First character

Name: Vladmir Abramova
Species: Human
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Height: 5’7”
Weight: (if it matters) 125lb
Skin: Light Tan
Hair: Dark Brown and Short Buzz Cut
Eyes: Right is Viridian Green, Left is Navy Blue

Abilities: (Not sure what to put here, he’s just a human.) Very athletic, more marathon and 100 meter dash athletic than any other. His sight and hearing are above average and he can actually fight and perform surgery without sight.(For what its worth) He has been trained in and mastered hand to hand combat styles consisting of police style takedowns, kick boxing, and one the combines parkour and wushu. His bank of mental knowledge is vast but manages to focus on on three topics, how to survive and or prepare for any situation, the best medicine and or medical procedure for the patient in front of him, and proper etiquette. (Not sure if personality or ability) He tends to be calmer the more stressful the situation, as in, being in the middle of combat or a delicate surgery he will be extremely calm and collected, verses talking to people he has never met or just being in public in general he can be jumpy and very short. He has no magical abilities or unnaturally strong natural abilities, unless you call having uncanny life luck an ability.

Personality: Depending on the situation he either be short, calm, commanding, or a complete dick.
Generally he’s very short in his answers to people he’s never met, but he is capable of putting on a mask if the situation calls for it. His work ethic is ‘generous’ usually, in that if you ask or hire him for something if there’s a way to go 110% on the job he usually does for no extra fee, but only if he’s indifferent towards or likes the person. He does joke around once he’s warmed up to someone usually its dry and or dark humor, but mostly dry, however he has a bad habit of laughing whenever someone gets hurt even if its him, though this is situation based but often enough to be of note. His opinion on magic is mixed, he understands how useful it can be but has seen too many times how badly it can be abused. Get on his bad side and he will get revenge, and he follows the quote ‘Revenge is a dish best served cold.’ While he is easy to ‘fluster’ so to speak, actually getting him cross eyed mad is not very easy, unless you’re a complete prick that’s a waste of air, but a few things that set him off are betrayal, extreme arrogance, zealots, and xenophobia/racism.

Background: Vlad Comes from the plant Orta, a water world around the size of Jupiter. There may only be 10% landmass on it those mass’ are larger than any continent on Earth. The gravity is only marginally higher than earth because of a larger amount of moons orbiting Orta. While no civilization has achieved anything remotely to space travel, most have some form of advanced flight. The people of Orta also enjoy and abuse both magic and multiple technologies. Vlad born into wealth but never liked being handed everything on a gold platter. After getting the education he wanted at the age of 15, ie a phd in medicine and engineering, he took the first transport to one of the islands to find adventure. That went about as well as trying to staple unfrozen water to a tree. About three months after landing he wound up broken and penniless in a small coastal village. There he was lucky to find a people in need of his medical skills and in turn they taught him how to survive in the wild. A years later he found out why the people of the village were without so much as a medicine man, when a group of rough looking individuals came looking for ‘recruits.’ Well vlad wasn’t going to have any of that up and till the point where he got a rifle stock to the face for his trouble. He woke up on a large warship and was introduced to the chief, an elderly man who was poorly rigged to a crude life support system. Vlad knew exactly why he was brought but let the chiefs aid explain anyway. After looking over the machine and the chief he was sure he could have both 100% better within a week, well the chief would need a mount to heal from surgery. Knowing this he deliberately took long so he could acquire the means to escape, unfortunately that went about as well as trying to give a domestic cat a bath, but once again luck was on his side. Apparently rival clan wanted this one gone and had hired a well known mercenary group to take care of them. The planned date was the very day Vlad was attempting his escape, while he was being dragged to the throne room the thugs with him were gunned down and he was then manhandled up into a sitting position by the mercs. He gave them an offer, he’d tell them how to get to key places of the boat in exchange for them taking him with once they were done. Twenty one years later he was a commanding officer of the mercenary group and was on his way to a training and graduation session when he found himself on an unfamiliar island on a very unfamiliar world.




Didn't know if i should post his gear or not?

Personality isn't bad but could do with some work as to why he hates extreme arrogance, zealots, and xenophobia/racism.

The rest is pretty sueish, overpowered, unrealistic, whatever you want to call it. He wrote not one, but two PhDs in his early teens can run marathons as well as sprint, sight and hearing above average and a vast bank of knowledge that he apparently gathered pre-20s.
This character isn't "just" a human, he's a super-athletic, super-genius with key leadership qualities, incredible physical senses and amazing luck.

You state that he has no "unnaturally strong natural abilities"; but you immediately go on to prove that statement an utter, blatant lie.


It's just too much. This is something I'd expect from a WWII era propaganda comic.

Also, any particular reason for the unnatural eye colour?

As an astronomy nerd I found one particularly salient flaw. That thing about how Orta has relatively low gravity due to its moons is creative but highly unrealistic. The moons would not create a uniform gravitational field opposing the planet's, even if they were painstakingly arranged into evenly spaced geostationary orbits, which would cause (given the mass you suggested them to have) massive tides that would regularly cause earthquakes, let alone flood the landmasses miles deep.
You haven't said anything about Orta being in a universe with special laws of physics, so this is all presuming that it exists in ours, or at least one with the same general rules as ours. If you want you could use something like different laws of physics as an excuse, though IMO it's a little bit of a cop-out. If you can't think of anything more solid, I suggest making Orta smaller and/or giving it a very low density.

I was truly tempted to stop reading when I read of the different eye colors. I continued on, and found myself wishing I had.

This character is a blatant mary sue. He is fixable, but it won't be easy... just take out the eye colors and ludicrous super-human abilities.

Just rework your character to be a little more normal. Something like this is not only difficult to understand how it happened, but no one will be able to relate with them.

Maybe one PhD, but unless he's a genius, it wouldn't be anywhere lower than age 24 (you can take high school aptitude tests, and be qualified to not go to high school, then start taking college courses early on), but just ONE. I don't think anyone would want to sit through a second thesis.

If you want him to stay alive as a new felarya, I'd recommend scrapping the 100 meter dash, and go for marathons, 10k runs, 20k runs, etc. (I myself do 10k runs every so often.) Endurance beats sprinting, especially in the jungle. Also, working out for the sake of big muscles isn't a good idea either. Big muscles are just big muscles, they look nice, but aren't meant for endurance, and dont do much beside add additional mass to one's body. (don't believe me? ask a professional.)

Also, you can choose multiple combat styles when it comes to hand to hand, as I would have gotten my blackbelt at around age 13 or 14 had I not discontinued (kids usually start karate at around 8, and blackbelts take about 4 or 5 years to get, I ended at 1kyu), police takedown insinuates he got trained as a police officer, which takes additional college classes.

Instead of mental knowledge, I'd rather say that he likes to meditate to clear his thoughts, that could help supply the believability of a strong mental fortitude.

Being calm in combat means having had significant combat experience. Where in all of these activities did he have time to fight?

Just stuff like this. You gotta break it down and analyze it yourself. I'd go through your entire bio, but really, there's just so much content that needs fixing.