a comprimise we might come to where the females can still get a few humans." Now I expected to have this human break into a rage at what I thought might have been an insult, but instead he thought on it. He said "Perhaps we can come to an arrangement. You see we have many condemned criminals in this nation of ours, and perhaps we can part with them... As to why they taste bad, I cannot tell you the way to conteract that for our sake. But I will give you my word that the criminals we give to you, will have there protective taste counteracted, so they will be suitable for your needs."
I told the little man "I give you my word that as long as I'm near this city, and as long as I get a steady stream of humans of say 5 to 10 a month, that I will not allow any harm to come to you or the people of this region." I stuck my finger out on my right hand the man shook it. We had a bargain. The humans would supply me with a supply of untainted humans, and in turn I'd protect the city from other big predators. I put the small man back down, and the man turned to the small army and made our bargain known. Surprisingly, no one seemed to oppose it. I guess even humans didn't mind the bad ones being killed by us Naga, if they were going to die anyway.
As I turned to leave, the man who had summoned me to the tree ran out to me thanking me. He said "you asked for a man's weight in chocolate, well you rescued the chocolate maker's daughter from the harpy, he's going to provide you with a wagon load whenever you desire it." I smiled, and thought of how a small good deed could lead to so much of a benefit. I thanked him for keeping his word, and asked him if he knew of any caves where a being of my size might make a good home near the city. It turned out that such a place existed, at the base of the hill upon which Ardan sat. I asked if I could use the place as a home, and he said it used to be a salt mine, and had been abandoned years ago after the salt ran out. He said that he couldn't see anyone opposing me using it. I thanked him, and made my way to my new home, not really knowing waht to expect in the coming days. | |
| | | GREGOLE Survivor
Posts : 943 Join date : 2007-12-08 Age : 34 Location : Heckville
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Tue Feb 12, 2008 7:50 pm | |
| - Quote :
- I was no female Naga whom she might be able to boss around, I was a male Naga of the Stonetail Tribe, and this harpy would pay with her life! I would make a head dress from her wings.
Kindof a sexist statement, doncha think? I know some women who'd rip Magatha's ovaries out and forcefeed them to her. Not all of them are nagas, at that. That aside, I like where this is going. It's different, it's unusual, and it's from a first person perspective, which I think has several advantages when it comes to character development. | |
| | | Reiko Roaming thug
Posts : 117 Join date : 2007-12-29 Location : Chidokai Forest
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Tue Feb 12, 2008 8:10 pm | |
| - GREGOLE wrote:
-
- Quote :
- I was no female Naga whom she might be able to boss around, I was a male Naga of the Stonetail Tribe, and this harpy would pay with her life! I would make a head dress from her wings.
Kindof a sexist statement, doncha think? I know some women who'd rip Magatha's ovaries out and forcefeed them to her. Not all of them are nagas, at that.
That aside, I like where this is going. It's different, it's unusual, and it's from a first person perspective, which I think has several advantages when it comes to character development. Hey I'm female and I bet I could beat your monkey ass xD lol Aside from that I like the first person view too, a nice unique angle and even for a male he's pretty interesting ^^ | |
| | | Dommo Naga food
Posts : 31 Join date : 2008-02-11
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Tue Feb 12, 2008 8:37 pm | |
| It's the point of view of a massive prideful male, lol. He takes pride in his great strength and size, and feels his honor is challenged when the harpy insults him. It's less to do with being sexist, as that he's comparing how big and powerful he is, to how he's a bit bigger than the average female naga which make up 90% of the naga in existance.
It's not my POV, it's that of Raynor. A male Naga I belive has a sensitive ego. He might be enormous and powerful, but takes the harpy's insult personally. Part of the reason males make up such a small proportion of the Naga, is because they are often fighting simply to prove themselves. They fight other male Naga, and enjoy the sport of fighting other large predators, they try to win trophies to bribe females for some lovin. Mine is smarter than most males, and likes to win the ladies over with humans, but unfortunately things aren't like they used to be.
I don't believe any character is going to be likeable in every way. Mine has a sense of pride and arrogance, but he's mellow and clever mostly. He thinks things through, as opposed to being like "HUMAN YUM YUMS!!" like most naga. He's like hmm... if I don't eat these humans I can use them to win the love of so and so... He knows his strengths and weaknesses, and that's why he's so much bigger than most females when normally the adults are about the same size. He's an old mature male. Most males live fast, and die fast, but he's still around. He picks his fights, and expects a certain level of respect befitting someone of his size, strength and age.
