New speices: Endorians.

Biology
Endorians. Upon seeing one for the first time they look human in aprearance. But in fact they share nothing with human beings save for bone shape and pyshical aprearance. On Avarage Endorians stand 7 to 10 feet tall ( with Un-Augmented speciments).Their biologiy is also very strange as it is seemed semi-dependent on radioactive materialsPysicaly they are superior than humans. Mentaly on the other hand they are above adverage human intellagence by 1.5 fold. one thing about them that makes them stand out is the fact that some scars on them will glow a different color, usally based on what cause it.

Endorians have 2 hearts, 2 livers, and 3 kidneys with adernal glands, aside from that the rest of the organs are the same found in human but larger. Lead is extremly toxic to Endorians ( even more so than it is to human beings!) and is the reason why they enventuly die.Other things that are highly toxic to them is mercury( which will kill them very quickly), cholrine( will cause chemical burns on their skin with concretrated contact, the gas form is espealiy lethale to them), Arsenic ( anything above with 3mg/kg will kill them), carbon momoxide, Formaldehyde gas( it will cause immedite effects), Hydrogen sulfide, Nitrogen dioxide,Arsine ( death my be immedite after exposer.), Also agent organe will harm them, and NOVA 6 will kill them the moment the inhale it. Furthermore various poisines found in Felarya can also kill a Endorian. It is shown that Endorians are highly sesctable to UV rays. They do not heal as fast as a normal person thus making death by injurgy or infection very likely.
An Endorian may ( in the best Non-laboritory conditions) live up to 900 years for males and 939 years for females. but on adverage a typical endorian male may live for 800 years and in females there's a adverage 20 year longer life exepectantcy. This longivty is mainly due to the slow rate Endorians biological age.Their cell take up to anywhere from 29 to 43 times longer to dived than human cells, which is also why their numbers have not exploded. Also due to this long time between cell division is one of a few reasons why radition wont have such a negavtive affect on them
Due to the unquie biology Endorians possece they seem to be able to withhold large amounts of radation inside their body cells. Possabliy due to a strange organel found within Endorian cells that absorbes raditaion and uses it in a cycle to make ATP in concert with mitocondria. Theroitaly meaning a Endorian will have more energy in a radioactive enviroment then not.Though this does not mean they wont be able to surivive without radaition it would mean their bodies would have to work harder to get the same energy. Further more the bones of Endorians are denser to surivie falls on their home world Endor, which has 2.5 times the gavity of earth.Also the bones contain small amounts of Uranium 238( 2% by weight in kg). But also large amounts of iodine,calcium, and traces of titanium and carbon-14.Their weakness (its faster in civilians than super soldiers) is when they move to a low graivty world or releam is the rapid detoriation of muscles,due to the lower gravity, at first they beyond super human but if considerable effort is not made, strenght ( in civilains) will become a quarter of what it used to be in 5 years.
It is belived that the iodine is combined with the calcium thus making the bones a great radition sponge.The exact reasons why are still to be determinded. The know adverage radation resistance of Endorians is between 300Gy and 750Gy for acute exposers. Chonic exposer tolerance is 100Gy . Lethal doses is typicaly around 755Gy for acute exposers.The leathel chonic exposer doseage is 135 to 150Gy even though the typical background radation of Endor is anywhere from 2Gy(at the lowest) to 100Gy(in the forsaken land). Strangely Endorians upon death release mostly only low energy alpha and low engery beta radation. Though their is a acute exposer of .15mGy of gamma relased, while most of the radtion is still locked in the body and respetive fluids.

