The Ultimate's Character ideas for my character Shadow

And another EDIT:

Name: Shadow
Species: Offworlder human
Chrono/Bio Age: 20/18
Sex: Male
Height: 5 ft 10 in
Weight: 210 lbs
Skin color: White
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Brown
Other Characteristics: He likes to wear his favourate hoodie with a black jacket over it with his name on the back of his jacket. He wears tracksuit pants and trainers that go with his style. He always keeps his hoodie up so it creates a "shadow" on the upper part of his face. He has a big scar on his fore head by getting involved with a fight with a gang ages ago, therefore the reason he keeps his hoodie up at all times.

Background: Shadow was raised as any other child would, he ate well, he slept well, he studied well. He had very close friends, Until he stumbled into the wrong people who where thugs and they wanted no witnesses of them stealing from a shop. So Shadow was bruttaly beaten and he had a whack on his fore head with a glass bottle knocking him out. The next morning he woke up in the hostpital with more bad news from the police that came in, that other witnesses around the area had seen the thugs steal most of his items such as his mobile phone, his contact list with all of his relatives phone numbers and his wallet. Then he thought well atleast i'm ok and it could'nt get much worse. He turned the T.V on by using the remote by his bed. The news channel was on but the headline of the story was "PARENTS KILLED AS THEIR SON IS IN HOSTPITAL" this had made him go wha! and then speechless. His parents gone, quickly deciding vengance he got straight up got home got changed in the clothing which were a hoodie a jacket to go over it, tracksuit pants and trainers even though he was in a terrible state. He put the hood over his head which created a shadow on the upper part of his face which coverd the scar.
Walking down the street with rage he found the thugs but this time there was more of them. But this didnt stop him as he enraged on. All the thugs looked at him and the leader thug went over to him and pushed him to the ground. Shadow got back up but with no reaction and he just thought for a second that him killing is'nt doing anyone good so he walked away. As he walked through an alley way, he felt him self being sucked back but thinking its only the wind he walked on... but it was pulling him back more and more till he fell forward and then he loked behind him and there was this thing that was pulling him in remembering what it was it was a riptide! He slided past a dumpster so he holded on to it but the dumpster went flying too! Shadow got sucked into it eventually and after Shadow had gone the riptide stopped... with no witnesses seeing this. As he opend his eyes getting up he found himself in this forest. Not one that he ever had seen or recognised, but he ventured off anyway not knowing that he was in Felarya! He had seen someting around the corner not knowing it was a predator waiting to pounce. Shadow then seen more things lurk left and right of him so he turned arournd and he ran! He was lucky to get away from whatever was chasing him. He came to a halt when he ran out of breath but luckly he saw a cave to rest in, he checks inside... there is nothing inside so he blocks the entrance with some convienent objects lying around, he figured this was an old camp site. With the provisions and left over food around him. He sets the cave as a place to stay safe... for now...


Personality: Shadow was a person who would seem to be depressed all the time, even though he just had something on his mind most of the time. A few years ago he was as chatty and as wise cracking as ever. But a day came which changed his personality quite dramaticly... he now never speaks to anyone but to himself and has never been social ever since... he is a person of mystery that no one knows much about or where his whereabouts are now. He is very quiet and he has a big attitude towards other people, though he keeps his feelings and emotions inside. Being quiet, he is quite smart and he is very, very good at science, despite his looks he could be a teacher of science having knowing lots about biology. He is strong willed and quite brave.


Abilities/Survival Skills: Having a lot of knowladge on biology this won't protect him but he did study on a lot of wepons and survival tactics. After arriving to Felarya he found himself to have a better cardio that he did before and he felt stronger (gradually increasing not by a huge amount though). Using this to his advantage he can fight of most things in his way.
He doesent communicate well with others, but knowing deep inside he has to sooner or later to survive. Theres strengh in numbers!

