Constantine Vaylin

Name: Constantine Vaylin
Species: Human
Height: 6’1
Weight: 81kg
Skin color: white
Hair color: Dark brown, slightly graying at the sides
Eye color: Gray
Age: Mid 30s

Background: Born into an urban landscape and drafted into the military at 16, Constantine fought nonstop 2 years for his homeland, before one night his squad was ambushed in the jungle, and where he was told to execute his own comrades, believing that it would safe his own life he did just that, forced to look into their eyes as they begged him not to kill them. Instead of letting him go the enemy forces brought him back to their base and tortured him for an entire year, utilizing all sorts of physical, emotional, and psychological techniques on him, for sport more than anything else. Finally, his Countrymen discovered the location of the enemy base, and assaulted it, finding him broken, and beaten, but still alive. He was in the hospital for 6 months then sent back out to active duty, without a psychological evaluation, so no one knew that he was suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome. He made his way through the ranks, becoming cold, and hiding all emotion, except in outbursts, which he did his best to conceal. He eventually joined the Special Forces, and stayed there for 6 years, they trained him, and he used that training, and he found he was good at it, and what’s more sometimes he downright enjoyed it. He became more and more detached from his fellow soldiers, and numb to the suffering he caused, he was considered the perfect solo operative. Discovering his numbness to causing pain his superiors assigned him to his governments secret police, to torture, interrogate, and execute, anyone he was ordered to, even his own family when they were believed to be traitors until one day he found a file containing the details of his confinement and torture, and he discovered that his own governments did it to him, he killed his friends, his comrades, and was subjected to all sorts of hellish tortures, because his government wanted propaganda, and wanted to enrage the people, invoke there fighting spirit, their patriotism. In a fit of pure, uncontrollable rage, he slaughtered everyone in the building, soldiers, officers, civilians alike. His government, wanting to subject him to the worst punishment they could, and sent him through a portal, with a small military escort, comprised of the royal guard, to videotape the most humiliating demise they could find. Upon leaving the portal, he discovered he was in felarya, in a gigantic jungle, and he began having violent flashbacks of his confinement, and how he massacred his friends. Unbeknownst to himself and his former comrades, they were being watched. The Escort was soon engaged, and massacred by local animals, leaving the few survivors in full retreat, with the creatures hot on their heels, while Constantine, who had no plans of dying there, salvaged what provisions, and equipment he could off the fallen soldiers, and using the skills his country had provided him with, did his best to stealthily make his way from the mass grave, to try and find a safe haven where he can rest and plan.

Personality: Constantine is a rather quiet man, although he can keep conversation going if he regards you as someone very dear to him, which is by far one of the hardest things for him to do, and most don’t make the effort to get to know him very well. He has many stories to tell, and sometimes he fancies himself in the mood to share them, with which he can truly amaze you with some of them. He is shy, and quiet detached from most people, not trusting almost anyone unless he considers you one of those near and dear. He can be very blunt sometimes without knowing that he’s doing it, although he doesn’t mean anything by it, to him it’s just the way things are. He can be beyond determined if he has his mind set on something, but he is not a fool, and won’t blindly rush into a situation if he can help it. He sometimes has outbursts of anger, and can say or do things he wouldn’t even think of if he was in his right mind, And sometimes these outbursts can put him in very dangerous situations. He can have absolutely horrible nightmares, and being there when he truly needs a friend, has put a few people in the category of people he truly trusts and cares about. If you manage to gain his loyalty, which few have ever been able to do, it is beyond unshakable. In his mind his loyalty is the only redeeming quality about him, and he will never betray those who gain it. Constantine also believes that everyone is different, and that everyone is full of surprises, good ones or bad ones, but there still there. He doesn’t get scared very easily, or rather he doesn’t let it show, and will oftentimes do the unexpected when he feels it would suit his purposes best.
Likes: Reading, Nature, Animals, honing his skills, and has quite a fancy for spicy foods. He has also been known from time to time to play around with a guitar, and can sing a bit, but hasn’t around people, he’s too shy for that, and doesn’t think himself good enough to.

Dislikes: Failing a mission, losing his temper, seeing a child harmed.

Skills: Constantine’s main weapon is stealth. No gun or blade could ever outweigh the importance it plays in his arsenal. That said, he isn’t invincible, if he gets hurt, he’s going to feel it, and he may be able to get out of quite a few situations, that doesn’t mean he can get out of all of them. With the importance of stealth established, he won’t back down from a fight, and if a situation requires a more bold approach, he won’t hesitate to use it. Constantine has extensive training with hand to hand tactics, and most types of weaponry, and can improvise in times of need. He can do things like rappel and parachute, as long as he has the right equipment. He can also make poisons, and healing herbs with the right knowledge, but the flora of felarya is unknown to him, so unless he learns it, it isn’t very useful. He has enough medical knowledge for the basics, but beyond that not much.

