Well, firstly I would like to thank you for going ahead and posting this in their intended orders here on the forum. That makes it far easier for me to look over them and provide valid criticisms to things I find to be amiss. Also, I am keeping in mind that some of the earlier entries are relatively old, so I'll try to be more forgiving in my comments on those sections.
Anyway, as for Taven the Naga part one;
One of the things that pops out to me early on in the story is the listing of several qualities that make Taven a desirable person for humans and non predatory creatures to be around. The issue with flatly stating that characters possess certain qualities is that it detracts from the overall substance of the story itself, and makes for fairly boring characterization. Instead of outright saying that a character is clever, for instance, you could make an effort to demonstrate the quality through the actions the character takes. If they are shown to behave in a way which would widely be regarded as clever most readers will be able to conclude that they are and the story is likely to be more interesting as a whole. That being said, I do find it somewhat humorous that an imagined disease is partly responsible for other predators' aversion to him. It works well because it has comedic value while still being feasible to an extent, as most large predators would find not eating humanoids irregular but a few would lack the intelligence to know that no affliction is responsible for it. Only thing I would suggest you do is draw back the generalization a bit. While some predators might conjecture that an illness of some sort is the cause, there would be many more who knew otherwise. Perhaps restricting it to a few predator's Taven has associated with would correct the problematic generality of the statement. Alternatively, you could just make it a rumor Taven spreads knowingly. That would make it funny and it would retain sensibility. (Or, at least I think it would make it funny. My sense of humor might not be quite the best)
Moving on, I'm really going to have to stress something to you; Receiving television reception from Earth in Felarya is pretty much an absolute impossibility. Firstly, explanation of the means by which he attained the televisions and satellite was fairly nonsensical. I'm fairly certain that the dimensional tears that bring people and things into Felarya happen at complete random, regardless of if the people or objects involved broke some arbitrary speed limit (Entertaining the idea that such a thing even exists). Secondly, even if a television did arrive, it would likely be damaged due to its trip and I'm inclined to doubt repair would be an easy matter for a being that had no prior experience with a television and by extension no idea what they were actually trying to fix it to do. Plus, Televisions tend to need power sources. That's another problem. Lastly, satellites are impossible to use in Felarya. It literally has no space. Your description of his encounter with the German's who had the satellite int heir possession is equally confusing given the nature of Felarya. The translation enchantment effectively serves to ensure that all beings can understand one another to some degree if they are capable of remotely similar speech. Anything said in an unfamiliar language is turned into a familiar concept for the person hearing it. If a person were to say "Rock" in german, to Taven it would sound just like "Rock" or whatever the equivalent word would be for the language he is most comfortable with. Speaking of the language his is most comfortable with, I'm wondering if there was any true reason he was described as speaking french. Given the fact that French is a language of Earth I don't see how he was taught it to any extent. Also, I feel the need to state that explicit references to Earth within stories taking place in Felarya are pretty much looked down upon.
The subject of sentences seems subject to radical change, effectively making it flow awkwardly. For instance, you moved from discussing his residence to his feelings for his dead mother without any transition point existing in between. A similar abrupt change of topic occurs when it begins to explain his fascination with the Earth and the rift that apparently exists perpetually somewhere near the Jewel river that leads to Earth. Now, the problem with that is not only the lack of comfortable transition, but the fact that Earth seems to be integral to the character and story as a whole. This is something that just generally shouldn't be done. Additionally, if such a thing did exist, the inevitable results would be horrific for all parties involved. Either Earth dwelling humans would have discovered an existing portal to a true other world with many forms of sentient life besides themselves, or the sentient beings of Felarya would have gone through themselves. Either would not yield positive results. It is really for the best that a story hold no explicit references to the Earth and that the Earth stay as much a non factor as possible. That in itself is my prime gripe with the story thus far. Earth should not have presence, much less importance.
Now, the actual point of contact between Taven and Symone;
How was Taven able to tell through scent that she was native to Earth? Also, how would scent be indicative of race to any extent? Not to mention age. The mention of the fact that Taven and Tara are so sizable by virtue of their heritage was equally confusing. I don't believe it's actually possible for two different tauric species to conceive children, much less have healthy ones that exhibit beneficial traits from both parents.
As a whole the story is rather confusing and contradictory of the canonical nature of Felarya. Next to nothing included is feasible and given that this is the basis for the story as a whole that could prove rather problematic, as building up from an unsteady base ultimately results in structural failure. I strongly advise you to look into making revisions and addressing some of the issues I have mentioned here and any others that you may now be informed enough to acknowledge on your own.
Subject: Slick's stories and musings 
Mon Feb 06, 2012 8:15 pm