EDIT:
Name: Shadow
Species: Was human but now in this state he is unknown, its basicly mutated blood cells which are contaminated with infection in which all of them together have the form of a 18 year old human
Chrono/Bio Age: Was 18 so unknown
Sex: Male
Height: Around the height of a normal human 18 year old
Skin color: White
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Brown
Theme song: Simple plan- Me against the world. (I find the lyrics fitting for him as it goes in the chorus, Am a nightmare, a disaster, thats what they always said, am a lost cause, not a hero, but i'll make it on my own, me against the world!)
Other Characteristics: He is a mysterious person with many questions on his mind such as: who is this Shadow guy... What am I... ect...
Clothing: Has a hoodie with the word "SHADOW" on the back, tracksuit pants, trainers. His clothes are now apart of his body so if he creates a weopon his clothes will not rip. He keeps his hood on which creates a "shadow" on the upper part of his face.

Background: Shadow was a normal guy walking through his normal area until the day that he had committed a crime that was very disrespectful on his home world. He was sentanced to death but fortunatly a figure presumubly looking like a scientist with a team behind him, said to spare him so they could try thier final test to see if they could make someone achieve perfect immortality. As Shadow lied down on the table these massive pipe looking things were brought down, piercing parts of his body and looking at this he fainted... and died in the process losing to much blood so he got locked away because of the cotamination he had. Meanwhile a friend of his broke into the facillity in which he was kept and tried to bring him back. He silently lifted him up and walked into a room placing him on a open table. Little did he know that he leant on a control panel and these pipes came back down and enterd some kind of heart into Shadows body. But he started glowing red until finnaly he glowed so bright that he exploded. It had worked though he was back alive! With no idea who or where he was. He suddeny experienced a brutal pain wich made him pass out. As he woke up he found himself with clothes on with the word SHADOW on the back of the hoodie so he named himself Shadow. Then he walked through the streets with infected people and monsters roaming round killing people.
After fighting his way through finding his powers, his body had mutated blood cells which made himself faster, stronger and making bizzare weopons.
He then found a room which he fought he could escape but then he had teleported to felarya!


Personality: He is a depressed guy with always something on his mind. He tends to dream off eigther having flashbacks of the person who was origeonly Shadow or having visions of the future such as him torn apart by a few people in front of him.

Abilities/Survival Skills: Due to his incredible cardio, he can seem to run, jump and fight for ever. Even though this is not the case... When ever he uses his powers he suffers pain so if he uses to many powers he could die, but he can rest till he can use them again. His mutated blood cells can make him have all sorts of bizzare weopons that he can think of such as bigger fists, blades ect... He can run up almost enything without falling and he can glide through the air.
He can make his blood cells go stronger for a limited time so he can create bizzare looking armour that looks invinceable, although it is not. He can create a massive shield with both of his arms to protect from most attacks and people behind him. He can do something which could almost kill himself by killing someone and consuming thier body so he can have the same appearance as whoever he killed.Although if he consumes something bigger or smaller than him he keeps his normal size. When finished with his body he can simply change back to his normal body but with the sevear pain included.

With no survival skills on this place he must be ready for anything that comes in his way, such as predators. He must find a place soon or find a group of people to survive with or he could end up dead. He would be a very valuable ally.

Not a bad character but the profile needs more information on his interaction with the world around him. The way it looks now, your story will be focused more on Shadow than it will be his journey IN Felarya. When the conflicts or struggles in your character's life have little to do with the setting in Felarya, it defeats the purpose of creating a character for this world... in my humble opinion. Work on that a little bit more and you'll be fine.

Edit: Check other character bios out on the forums and the wiki so that you can get a better idea of how to organize Shadow's bio. You know... Height, Weight, Personality quirks, and what not. Also, the man is going to need a group of people around him to help him through his journey. Maybe he meets up with a number of people in Negav. Surviving in Felarya is a group activity, ya know.

Thanks, and i'll be doing that right away.

Ok more of his bio:

Ok here is basicy his powers but I dont know if he is overpowerd...


