New Blackjacks

Hey. I'm posting three short bios on the new members of the blackjack mercenary squad - I'm dropping it down from the original super-powered six to a mere mediocre three. I did this because I didn't like the mary sue-ish slant my work was taking. Please, I'm posting these here to get feedback, so please please PLEASE comment!

Kurt: Typical everyman. A self-taught magician, Kurt goes into the felaryan wilderness armed with a revolver, a magic talking sword (which never shuts up) and and as much knowledge as he could safely scrounge up from the Negav library. His chief stregnth is his ability to talk his way out of encounters with preds. He originally came from a backwater world which was isolated from all others by thick inter-dimensional walls. When he got to Felarya, he was unable to return to his home world, so decided to stay and enjoy the eternal youth and giant bosoms.

Felicity: A neko from a backwater village, Felicity was brought to Negav by her father when only twelve years old. She quickly attained pop stardom with her natural singing voice and upbeat personality. After her father was killed by a mugger in a backstreet, Felicity quickly fell from grace, becoming known as the biggest whore in Negav as the quality of her music declined. Drunken and near bankrupt, she joined the blackjacks for another income stream.

Raz'dul: Raz'dul was the captain of an elvish secret police on his home world, his chief duties brutalising human slaves and those sympathetic to the human slaves. An unparalled swordsman, he was famed throughout his world for his swordplay and his good looks. Unfortunately, neither were of much help to him when the human revolution came. He was forced to rely on an unstable magical item to teleport away, and wound up on Felarya. He wanted to get off Felarya as fast as possible, but the secret bosses of the blackjacks had other ideas. They captured him and carved him up, replacing several vital organs with others "borrowed" from elves NOT of similar blood type or DNA. As a result, he is in constant pain and cannot leave Felarya without the organs rebelling against his body and killing him. So he bitterly works for the blackjacks, hating every minute of it.

PLEASE COMMENT!! I'M BEGGING!!

I don't understand why Felicity has to be the biggest whore in all of Negav. I think just being a whore is enough. Also, I don't understand how or why the unparalleled swordsman was captured, chopped up, and forced to work for this group. I guess it would help if you explained the group's motivations here as well.

Adding onto what gt500x said...
Apart from Kurt (who is pretty good), you seem to have made your characters 'famous.' A world renowned swordsman and the biggest whore in Negav.
She'd have to be a pretty big whore for that.
It's just unneeded, it doesn't add anything because afro what I can see it's not relevant to anything else in the character.

Anyway, there's not much to say, because there's not much given on these characters.
Flesh them out more.

Lastly:

Quote :

Felicity quickly fell from grace, becoming known as the biggest whore in Negav as the quality of her music declined.

That's a pretty big leap. Why would her music decline when her father was killed? Was her father writing all her music?

Thanks for the feedback you guys! I probably should have been more careful with my wording. 'Biggest whore' and 'unparalled swordsman' are a bit much, I'll admit. Maybe 'huge whore' and 'great swordsman' are more appropriate. I have got more fleshed out versions, but those would contain spoilers - suffice it to say, Felicity's grief and lack of guidance caused her to change pretty drastically. Mostly I added that to her character because it seems to be a huge part of the 'fallen pop star' stereotype. I wanted her to be that because it was a really unique and well-known profession, it just adds so much character. Like I said before, it will be better explained in the series.

Also, you've inspired me to add something to my characters - Raz'dul now has an afro!

I think it's ok to say Razdul was a unparalleled swordsman on his OWN world, but he certainly wouldn't be unparalleled on felarya, where magic swords are commonplace, and constant battle for survival has honed EVERYONE's skills. Everyone who doesn't get eaten that is.
But why does he want to get off Felarya so quickly? With the revolution and such?
Perhaps the fall from renown could add to his disgruntlement at being stuck in Felarya, where he's just another snackfood.
I like Felicity, she is a solid character in my view. But I think she could also be addicted to drugs. I dont even know if there are any commercial drugs in Felarya. So much to read...

How did Kurt, a "backwater world" guy, get a magic sword? Not a critisism, just curious. Sounds like a cool story.

Actually, yeah. Felicity is addicted to sex, alcohol and tinies. It's why I made her a pop star - hedonistic and doesn't care about the "little people". Raz'dul wanted to get off Felarya because, as an elf, he already lives for millenia, so one of the best advantages of living on Felarya doesn't apply to him. So he's just left with the bad parts; i.e. being stuck on a world with giant voracious predators and crazy zealots. And if you want to know how Kurt got his sword, then you should read the first Felaryan Odyssey story, found here: http://edgedweapon.deviantart.com/gallery/25850264#/d2s79il