I need to put a sort of size scale in there, but lets put it this way. Most naga can't swallow anything much larger than a human. Raynor's favorite food is Cow. He eats them whole. That's how big he is. He's approaching the upper size limit for a naga, and is easily 2x the size of a young adult female or male(who might be 50' tall). In weight due to being male, he's probably about 20% heavier than a female of comparable size. This means he's a bit stronger than the equivalent female. He's becoming a giant even among the Naga, and as said only the Ancient Queens of the Naga tribes are larger than him(due to their great age because naga never truly stop growing).
Raynor might come off as jaded and condescending, but it's because he's been around the block a few times, and has had a rough life. He really is a big pussycat, and even for all of his size and strength, lacks the machismo to impress the ladies. However insult his honor at your own peril. He's a man on a mission, to both repopulate the world with Stonetails since he's the last one, and to reek horrible vengeance on the pit naga and spiderwomen who destroyed his tribe. | |
| | | Pendragon Grand Mecha Enthusiast
Posts : 3229 Join date : 2007-12-09
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:27 am | |
| You know, Raynor isn't such a bad guy. I can really relate to him.
He's a welcoming departure from nagas that will eat me on the spot. Also, the scene with the harpy battle was awesome (though a bit gory)
Please continue the story. You know I'll be interested in seeing it. | |
| | | gwadahunter2222 Master cartographer
Posts : 1842 Join date : 2007-12-08 Age : 40
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Wed Feb 13, 2008 7:05 am | |
| I like the little description about your character, it's very interesting. I will tell you one thing some felaryan predators may look at you just "walking stomach" but it's not really the case, one of the particularity of predators is they can make their preys believe things they are not in reality. It's the thing which make them unpredictable, a girl may look childish for you but sometime is not the case. Raynor need to be more carefull because even the female naga he thinks to know can surprise him A pit naga with a dridder is very surprising | |
| | | Karbo Evil admin
Posts : 3812 Join date : 2007-12-08
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Wed Feb 13, 2008 8:22 am | |
| that's a nice story and an original point of view ^^ The way you describe his life as a male naga is interesting | |
| | | Dommo Naga food
Posts : 31 Join date : 2008-02-11
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Wed Feb 13, 2008 8:30 am | |
| Well it's a part of the greater story arc. Both the dridder and Pit Naga were enemies of the stonetail tribe, and formed a temporary alliance solely for the purpose of killing off the stonetails. The stonetails being so honor bound, and traditional refused to ask for help from any of the other naga tribes, and in turn were wiped out by shear numbers. The stonetails by far are the most physically powerful and robust of the Naga(note: the magic of the Stonetails imparted by the earth is passive, as in giving them greater strength, toughness, size, and resiliance, not so much in the way flashy abilities although they can do some earth manipulation) however they also were also a far prouder group then most Naga. Their pride is what destroyed them. By themselves they were more than a match for either dridder or pit naga, but not both.
Raynor has some of these trappings, only he's learned when to swallow his pride when he needs to(too many near death experiences during his younger years). He might be considered a "pet" to the humans by other Naga, but the way he looks at it, is that he gets a warm place to live, all the food he wants, sex, and beer(his favorite food/drink). What more could a male Naga want? He's learning that he can accomplish his goals much easier by using the humans to do a lot of the work, all the while by Naga standards he lives a life of luxury. He never goes hungry, he never has to look for food, he never has to look for women(they come to him), all while only having to do what a male Naga would have to do normally, which is defend a territory and destroy other big predators. The way Raynor looks at it, is that by befriending the locals, he's killed like 80 birds with one stone.
Raynor's appearance is also interesting. He has long brown hair, that he tends to wear pulled back into a pony tail(won't obstruct his eyes in a fight), and has piercing green eyes. His skin is a lighter tan color, and his scales are dark brown, nearly black color(except his belly which is a light brown). His body is covered in scars from past fights, and he has a prominent one that runs across his left cheek. He tends to unclothed although that is changing as the humans begin to give him weapons and armor.
Raynor I guess is what you'd call a sophisticated Naga, a real renassaince man. His hobbies include cave carvings(his cave is an old saltmine currently being renovated), designing human houses, fighting other giant predators, reading, chess(he has human sized figures and moves the pieces for the humans he plays against), and is the apprentice to the brewmaster at the brewery(He loves beer). To read(Naga are farsighted which makes seeing the small text very difficult), he has a pair of magnifying spectacles that are the size of the windows on a normal human dwelling, and usually hires children to turn the pages for him(bribes them with the chocolate the cholate maker gives him), since his fingers are too big to manipulate the pages. He is currently learning to write, and uses the feathers off of his harpy wings as quills. He doesn't use paper, but uses large linen sheets for letters. He's hoping to teach other Naga in the area how to read and write in the hopes of keeping a correspondance with some that are far away(a 10'x10' bedsheet is moveable by a human courier, and is quite portable by Naga standards).