Culture,Military and History
Endorians univerisly share a intrest in the arts and the art of war. Endorians are willing to learn any new type of fighting methode, style, techique that they did not already know. They are also willing to learn how to do art in ways never done before. Because of the way Endorians master the arts, their art works are highly prized for their abilty to capture the emotional intensety of the moment. Some works that apprear so real that they seemly reach to your hand when you get close. Statues made by Endorians are so pianstakingly deatil it captures the pores of the skin and all the other deatils most other scuplters couldn't capture like the look and emotion in the eyes. Nearly all art works by Endorians are done by hand. Endorians are a proud people and will protect their beliefs no matter how high the price. Their reliogus beliefs seem simular to warroir beliefs concerning honour and the code of the warrior, weather or not this is coincidence is still a hot topic for debate. They also believe in a being called " The Overseer". Lastly Endorians , most notably Vossian have a will of iron that is seemily unbreakable.
Endorian military technolge is princeably based around science. Mostly though their drive in advancements is to find better ways to fight against the fearsome predators of their home world and defend aganist any advance race who tries to conquer them. Their ability to dimensional compress metal plates to form super composite armour is astounding. The Endorians have also mastered the nuclear bomb, advanced it to the point where all of the matter is transformed into energy. Which is the principal reason why Endorian nuclear devices are so devasting. Some of the more noteable wepons in the Endorian arsenal is the 200 cal, the 150 cal mini-gun. Endorians trian their soldier to be as leathel as possiable on the battle feild. In General Endorians are more reginmented and far more trained than most other militariestic speacies.
Endorians were once a highly advance space fairing speacies that had colinized 90% of their galaxy with an empire of 300,000 worlds and numbers in the trilloins. They had reached a point were they built dimensional gates. All of the changed when the Endorians made contact with the Hitmocks, an even more advance transdimensional empire. Shortly after contact with the Endorians the Hitmock religous hierarchy declared the Endorians a affront to their gods and wage a war of genocide aganist them. Thus begining the bloody and long Great Endo-Hitmock war. The Endorians held their ground as best as they could and fought for every inch, but since the Hitmock Navy of 1 Trillion space ships out numberd the Endorian Navy of 1 billoin space ships, slowly the Endorians lost world after world.
But the Endorians had made sure the Hitmocks had only Pyrrhic victories. On the ground Endorians alwaysed won. In space they would inflict heavy losses on to the Hitmocks with devastating Nuclear counter attacks and board Hitmock vessels with Supersoldiers shock teams to slaughter Hitmock troops in close quarters. The war waged for nearly 300 years until it ended with the overthrow of the Hitmock religous hierarchy in a Hitmock civil war. But by then the Endorian empire had crumbled down to a few worlds, which with contact with them cut off from any other planet or the mother planet Endor. The Endorian Navy was left with a handful of ships. The Hitmocks had out of a trillion ships at the begining of the war, had only 200 ships left at the end of the war. Even though the Hitmock Navy is far larger than a trilloin ships but the time of assembling another battle group was too costly, not to mention haveing a leader who did not listen to his generals on how to fight the war. The Endorian civilization was bombed to a near pre-industeral state. The Endorian population of Endor was reduced from 49 billlion to 500 million individuals. With 90% of the planets cities left abondened and ruined and the fouth continent reduced to a barron wasteland. The Endorian people began to rebuild their shattered civilization. The endorians became splintered into the Vossians, Cossians, and Matovians. In the 10,000 years since the end of the Great Endo-Hitmock war there has been 20 world wars. With the end of the 20th Endorian world war did the Endorian race finally reunited under one flag. The Vossian flag and once agian took to the stars, as they had originaly done all those countless millenia ago.
This concludes the analysis of the Endorian people. Of my five OCs from Endor, four are Endorians, one is a Endorian Naga. My OC Pocco is a normal Endorian. My other OCs; Mac, Bruce, and Nikolia are augmented Endorian AKA super soldiers. Helga is a Giant Endorian Naga. But all of that is a disscussion for another time. Farewell for now dear readers.

While the idea of a subspecies of human would be cool, I cannot see any practicality in this idea. To me it looks another submission of an OP character without much thought put into it.

There are some base ideas that might work if you made your own universe out if it, but most of these things wont work well. If you want to make a subspecies of human, read over some of the wiki again, and get a feel for how people in felarya act and use that as a basis to create different evolutionary aspects to them. Likewise weaknesses are something that's very important. Yet you don't have any listed either...

sorry :/

I find the idea a bit confusing, especially the part " .Gaint naga's and their Darth Vader cousins Radionaga's " o.o
As for the name, isn't it taken from the Star wars franchise ?

Moving the thread to human forum ^^

Well i have here a sub-speices of humans called Endorians. They are stronger,more durable,faster, larger than normal humans.They are also Immune to most types of radation posiesing to a certian degree up to 45,000 rads.