Powers: His powers are truly unique because he can create different types of bizzare weopons, such a massive blade which takes up all his right arm and it is made out of bone fused with the mutated cells he now has. He can create one big shield with both of his arms, protecting him and others behind him from attacks. He controls his cells so he can make a really hard armour. Hard but it doesent make him inviceable. Because of his superior cardio he can run seemingly for ever, not that he can. He can regenerate his cells if he ever gets torn apart but it takes time and it is kinda gruesome looking. Having the power to consume sombody by killing them he can take the form of that living thing but he cannot get the correct height of whatever he consumes. Basicly if he dies or if he is eaten and digested, he will still be alive but he has to quicky assemble his body back with every cell in his body together in time before he dies.

Shadow appears to be a lone wolf kinda guy but in Felarya no prey is safe alone. So if he eventually does find some people to survive with, he will be a valuable ally to have. If he communicates that well with others that is.

Hello Alex Mercer:

I wondered if you were Prototype fan when I saw your avatar; I think I can now say that you are. Unfortunately, Shadow's powers are not "truly unique" as you say. Alex Mercer, the protagonist of Prototype has very, very similar powers. Although from what I can read; Shadow's powers are not nearly as strong as Alex Mercer's I'd say that they are still a bit out of place here.

To me, it looks like you started with a power rather than a personality or plot in which to base this character. That is a bad idea; it creates characters based upon powers. While this can work in a video game, it's still not a great idea if the game wants to be story driven.

Power based characters usually don't get more characterised as they go on, they grow in power, not in personality. That leads to uninteresting stories, as the reader knows that the character will just win every fight. Or if they don't, readers will wonder why they didn't win when they could have obviously defeated their opponent.

Anime-Junkie wrote:

Hello Alex Mercer:

I wondered if you were Prototype fan when I saw your avatar; I think I can now say that you are. Unfortunately, Shadow's powers are not "truly unique" as you say. Alex Mercer, the protagonist of Prototype has very, very similar powers. Although from what I can read; Shadow's powers are not nearly as strong as Alex Mercer's I'd say that they are still a bit out of place here.

To me, it looks like you started with a power rather than a personality or plot in which to base this character. That is a bad idea; it creates characters based upon powers. While this can work in a video game, it's still not a great idea if the game wants to be story driven.

Power based characters usually don't get more characterised as they go on, they grow in power, not in personality. That leads to uninteresting stories, as the reader knows that the character will just win every fight. Or if they don't, readers will wonder why they didn't win when they could have obviously defeated their opponent.

Ah I see, and it apears that I did start start with power. Also I was not going to put an Alex Mercer avatar. But when thinking of my characters personality I thought that how he was dressed would have to go with the personality I gave him and so this all lead to alex mercer being my avatar. I was hoping to make a different type of character from alex but I took most of the power ideas from him.

Edit: basicly alex mercers clothes would be perfect for my character, when i'm not much of a prototype fan i'm making changes to his powers making him different to alex, and I am making his personallity grow more and less on the powers.

More bio on shadow travelling through Felarya: As Shadow is getting around Felarya he still keeps his head down not knowing of the danger. He neels down having another vision, he sees a group of people who are all offworlders and he could see himself on the ground in front of them torn apart... He gets back up feeling pain but that pain is getting worse. He sees a tree so he gets his right arm to strech and grab the tree and tries to pull it back so he could do a sling shot motion thing. Unfortunatley he cannot pull the tree back and then he feels more pain. It seems his powers run on pain and if he keeps using his powers to much without resting, he could die. Shadow is a person with a lot of mystery to him, he is ready for almost anything in his way but can be un prepared because he keeps his head down walking straight with something on his mind, so bumping into a predator would'nt be good at all. He does not know what he has to set right in his life. For now he thinks of him self as a zombie with powers. He also does not know whether to find a way back to his home world so he can save it, or stay in Felarya to find some where to stay safe. After having numurous visions on what had to come he travels on searching and thinking.

I think I found my charcters theme song: Simple Plan- Me against the world.

More bio on his appearance:

Height: Size of a normal 18 year old human.
Clothing: Hoodie with the word "SHADOW" on the back, tracksuit pants, trainers. His clothing is now apart of his body so using his powers his clothing won't rip. He always has the hood on which puts a "shadow" on the upper halve of his head.
Also on his species I put offworlder human but now he has just the body of a human so its kinda like he is a walking contamination if you should say.