I'll start writing the next chapter, but it's just I wanted to lay a bit more backstory onto Raynor so he's easier to understand. | |
| | | Shady Knight Lord of the Elements
Posts : 4580 Join date : 2008-01-20 Age : 34
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Wed Feb 13, 2008 10:10 am | |
| Ouch, I wouldn't piss off Raynor, Even using when Earth Element, he outclass me. | |
| | | Spykeofkonoha valiant swordman
Posts : 181 Join date : 2007-12-09 Age : 40
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Wed Feb 13, 2008 12:11 pm | |
| - GREGOLE wrote:
-
- Quote :
- I was no female Naga whom she might be able to boss around, I was a male Naga of the Stonetail Tribe, and this harpy would pay with her life! I would make a head dress from her wings.
Kindof a sexist statement, doncha think? I know some women who'd rip Magatha's ovaries out and forcefeed them to her. Not all of them are nagas, at that.
That aside, I like where this is going. It's different, it's unusual, and it's from a first person perspective, which I think has several advantages when it comes to character development. Ah, don't forget that as far as nature is concerned; snake females get to be much bigger than the males. Not to mention their aggressiveness it much higher as well. All in all, the female snakes are the queens of the clutch when it comes to sheer size and strength. This is, however, just an observation I've made for snakes and spiders. However, as far as stories go, this is pretty good from the first person point of view. You don't see too many stories that use this outside of middle school but they can be pretty interesting if you tell it from like a journal entry or something from a diary. I feel you've accomplished this part in full. | |
| | | gwadahunter2222 Master cartographer
Posts : 1842 Join date : 2007-12-08 Age : 40
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Wed Feb 13, 2008 12:44 pm | |
| I have a bad feeling about the chocolate I will look forward for the next chapter | |
| | | Karbo Evil admin
Posts : 3812 Join date : 2007-12-08
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:16 pm | |
| Well I get the feeling you are somehow writing this story mostly to go against the "system" that have been established in other stories, make your own, and to prove your point on how humans are bound to prevail in Felarya ( debated in several other topics ) ^^
In such case, I think you may want to take in acount all elements :
For example the unstable nature of Felarya, the fact that different worlds constantly connect to it, and that humans from other world may pop at random. Also that nagas are part humans and thus are resourceful and adaptive as well.
Also I think having hungry and ever-frustrated nagas may render them agressive and may make the life still unhealthy near the village... That or the female would have simply left for a better zone and the poor Raynor would be alone.. ^^; | |
| | | Dommo Naga food
Posts : 31 Join date : 2008-02-11
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:43 pm | |
| Yeah typically females of snakes and such are bigger, but a large part of that is because male snakes/spiders are shortlived. For example often times male spiders are eaten after mating. Here is what I'm sort of suggesting as the Naga male lifecycle.
1. Naga Males and Females are about equal in numbers when born. 2. Naga Males and females are about in equal numbers when they reach there growth spurt. 3. Naga Males at young adult hood, are completely outclassed by the bigger males, and are forced into the more dangerous parts of the world, where they have to survive mostly on their own. 4. By the time the Naga Males have grown large enough to challenge some of the established males, about 2/3 of them are dead from other large predators/starvation. 5. These newly matured males then must challenge the established males for territorial rights(some die doing this), and acquire trophies from other large predators in order to impress the females on their strength and prowess(Raynor mostly dodged this once he figured out about humans, but he still experienced the exile to the more dangerous areas, he simply found a safer way to win the female favor). 6. The surviving males which pass these challenges are then able to breed, which by this point only about 5-10% of the originals are still alive. 7. In general the males grow faster and larger than the females, but typically never live to reach the extreme sizes raynor has(or that really ancient females reach), since eventually they are going to be killed in battle. 8. Males establish territories, within which multiple females might live. The females tend to come and go however, so the females that might live nearest might not be the ones he breeds with. The job of the males is to ensure the safety of the territory from rivals and other predators. From all of the years of "big game" hunting they do, they spend much of there tme when not pursuing the ladies, hunting many of the giant predators that wander in(spidergirls, harpies etc.). 9. The bigger the mature male, and more skilled in combat he is, typically the fewer of these big predators will want to enter his domain. This in turn makes the region much more attractive to females, especially those in heat. 10. The few males who live a long time like raynor(<1%), grow to colossol sizes. They tend to have huge territories(raynors is technically massive since not only is he defending it, but so is an army of humans) Hence why in so much of the world male Naga are so rare. A young male would be torn in half by one of these guys if he tried to do anything but pass through. 11. The final situation is that the vast majority of the good territories(prime places where most of the Naga like to live) have only a few old(500+ years) running them. The decent territories have the mature males (300+ years), and the dangerous places the young. The prime realestate is where most of the females live, but the decent territory is in the less populated "routes" between Naga friendly zones(area that aren't controlled by fairy and such). The young males have to eke by on the outskirts of spider territory, or even in spider territory or other hostile zones. As the males mature because by 500 years age growth slows down considerably, the males that reach the late 400s begin to challenge the established males for dominance in the prime territories. This is typically done once a year right before the females come into heat. These battles can be epic in scale, as sometimes 2 lesser males might form an alliance to oust an established male for breeding rights in the highly female populated areas.
