Jack Derridge: Mean and Clean.

Well I'm back. Hoping to try out a completely new character on my fave rp site. ^^ Be sure to give feedback so I can alter him. I'm trying something completely new here so I might make mistakes.

"So... uh. Mr Derrige was it? So you need a loan do you? Tell me a little about yourself first."

Jack Derrige fidgeted uncomfortably, despite the fact he was sitting in a comfy chair. He had never tried to apply for a loan before, and he wasn't sure what to say. He had always been awful at social interactions.

"Well lets see." Said Jack. "I'm 20, I'm a virgin, I enjoy herbalism, I hate cheese, and I dislike salt."

The bank clerk was a little suprised at all the random information. He decided to just move on and get this application over with.

"I see... Lets move on shall we? What do you need this loan for?"

"I'd like to expand my business." Responded Jack.

"Okay, tell me about the business you need a loan for."

"Oh, its a dental service."

"Dental? Are you licensed to practice?"

"Well, no... But I don't need one! I only cater to 'special' clients."

The bank clerk stared at Jack and lifted an eyebrow.

"Such as?"

"Such as... Well you know. Nagas and the like."

"NAGAS!?" Exclaimed the clerk in suprise.

"Yes"

"The giant ones!?"

"Yes"

The clerk was visibly flabbergasted by what had just been said.

"What exactly... I mean... uh... Explain!"

"Well, have you ever seen a giant predator's teeth? Ugh!"

Jack grimaced in disgust.

"I know they usually swallow their food whole, but inevitably bits and pieces get stuck in the teeth and the throat you know? Thats where I come in. I pick all the tricky bits and pieces out using my specialised dental tool. Then the predator can hunt its prey confident in the knowledge that its prey wont be thinking about how dirty their mouth is. And don't even get me started on their breath! Absolutley rancid! I-"

"Wait wait wait." Interuppted the clerk. "Let me get this straight, you willingly go inside a predator's mouth... to CLEAN!?"

"Uh huh."

"But... what... aren't you afraid of being swallowed?"

"Oh. Well obviously, but after being swallowed 7 times already, I'm kinda used to it."

The clerk was shocked! But was starting to doubt the legitamacy of such a ludicrous claim.

"WHAT!? You were... 7 times? Really? But how are you still alive?"

"Oh don't worry. My clients only swallow me by accident. They regurgitate me and apologise and I carry on with my work. No hard feelings."

"And you want to expand this business? Expand it how? Why?"

"Well my clients have no money you see. So they can't pay me... Although my dental work is free anyway, for the most part. I nee-"

The clerk interuppted him again. This time, he was extremely angry instead of shocked.

"You clean the teeth of giant predators, for FREE!? What nonsense! I've had enough of your foolishness Mr Derrige! You have wasted enough of my time with this rediculous prank! Get out!"

"But I'm telling the truth..."

"OUT!!"

Jack slowly walked out of the office and out onto the streets of Negav. He leaned against the wall of the bank and sighed. Why couldn't he just be normal?



Jack Derrige is a 20 year old caucasion human. He has long honey blonde hair, tied back in a ponytail. His clothing is nothing out of the ordinary, just simple clothes that the average person might wear. He does however, wear a leather harness with curious objects attached to it. A large glass flask of his own secret concentrated cleaning solution, a collapsable lightweight brush that can extend to several times its own length, a pouch for storing herbs and a small steel dagger. Also attached to the harness are a dozen fist sized glass flasks filled with more of Jack's homemade solutions. Only these are not for cleaning. Finally, inside of a large bag on his back is the key to his success. His refiner. More on that later on.

Jacks personality is... odd. He is a little quirky to say the least. He dislikes fighting, mainly because he isn't very good at it, prefering to talk things out instead. He can be very cowardly at times, and downright insane at other times. Jack is obsessed with the smallest things. His harness always has to have the items arranged in a certain order, and he treasures his collapsable brush, which he nicknames "Lucy", to name but a few. He carries 'Lucy' at all times. Above all else he is obsessed with cleanliness. Oddly enough, he does not care at all about his own cleanliness, only his environment and other people around him. Its enough to drive him to madness.