One bit of advice, edit your initial post for the character and compile all the new information there. Having his information broken up into multiple posts is no way to go about creating a profile. Here's something for you to work off of...

====================================================================

Name:
Species:
Chrono/Bio Age: {(example: 56 / 25) 56 being his actual chronological age and 25 being the age that he appears}
Sex:
Height:
Weight:
Skin color:
Hair color:
Eye color:
Other Characteristics:

Background:

Personality:

Abilities/Survival Skills:

====================================================================
Add or subtract what you will.

Thanks! This should make it easyer now so its not confusing with all different posts of Shadows bio.

I might make a story based on Shadow as he adventures through the Felara's forests. I'm thinking of an idea that he finds negav and tries to enter but with his species being unknown and he's just like a walking infected pile of mutated blood cells something interesting might happen where he should not enter or he can enter...

(Also if I do a story and it goes well, I might more stories.)

Warning incoming critique if you don't like critique don't say you weren't warned

The Ultimate wrote:

EDIT:
Other Characteristics: He is a mysterious person with many questions on his mind such as: who is this Shadow guy... What am I... ect...

Other Characteristics includes things involving his appearance clothing, build, ect. This is more suited for personality.

The Ultimate wrote:

Clothing: Has a hoodie with the word "SHADOW" on the back, tracksuit pants, trainers. His clothes are now apart of his body so if he creates a weopon his clothes will not rip. He keeps his hood on which creates a "shadow" on the upper part of his face.

His clothes are now part of his body.....I'm quite certain that that isn't possible.

The Ultimate wrote:

Background: Shadow was a normal guy walking through his normal area until the day that he had committed a crime that was very disrespectful on his home world.

He committed a crime is not very descriptive, elaborate on this.

The Ultimate wrote:

He was sentanced to death but fortunatly a figure presumubly looking like a scientist with a team behind him, said to spare him so they could try thier final test to see if they could make someone achieve perfect immortality.

Presumably, either he/she did or he didn't. I can accept them using a prisioner for testing purposes, but if what he did was so disrespectful then why would you make them immortal?

[quote="The Ultimate"]
As Shadow lied down on the table these massive pipe looking things were brought down, piercing parts of his body and looking at this he fainted... and died in the process losing to much blood so he got locked away because of the cotamination he had.
OK this sentence just skips around a lot, and lacks any form of flow. It would be best to separate each of these thought into their own sentence and elaborate on them.

The Ultimate wrote:

Meanwhile a friend of his broke into the facillity in which he was kept and tried to bring him back. He silently lifted him up and walked into a room placing him on a open table.

Ok. so how did his friend know where he was? I'm assuming that an experiment of this magnitude would be a closely guarded secret and not just in some unguarded factory.

The Ultimate wrote:

Little did he know that he leant on a control panel and these pipes came back down and enterd some kind of heart into Shadows body. But he started glowing red until finnaly he glowed so bright that he exploded. It had worked though he was back alive!

Ugh, deus ex machina, this is a MAJOR stroke of luck that something like that would work, something this big destroys the believability of a character. And what do you mean enters some kind of heart, does he have multiple hearts?

The Ultimate wrote:

With no idea who or where he was. He suddeny experienced a brutal pain wich made him pass out. As he woke up he found himself with clothes on with the word SHADOW on the back of the hoodie so he named himself Shadow. Then he walked through the streets with infected people and monsters roaming round killing people.
After fighting his way through finding his powers, his body had mutated blood cells which made himself faster, stronger and making bizzare weopons.
He then found a room which he fought he could escape but then he had teleported to felarya!

Ok so he had no idea where he was and passed out that's pretty cliché. Ok so he walked through streets full of infected people. Infected with what bubonic plague, flesh eating bacteria, the common cold? I assume that you mean that they were infected and turned into monsters, but something of this magnitude would need a very good description as to why. Ok so now we have him just killing people for no apparent reason. Blood cells only carry oxygen to other cells so that they can function, by nature they have no affect on strength or anything else for that matter. In order to run faster you would need stronger leg muscles and to be stronger you would need stronger muscles in general arms, legs, torso, ect. Random weapon creation out of blood, and cliché random teleportation to Felarya.