Ok the physical asspects I can take, their large size makes no sense due to the gravity, however I'm more concerned about their immunity to ionising radiation: Saying your immune to radiation poisoning is rather far fetched as radiation poisoning is caused by a nuetron, alpha particle, beta particle or short wave length photons (UV, X-Ray, Gamma) knocking an electron out of orbit thus ionising the atom or molecule. This ionisation of course results in the chemical properties of the atom or molecule being changed dramatically; thus causing burns or genetic damage which can lead to cancers or other problems. However there are certain chemical reactions which are biologically necessary which require radiation interaction with molecules in the skin, usually solar UV, the best example being the production of Vitamin D. Now how can they be immune to the harmful effects of ionising radiation yet expect to retain the benifical effects which are important for human life? They may be Endorian but they're still human, and as far as radiation's interaction with matter that is considering universal; you can't have the bad without the good as they use the same principles just with different energies. Any way to make them 'immune' to radiation short of covering them in lead would require changes at the sub atomic level, and breaking most of the laws of physics. Either way if that were the case I would not consider them human at all. Now I know Felarya breaks half the known laws of physics and this is a fantasy setting but we at least try to give a logical reason; be it a handwave such as magic, which is discouraged but better than nothing, or something to do with the fact Felarya isn't really a planet. What I'm saying is you can't really pick an choose without giving a very good reason why, otherwise it looks daft and rediculous which unfortuantly yours does.

Though they are Highly vurnable to Neutron activation due to the ammount of stable and some unstable uranium isopotes.

I'm not sure why this would be a waekness considering Felarya almost has no neutron sources and given their apprent immunity to the harmful effects of radiation. If you are worried about them going super critical due to the ammount of fissionable isotopes well for that to occure they would need a large solid lump of fissionable material somewhere in their bodies; and I can't say that would do their bodies any favours not due to the radiation but due to heavy metal poisoning. Again if they are uneffected by such things I would struggle to call it human.

Which brings me to my next point their radoiactive though not much at one would think ( though break the skin and shed blood and its a whole diffent story.

Well ok if they contain unstable isotopes I suppose they would be... still doesn't get round the whole 'heavy metal poisoning' and personnaly I think this is cheap knock off from Alien, and don't worry I can also tell you where they went wrong with that as well

Their home world is one of such extremes many would not execpt to find life. Life their home world is by all means Hellish.Theres the 1 mile to 5 miles high tides( due to 3 moons the size of earth) to deal with.5 times the gavity of earth.) Weather that is extreme in all aspects.

Well life can evolve to live under the high gravity; it would just be very short but of course very strong. The tides are also something that would not be a problem to life, however they would be a problem to civilisation. I have read your description of Endor and I know there are other extremes such as the temperature and the weather. None of these could stop life developing but they could make civilisation very difficult. The only really problem with life on Endor would be the radiation, if life could cope with that I don't think you could compare it to human like life; afterall the only reason why cockroaches have a much higher resilliance is because their cells do not replicate as often as ours. When a cell replicates and thus divides itself it is most vulnerable to damage by ionising radiation. This does make the cockroach more resileant to acute radiation exposure but not so resilieant to cronic exposure like you would find if the high background radiation were part of the environment. If multicell or even verterabare life could exisit under these radioactive conditions I wouldn't say it was anything like us reguardless of external looks. A concrete statue of a human made to look/feel like a human on the outside is still a concrete statue.


Gaint naga's and their Darth Vader cousins Radionaga's.Some members of this speicies have made their way to felarya .My Oc's Mac, Pocco, Bruce, and Nikolia.(info on them can be found on my Da account Luke112)

WTF?


It seems to me you are relying on the 'rule of cool' and the fact this is a 'fantasy' world to carry your ideas through; however as I have said this is rather rediculous and seems to be the wet dream of some comic book fan fiction writer. What I fail to see however is their connection to Felarya, what makes them part of this world? Well going by what you have shown us they don't seem to fit at all, I could understand a few of them being here at random but that should be more of a character idea rather than a race idea. As a race is seems you are trying to force a square peg into a round hole. As I explained on DA there is no point is posting half baked ideas or ideas without a full explination or history.

Karbo wrote:

I find the idea a bit confusing, especially the part " .Gaint naga's and their Darth Vader cousins Radionaga's " o.o
As for the name, isn't it taken from the Star wars franchise ?

