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 the new comer Jonathan

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buddha66667
Great warrior
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Join date : 2010-12-15
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the new comer Jonathan Empty
PostSubject: the new comer Jonathan   the new comer Jonathan Icon_minitimeFri Dec 17, 2010 1:55 pm

Name: Jonathan (John)
Race: Human. That’s right just human no demon or anything just human nothing else……Human
Age about: 17
Appearance: About 6’ 2” tall, 180lb with brown hair and eyes. He has some facial hair and has on the back of his right hand is a green tree.
Basic abilities: Has a seperate personality/enity that is atedp at using nature as a weapon.
Likes: not having to fight, being able to talk things out, people who believe and practice “you can’t judge a book by its cover”
Dislikes: fighting, when something trying to eat him, ignorant people, people who judge other without getting to know them
Attitude: He generally suppressed his emotions until they seem to pour out of him for nothing at all. He doesn’t like fighting but will fight when necessary generally using the fight as a way to release his bottled up emotions. He has a problem of showing sympathy toward other creatures including predators’ and trying to talk his way out of things before he tries to run or fight. He also seems to think that there is good in everyone
Possessions: The cloths on is back and a backpack with various items in it (flash light, food, ect.)Background:
Jonathon is new to Felarya only arriving recently when a portal opened up in front of him and having the misfortune of walking through it. Unfortunately for him he arrived in the middle of a fight between a naga and about 15 human spell casters and fighters. The nagas’ eyes looked down at him. Seeing an easy meal she reached down and picked him up closing her fingers around him tightly. Jonathon struggled with all the mite that he could muster but to no avail, the massive creature was slowly lifting him up to her mouth. Meanwhile the humans that had been fighting her used this opportunity to escape. The naga looked at him, “I guess you’ll have to do for now”
Jonathon looked at her “Do….Do for what?” he asked the naga with a serious look on his face,”I’m not the one who was attacking you.”
She looked at him with a matter of fact look on her face, “Well lunch of course silly.”
Then she started to lift him up higher and tilt her head back. John was dumbfounded thoughts began going through his head, “This can’t be happening…….I have to be dreaming”. The naga opened her mouth up wide; her tongue emerged from her mouth toward him. Changing her grip on him he was now held by the back of his hoodie by her thumb and pointer finger. Her tongue slid across his entire front side leaving his cloths soaked in saliva.
“Did you know you tasted so good” she said with a smile on her face.
He could feel himself sliding closer and closer to her mouth as she slowly loosened her grip on the hoodie, her tongue waited eagerly for the food to fall into her mouth so she could savor its flavor.
“Ready” the naga said. John closed his eyes “1……..2…….” John heard an explosion the naga turned to face the direction of the attack John slipped out of her fingers and went flying through the air. His eyes opened the naga was slithering off to whoever had attacked her. He turned his head crap he was falling toward a large mass of trees. As he landed a sharp pain filled his body. Looking down he saw a branch sticking out of his abdomen. His breathing became shallow and the world around him started to become a blur. He thought to himself, “No I can’t die here. Not when I don’t even know where here is.”Everything became dark as his eyelids closed.
“Then don’t” he heard a voice say.
“But how?” he thought back.
“Don’t think do” the voice responded.
“But I don’t know how”
“Then let me do it then. I’m stuck with you and if you die then so do I.” John could start to feel his body moving as though it was on its own accord. His eyes opened it was as though he was looking through a screen. He saw his right hand move toward the branch sticking of his chest on impact the branch shattered. His hands moved to some nearby branches and used them to pull his body from the branch. His body fell to the ground and he coughed. Some blood covered the hard ground that his body was lying on. His head looked to the spot where the branch had pierced him and to his amazement he could see the wound starting to close and from the corner of his eye he could see a soft green glow coming from his right hand. His stomach let out a low growl. That’s right he thought I haven’t eaten today.
The voice filled his head again “let’s fix that.” His eyes locked onto a small figure moving in the distance his body began to run to it.
“What is that?”
“I don’t know but its food now” upon reaching the small creature his hand reached out and snatched it up. The creature began to cry and struggle as his hand moved closer and closer to his mouth. He could hear the creature’s small voice yelling out pleading with him to stop. He went to put the creature down but his body wouldn’t stop.
“Put it down.”
“I’m hungry shut up” the voice replied. His hand continued on its course to his mouth.
“I said put it down!!!” The thought seemed echoed in his head. His hand stopped moving the green glow was gone. His legs seemed to give out and he fell the hard ground his hand slowly opened as the creature forced it way out and began to run away from him. He tried to get up but his muscles had given out. “Looks like I’m stuck here for now” he thought to himself “and this doesn’t seem the safest place to be”.


Blah blah blah blah blah…..stuff happens and I’ll add to this later but this is to just show how he got to Felarya and how he gained his powers.

And for those of you who will say that I gave him to many abilities I would like to remind you that
1) The type of power he uses is based on his emotions.
2) That he is limited in how long he can use these powers before his body gives out.
3) One of the powers doesn’t even work on Felarya.
4) He acts as though he is a different person with each power having a different personality that takes over.
5) After he runs out of magic he is left like a dead fish unable to do anything for a lot longer then he used his magic for and if something tries to eat him during this time he is pred food if someone else doesn’t step in.
6) And lastly he doesn’t like using his powers do to the strain on his body and the loss of control he experiences.
Now please feel free to comment and tell me what you think and ask any questions you want. I’m new here and am open to any constructive criticism and will be adding to this as time goes on.