The Ultimate wrote:

Personality: He is a depressed guy with always something on his mind. He tends to dream off eigther having flashbacks of the person who was origeonly Shadow or having visions of the future such as him torn apart by a few people in front of him.

Personality is the most important thing in character creation! It should be much longer than this if you want to make your character interesting. Also flash back and premonitions of the future tend only to work in video games, and movies.

The Ultimate wrote:

Abilities/Survival Skills: Due to his incredible cardio, he can seem to run, jump and fight for ever. Even though this is not the case... When ever he uses his powers he suffers pain so if he uses to many powers he could die, but he can rest till he can use them again. His mutated blood cells can make him have all sorts of bizzare weopons that he can think of such as bigger fists, blades ect... He can run up almost enything without falling and he can glide through the air.
He can make his blood cells go stronger for a limited time so he can create bizzare looking armour that looks invinceable, although it is not. He can create a massive shield with both of his arms to protect from most attacks and people behind him. He can do something which could almost kill himself by killing someone and consuming thier body so he can have the same appearance as whoever he killed.Although if he consumes something bigger or smaller than him he keeps his normal size. When finished with his body he can simply change back to his normal body but with the sevear pain included.

With no survival skills on this place he must be ready for anything that comes in his way, such as predators. He must find a place soon or find a group of people to survive with or he could end up dead. He would be a very valuable ally.

This is the biggest problem with this character. It is Ability based instead of Personality based. Characters based on abilities are uninteresting to read about because you know that they will always win. The second problem is that you just gave your character so many abilities and tossed a weakness in to make it good. Well that isn't a proper way to balance a character, the best way to balance a character is to make their powers believable to begin with and not rely on some weakness to call it good.

All and all this character is only suited for video games and movies.



A well written character should focus on how the world affects them, not how they affect the world.

Well from this I can say that I need to make some major changes. Or a total revamp on my character... i'd say that I need a total revamp though because of all of the abilities and what not making my character really bad. Well i'm of to thinking of a new bio for him and other stuff that will get him to improve.
This time I am sure to make him better than this.

I would wait if I were you before rewriting your character and take the time to read through the wiki. This will give you a chance to see what the setting is like and better formulate a character that can fit in it.

Name: Shadow
Species: Offworlder human
Chrono/Bio Age: 20/18
Sex: Male
Height: 5 ft 10 in
Weight: 210 lbs
Skin color: White
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Brown
Other Characteristics: He likes to wear his favourate hoodie with a black jacket over it with his name on the back of his jacket. He wears tracksuit pants and trainers that go with his style. He always keeps his hoodie up so it creates a "shadow" on the upper part of his face. He has a big scar on his fore head by getting involved with a fight with a gang ages ago, therefore the reason he keeps his hoodie up at all times.

Background: Shadow was raised as any other child would, he ate well, he slept well, he studied well. He had very close friends, Until he stumbled into the wrong people who where thugs and they wanted no witnesses of them stealing from a shop. So Shadow was bruttaly beaten and he had a whack on his fore head with a glass bottle knocking him out. The next morning he woke up in the hostpital with more bad news from the police that came in, that other witnesses around the area had seen the thugs steal most of his items such as his mobile phone, his contact list with all of his relatives phone numbers and his wallet. Then he thought well atleast i'm ok and it could'nt get much worse. He turned the T.V on by using the remote by his bed. The news channel was on but the headline of the story was "PARENTS KILLED AS THEIR SON IS IN HOSTPITAL" this had made him go wha! and then speechless. His parents gone, quickly deciding vengance he got straight up got home got changed in the clothing which were a hoodie a jacket to go over it, tracksuit pants and trainers even though he was in a terrible state. He put the hood over his head which created a shadow on the upper part of his face which coverd the scar.
Walking down the street with rage he found the thugs but this time there was more of them. But this didnt stop him as he enraged on. All the thugs looked at him and the leader thug went over to him and pushed him to the ground. Shadow got back up but with no reaction and he just thought for a second that him killing is'nt doing enyone good so he walked away. As he walked through an alley way he caught his eye on this object that looked like a dog tag. Suddenly it started glowing brighter and brighter and suddenly at a flash of light Shadow was gone... As he waked up he found himself in this forest. Not one that he ever had seen or recognised, but he ventured off anyway not knowing that he was in Felarya! After travelling a bit he found himself to have a better cardio that he did before and feeling stronger.