Constantine is also at a disadvantage because he doesn’t have much of an idea about anything to do with felarya, only that for the present, he needs to be cautious.

Okay, this seems a bit (and others may disagree with me here) Mary Sue-ish. His backstory is mostly horrific suffering, but despite this he is still a great guy who dislikes failing a mission, hurting a child or losing his temper. I would expect a man who lived through that to become bitter and depressed, at least. This guy needs more vices to make him seem more human.

As for Constantine's skills, the whole not-backing-down-from-a-fight would probably get him killed in the first eight seconds of Felaryan life, because a six-foot tall man is no match for a one hundred and twenty foot tall naga no matter how stealthy or good with poisons he is (by the way, if he has no idea about felaryan life, then how does he know which plants can be used to make poisons and which ones are not?).

I'm sorry if I seem hyper critical, but I've made pretty much every Mary Sue mistake in the book, so I know when someone else is doing the same. You need to make Constantine more relateable - instead of having him being a secret policeman who tortured and was tortured, have him be an everyan who was conscripted to the army out of the blue, sent to felarya a month later after basic training, and then had his squad wiped out on the first day and he only survived because the naga who ate them was already full. You should also give him some quirkier, funnier aspects to make him more keeping to felarya's theme - maybe have him scared of spiders, and have a giant dridder who sees him walking through the forest fall in love with him, or something. No, wait, scratch that last part, I call dibs on it.

Basically, drop some of the cooler aspects of your character and make him more ordinary.

thank you very much for the critique ill take your suggestions into consideration, and ill revise him, i don't want to lose the back story if i can help it, but ill make him more relatable, and i can admit i might have gone a bit overboard with the attempted badassness lol

Hmm... EW does have a point. But I don't think this guy is a mary sue. He DOES however need more relatable traits. You should elaborate on his emotional outbursts. I've known people with PTSD from far less drastic events and they were pretty messed up This guy's PTSD would be extremely explosive.

Not all the character traits fit this guy. He's numb, yet doesn't hurt a child.
You've got to make the traits fit the character.

I'd also like to point out that his backstory is contrived. There's nothing wrong with great suffering and trials, but the reason given for it is just... ridiculous for the purpose.

As for badassery, no character is "born" a badass. Badass is by action, not my looks or powers. Stories make characters badass.

Note: here is the first revision, i tried to revise things both of you pointed out, ive tried to take away some of the good side, making him more bitter, and violent, but at the same time trying not to give him no personality.lost the part about poisons etc. he is still not very relatable, although i did lose the part about the secret police, and being an interrogator. and i tried making him a little more humorous in some ways, specifically the seasick and the fish part.I attempted to go more in depth into his PTSD, and i deleted some of the conflicting traits, although i hope i got all of them. I also added some more information, edited his backstory etc. thank you borh for your critiques and please let me know how i did with the revisions

Name: Constantine Vaylin
Species: Human
Height: 6’1
Weight: 81kg
Skin color: white
Hair color: Dark brown, slightly graying
Eye color: Gray
Age: mid 30s
Background: Born into an urban landscape and drafted into the military at 16, Constantine fought nonstop 2 years for his homeland, before one night his squad was ambushed in the jungle, and where he was told to execute his own comrades, believing that it would safe his own life, he did just that, forced to look into their eyes as they begged him not to kill them. Instead of letting him go the enemy forces brought him back to their base and tortured him for an entire year, practicing all sorts of physical, emotional, and psychological techniques on him. Finally, his Countrymen discovered the location of the enemy base, and assaulted it, finding him broken, and scarred, but still alive. He was in the hospital for 6 months then sent back out to active duty, without a psychological evaluation, so no one knew that he was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. He made his way through the ranks, becoming cold, and hiding all emotion, except in violent outbursts, which he did his best to conceal. He eventually joined the Special Forces, they trained him, and he used that training, and he found he was good at it, and what’s more sometimes he downright enjoyed it. One day he had an anger outburst of such intense fury, that he assaulted his commanding officer, who was reprimanding him. He was detained by his comrades, and forced to undergo a psychological evaluation. They discovered his condition, and instead of taking him off active duty, due to the need for experienced soldiers, put him on medication, for when he was on missions, and ordered him to undergo therapy. The therapy was too irregular to have many positive effects, but the drugs kept him in control and sane. He stayed in the Special Forces until one day; the war took a turn for the worst. He was ordered to accompany a convoy along with one of his Special Forces squad mates, to scout a newly discovered world, and determine whether it was suitable for the government to relocate there. The convoy was small, due to a serious lack of manpower, as the military couldn’t recall anymore soldiers from the frontlines. The convoy entered the new world, and was surrounded by ruins that from the looks of things were long abandoned. There first day was uneventful, and they traveled through the night, and eventually came to the edge of a jungle. Soon after they entered the jungle, the convoy came under attack, by monstrous creatures that absolutely devastated it. The soldiers managed to fight them off but barely, and as soon as they had, a new threat appeared. Constantine being at the back of the back of the convoy, only heard what was happening, soon there was screaming, and then a massive chorus of gunfire that seemed to have little effect, as it soon died down, and screams came one at a time, that were quickly silenced. Constantine looked for any hostiles, but was shocked at what he found. There, at the front of the convoy was something that had the tail of a snake, the upper body of a young woman, and was easily 100ft tall! And from the bulge going down her neck, he guessed where his comrades had gone. Constantine ran, and ran as fast and far as he could, not wanting to believe what he saw. The creature luckily didn’t care to follow him, as she was quite full, and didn’t care to follow a lone human, who would probably end up being one of her friends’ dinners.

