GAME: Rules on staying alive

The rules are simple: make up any rule you can think of on how to stay alive in any situation.

1. The cake is a lie!
2. Never have sex when there's a killer on the loose.
3. If a spooky little girl with long black hair and a white dress invites you to a movie night, politely decline.
4. Don't piss off a guy with a black notebook.
5. Don't piss off the guy in the red hat and overcoat.
6. Do not piss off the guy in the red hat and overcoat!
7. Avoid the darkness that is Hello Kitty.
8. Never break up with a girl that says she won't be ignored.
9. Don't piss off Chuck Norris.
10. Do not piss off Chuck Norris!

Do not take a candle lit bath.

Do not piss off assassins
Do not stand in the middle of an explosion
Do not eat the pie, it is mine and you won't have to worry about predators anymore but me
Do not challenge some soul stealing maniac to Mortal Kombat
Do not be a freshman in highschool

17. FOR SANITY'S SAKE! DO NOT PRESS THE BIG RED BUTTON!

L'Ryn wrote:

17. FOR SANITY'S SAKE! DO NOT PRESS THE BIG RED BUTTON!

Unless it's shiny. Then you cannot be held accountable for anything that happens.

18: Do not have sex anywhere near a lake. Actually, don't have sex within 100 feet of any body of water in general.

19. Do not piss of a dark pink-haired, one-armed, one-eyed, samurai girl with a katana. Cookie to whoever guess who I'm talking about.

Addendum: Don't piss off someone using foreign weapons in general. If you're in Japan and you see a guy running around with a Claymore, or in Europe and the foe is using a Wakizashi, odds are they're not within your 'tier'.

20) If you investigate a noise on your own (in a moment of unintentional stupidity), and find only a harmless little animal, duck. Or dodge. Do not stand there, exhale a sigh of relief, then turn around.

21) Don't piss off guys with Power Armor.
22) Don't piss off guys with energy weapons.

23) DON'T PISS OFF S-GUY.

24) Rubber chickens make lethal weapons - have one with you at all times.
25) If a rubber chicken gets his hands on an AK-47 or any similar lethal weapon, JUST. WALK. AWAY.

26. Do a barrel roll!

27: Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!
28: Never refuse a weapon.
29: Be afraid when you are in possession of a deadly weapon and face an unarmed man in a pose of submission.
30: Always remember Rule 27.

31. Never piss off Daejien and have the misfortune to be human, an herbivore or any creature big enough to be a meal for him
32. Never throw yourself into the maw of a Naga
33. Always make sure you pack predator repellent when traveling

34: Predator repellant is a lie.
35: DO NOT KILL KENNY!
36: THAT'S CARTMAN'S POT PIE!!!

37. Do not talk to little girls that are in dark and scary places by themselves.

Never take a knife to a predator fight.

Never smoke in Felarya.

Never touch the glowing stuff under the fridge.

Never underestimate a kid with magic powers.

Never underestimate a monkey in a tank.

Never underestimate a kid and a monkey in a magic tank wielding a cigar and a knife covered in glowing stuff.

Dont piss me off
If i have a rifle, stay at least 500 meters away
Go where I go, do what I do

Always keep a balanced arsenal. Knife, shotgun, assault rifle, and grenades.

Figure out how to carry said arsenal.

Don't be blonde. They die first.