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TheLightLost
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TheLightLost


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PostSubject: Edited bios   Edited bios Icon_minitimeTue Apr 10, 2012 7:17 am

I've decided to rework my character bios before moving forward with the story I've already begun. Comments and critique are greatly appreciated. The areas where I believe the most improvement can be made is with my grammar, in the personality of the character, and possibly her age vs her size. But I need another viewpoint or set of eyes on this.

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Name: Helia (pronounced Hee-lee-ah)
Species: Flare Harpy
Chronological/Biological Age: 18/18 (huge growth spurts during teen years are not unheard of on Iracal Island... What? You're not buying that?  Um... ok, this might change then ^^)
Sex: Female
Height: 107 ft (32.6 m)
Wingspan: 180 ft
Skin complexion: Light-brown
Feather color: white
Hair color: White
Eye color: Gold
Magic Affinity: Uses Fire magic
Predation:  Opportunistic

Other Characteristics: Has white eyebrows and eyelashes. Wears a blue-violet silk headband and has shoulder length hair.  Helia is a member of a rare harpy subspecies called flare harpies.  Flare harpies are said to have originated long ago with the mating of a harpy and an incubus.  Helia sports white plumage over large portions of her light-brown skinned body and, like the rest of her subspecies, has an affinity for fire magic but she has yet to really hone it.

Personal quote: "I like to live life to the fullest... the fullest of my tummy that is."

Personality:  Rambunctious,  deceptive, and maybe even a tad bit touched in the head; the mischievous Helia acts every bit her young age.  The world is her plaything in her eyes and she has behaved that way for as long as anyone can remember.  Her almost innocent smile would belie the impish nature that had nearly gotten her exiled from her home at Mount Litocoro once.  Helia rarely feels remorse when her pranks end up hurting someone and it's hard to convince her that she has done anything wrong because she doesn't appear to have the innate ability to empathize with others.  It's either that or, as some would suggest, she is simply maladjusted in some way. Because of a turbulent relationship with her mother during crucial years in her development, Helia never quite learned how to express herself. Rather than trying to build a healthy friendship through politeness, she opts to force interaction with a person either by pranking or bullying - but understanding this behavior we know that Helia does mean well and she's acting the only way she knows how.   Adding to Helia's peculiar makeup is the presence of an another side to her personality.  It's an opposite side of her that would seem to be very frail and surfaces when the emotional scars of her past are dug at.  Apparently, she has suppressed her memories and guarded them so well that she even managed to convince herself that certain events never happened, but the inner Helia can never stay buried too long.

Background:  Hatched on Mount Litocoro, on Iracal Island Helia spent many days with the humans that lived in the city on the mountain summit.  She was not unique among young harpies, or chicks, for that. Like others, she had even spent some time attending the humans' elementary school. There wasn't a whole lot that she could do to blend in with the human children with her being larger, feathered, and lacking hands so she never fooled herself into believing she was one of them. The fundamental differences that she accepted would shape the way she viewed humans from that point on. Still, during these early years of her life, she managed to become good friends with a boy named Atreus and he served as a comforting presence amidst the trouble that eventually arose with her mother.

The details of what went on between Helia and her mother over the years are sketchy at best.  What is certain is that Helia was more or less disowned by her mother by the time she turned 13 years old.  As for who the mother that disowned her is, the most obvious harpy to suggest had flat out denied having anything to do with Helia at all.  So Helia found herself without a biological family and matters only got worse for her when Atreus left to spend the next six years of his life in military service.  Helia was alone.

Now, humans -well most of them- aren't stupid; the citizens around Helia reached out hoping to befriend her and ensure that she would never view them as food later in her life, but she rejected them.   They weren't the people who mattered to her. They weren't the people she wanted. And for reasons she was pretty sure she knew - one being the rumor that her father is a Sphinx - but were not yet confirmed to be true, no other harpies would step forward to care for her.  Without anyone to comfort her, Helia broke down and nearly collapsed completely.  In her fragile state of mind she would have left the mountain and exposed her young self to the dangers of the wilderness but she was saved by Gale, a rather clumsy rock harpy who was not much older than herself.  Call it dumb luck or fate, Helia was knocked out of mid-flight by the daydreaming Gale and got the worst of the collision.  By the time she awoke, Helia found herself back in the mountain-top city, and her young body was being tended to by humans much older but no bigger than she.  Nurses, she recognized them then. Rest and time to heal would be needed before she could fly again is what the nurses told Helia before leaving her in the care of a woman, a rather sheltered looking woman with glasses - that woman wouldn't last a second outside the humans' city walls. But she didn't come for Helia alone, Gale was with her and she clearly felt sorry for hurting Helia.  The soft woman and the space case cared for Helia until she could fly again and by that time they had convinced her to remain with them for what amounted to a little more than four years.