Moving the thread to human forum ^^

I believe it was a poor attempt at a metaphor.

This whole thing seems a rather poor attempt... I enjoy giving some sort of constructive criticism, but there's really nothing here to give it on. No development beyond "the are super-awesome and rad."

for anybody reading the topic.that is an updated offcial thing.the first one was bad.please give me some critizem on this one

It is definately better written, and seems to have more thought put into it, but the base problem still remains. You've designed a species that is basically a human, but yet many times more superior in every single way. I mean, they are 10+ feet tall, excessively strong, immune to radiation, able to survive large falls and great impacts, and can live for nearly 1000 years. On top of that, you've given them a special ability where their strength increases by 300%. When you add on the fact that they seem to suffer no downsides at all, I just have to wonder what you plan to do with these guys. Oh, and there's the fact that they come from a world with five times Earth's gravity...which would mean that on a 1G world, they would be even stronger, faster and more agile than normal. I mean, they're many times stronger than any human that has ever existed, older than entire civilizations, damn near unstoppable, and if one of them is killed by someone not of their species, then you have to deal with the radiation that an Endorian's rotting corpse is going to be giving off. I just don't see what kind of stories you could really tell with them that don't involve them having to do something excessively badass to justify all the abilites you have given them. It seems like they were carefully designed for a very specific purpose.

Also, I just have to wonder a couple things about their biology. I mean, if their biology is dependant on radioactive materials, how do they survive on worlds without an excess amount of them?

Quote :

destoryed the Endorian empire of nearly 300,000 worlds

Also, Im not sure how large the standard interstellar civilization in the Felarya multiverse is, but that is just way too many worlds. I mean, that would put their total population well into the trillions during that period.

That really sums up most of the issues with this species. They are just, too much. Everything about them is excessive, superior to any other species, and as subtle as an sledgehammer.

Quote :

augmented endorians aka super soldiers.

So, you create a species that is excessively powerful...and decide that they are too weak and that you need to create even stronger versions. Once again, it just seems like it is way too much.

Quote :

That really sums up most of the issues with this species. They are just, too much. Everything about them is excessive, superior to any other species, and as subtle as an sledgehammer.

A sledgehammer is more subtle than you think, especially if you know how to sneak on people. What you really need to be unsubtle is to color the sledgehammer brightly, attach a hyena to the handle, give the head a moving mechanism where it shakes up and down, and have it shoot frikkin laser beams!

Endorians. Upon seeing one for the first time they look human in aprearance. But in fact they share nothing with human beings save for bone shape and pyshical aprearance. On Avarage Endorians stand 8 to 13 feet tall ( with Un-Augmented speciments).

Ok how can they grow that tall when the gravity of their homeworld is so high? As gravity is a downward acceleration that effects all matter it will effect their growth patterns as they are growing against it. There is a reason why people who experience high Gs, such as combat pilots and bobsled riders, lose height as a result of their activities.

Their biologiy is also very strange as it is seemed dependent on radioactive materials.Their cellular chemical base compounds is seemed to be more dependent on sulfar,silcon, and nitrogen than carbon. Thus possably explaning their high toloerance to most forms of radioation.

"What the fuck?" That was my first reaction when I read this sentence. Ok as I can't see the ionising radiation playing any biological role what so ever; there is a massive difference between exiting an electron, promoting it to a higher energy sub-level within its shell/orbit which in turn allows chemistry to take pace, to kncoking it out of its shell all together, which is what IONISING radiation does. So they must depend on these elements for their chemical properties; well here is your other problem the elements whoes radiocative isotopes aren't stupidly low percentages are chemically inactive apart from using extreme conditions or elements like fluorine. Basiclly lanthanides and actinides are just too large nor do they change oxidation states readily enough to have any useful biological role. Sulfur, Silicon and Nitrogen... unfortuantly none of those elements have the same range of chemistry that carbon does; while you can get silicon and sufur polymers they are both limited in reactivity, function and size. As both elements are much larger than cabron being in the next group down they have a 3P electron shell, carbon's outer most shell is a 2P shell. This difference in size effects their chemistry and the strength of the bonds as well as the type of bonds it can form and what it can bond with. Also those elements will do fuck all as far as providing any protection form penetrating ionising radiation; if anything they'll be even more vulnerable as the outer electrons experience a weaker pull from the nucleus. Think about it mate, if these elements gave any form of protection, apart from when applied as several feet of concrete, why do we still use materials like lead?

