Flutter's bio

Tasty morsel Posts : 4 Join date : 2010-06-04

Race: Cepias
Hieght: 7"5'
Weight: 190lbs
Breast size: Double c cup
Eye color: silver
Caucasian woman half
Cuttlefish half has a mixture of blacks, whites, and shades of grey on the tentacles
Hair, Lip, nipple color: dark grey
Internal vagina's color: light grey almost timberwolf grey

Flutter loves to swim, eat, make new friends, and talk to anything willing to listen.
She is very talkative and careful when it comes to seeing things bigger than her. Flutter is still a virgin and she is 20 yrs old Dx and hopes to find the perfect mate and love him or her till they die whether they be Cepia or another species.

heres the page for a Cepias species bio...http://www.felarya.com/wiki/index.php?title=Chlaenas#Cecaelias

Subject: Re: Flutter's bio Mon Jun 21, 2010 8:44 pm

Umm... I don't understand in the least bit why the color of the inside of her vagina is important to a Felaryan character...

And it's really short, you need more info on this character, like maybe skills, or her backstory, or whatever.

Overall, I really don't know what else to say, it's just... weird.

Subject: Re: Flutter's bio Mon Jun 21, 2010 10:16 pm

suckonthat wrote:: Race: Cepias
Hieght: 7"5'
Weight: 190lbs
Breast size: Double c cup
Eye color: silver
Caucasian woman half
Cuttlefish half has a mixture of blacks, whites, and shades of grey on the tentacles
Hair, Lip, nipple color: dark grey
Internal vagina's color: light grey almost timberwolf grey

Flutter loves to swim, eat, make new friends, and talk to anything willing to listen.
She is very talkative and careful when it comes to seeing things bigger than her. Flutter is still a virgin and she is 20 yrs old Dx and hopes to find the perfect mate and love him or her till they die whether they be Cepia or another species.

heres the page for a Cepias species bio...http://www.felarya.com/wiki/index.php?title=Chlaenas#Cecaelias

Good sir, the initial thought I gain from simply glancing upon this horror is; "You had better be a troll"

To more intricately dissect what very little this "bio" covers though:

To sum up your character in one word it would be "Mary-sue". Social, young, seeking a mate, derpy derpy herp, ect. Really, the only thing that stands out as semi-tolerable about this is your choice of an underused species.

Furthermore, the internal color of her genitalia is no concern of mine, much less anyone else in attendance upon this forum.

If you're desperate to give the internet cancer though, I would be happy to direct you over to Ekas portal or somewhere more tolerant of such low grade material.

-Warrior

Seasoned adventurer Posts : 123 Join date : 2010-05-07

suckonthat wrote:: Internal vagina's color: light grey almost timberwolf grey

reactionimage.jpg

Evil admin Posts : 3812 Join date : 2007-12-08

Ok tone down on the flames please Rolling Eyes

Criticism are welcome but not flaming. This part of the forum is NOT under different rules than the rest.

Roaming thug Posts : 88 Join date : 2010-03-07

Hey,

Most generally, I don't know what you're aiming to do with her. Is she open-source so anyone can write a story or make an artwork of her? Or is this to flesh-out a character you're planning on using for something, and want to check she fits in. You really need to put a bit more flesh on these bones for anyone to be able to say something too solid, particularly since she's from one of the less-used races.

suckonthat wrote:: Race: Cepias

First one of these I'm aware of!

Quote :: Hieght: 7"5'
Weight: 190lbs

Height. Sorry. Also it could be good to give some more detail here - what are her proportions (presumably this is really 'length'?).

Quote :: Breast size: Double c cup

Yeah. Don't do this, or at least, give some other kind of referent too. Definitely don't do it in a story, either.

Quote :: Eye color: silver

Iris colour I presume. She has entirely human eyes? Cuttlefish have really weird and cool eyes.

Quote :: Caucasian woman half
Cuttlefish half has a mixture of blacks, whites, and shades of grey on the tentacles

It'd be good to describe your vision of her human-cuttlefish interface. Where do the tentacles come from, for example?

Quote :: Hair, Lip, nipple color: dark grey
Internal vagina's color: light grey almost timberwolf grey

This is... important in the context of what you're planning?

Quote :: Flutter loves to swim, eat, make new friends, and talk to anything willing to listen.
She is very talkative and careful when it comes to seeing things bigger than her. Flutter is still a virgin and she is 20 yrs old Dx and hopes to find the perfect mate and love him or her till they die whether they be Cepia or another species.

I usually put age in the bio-block at the top. You need a lot more information here, particularly some sense of personality, yearnings, living situation and background detail. There's nothing wrong with anything that is here though. It's just quite generic. How predatory she is isn't mentioned, and in Felarya that's quite important.

Quote :: heres the page for a Cepias species bio...http://www.felarya.com/wiki/index.php?title=Chlaenas#Cecaelias

Good job providing the link!

Yours,

Ambrose

Subject: Re: Flutter's bio Tue Jun 22, 2010 2:23 pm

There's not much more advice I can give than what ambrose already gave you. But Make sure to include a basic history, personality, some feeding habits maybe. Since this is an underused species it might be difficult to specify things, so don't be afraid to ask for help.

Subject: Re: Flutter's bio Tue Jun 22, 2010 7:33 pm

... My good sir or madam. I direct you to Shingikku. Recent activity on several of our subforums.

Take a good, hard look at him. Do not be him. For all our sakes, please, and for your own.

Thank you for using an established race, very much, but 1: try using better grammar. 2: Add more information and detail.

Only YOU can keep you from being annoying! I'm sure you will become a great addition to the forum eventually, but PLEASE, use proper grammar or PM me to help you with your grammar. Ask for opinions and take them. Learn the ropes. It just takes time, is all.

Temple scourge Posts : 658 Join date : 2009-05-13 Age : 35

From reading this, I don't really see much on personality. How does she act? What are her likes dislikes? What can she, and can't she do? Is there a reason she does said things? From what I've read, I have no idea how she would react to any given situation. As for her breast size, nipple and vagina colors...not important to a character. Ambrose has already stated what needs to be done pretty well though. I do like how you used an unused species though.