Now with all of that said, the females often have a preferred male they like, so they often don't even mate with the male who controls the region she might live in, but head over to the next territory to visit friends, and give the resident male a booty call. The females also are not "ruled" by the males by the males in any means. The land is "ruled" by the males but nothing more. If the male is an asshole, he might find that the resident females either turn on him and drive him out(or in rare cases kill him), or that they'll turn away any females who might want to mate with him(deny him the nooky usually gets positive results). | |
| | | Malahite Cog in the Machine
Posts : 2433 Join date : 2007-12-11 Location : Old World
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Wed Feb 13, 2008 2:08 pm | |
| This story is written quite well. Fight's are decently done, as well. I must say that Raynor managed to bring a pleasant grin to my face. - Spykeofkonoha wrote:
- You don't see too many stories that use this outside of middle school but they can be pretty interesting if you tell it from like a journal entry or something from a diary.
Or memoirs. Though you're right, there aren't many First Person stories, and most "First Person view" moments in novels majorly 3rd Person tend to be used to focus on the power / fear generation / etc of some Villain, Protagonist, etc. Are you going to ever swap the First Person View with other characters in the story? Or is the story going to consistantly remain from Raynors PoV? | |
| | | Dommo Naga food
Posts : 31 Join date : 2008-02-11
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Wed Feb 13, 2008 5:20 pm | |
| I plan on introducing a few more characters, and you'll eventually see what Raynor's "Master Plan" is. I can assure you it's work of sheer genius, that will probably have everyone in ooos and ahhhs(I'm just being sarcastic there lol). I'll continue to flesh him out, so that he's better to understand, as some of the things he does might seem bizarre if taken out of context. To Karbo: I understand your concern, but this story is about a Naga who is resourceful and who "changes the rules" of the game for his own benefit(which just happens to help out some humans as well). I'm trying to go in a different direction, and present the view of a character type(male naga) that I feel should be fleshed out a bit. However, my views about humans were more to play "devil's advocate" or to argue the opposing view that the majority of the people held(purely for the sake of presenting both sides ). I mostly wanted to establish that setting real limiters on what could and couldn't happen is difficult to do. Hence the direction this story is going. However, I'm glad for any feedback because this is your sandbox that I'm playing in, and you do have the oversight on the rules . | |
| | | gwadahunter2222 Master cartographer
Posts : 1842 Join date : 2007-12-08 Age : 40
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Wed Feb 13, 2008 5:53 pm | |
| The problem when you change too much the rules is the fact you can be trapped by the rules you try to change. Because when you change something there is good and bad consequences always come back to your face as a boomerang Edit:There is always a price to pay, but the problem is the price is unknown. | |
| | | Dommo Naga food
Posts : 31 Join date : 2008-02-11
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Wed Feb 13, 2008 7:11 pm | |
| Chapter 3
It took me some time to get used to all of the smells and sounds the permeate from a human settlement of this size, but over time things took on a comfortable level of familiarity. Within about 3 months, my cave was finally set up to my satisfaction, as myself and a group of human artisans finished renovating the salt mine. After the renovations were completed(I still had to get water here, so for the time being I bathed in the nearby lake), I set about to learning more about my surroundings, and more about the humans. I had been doing oddjobs for farmers, and had learned a considerable amount about what it took to produce the cows that I liked to eat. Typically a farmer would give me cow or two, in exchange for doing some job on his land, pulling stumps, making irrigation ditches, or on occasion helping to raise the roof of a barn. These jobs were interesting to me, as it seemed like everyday I had something new to do. One farmer being unable to give me a cow, taught me how to play chess as a form of payment, and now I'm a hopeless addict. After driving the poor man insane trying to play him more often, I decided to make my own board with human sized pieces out of salt rock. Now I typically invite guests over for a good game(of course I move the pieces since they are too large).