What you have done here is tired to explain something using shody science; you said it yourself this was a fantasy setting, when you try to explain fantasy it starts to become science; you should have stuck with fantasy.

To be honest there is no point in me continuing to look at this if I can take the FIRST TWO senetences apart in the manner in which I did. It may have been one step forward in the fact you have now removed that daft perception that the Endorians were a human sub speices however it is three steps back when you tried to explain what they are and I'm in no mood to award points for effort. You haven't even taken half lives into account. When a radioative substance releases a from of radiation it is a result of nuclear deacy; the atomic nucleus splits, thus changing one element into another. When 50% of the starting radioactive material under goes nuclear decay that is one half life and as a result you only have 50% of the radioactive material you started with and it will keep going untill all of the radioactive material has under gone nuclear decay. Really what is the point in me continuing? It would just be a massive wall of red text, plus if you whish to keep using radioactive elements in their biology or natural immunity to the harmful effects of radiation as a core attribute of the Endorians, well I highly doubt I'll agree to see this as being both possible and reasonable. If you're desperate for me to do so I can go through and evaluate the whole descritption but I warn you it will not make for pleasent reading.

I have to say, what an interesting speices. To think they share many things in common with Deinococcus Radiodurans is very interesting in deed. My thoery is that Endorians may evoveld from something like Deinococcus Radiodurans on Endor.It could happen.

Except that the conditions that extremophile bacteria favour are often not conducive to complex life forms.

But it could still happen.

Black Hole Fragment wrote:

But it could still happen.

it did happen but was accererateed by a unknown force
and WTF does your signinture mean BlackHoleFragment? what language is that?

Luke!
Now that you know me as Stabs, the gloves are completely off!
I've done all I could for you being nice! Now if I kept seeing no development in your skills, I'd lose all respect for you! I'll consider this my fault for being too nice. Now it's time for you to face things as they are.

luke112 wrote:

Endorians. Upon seeing one for the first time they look human in aprearance. But in fact they share nothing with human beings save for bone shape and pyshical aprearance. On Avarage Endorians stand 8 to 13 feet tall ( with Un-Augmented speciments).Their biologiy is also very strange as it is seemed dependent on radioactive materials.Their cellular chemical base compounds is seemed to be more dependent on sulfar,silcon, and nitrogen than carbon. Thus possably explaning their abilty to not have their DNA damaged by most forms of radiation as easily.Pysicaly they are far superior than humans. Mentaly on the other hand they are above adverage human intellagence by 1.5 fold.

That's all, you named everything and just said "it's better"? Physically, mentally, chemically? That was frankly nothing, nothing and nothing. Nobody needs humans who are just the same but more!

luke112 wrote:

Endorians have 2 hearts, 2 livers, and 3 kidneys with adernal glands, aside from that the rest of the organs are the same found in human but larger. Strangly Endorians can enter a state of being known as "berserker" in which they have no feelings of pain and a 300 % increase in strenght, this state is caused by a chemical R-41which is realsed by a gland only known as RE-41, The side of effects while in this state is that they become as dumb as a turkey and can easliy fall victum to illusion magics. Lead is extremly toxic to Endorians ( even more so than it is to human beings!) and is the reason why they enventuly die(ouside of felarya). Other things that are highly toxic to them is mercury( which will kill them very quickly), cholrine( will cause chemical burns on their skin with concretrated contact, the gas form is espealiy leathel to them), Arsenic ( anything above with 3mg/kg will kill them), carbon momoxide, Formaldehyde gas( it will cause immedite effects), Hydrogen sulfide, Nitrogen dioxide,Arsine ( death my be immedite after exposer.), Also agent organe will harm them, and NOVA 6 will kill them the moment the inhale it. Furthermore various poisines found in Felarya can also kill a Endorian.