Last edited by buddha66667 on Tue Dec 21, 2010 8:47 am; edited 2 times in total
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Anime-Junkie
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PostSubject: Re: the new comer Jonathan   the new comer Jonathan Icon_minitimeFri Dec 17, 2010 2:14 pm

Quote :
Age about: 17
He's 17 and he's got all those powers?
I'm 17 and by that age I think that if I had the potential to master one of those things I'd have maybe gotten to journeyman stage at one of them assuming I'd started training since I was about 10. Don't fall for the final fantasy trap of having super young characters, it doesn't make sense. No Felaryan spellcaster is going to give a 17 year old a magic sword.
Quote :
Likes: peace, not having to fight, being able to talk things out, people who believe and practice “you can’t judge a book by its cover”
Dislikes: fighting, something trying to eat him, ignorant people, people who judge other without getting to know them
Attitude: He generally suppressed his emotions until they seem to pour out of him for nothing at all. He doesn’t like fighting but will fight when necessary generally using the fight as a way to release his bottled up emotions. He has a problem of showing sympathy toward other creatures including predators’ and trying to talk his way out of things before he tries to run or fight. He also seems to think that there is good in everyone
I'm going to point out here that this seems to be common in people who are trying to make a character a 'good person.' Your character doesn't have to love peace, hate war and see the good in everyone to to be 'good.'

As for the powers.. They seem ok. However even if he was 25 or 30 instead of 17 he wouldn't have mastered the use of all of them. It's quite a large variety there.
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buddha66667
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PostSubject: Re: the new comer Jonathan   the new comer Jonathan Icon_minitimeFri Dec 17, 2010 4:30 pm

Thanks for your input on the matter this is my first time writing up a character for forum RP. I've made characters for other games and Larping purposes and am still a bit vague on the limitations. I'm not trying to say he mastered those powers though is my fault for not going into it more but its more variety then overpowering. At this stage I'm thinking maybe about 5 minutes worth of use and after that left useless for several hours. On the matter of the sword I will agree with you there and could remove this given the age and short period of time of being in the land.
In regards to making him a good person I decided upon this because in general to a little less of an extreme I try to follow true to this myself but admittedly no person follows this true to the letter (no matter how close to perfection I am Laughing ). I will be going through and responding to comments that are left here and be posting revisions to this character soon before I try any RP with him over the forum. Thank you again for your input and for any future input I get from the members of this community.
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Jætte_Troll
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PostSubject: Re: the new comer Jonathan   the new comer Jonathan Icon_minitimeSat Dec 18, 2010 10:31 am

So he gains his power from Magic: The Gathering colours? XP

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buddha66667
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PostSubject: Re: the new comer Jonathan   the new comer Jonathan Icon_minitimeSat Dec 18, 2010 10:57 am

Yep....I wondered how long it would take for someone to notice.
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buddha66667
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PostSubject: Re: the new comer Jonathan   the new comer Jonathan Icon_minitimeSat Dec 18, 2010 7:12 pm

OK so here or the changes I’ve decided to make thus far:
1. I agree with Anime-Junkie’s point that no spell caster would give a 17 year old a magic sword and so will be removing this completely.
2. I will be changing his likes and dislikes as to make him from a lawful good to more of a neutral good or chaotic good.
3. As for the issue on the magic after thinking about it for a while I’ve decided to follow the words of a larper that I know “Specialization not one person can do it all”. This will help me as well because I had planned on creating a personality for each of the different types of magic and decided that this would likely become complicated hard to write up in the forums and difficult to follow for other readers. I will be specializing in the magic mentioned in the story I have written up already, but with specialization I also think I will increase the power of the magic and how long he can use it for some.
These are the abilities that I’m thinking of being able to use with the use of magic
1. Manipulation over existing plant life. Although he won’t be able to make vines appear from thin air he will be able to accelerate the growth of existing plant life and change some of their properties.
2. Increase both his physical strength and ability to take damage. As I wrote above both his physical strength and regenerative abilities increased greatly with the use of his magic. Although he isn’t going to be wrestling a naga he will be able to take on most things close to his size head on.
The duration of how long he can use these abilities is based on the following.
1. How long the voice in his head can keep control over his body.
2. How long and by how much magic he uses increase his strength.
3. The nature of the injuries he receives during the course of a fight.
4. How developed the plant he takes control of is how much he uses it and how much he alters it.
Over all I think these are fair changes and don’t see a problem with it although. If you see any problems I am open to criticism that is constructive and brings out positive change not criticism for the sole sake of criticism.
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Anime-Junkie
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PostSubject: Re: the new comer Jonathan   the new comer Jonathan Icon_minitimeSun Dec 19, 2010 3:09 am

Those changes look fine, I see no problem.
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PostSubject: Re: the new comer Jonathan   the new comer Jonathan Icon_minitime

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