It amazed me how many things were going on, then one day I found myself drawn to an unusual scent. I followed it around, and found my way to what I later learned was the Brewery. I looked over the walls, and found that there was a human who was bustling around in a large open aired building pouring materials into metal cnotainers. I asked hime what he was doing that was producing such a wonderful aroma. He yelled up to me "Making Beer!". I had no idea what beer was so I asked the man brewing. He responded "It is the nectar of the gods, given to man to make him happy.". Surely, this most be a sacred concoction if it smelled this great, so I asked the man if I could have some. He said "I'm sorry son, but you'd drink me dry. But there might be a way.." I listened intently, as I wanted to try what it was that he had contained in those underground barrels. "Tragedy struck us about 2 years ago when a Spidergirl stole the copper we were going to use for another still. Wiped out the whole caravan I'm afraid. If you could recover that metal, then I'm sure we might come to an arrangement." Well I thought, it's too bad that wasn't at Magatha's Lair, but I did know of the location of another harpy, but it would be a good hike. "I'll see what I can do", I told the brewer.
I then went back to my cave and decided I'd try to win over a pretty female Naga that was one the way to the spider nest. I went into my cave and took my cage full of 5 criminals(I tasted one just to make they tasted like a human should taste ), and the vat of chocolate from the chocolateer that he had given me just days ago to celebrate the completion of my cave. I was going to see if my plan could work. You see, even with the supply of good humans that the people of Ardan were giving me, it wouldn't be enough to satiate the appetites of the females in the region, but if I could make them into something extra special with this human female favorite called "chocolate" maybe I could keep the females from leaving this region and have all these ladies to myself. I also took my chess board and playing pieces(the chessboard was 50'x50' square piece of cloth), and put them into a sack(I thought maybe I could coax a game or two out of the convicts in the evenings when I stopped to rest). I then loaded the humans into the sack also(they stayed in there small wooden cage), this would keep the people from seeing me carry them off, since some of the humans weren't all that happy with the idea.
So I started my journey. I wandered past the fields of farmers, many of them waving to me, one of them even gave me a cow on the promise that on my way back I'd help him fix the roof on his house. I eventually made it to the small defenes outposts the humans had about a mile or two from the jungle. I let the humans know I'd be coming back in about a week or so, and started my trek through the jungle.
I missed the jungle sometimes, the feel of the trees as they brushed againste my scales, and the smells of course. I suppose that when you aren't exposed to something all of the time, you gain more appreciation for it. I spent the better part of the afternoon making steady progress through the woods, only stopping to give water and food to the criminals(I wanted them to be extra fresh). At nightfall I stopped in a clearing, to rest. I got my chessboard out, and asked if any of the criminals wanted to play? They all looked up at me with angry looks on their faces. "Be that way." I said, and I put my chessboard back, and put everything back in the sack, and slept for the night.
The following day, I arrived at my destination. I could detect a female's scent in the breeze, and I knew I was in the right place. I announced my presence, and asked if I was welcome to enter her lair. I hadn't been in this neck of the woods for a few years, and it pleased me to see that Spira was still here. I had only met her a few times on my wanderings through this region, but I found her to be one of the few pleasent females that didn't seem so moody from the lack of humans in her diet. I didn't hear a response for a while, and just as I was about to announce again, I saw Spira come out from behind a grove of trees. She was another rarity among nagakind like myself. She was an Air Naga. Lithe, thin and beautiful. With pale skin, yellow hair, and eyes like the sky. Literally the opposite of me, but I think that is partly why we liked each other's company. She was a free spirit, and I was more... well down to earth.
She greeted me, and we began talking. She said she was suprised I was still around, as most of the males who had come through left, when they found that many of the ladies weren't all that welcoming. I smirked and told her that it was too bad for them, because they didn't know what they were missing. She cocked her head and looked at me, wondering what angle I had. She knew that I had been up to something. She asked "So what's in the bag, and what is it that you are holding in your hand?" I opened the bag, and pulled out the cage of humans, and my chess board.