So a berserker state and weakness to various toxins? If that's all, don't bother.

luke112 wrote:

An Endorian may ( in the best Non-laboritory conditions) live up to 1,159 years for males and 1,179 years for females. but on adverage a typical endorian male may live for 800 years and in females there's a adverage 20 year longer life exepectantcy. This longivty is mainly due to the slow rate Endorians biological age.Their cell take up to anywhere from 29 to 43 times longer to dived than human cells, which is also why their numbers have not exploded. Also due to this long time between cell division is one of a few reasons why radition wont have such a negavtive affect on them.
Due to the unquie biology Endorians possece they seem to be able to withhold large amounts of radation inside their body cells. Possabliy due to a strange organel found within Endorian cells that absorbes raditaion and uses it in a cycle to make ATP in concert with mitocondria. Theroitaly meaning a Endorian will have more energy in a radioactive enviroment then not.Though this does not mean they wont be able to surivive without radaition it would mean their bodies would have to work harder to get the same energy. Further more the bones of Endorians are emensly dense to surivie falls on their home world Endor, which has 5.5 times the gavity of earth.Also the bones contain small amounts of Uranium 238( 2% by mass per kg). But also large amounts of iodine,calcium, and traces of titanium and carbon-14.Their weakness (its faster in civilians than super soldiers) is when they move to a low graivty world or releam is the rapid detoriation of muscles,due to the lower gravity, at first they beyond super human but if considerable effort is not made, strenght ( in civilains) will become halfed in 25 years.

Halved strength in 25 years? You've said they're too much. Half of too much is still too much. Radiactivity doesn't matter in this case, either.

luke112 wrote:

It is belived that the iodine is combined with the calcium thus making the bones a great radition sponge.The exact reasons why are still to be determinded. The know adverage radation resistance of Endorians is between 300Gy and 750Gy. Lethal doses is typicaly around 755Gy even though the typical background radation of Endor is anywhere from 2Gy(at the lowest) to 400Gy(in the forsaken land).though the reasons why they have such a high radition tolerance is still unknow.leading some to speculate that endorian were Workers in a Alien work force, most of their biology seems to point to it but what happed to the suposed masters or how they became independet is still unkown.

That's all? More power to them? That is NOT helping things.

luke112 wrote:

Endorians univerisly share a intrest in the arts and the art of war. Endorians are willing to learn any new type of fighting methode, style, techique that they did not already know. They are also willing to learn how to do art in ways never done before. Because of the way Endorians master the arts, their art works are highly prized for their abilty to capture the emotional intensety of the moment. Some works that apprear so real that they seemly reach to your hand when you get close. Statues made by Endorians are so pianstakingly deatil it captures the pores of the skin and all the other deatils most other scuplters couldn't capture like the look and emotion in the eyes. Nearly all art works by Endorians are done by hand. Endorians are a proud people and will protect their beliefs no matter how high the price. Their reliogus beliefs seem simular to Norse beliefs concerning honour and Vahalla, weather or not this is coincidence is still a hot topic for debate. They also believe in a being called " The Overseer" who reportedly apreaded above Endor and destoryed the Hitmock 3rd Fleet of Retribution with the wave of his hand. Though this is a legend that has been around for 10,000 years after the end of the Great Endo-Hitmock war. They also believe and worship what many Endorian religous leaders call "The Gaurdians of Epsilon Endora" and have built elaborte temples in their names.

That... is it? The same but more in war, the same but more in art, the same but more in beliefs?

luke112 wrote:

Endorian military technolge is a very unique homongulous blend of science and magic. Mostly though their drive in advancements is to find better ways to fight against the fearsome predators of their home world and defend aganist any advance race who tries to conquer them. Their ability to dimensional compress metal plates to form super composite armour is astounding. The Endorians have also mastered the nuclear bomb, advanced it to the point where all of the matter is transformed into energy. Which is the principal reason why Endorian nuclear devices are so devasting. Some of the more noteable wepons in the Endorian arsenal is the 200 cal, the 150 cal mini-gun. Endorians trian their soldier to be as leathel as possiable on the battle feild. In General Endorians are more reginmented and far more trained than most other races. They are supurb tacticains and master booby trap makers.