Personality: Constantine when on his medication is a quiet man, bitter at the world for what happened to him, but enjoying his work. He is numb to the pain he causes, and doesn’t depict much emotion, but truly enjoys killing the people that had almost destroyed him in his youth. He hasn’t had a civilian friend in a very long time, spending his time either in the field, or around professional soldiers. He is a blunt person to talk to, but doesn’t mean anything by it, he just says what he thinks should be said. When he is on a mission, he is quick, deadly, and utterly merciless. Constantine has seen many places, done many things that he considers normal for people to do, if someone asked him about these, he would be shocked at first, but would enjoy telling his stories, and answering the questions. In the little spare time he gets he likes to listen to music, and has played with his guitar, and has become rather good at it. Off his medication, Constantine spends almost no time around his countrymen, preferring to go into the field alone, and kill and maiming as much as possible, letting the rage guide his actions as the outbursts became more frequent. At night he would have horrible nightmares, and even when he was conscious sometimes he would have flashbacks of the things he’s done. He has been known to be gone for months at a time, and upon returning, volunteering for the next mission he can. Constantine biggest fear is his own mortality. He can stare death in the face and tell it to get lost, so long as he is confident in his abilities. But if he loses that confidence, he is just as scared as anyone else. Luckily for him, he has the training and the experience that he considers himself safe in most situations, but when faced with new and unknown threats, he is thrown off his game, and won’t do anything but observe them until he decides whether he can take them down or not. Constantine also has no idea how to talk to women, and when it comes to most social situations he can be rather naïve.

Likes: Reading, Nature, Animals, honing his skills, and has quite a fancy for spicy foods. He has also been known from time to time to play around with a guitar, and can sing a bit, but hasn’t around people, he’s too shy for that, and doesn’t think himself good enough to. He likes the feeling of being one of the most ruthless killing machines that his homeland has at its disposal.

Dislikes: Constantine dislikes many things, but he has an intense dislike for mages. He has only ever encountered a few, but when he has seen them, they have been devastating force of destruction depending on the type of magic they wield. They are some of the hardest targets to take down, and more than once has he barely escaped death when fighting a mage. He also hates fish, as well as the ocean(due to getting massively seasick). Fish creep him out, especially ones at deeper depths (angler fish for example) and he has seen entire boats succumb to the sea and the predators within it. He is also uneasy in the jungle, due to the jungle being the place where he personally executed his comrades in an attempt to save himself.

Skills: Constantine’s main weapon is stealth. No gun or blade could ever outweigh the importance it plays in his arsenal. That said, he isn’t invincible, if he gets hurt, he’s going to feel it, and he may be able to get out of quite a few situations, that doesn’t mean he can get out of all of them. With the importance of stealth established, if a situation requires a more bold approach, he won’t hesitate to use it. Constantine has extensive training with hand to hand tactics, CQB tactics and most types of weaponry, and explosives, and can improvise in times of need. He can do things like rappel and parachute, as long as he has the right equipment. He has enough medical knowledge for the basics, but beyond that not much.

Constantine is also at a disadvantage because he doesn’t have much of an idea about anything to do with felarya, only that for the present, he needs to be cautious.

Discount anything in this topic, im editing the character, as well as the beginning of the story