Known back in his world as a "Savant", Jack cared not for his educational potential, or his own family. He spent much of his time cleaning. His job was merely a street cleaner in the technologically advanced mage city of Dugham, but he patrolled 'his' streets and enforced cleanliness with a vengeance, becoming infamous as a result. His apartment was always spotless. If you were to knock something over in his own apartment, Jack would most likely become enraged. He never considered commercial cleaning solutions to be "clean" enough, so with the help of a wizard named Terry, his best friend, he constructed his own portable refining machine. Magic and technology came together in an epic triumph of cleaning history. The refiner would dissolve plant matter into an acidic goo, and conduits of magical gemstones installed and maintained by Terry would alter the properties of the goo until it was a stable, perfect cleaning solution. Just a few drops of this colorless liquid would lather up nicely, and make anything squeaky clean. And minty fresh.

Before he could get a chance to unveil his and Terry's invention to the world, he inexplicably wound up in Felarya, along with Terry and most of his neighborhood. Confusion set in, as the denizens wondered why the the rest of the city was now a forest. Within minutes, predators attacked from all sides, snatching up handfulls of people and greedily gulping them down. Terry used his magic to buy enough time for Jack to escape into the forest. Jack never saw Terry again.

Many crazy events have passed in the short time Jack has spent in Felarya, and he still doubts he will ever get used to this place. Its far too filthy... But those are stories for another time.

Finally, here are some details about Jack's refining machine. Although Jack built most of it, Terry specialised in the magical components which allows nearly anything to be refined into a more stable form. As the machine is only the size of a small printer, the intake slot is only small, limiting what can be refined. An example is Jack's cleaning solution, made by filling the machine with random plant matter, altering the complicated settings using the dozens of knobs and switches on the side, and then activating the refining process. The machine will make an extremely loud rumbling noise and will emit a bright blue light. Depending on how much is being refined, the process can take anywhere from five seconds to an hour. The result is then stored in clear glass flasks, available at most stores.

The refiner is also something Jack can bring to a fight. Sort of. It can refine nearly anything, thanks to magic, including fire and water. For example, if someone were to cast a fire spell into the machine. A weak one mind you, Jack doesn't want to break it, the fire can be magically refined into a more stable liquid counterpart. When stored in a flask it appears to be a thick, transluscent orange fluid. When the flask is opened, and the liquid is exposed to the oxygen in the air, the thick orange liquid is sticky, and burns fiercely for nearly ten minutes before it dies down. It is essentially magical napalm. In a bottle. Fire is just one example, but other things could work too, though Jack has only tried a few possibilities.

Guys, seriously I don't mind criticism! ^^ If you think he is awful go ahead and say why. If you think he is ok but needs a few tweaks, say so. I really don't mind.

Before we start, I'd like to know what are you going to do with this chap. I don't think you're going to write; thought we agreed it's more trouble than it's worth. I doubt, though, that you'll be able to use these abilities outside of writing: they're specific, and pretty situational.

If yer going to roleplay, well, this guy seems appropriate for silly games. I'm not sure he'll have the opportunity to refine much with his portable printer, though- I'd say you'll have to favor special roleplays, preferably something where fighting isn't exactly an option but neither is diplomacy. You know, something a la Kyrandia or SomethingQuest- though maybe those games are from before your time. Alternatively, you could change the concentrating machine to some sort of concentrating solution: yeah, I know, that's homeopathy right there, and homeopathy is potentially dangerous pseudoscience.

While we are at potentially dangerous pseudoscience, maybe we can make the concentration responsible for the trip to Felarya. Maybe he tried to publicly refine something like an "offworld dirt sample" and it glitched?

Jus' throwing a few ideas into the ring, Mortis. Hope some of this gets you somewhere.

Hehe. I figured you'd say that. Yeah you have a point there, that he is only good for silly rp's. But then he is a joke character and is not to be taken seriously. XD I'll take everything else you said to heart.