The TWILIGHT Disease

We have a national epidemic on our hand in the USA and in Canada. We call it... the Twilight Disease. Symptoms include

1. Shoddily written work
2. Mary-Sue-ness
3. Sparkly 'Vampires'
4. Swooning.
5. Rabid Fangirl-ism
6. Self-Insertion
7. Harry Potter/LotR Bashing
8. Wet fantasies of Sparkly Vampires
9. Crocker-like defensive-ness of SMeyers
10. STUPIDITY OFF THE CHARTS.
11. Thesarus* genocide
12. Pancakes turning into cereal.

*Thesarus is spelt wrong, I know*

We are convened here together in order to discuss this epidemic, which is quickly morphing into a pandemic, and wonder about the cause of the TWILIGHT disease.

.... What is twilight exactly? I hear it's horrible, but I've never once seen it.

*prepares for the sh*tstorm*

Pendragon wrote:

.... What is twilight exactly? I hear it's horrible, but I've never once seen it.

*prepares for the sh*tstorm*

Author's assumed to be anti-feminist (placing the female lead constantly into a position where she seems to love being about as 'free' as an early 20th century woman).

Vampires Glitter in the Sunlight (not burn), are walking wank machines (I can snap 20 peoples heads in five seconds! Starting from a sitting position!), and don't need to drink human blood to live.

Main character's Vampire Love Interest is a stalker by all definitions, the girl doesn't care in the slightest.

Main character spends the majority of the book simply describing how "beautiful" the above Vampire is.

All characters are about as deep as the average kiddy pool, assuming the kiddy pool were chucked by an ocean labeled Eragon - if that helps to get an idea of how poor they are.

The book was based off the author's dream of finding a Vampire that Sparkled in a Meadow.

Well I haven't read it but from what I've heard I don't want to read it.

Malahite wrote:

Vampires Glitter in the Sunlight (not burn), are walking wank machines (I can snap 20 peoples heads in five seconds! Starting from a sitting position!), and don't need to drink human blood to live.

I know people often alter monsters to make them more interesting but bursting into flames in the sun and drinking blood is what makes a vampire a vampire. From the sounds of it they are more like sparkly super humans then vampires.

Ah. Sounds shoddy and horrible.

Thanks.

The movie was pretty bad, I went to see it with friends. It had its moments, but a bad movie overall.

I expect something on THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL disease to occour soon ^_^

I looked up Twilight, I had a stroke from stupidity three seconds later.

From what I've seen and heard, the movie and the book franchise look like total crap. Anyway, here's something that describes the entire movie in a nutshell.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2mZbTCqF2s

Bad news, this disease is apparently spreading overseas; one of my college-mates used this "Twilight" as a subject at the Conversation Techniques (French) exam (yeah, we had to pick something to talk about). Though I wasn't paying attention. I may look it up later.

As a quote to the "The Day the Earth Stood Still" disease, it actually looks like a good movie. I wouldn't knock it untill I try it.

observer88 wrote:

Bad news, this disease is apparently spreading overseas; one of my college-mates used this "Twilight" as a subject at the Conversation Techniques (French) exam (yeah, we had to pick something to talk about). Though I wasn't paying attention. I may look it up later.

I'm sorry to hear about that, observer. The best we can do right now is use a lot of brain bleach.

L'Ryn wrote:

observer88 wrote:

Bad news, this disease is apparently spreading overseas; one of my college-mates used this "Twilight" as a subject at the Conversation Techniques (French) exam (yeah, we had to pick something to talk about). Though I wasn't paying attention. I may look it up later.

I'm sorry to hear about that, observer. The best we can do right now is use a lot of brain bleach.

Or hit a brick wall repeatedly.

NovusWolf wrote:

L'Ryn wrote:

observer88 wrote:

Bad news, this disease is apparently spreading overseas; one of my college-mates used this "Twilight" as a subject at the Conversation Techniques (French) exam (yeah, we had to pick something to talk about). Though I wasn't paying attention. I may look it up later.

I'm sorry to hear about that, observer. The best we can do right now is use a lot of brain bleach.

Or hit a brick wall repeatedly.

Or both.

We should have the Joker meet Edward. BWUHAHAHA!

Or Edward and Bella-Sue meet Crisis.

*brings out all of his weaponry, plus a few guns that he stole from mercenaries* I'll be glad to kill them all off.

Daejien wrote:

*brings out all of his weaponry, plus a few guns that he stole from mercenaries* I'll be glad to kill them all off.

Why? It's better to have the smug vampires killed by warriors of humanity (EDIT: Reason being that they already feel themselves superior over humans, but not likely to have such thoughts with Kitsune's yet. Thus, the curbing would be all the sweeter).

Someone give Gunther a call. Or, failing that, I'm sure a Mr. Muad'dib would be happy to help.

Malahite wrote:

Daejien wrote:

*brings out all of his weaponry, plus a few guns that he stole from mercenaries* I'll be glad to kill them all off.

Why? It's better to have the smug vampires killed by warriors of humanity (EDIT: Reason being that they already feel themselves superior over humans, but not likely to have such thoughts with Kitsune's yet. Thus, the curbing would be all the sweeter).

Someone give Gunther a call. Or, failing that, I'm sure a Mr. Muad'dib would be happy to help.

*passes his weapons to his best friend, Lightning*

Lightning: I'm half-human, does that count?

Daejien wrote:

Malahite wrote:

Daejien wrote:

*brings out all of his weaponry, plus a few guns that he stole from mercenaries* I'll be glad to kill them all off.

Why? It's better to have the smug vampires killed by warriors of humanity (EDIT: Reason being that they already feel themselves superior over humans, but not likely to have such thoughts with Kitsune's yet. Thus, the curbing would be all the sweeter).

Someone give Gunther a call. Or, failing that, I'm sure a Mr. Muad'dib would be happy to help.

*passes his weapons to his best friend, Lightning*

Lightning: I'm half-human, does that count?

Nah, full-human. Twilight can call "Half-breed" on you if you aren't fully. Saves some of their ego.

Trust me, three out of four of my main characters are half-breeds. Also, calling Lightning a half-breed would basically be calling him a freak which almost always equals death.

Daejien wrote:

Trust me, three out of four of my main characters are half-breeds. Also, calling Lightning a half-breed would basically be calling him a freak which almost always equals death.

The point is that they'd save some ego because it's only partially human. With Muad'dib, it's a full-human.

Sad thing is that genocide against Twilight Vampires would be tricky, seeing as they lack most vampiric weaknesses and tend to be of the stronger variety. Throwing cars and being capable of snapping twenty necks in five seconds (starting from a sitting position) tends to mean you need stronger hunters. Of course, worst comes to worst we can just sick Inquisitor Eisenhorn or Guts on 'em. Watch them be dismembered brutally

Malahite wrote:

seeing as they lack most vampiric weaknesses

Even holy symbols and wooden stakes?

observer88 wrote:

Malahite wrote:

seeing as they lack most vampiric weaknesses

Even holy symbols and wooden stakes?

I've did some research, the only way to kill them is to rip them apart and burn the remains...

No mention on stakes, but apparently crosses and silver do nothing. No sign that they tried it with other religious symbols though.

Oh, and they are also not restricted to coffins during the day. So staking one may be a bit tricky.

Seeing as Daejien's covered this roughly, best bet is to napalm the suckers. Repeatably.