Rhoswen

Ok so I woke up and had some ideas boiling around in my brain that I just wanted to get put someone safe before I forgot them so to the computer at 2:30 am.
This is the first time I’m going to be trying to write up a female character and I’m new to this myself so please bear with me.
Name: Rhoswen (meaning White Rose)
Race: Mist Fairy
Age: 18
Minimum height: 3”
Maximum height: 5’ 7”
Common height: 5’ 7”
Appearance: generally walking around at 5’7” she uses her illusion magic to make herself appear more human, elven or like a neko when trying to lure prey close enough to shrink so she can eat. Her hair is long and white. When not making herself appear as prey her wings are translucent blue dragonfly wings.
Clothing: Birthday suit
Attitude: She acts rather childish at times making a big fuss over little things. She hates humans and although doesn’t enjoy their taste eats them as her favorite meal generally while eating something flavorful to go with them. She tends to talk a lot to other predators and prey alike. Most of the conversation though consists of eating and enjoying the struggles that her food makes which tend to make her prey even more uneasy. She will often ask her prey if you “Could please struggle a lot after I swallow you?”This is because she likes the feeling of prey struggling inside her and it helps her fall asleep. The only way you have a chance of escaping her once caught is if you answer her no. but simply saying no isn’t enough because she will “test you” by using her magic to make you think you being eaten and watching how you respond.
Food preference: Humans, nekos, and elves
Likes: the feeling of food struggling in her stomach, the feeling of a full stomach, when someone rubs her stomach
Dislikes: humans, the feeling she gets when food gets away, when food doesn’t struggle,
Abilities: like all mist fairies she is adept at creating illusions that even other skilled illusionists can’t tell are fake. While focusing on one person she is able to create an extremely lifelike illusion inside their head implementing all five senses. She also like all fairies can alter the size of her prey in order to make it small enough to eat. The extent of this ability is making a creature that is 12’ tall shrink down to 3” creatures larger then this will not be affected by it.
Unique Items: A small glass jar that she puts extra prey in. The jar is special because it was obtained from a fairy hunter. Creatures finding themselves inside the jar will find that even with the passage of time they will not return to their original size also while inside the jar those capable of using magic will find that it does not work while inside the jar.
Back-story:
Being born far away from the mists of the misty glade into a family of her mother, an older sister and herself she always had an appetite to eat something. While young her mother use to bring her back humans from a successful hunt to eat. Finding the taste of these creatures bland though she would simply gulp them down as opposed to playing with them first like many predators’. After eating her mother would always rub her stomach until she fell asleep. One day when she was after her mother went out hunting though she never came back. After several days a fairy from the same group that her mother was hunting with returned with wounds covering her body she told the people that while hunting they were ambushed and captured by a large group of fairy hunters in the area that they had been hunting. The only reason that she had been released was so that she could tell the rest of the fairies to leave the town that they had been plaguing alone. When asked about the rest of the group she told them of how the humans had tortured them and killed all but herself. Running tearfully away from the crowd of fairies that had formed to listen she ran into the woods the thought of her mother’s death had made her feel sick. As she sat on a large rock by a tree that she had always played near a human slowly approached her. Once getting close enough a sphere of energy shot from his hand. Her size dropped to 3” and before she could change back he shot off another spell striking her wings. Stunned from the force of the spell she fell to the ground. Standing up she tried to run away from the human who attacked her for no apparent reason but for every hundred steps she ran the human only had to take a couple of steps himself. Reaching the fairy he picked her up by her injured wings. She let out a scream of pain and a smile came to his face lifting her up to his face he seemed to examine her. Happy with his catch he pulled out a jar from a pouch on his side popping the lid open he dropped her into it and closed it again. She fell to the bottom of the jar landing on her knees. Standing up she ran to the side of the jar and started pounding on in. the man simply smiled and looked at her, “Why don’t you just be a good little fairy and be quiet.” He shook the jar around knocking the fairy off her feet and sending her flying backwards into the other side of the jar. As she started to cry the man put the jar back into the pouch that he had pulled it from.
A voice rang out from behind the man, “Put my sister down you pig”.
The man turned around looking for the source of the voice a sphere of energy appeared in the man’s hand. Taunting her “Why don’t you come out then and take her from me then.” Hearing rustling of leaves from the tree above he prepared to throw his spell at the fairy when she emerged.
Like a bolt of lightning the fairy burst from the tree throwing the spell she was hit square in the chest her body began to shrink. But before he could enjoy his victory he felt the pouch that held the jar being ripped from his side. Turning to face them he saw that it was the same fairy he had just shrank punching him in the face he stumbled and before he could prepare his next spell the fairy shrank him to about 3” in height. Then picking him up off the ground she said, “Let’s see how you like it being put in something”. Dropping him into her mouth she gulped him down quickly.
Picking the pouch off the ground she opened it up and pulled out the jar containing Rhoswen.
“Please be careful Rhoswen your all I got now.” She said with a gentle voice and a smile on her face, but a single tear fell from her eye.
Rhoswen nodded and started to cry herself. Popping the lid open her sister carefully tilted the jar to its side letting Rhoswen out.
“Let’s go back home ok little sis” she said while trying to hold the tears back, “can you change size yet?”
Rhoswen shook her head no.
“Ok then well let me fix this wouldn’t want some frog to eat you while your wings are healing.” Using her magic Rhoswen started to grow back to her normal height. “Well what do you want to do with that jar because I’m not carrying it?”She asked.
“Can I keep it?” Rhoswen responded.
“Sure if you want to.”