Hunting habits:  Around Mount Litocoro, Helia falls into the category of "free eaters," meaning she will eat humans without remorse if she thinks she can get away with it.  Of course she recognizes humans as "persons" but the differences between giant harpies and humans are too great for Helia to ignore, and in the world she lives in, big people eat little people; it's just the way things are.  After spotting prey, she swoops in like most harpies do and tries to snatch her food up before it has a chance to defend itself.  If push comes to shove, she can engulf herself in flames in hopes of intimidating the fight out of her prey.  She simply hasn't had the training to perform devastating fire attacks.  If she manages to catch something sentient, like humans obviously, she likes to give her prey a chance to speak and perhaps talk his/her way out of being eaten.  She will even go as far as to play games with them if she's not terribly hungry, giving them a chance to win their freedom but she almost never plays fair and there's no guarantee she will let her prey go even if they do win. It's all fun and games with her, and she often laughs as if she isn't in the midst of a game/conversation with such morbid consequences on the line.



Last edited by Heavenless-star on Tue Apr 24, 2012 10:16 am; edited 3 times in total
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parameciumkid
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PostSubject: Re: Edited bios   Edited bios Icon_minitimeTue Apr 10, 2012 3:14 pm

But Helia's myyy OC...! Sad
my webcomic <- See?
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http://helia.net63.net
TheLightLost
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PostSubject: Re: Edited bios   Edited bios Icon_minitimeSat Apr 14, 2012 1:02 pm

The same deal as for Helia's bio. I'm looking for ways to improve the character and editing help with grammar. Thank you for reading! c:

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Name: Gale
Species: Rock Harpy
Chrono/Bio Age: 31 / 20
Sex: Female
Height: 103 ft (31.3 m)
Skin complexion: Light
Feather color: Brown with orange tips
Hair color: Orange with violet streaks
Eye color: Brown
Predation: Reluctant

Personal quote: "One person's story is another person's treasure."

Gale is Helia's best friend and one of the few persons, human or harpy, residing on Mount Litocoro who is not put off by her wacky personality disorder. She has a near perfect memory and can remember fine details of a person or place as well as repeat entire conversations from years ago, a trait which those around her find to be a tremendous help. She's not exactly what most would expect from a harpy, or any other giant predator for that matter, and she doesn't represent a huge threat to humans and the like unless she's desperately hungry. She was more or less raised by the city librarian Daphne Lohgos who fed Gale's budding imagination with storybooks and fairy tales. Gale grew to view the librarian as a god-mother and because of this she could never see the librarian as prey. With Daphne's assistance, Gale has co-written three books that many humans surprisingly loved. Her best-seller, In the Belly of a Dreamer, is a story about how her experiences as a giant predator and how she feels about them. Gale hopes to one day travel to other lands and experience everything the world has to offer. She's long felt that her creative flow has been a little stagnated from being isolated to the island for so long. After exploring more of Felarya, she will then turn her adventures into more books when she returns home.

Personality: The mild mannered Gale actually has many issues that she gets poked fun at for; she is extremely shy, she's a bookworm, a habitual daydreamer, and seems fairly timid. She has an insatiable hunger for good stories, Gale rarely ever passes up the opportunity hear the experiences of other people. Quite often she'll be found staring off into space with her mind wandering and she has been known to fly directly into trees or the mountain side while daydreaming. When speaking, she has a habit of stumbling over her words and going off on tangents that leave the listener baffled before she eventually comes back around to her original point, but by then the listener is sorry they ever asked her to speak. As mentioned, she's quite shy and overly polite which lends to the perception that she is a bit of a pushover but Gale would insist that she's perfectly capable of standing up for herself; she has yet to prove it though and her attempts at talking tough often fall flat. A consequence of spending so much time with the librarian is that Gale struggles with use of slang. While she can handle being on the receiving end, she can't throw insults well at all and her attempts often end up looking so pathetic she gets laughed at and encouraged to simply give it up altogether.

Hunting Habits: Gale is a rock harpy and she has had training in using the wind magic she's naturally inclined to. She can create a focused, almost tornado-like vacuum that can be aimed to within mere feet of its target. She doesn't have to snatch her prey in her talons with such a useful technique; she simply swoops in and sucks her prey up off the ground. Gale's tendency to start daydreaming often causes her to miss her prey and eat dirt, so she rarely has a good hunt and can be left very hungry at the end of the day. Like most giant predators, Gale will eat almost any living thing that fits in her mouth but she tries her best to keep sentient creatures off the menu because she prefers to not eat anything capable of telling a story. But because she so rarely manages to get a satisfying meal she has moments of weakness and ends up eating sentients; not even Gale's friend Atreus is safe when she reaches the limit of her willpower and snaps. Fortunately, and ironically, Helia has been there to stop her.





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TheLightLost
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PostSubject: Re: Edited bios   Edited bios Icon_minitimeTue Apr 24, 2012 10:25 am

Made precisions to Helia's bio at the advice of Shady_Knight. C:
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