Personality: Shadow was a person who would seem to be depressed all the time, even though he just had something on his mind most of the time. A few years ago he was as chatty and as wise cracking as ever. But a day came which changed his personality quite dramaticly... he now never speaks to anyone but to himself and has never been social ever since... he is a person of mystery that no one knows much about or where his whereabouts are now. He is very quiet and he has a big attitude towards other people, though he keeps his feelings and emotions inside. Being quiet, he is quite smart and he is very, very good at science, despite his looks he could be a teacher of science having knowing lots about biology. He is strong willed and quite brave.


Abilities/Survival Skills: Having a lot of knowladge on biology this won't protect him but he did study on a lot of wepons and survival tactics. After arriving to Felarya he found himself to have a better cardio that he did before and he felt stronger. Using this to his advantage he can fight of most things in his way.
He doesent communicate well with others, but knowing deep inside he has to sooner or later to survive. Theres strengh in numbers!

Done!

This is already doing much better than the first draft there are just a couple of things I would like to point out

The Ultimate wrote:

Name: Shadow
Height: Height of an avaraged sized human

Weight: 15stone

he eated well

Being quiet, he is quite smart and he is very, very good at science

Is it safe to assume that you are not familiar with imperial units? I'm from the US and I had to look up what a stone was. When dealing with character weight please use pounds (lbs) or kg. Which would put your characters weight at 210 lbs. The average height of a human also varies by location for a male in china they would be 5' 7" (Read five feet seven inches) or in metric 1.702 m, while in the United States the average height would be 5' 10".
Past tense for eat is ate.
Finally science is a very broad term encompassing a large variety of subjects chemistry, physics, biology, psychology, geology, astronomy, astrology, ect. so is there a particular area of science in which your character excels I myself am quite interested in chemistry and physics.


Edit.
Further research in to stones as a unit of mass makes me question if you are English or Irish as apparently it is still widely used there.

buddha66667 wrote:

This is already doing much better than the first draft there are just a couple of things I would like to point out

The Ultimate wrote:

Name: Shadow
Height: Height of an avaraged sized human

Weight: 15stone

he eated well

Being quiet, he is quite smart and he is very, very good at science

Is it safe to assume that you are not familiar with imperial units? I'm from the US and I had to look up what a stone was. When dealing with character weight please use pounds (lbs) or kg. Which would put your characters weight at 210 lbs. The average height of a human also varies by location for a male in china they would be 5' 7" (Read five feet seven inches) or in metric 1.702 m, while in the United States the average height would be 5' 10".
Past tense for eat is ate.
Finally science is a very broad term encompassing a large variety of subjects chemistry, physics, biology, psychology, geology, astronomy, astrology, ect. so is there a particular area of science in which your character excels I myself am quite interested in chemistry and physics.


Edit.
Further research in to stones as a unit of mass makes me question if you are English or Irish as apparently it is still widely used there.

Well you can assume that I am not familiar with imperial units. and yes I am english you can also call me a scouser. Anyway continuing Shadow's bio.
(I am interested in astronomy )

There! Shadow's bio is completed!

I am just thinking on how he gets into Felarya because on his bio I put the he found a dog tag and it glowed till he vanished and he ended up in Felaya (this just popping into my mind you see) hmmm...lets see... how can I make this realistic...

Here is a link to the most common types of connections that naturally occur. Another option would be to involve magic or technology in opening a portal.

Ah thanks! I might do the whiplash connections thing because it says: Basically, "the ultimate" case of being in the wrong place in the wrong time.
heh...

Just remember that giant predators don't cover every square inch of Felarya. It has been done far to often that whiplash connection and predator is sitting their waiting for you.

There, done!