She crossed her arms and looked at me seriously, and said "Do you really think I'm going to eat those?". I just smiled at her, and lifted the lid off of my vat of chocolate. I told her to trust me, and I pulled a scraggly looking human out, dipped him in head first in the chocolate vat, and put him in my mouth and swallowed him. The other humans on the ground started freaking out, and I had to admit that human wasn't bad when it was combined with the chocolate. The female, seeing that I didn't wretch the little guy back up, bent forward to smell the chocolate. She said "That actually smells quite nice. I wonder how it tastes?" So Spira reached her finger into my vat of chocolate, and gave it a taste. I could tell by the look on her face that she liked it. I then said "These humans aren't like the normal ones, I've got my ways of removing the bad taste from them. These are genuine prime human." She looked up at me, and said "Are you pulling my tail? You mean that it wasn't that brown stuff covering the taste?" I said "Nope. I said try one for yourself, I even went through the trouble and removed the shell(referring to what the humans called clothing)."
She reached into the cage, and pulled out a human. She raised it to her face, and the little guy started franting wiggling around, and she stuck out her tongue and licked him. She must have been expecting to experience the extreme nastiness of the typical human of this area, but instead she got the flavor of old. She smiled, and put him in her mouth and started sucking on him. I thought she was gonna pull the skin right off the little guy, but she must have fondled him in her mouth for a good minute before finally swallowing him. She looked at me sensually, and said "You don't know how long I've craved a good human... You've made a girl so happy." I then reached down and grabbed out another human, and dipped him completely in the chocolate and dangled him above her mouth. She reached up with her tongue and pulled him into her mouth. The chocolate seemed to do the trick, as she appeared in complete ecstasty. She played with the human for about 5 minutes before finally swallowing all the while her eyes were cloased and she was letting out a soft moan. After swallowing I could tell she was aroused sexually. Something in that chocolate got her warmed up. She looked at me hungrily, and literally attacked me, and the next few hours were a blur.
When it was all said and done, I was sore, the humans were all gone, and I my body was covered in chocolate. meanwhile Spira had her head resting on my stomach sound asleep. I thought to myself, I haven't had a reaction like that in my entire 800 years of life. As I shifted around, Spira woke up, and looked up at me, and gave my stomach a quick kiss. I said "I guess you really like my chocolate covered humans..." She looked up at me and smiled, and said "They were great, the chocolate just compliments them perfectly." Then she said "I really hope you come by more often, but not too often, as I don't think I'm going to be able walk straight for the next week." We proceeded to talk while we recovered from our post-sex exhaustion, and I asked her if she'd like to play a game. She gave me a look that said "I'm beat, can't we just cuddle.", I said it wasn't "That Game", so I spent the rest of the afternoon teaching her to play chess, and found that she was a fast learner, and before that evening was over, she was actually beating me. We spent the night together that evening, and the following morning after a bath, I told her I'd be back in a few days to pick up my board and see her. With that I waved goodbye and began to continue my journey up to the spider nest. | |
| | | Pendragon Grand Mecha Enthusiast
Posts : 3229 Join date : 2007-12-09
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Thu Feb 14, 2008 5:59 am | |
| Another great chapter you have there.
It was just one intriguing moment after another.
I eagerly await the next chapter. | |
| | | gwadahunter2222 Master cartographer
Posts : 1842 Join date : 2007-12-08 Age : 40
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Thu Feb 14, 2008 8:52 am | |
| The story is very excellent but I think Raynor doesn't notice it gives the way to the naga to eat the human again He removes the thorn in their tail But I don't speak about his game he tries to play | |
| | | Dommo Naga food
Posts : 31 Join date : 2008-02-11
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:12 pm | |
| Chapter 4 Part 1
The signs look bad... I had been traveling for about 3 days, when I finally reached the territory of what I was told was a single Spider-girl, which actually turned out to be a small family group. This would be dangerous. The signs were everywhere that there were more than one of the foul wenches, and while I was confidant that I could defeat one or two, there might be as many as ten here, and with that many there was a good possibility of a Nest Mother.
Now I know what you guys are thinking reading my memoirs, that I was a fool for going into a spider nest just so that I could have a beer, but for me it was deeper than that. The spiders had been largely responsible for the extermination of my tribe of Naga. I was honor bound, to avenge them, and it was inevitable that at some point I would have made my way here to lay some vengeance upon them. This would be a pleasure, a way to eat to birds with one swallow.
As I approached, I carefully avoided the trip lines that the spiders wove near there den. These lines of silk transmitted vibrations into the nest, allowing for those inside to know that somone was approaching, a form of alarm system that I had no intention of tripping. I noticed that it looked like there were large amounts of footprints leaving the nest, suggesting that at least six or seven spiders were out on the hunt. This would be probably the best time I could have chosen to make my attack. As I made the nest came into site, it reminded me of my escape as a youngling from the spiders, which is a story for a different day. I would shed blood for you today mother, they would pay for what they did to you and our kind. The trees nearby were covered in silk, and from it were the husks of their past prey, including that of one of the female Naga, I had met. Seeing that, brought me some sadness, as no creature deserved to die that way. I would avenge that woman, like I planned to do for my mother and tribe.