Again, nothing except the same but more... what the hell? More regimented and far more trained than most other RACES!?
This is NOT acceptable, Luke. The whole point of this race seems to be "anything you do we can do better" and the toxin weakness does not justify it. Nothing will. Nothing. No matter how hard you try, this won't work for anyone else but you.

luke112 wrote:

Endorians were once a highly advance space fairing speacies that had colinized 90% of their galaxy with an empire of 300,000 worlds and numbers in the trilloins. They had reached a point were they built dimensional gates. All of the changed when the Endorians made contact with the Hitmocks, an even more advance transdimensional empire. Shortly after contact with the Endorians the Hitmock religous hierarchy declared the Endorians a affront to their gods and wage a war of genocide aganist them. Thus begining the bloody and long Great Endo-Hitmock war. The Endorians held their ground as best as they could and fought for every inch, but since the Hitmock Navy of 1 Trillion space ships out numberd the Endorian Navy of 1 billoin space ships, slowly the Endorians lost world after world.

Oh, war, cool.

luke112 wrote:

But the Endorians had made sure the Hitmocks had only Pyrrhic victories. On the ground Endorians alwaysed won. In space they would inflict heavy losses on to the Hitmocks with devastating Nuclear counter attacks and board Hitmock vessels with Supersoldiers shock teams to slaughter Hitmock troops in close quarters. The war waged for nearly 300 years until it ended with the overthrow of the Hitmock religous hierarchy in a Hitmock civil war. But by then the Endorian empire had crumbled down to a few worlds, which with contact with them cut off from any other planet or the mother planet Endor. The Endorian Navy was left with a handful of ships. The Hitmocks had out of a trillion ships at the begining of the war, had only 200 ships left at the end of the war. Even though the Hitmock Navy is far larger than a trilloin ships but the time of assembling another battle group was too costly, not to mention haveing a leader who did not listen to his generals on how to fight the war. The Endorian civilization was bombed to a near pre-industeral state. The Endorian population of Endor was reduced from 49 billlion to 500 million individuals. The total number of Endorians went from 6 trilloin before the war, to 625 million at wars end with most of it being on Endor; the rest being on the scattered worlds that were cutoff from the rest of the galaxy but still under Endorian control With 90% of planets cities left abondened and ruined and the fouth continent reduced to a barron wasteland. The Endorian people began to rebuild their shattered civilization. The endorians became splintered into the Vossians, Cossians, and Matovians. In the 10,000 years since the end of the Great Endo-Hitmock war there has been 20 world wars. With the end of the 20th Endorian world war did the Endorian race finally reunited under one flag. The Vossian flag and once agian took to the stars, as they had originaly done all those countless millenia ago.

Luke, you might want to keep your stories to yourself, then, because I don't see what is it any of this has to do with Felarya.

luke112 wrote:

This concludes the analysis of the Endorian people. Of my five OCs from Endor, four are Endorians, one is a Endorian Naga. My OC Pocco is a normal Endorian. My other OCs; Mac, Bruce, and Nikolia are augmented Endorian AKA super soldiers. Helga is a Giant Endorian Naga. But all of that is a disscussion for another time. Farewell for now dear readers.

Farewell to you too. I hope you've learned something by the time we have that other discussion.

I can appreciate all the work you've done- all that about elements, radiation measures... even if it was a poor attempt at best. You did the right thing there- for all the wrong reasons. If you're going to work that hard you need something less hopeless to work for: this race is just the same but more in every aspect you were called on, and no amount of justifications will make it okay.

And now I'll be blunt- if you're foolish enough to think a mystery still to be revealed changes things, if you're arrogant enough to say that again, I'll lose all respect for you! The problem's what you've brought to the table, NOT the why of it!

Stabs wrote:

Luke!
Now that you know me as Stabs, the gloves are completely off!
I've done all I could for you being nice! Now if I kept seeing no development in your skills, I'd lose all respect for you! I'll consider this my fault for being too nice. Now it's time for you to face things as they are.


That's all, you named everything and just said "it's better"? Physically, mentally, chemically? That was frankly nothing, nothing and nothing. Nobody needs humans who are just the same but more!

So a berserker state and weakness to various toxins? If that's all, don't bother.

Halved strength in 25 years? You've said they're too much. Half of too much is still too much. Radiactivity doesn't matter in this case, either.

That's all? More power to them? That is NOT helping things.

That... is it? The same but more in war, the same but more in art, the same but more in beliefs?

Again, nothing except the same but more... what the hell? More regimented and far more trained than most other RACES!?
This is NOT acceptable, Luke. The whole point of this race seems to be "anything you do we can do better" and the toxin weakness does not justify it. Nothing will. Nothing. No matter how hard you try, this won't work for anyone else but you.

