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 Pet Store Horror's

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walkingbyself
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Pet Store Horror's Empty
PostSubject: Pet Store Horror's   Pet Store Horror's Icon_minitimeFri Aug 05, 2011 10:12 pm

Pet Store Horrors

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Last edited by walkingbyself on Mon Aug 15, 2011 4:28 pm; edited 2 times in total
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walkingbyself
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walkingbyself


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Pet Store Horror's Empty
PostSubject: Re: Pet Store Horror's   Pet Store Horror's Icon_minitimeSat Aug 06, 2011 2:04 am

Growing Pains

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Last edited by walkingbyself on Mon Aug 15, 2011 4:28 pm; edited 2 times in total
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walkingbyself
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Pet Store Horror's Empty
PostSubject: Re: Pet Store Horror's   Pet Store Horror's Icon_minitimeSat Aug 06, 2011 2:12 am

Cruel and Unusual Punishments

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Last edited by walkingbyself on Mon Aug 15, 2011 4:28 pm; edited 2 times in total
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walkingbyself
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walkingbyself


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Pet Store Horror's Empty
PostSubject: Re: Pet Store Horror's   Pet Store Horror's Icon_minitimeSat Aug 06, 2011 2:16 am

Nukem Forever!

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Last edited by walkingbyself on Mon Aug 15, 2011 4:26 pm; edited 2 times in total
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MrNobody13
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Pet Store Horror's Empty
PostSubject: Re: Pet Store Horror's   Pet Store Horror's Icon_minitimeSat Aug 06, 2011 9:20 am

Well, I must say this story was, on a whole, quite something. The characters were interesting and mostly alright. I did have a bit of an issue with Ferris being the one-dimensional villain who is nothing but evil with no redeeming qualities, but that's not a terrible overstep. The other characters were done fairly well, particularly Sala and Sascha, their relationship.

You definitely want to work on your spelling, although your grammar seems fine. There were numerous errors in the story, to the point of being a tad distracting, at least for me. "Through" being replaced by "threw" and "thru" occurred a great deal, and make sure to use the proper "to", "too" or "two".

The paragraph and formatting was good, prose decent, and overall the characters were believable (except Ferris, but that's forgivable), and both the final fight and the initial scene with the mother trying to protect her egg were nicely portrayed.

Other than those issues, well done.
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walkingbyself
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PostSubject: Re: Pet Store Horror's   Pet Store Horror's Icon_minitimeMon Aug 08, 2011 7:05 am

Thanks for the feed back I always have trouble on deciding which to/ too should be placed where. And for the through well yes I know I need work on that as well... I guess I kinda took the cheap easy way out on that I'm looking threw and fixing those two errors now. As for Ferris I really wanted him to leave an impression on her that would carry over for many years past his death and I might have been a tad to lazy in giving him any actual redeeming qualities but also it might also be because I just don't like elves at all and wanted him to be that one-dimensional. And the story is far from over yet I still have a fifth chapter that I'm trying to get shoot full of holes by amroq whose helped me out thus far on improving the quality of each chapter. Plus I'm working on the sixth chapter right now, I would throw the fifth up as is now but I'd like to get it looked over first.
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walkingbyself
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PostSubject: Re: Pet Store Horror's   Pet Store Horror's Icon_minitimeMon Aug 08, 2011 11:27 am

Alright fixed the issue of threw and through only thing really to fix is which to/ too should be used where.
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walkingbyself
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PostSubject: Re: Pet Store Horror's   Pet Store Horror's Icon_minitimeMon Aug 15, 2011 2:41 pm

Happy Twentieth Birthday

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walkingbyself
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walkingbyself


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PostSubject: Re: Pet Store Horror's   Pet Store Horror's Icon_minitimeThu Sep 08, 2011 3:43 am

The Destination

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walkingbyself
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PostSubject: Re: Pet Store Horror's   Pet Store Horror's Icon_minitimeMon Mar 19, 2012 6:48 am

Mazes and Over Grown Pigeons

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PostSubject: Re: Pet Store Horror's   Pet Store Horror's Icon_minitime

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