My experience told me from the other times I'd hunted them, that this time was the prime time to mount my attack. The spiders had sensitive eyes, adapted to hunting in the dark. While my vision was good in the darkness, compared to a spider I might as well had been blind. However during high noon(which is what time it was), the spiders were usually sleeping after feeding from the previous nights hunt. But if I was quiet, and careful, I might be able to sneak in and killl them in their sleep. I approached the cave that was the nest, and carefully peered in. The cave must have gone quite a ways back into the hill side, because I couldn't see any spiders in the chamber connected to the entrance, however I did see the wagon that had the copper in it(the spiders have a penchant for collecting things, as a way to relive past hunts). I would get that on my way out. I then slowly crept in, my eyes giving off a faint green glow as they adapted to nightime use(spider eyes being so well adapted don't have this draw back). I approached the first chamber that branched off, and saw that this was they put their left over food. I peered in, and saw that it was empty except for one small wrapped package that was wiggling around. I reached down, and carefully pulled the package free. Using my fingers, I pulled apart the webbing, and found it to be one of the guardsman of Ardan. When he saw it was me, he was visually relieved. I couldn't blame him. I quietly whisperd "Make a sound and I'll eat you, I'm going to put you on my shoulder, whisper in my ear if you see anything behind me". You see, I was most vulnerable to beign attacked from behind. The spiders-girls having eyes all over there heads, could nearly see straight behend themselves didn't have this problem. As I left the room, I carefully, scanned for spider, and I could feel the little soldier, twitching around looking towards the light of the entrance in case he saw the silohuette of a spider creeping up on us.
A little further up the cave there was a chamber on the left. I looked in, and saw three spider-girls sleeping in there. The nest mother wasn't here thank the gods . I advanced past them. I wouldn't get to shed any spiderblood today. There are just too many of them to safely take on, but if my hunch was correct, I might be able to inflict more pain on them... I crept past to the farthest chamber. Inside was the motherload. Eggs. Dozens of spider eggs. I started picking them up and eating them, I made it through about 2/3 of them when the small guard tugged on my earlobe. He whispered "I see something in the hall." I turned my head, and indeed there was a spider in the hall way, she made her way to the storage chamber where the guard was obviously looking for her mid-day snack. I hearrd some shuffing around down there, as she was obviously searching for the little guy. I saw her form bolt across the hall, and into the chamber with the other sleeping females. "You fat bitch! You ate my last human. How could you!" was a shout from the spider-girl, I heard the the argument break out between the three, and pretty soon it sounded like brawl had broken out. I took the opportunity to finish off the last of the eggs.
After finishing off the eggs, I started to make my way down the hall hoping to sneak past the spider-girls while they were in their fight. However, as soon as I just passed the door of the sleeping chamber, I heard a spider-girl say "Wait! Did you hear something?". Another one responded "Yeah, I think I did.". "Check the eggs now!" shouted the first one, and they all bolted into nursurey not even noticing my huge form just beyond their door. I made a break for it. I took off and grabbed the wagon full of copper. When I heard a shriek of agony. "Sisters someone has killed our young, and I can smell the Naga who did it nearby, find him!" Meanwhile I'm hauling some serious tale, setting a personal best time in my sprint as approached the entry way to the nest. I could hear the three pursuing me. By this point the guard pretty muched figured the game was up and said to me "Here they come Raynor!" I said to the human "Trust me!" I grabbed him, and somehow choked him down, even over his awful flavor. I needed to make sure that he would be safe, in the coming fight.
"YOU MURDERER!!" One of them shouted as the three approached me. "Speak for yourselves you filthy whores." I responded, and continued "and your young were finger-licking good." The smallest of the three immediately broke rank and charged me, the other two followed quickly behind. The first one leapt up at me, and I caught her mid flight and held her away from me as she tried to bite me. Using all of my strength, I tore her in half where her human torso met her spider thorax and let out a fierce roar. I must have looked fearsome covered in the entrails of that spider, as I threw her still living upper half, at her sisters.