Ok so here I am 2 hours later there are bound to be some mistakes and so like always I’m open to criticism, but please don’t criticize something just to criticize it. Please offer some suggestions on what you think needs to be changed how and why. After getting enough feedback I’m probably going to write up a story with my two characters I’ve created thus far.

This looks fine.
I will point out a few things for your information. (Nothing wrong with the character, just things that you might not know).

While predators do enjoy humans they're not the main diet. Animals like duiker are. Fairies are a slight exception to this because of their flight allows them to move around faster, covering a larger area which increases the chance of them finding human prey.

Alright, so the first thing that strikes me as flawed with this is that your description of her food preference has a few notable fallacies and is quite contradictory. Firstly, you've stated that she dislikes the taste of humans off the bat, and while that would have actually been a rather unique character trait in itself you continued on to couple it with the fact that she will pair them up with things she enjoys more, and that this apparently moves them up to the ranks of her favorite meals. That seemed sort of awkward because you've stated one thing only to go right against it with a later statement, and in the first place Humans aren't actually as readily available as a food source as might be depicted in many cases. Their frequent usage as prey items is mainly to appeal to more vore oriented audiences, which serves to perpetuate the flawed idea. In all I think it was something that could have been termed far better.

Her persona and actions towards her prey as you've put it come off as somewhat tired simply because childish, carefree predators are a dime a dozen, especially when it comes to fairies as a whole. Additionally, while it may be interesting to some by virtue of the fetish factor involved, I never found the prey struggling thing to be particularly sensible, could you even rest easy with the sensation of things fighting desperatley on the interior of your body? I suppose to an extent it could be argued against that point that predators grow accustomed to it but in the first place I think it wouldn't ever progress to the point where pleasure could be derived.

The back story was an interesting touch to justify her opinions regarding humans, and it's not very often it's hinted that fairy hunters are successful to any degree.


All in all though I think some aspects of it need a touch up.

In regards to why humans are her favorite prey item this is because although I never specificly stated it the fairy hunters were human. (Revenge a dish best surved alive.)

I think you need to work at the personality.

You have done something that personally irks me to infinite degrees - written more about her attitude towards eating stuff than her personality in general. Her likes and dislikes are entirely made up of how she likes or dislikes eating. This is a very, very bad place to start a character. Any character that has more in the bio on eating people than actual personality is, for lack of a better word, lame. Lame in character.

Childish, carefree predators who just eat people all the time are very overdone, as Warrior mentioned. You need to dig deeper.

You need to work at her from a viewpoint other than that of a fetishist. What does she like and dislike? Besides what foods she likes? What are her hobbies? How does she interact with others? What is she scared of? What does she hope for? Is she simply immature? Is she putting on an act? Does her brattiness cause trouble?

Imagine if someone tried to write a brief sketch of you and all they did was focus in uncomfortable detail on your eating habits.

On smaller niggly notes, why does she need to use all this illusion magic? Fairies are fast and small and can get right up to you, shrink you and make a run for it. An elaborate illusion scheme would only make things more risky as allies of the victim or even other hungry predators would have time to interfere.

Jætte_Troll I agree with what your saying and will be fixing this.