Oh, war, cool.

Luke, you might want to keep your stories to yourself, then, because I don't see what is it any of this has to do with Felarya.

Farewell to you too. I hope you've learned something by the time we have that other discussion.

I can appreciate all the work you've done- all that about elements, radiation measures... even if it was a poor attempt at best. You did the right thing there- for all the wrong reasons. If you're going to work that hard you need something less hopeless to work for: this race is just the same but more in every aspect you were called on, and no amount of justifications will make it okay.

And now I'll be blunt- if you're foolish enough to think a mystery still to be revealed changes things, if you're arrogant enough to say that again, I'll lose all respect for you! The problem's what you've brought to the table, NOT the why of it!

ok then please tell me exactly what i should do then. what should i change, tell me what you think i can do to make them more blanced, more unquie because i really dont have a clue on how to make them acceptable.no serouisly i need help, if i can get the help, i can try to make them less op while at least keeping some uquineness.i hope im not being arrogant i just need help. normaly my brother helps but he dosent know what to do, so i've got you to tell me.please tell it to me in a way i can understand, like how Archmage_Bael told me that i hadent listed any weaknesses. stuff like that. I've tried following advice from CauldronBorn24 but apprantly in the end i end up screwing things up more. Please just help me fix them, bit by bit so i can make these guys good.

Luke, you need to go back to basics with this. Think what you hope to achieve with stories involving your characters of this species. In all probability you don't need a new species, just normal humans raised and trained in the right manner.
I'll work with you on this. (Tomorrow. When I've had sleep.)

thank you Anime junkie

And more than anything, drop the "Everything you can do but better" thing. No matter how well you write everything else no one can take your characters seriously with that

I'm curious to know how you see them fitting into the Felaryan setting.

ok i will, but i need to find my self again retouch that spark that had given the idea to me. i used to knew that spark, now i need to go back and look at everything. and hopeful find that spark.

gt500x wrote:

I'm curious to know how you see them fitting into the Felaryan setting.

hang on im going though some bad trouble right now so dont expect anything you see now to be there when i get my mind strengented out.

I'm not gonna say it's a terrible idea, it just needs to be toned down abit... BUT then again, maybe I just don't see the Felarya that you see. That's why I'm trying to understand.

I'd listen especially to Anime-Junkie when he helps you out. Remember that the key to creating every species (and make them believable) is balance. You tip the scale to far in one direction or the other and the whole thing falls over.

1) Are you related in any way to Shingikku? Though I will note, your spelling is acceptable.

2) With a race this powerful, as above stated, you need balance. One race shouldn't be able to curbstomp everyone, so to make up for their power, you could just give them extreme weaknesses. Example: Maybe they can't balance in a world with 1G gravity, so they lose all funcionality, or perhaps their brains implode if they think of anything related to cheese, or just make them smell like bacon and dissolve in water.

If you want balance (and you do) and give them extreme attributes, their weaknesses must be extreme equally. So it's better to tone down their strengths so you can tone down their weaknesses, or you'll end up sounding like a zany, 2-bit B movie comedy.

Example: My setting has the Kendians, a race like yours, possesed of great strength and technology. Their weakness is that they are also extremely trusting, and a bit slow with anything not related to survival, and also too apathetic to non-lifethreatening matters to support an interactive economy with other planets, leaving them open to being taken advantage of. That is a weakness that cancels out their advantages.

(sorry for the plug, I needed a quick example so I pulled one out of my arse)

Also, if they are posted on this forum, they MUST be related to Felarya somehow. Try to work on that.

Also, listen to Junkie. He is awesome.

FalconJudge wrote:

With a race this powerful, as above stated, you need balance. One race shouldn't be able to curbstomp everyone, so to make up for their power, you could just give them extreme weaknesses.

Not just an extreme weakness, but one that overall brings the species or person back into balance.

For example, Superman can curbstomp everything, but he is (mostly) brought back into balance by his weakness... which is not that he requires sunlight to have powers, nor is it Kryptonite.


Superman's weakness is his morality.

And it mostly works, because we all know that a single person can be a pillar of morality. But it might not work so well for a race of people.

/my two cents.