The other two not wanting to meet the fate of the first, instead circled me at a distance, and attacked simultaneously. I managed to evade the first attack, but the second spider-bitch managed to bite me in the lower back. injecting me with venom. The fire of the venom was agonizing, but it fuelled me into a rage. I droped me elbow on her head as hard as I could, crushing one of her eyes, and stunning her. The venom was starting to impede my movements. The other spider responded to protect her sister by firing webbing at me, and tangling my tail keeping me from using my tale to crush the wounded sister. I bellowed at her with a loud roar and jerked my tail as hard as I could and threw the sister holding the webbing through the air, where she landed a distance away. Preoccupied with her, I didn't notice the other sister with the crushed eye, awaken, and she bit me again. Turning my rage on her, I tried to pummel her with my fists, but this time, the second major dose of venom was taking effect, and I found my body beginning to freeze up. I yelled in rage at her, and she backed up to keep out of range of my thrashing tail. The sister with her eyes in tact, then started to shoot more webbing at me once she realized, that I was finally succumbing to the paralysis of the venom. Pretty soon I was pretty well wrapped, and the two spiders proceeded to struggle to drag me into the spider nest.
They lugged me into the storage room, and left me there. They sulked off back to the other chamber, when I heard one of them start to wail "I can't wait for mother to get home. Look what that big brute did to my beautiful face!" Obviously she was the one who's eye I crushed. The other responded "You were never that pretty to begin with, but I'm just hoping mother doesn't eat us after learning what happened to the eggs. Plus, the remains of eris still need to be taken care of. Seeing a daughter in that state will surely put mother in an eating mood." So that was what they were going to do to me. Wait for the Nest Mother to come back and feed me to her. Heh. Like I was going to let that happen. I whispered to the guard who was in my stomach "You okay down there?" He responded by saying "Yeah just covered in egg yolk right now, please don't eat me!". Perhaps it was the fact that we were both in similar predicaments that caused me to laugh at the irony of it all. "Don't worry, I'm going to spit you up as soon as the venom starts to weaken. I want you to cut silk that is binding me, and together we'll make a run for it." The human responded "Do I have your word of honor that you won't eat me again if you spit me up?" I said "You have my word. By the way if I die, I want you to escape from my husk after the spiders are done with me. Please go North and tell a beautiful Naga that I won't be playing chess with her that evening. I want you to promise me you'll do that." He said "I promise on my honor as member of the Logan family." I simled internally, and said "It'll probably take an hour or two before I can move enough to spit you out, so in the mean time make yourself comfortable." The human laughed.
To be continued.
Last edited by on Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:42 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
| | | gwadahunter2222 Master cartographer
Posts : 1842 Join date : 2007-12-08 Age : 40
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:30 pm | |
| Raynnor over estimate his ability even if he pretends to be different than the other male naga he tends to act like them sometimes Great chapter But I wonder how Raynor was able to swallow the man without to gag him | |
| | | Dommo Naga food
Posts : 31 Join date : 2008-02-11
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:46 pm | |
| He was so full of adrenaline, that he he managed to overwhelm his bodies gag reflex. It's like when people have gotten thier arms trapped under boulders and cut them off to save their lives. Plus it's a tactic that saved his life when he was young, hence why he did it. How do you think his mother saved his life when the spiders attacked? She swallowed him, and as the spiders at her, he managed to stay hidden inside of her corpse. When the spiders dragged the body out to dispose of it, Raynor escaped back out of his mothers mouth.
He simply used a similar tactic, since he wanted to make sure that if he died and was eaten, that maybe guardsman Logan could escape and tell Spira what became of him. | |
| | | GREGOLE Survivor
Posts : 943 Join date : 2007-12-08 Age : 34 Location : Heckville
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga Thu Feb 14, 2008 7:11 pm | |
| Dommo, old chap, I think you're a good man, but I'm obligated to be COMPLETELy honest here.
I officially hate Raynor and look forward to his death. Now, I know, this is probably overreacting on my part, and I do have a rapid, neurotic hatred of cliche - the textbook being dridder racism here - but Raynor just made a total ass of himself there, killing the young of a brood of dridders who had done nothing wrong to him. I'm sorry, but the only thing I hate more than dragons is... well, that. From my perspective, HE'S the bad guy here.
Now, I'll read on for a bit, but - and I'm terribly sorry if this is in any way rude or offensive - but I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to give my thoughts much further, as I can NOT get into a story if I hate the protagonist with a bloody fury. | |
| | | Sponsored content
| Subject: Re: The life of Raynor the Naga | |
| |
| | | | The life of Raynor the Naga | |
|
Similar topics | |
|
| Permissions in this forum: | You cannot reply to topics in this forum
| |
| |
| |
|