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 Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins

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Mickilla
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Mickilla


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Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Empty
PostSubject: Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins   Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Icon_minitimeFri Mar 21, 2008 11:45 pm

Where I last left off at the end of the first chapter, Nadiel had passed Crisis's test (and even provided her a hearty dinner). After explaining to her what he was doing and why, she felt pity on him and took it upon herself to do what she could to help.

The dappled morning sunlight shone through the tree cover and made elegant patterns along the ground and the trunks of the countless trees. A gust of wind shifted a branch and allowed yet more light to flood in, gently waking a peculiar man dressed in black who had been lying there for some time. Remaining motionless, he merely closed his eyes again and tried to return to his slumber. The jungle had become so serene, he couldn't help but feel far more relaxed than he should have been. For his kind this place was the living embodiment of certain death, and he still insisted on lying about until he finally noticed that something was amiss. He was alone, which meant his new traveling companion had gone ahead without him. Even in this predicament he did not show any more enthusiasm for his situation. He knew she had probably just left for a little morning nourishment and would promptly return once she had found some. The thought was a sudden reminder that he had not eaten anything significant in nearly a whole day now, and this of all things was the motivation that brought this man on his feet. This was not his first visit to the jungle, but it was his first without any human companionship. He would have to rely on his own devices to avoid starvation, and so he promptly moved ahead to fulfill this goal. He had trained for years to gracefully direct his blade into the vital nerves and blood vessels of his quarry, and so for him the task of spearing a few small fish from a nearby creek was all but effortless. He carried no tools to start a fire but just as well, doing so would have brought every jungle creature to his doorstep. His ammunition supply was limited to only 17 rounds so he had none to waste. As far as he was concerned, eating raw fish was nothing more than a necessary evil. The taste was hardly inviting and the texture was questionable as well. After carefully picking out the bones and entrails of the first fish and consuming the tiny bits of precious flesh, he grew impatient and with the second he simply bit off what looked edible. This method was hardly any more expedient (or pleasant) so once again he changed his tactics. With the third fish he attempted to gulp down whole, and though he just barely accomplished this even with significant strain he seemed to put on quite the entertaining show for one particular blond-haired onlooker.

With a charming giggle she emerged from the brush and approached Nadiel, who was certain that her timing was just a bit too impeccable. Seemingly delighted with his actions, she remarked to him that he would fit right in this place, if only he were 70 feet taller. Not at all flattered by the statement he simply replied "When in Rome..." with as much sarcasm as he could muster. Indicating to her slightly-protruding gut, he inquired if her breakfast search had gone any more smoothly. As if pleased with his recognition of her accomplishment she nodded energetically. "So then," he went on, "where do we look first?" It took Crisis a full minute to consider the options available before finally deciding that finding Anna was their best lead. They did not travel far to reach the resting place of another giant naga, who lay asleep near the giant tree that acted as a landmark to the whole region. After giving her a rudimentary examination Nadiel was hardly convinced that she could be Ryoko, but for no particular reason Crisis insisted on rousing her and finding out what she knew of the subject. After setting Nadiel down and circling behind him, she drew in a large breath and brought her loudest possible voice to bear. Villagers miles away may well have heard her yell: "WAKE UP, ANNA!" Nadiel was bowled over from this and when he finally was able to get back on his feet and open his eyes he was set in deadlock with a face filled with enough pure hate and anger to be mistaken for evil incarnate! All the while Crisis had taken cover behind a nearby tree to let the two of them figure out what had happened on their own. If not for the unsuccessfully muffled laughter that gave away her position her plan may have worked. But Anna, who was all too used to this treatment, brushed Nadiel aside and immediately headed straight for the root of the problem. Nadiel was confounded and vexed to see two creatures whom all of his life he had respected as cunning, deadly hunters bicker amongst one another with no more eloquence than a pair of schoolgirls. But then again, he thought to himself, after the events of the preceding evening this exchange was hardly odd by comparison.

Five minutes after the two finally sorted out the whole affair, when Crisis recalled the reason that she came looking for Anna in the first place, Nadiel was given his opportunity to pry whatever information he could out of her. While Crisis had put Nadiel through a hoop to earn the right to speak to her as an equal, Anna needed only to know that he didn't smoke or carry any cigarettes to tempt her. She was no more familiar with Ryoko than anyone else that he'd asked about the subject, but as a Deluran scout she did hear a vague rumor that there was a naga who made her home somewhere in the jungle, but never showed herself and remained impossible to find. This was as good a start as any, and the odds of this rumor having been circulated from the real Ryoko were very high. Even as a hatchling she had a talent for changing her skin pigments to use as camouflage, and on top of which she was particularly shy around humans. This ghost naga was her, Nadiel was sure of it. Why she would go to such lengths to avoid being seen again is what puzzled him. But this would not stifle him, he had spent years playing hide and seek with her and knew exactly what to look for. His determination was somewhat distressing; unlike Crisis, Anna had seen Ellisians before and knew what their job was and how good they were at it. Nadiel would have to explain his whole childhood to win her approval. For him, it wasn't a simple matter of seeing an old friend, even a family member. Ryoko was to him the one and only living being he could trust with his life, the one link between his sanity and the world that he stood upon. Even his own kin saw him as a weapon first, and a person second. As far as they were concerned he, as valuable as he was, could still be expendable. But she would not allow it, even on the day when his service was to begin she protested. When her opinions on the subject were ignored and the two were pulled apart for the first time in years, she was returned to the jungle from whence she came. Why had she remained there? Who knows, maybe she really was happier there, or she might have simply given up (she wasn't much for fortitude, after all), you never know, perhaps a third party was pulling the strings. Until Nadiel heard the answer out of her mouth and no one else's he could never know for sure.

With that Nadiel made his way southwest. If one Deluran could provide him with such a valuable clue, then interrogating a whole base of them ought to be a very informative experience. But he would have to do something very clever and very bold to persuade the whole underground base to accommodate his wishes. It would seem that for once luck would be on his side, for he had never been short on wits and his cute blonde traveling companion was anything but short on reputation to them.
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Googlememan
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Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Empty
PostSubject: Re: Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins   Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Icon_minitimeSat Mar 22, 2008 5:01 am

cheers nice story
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Karbo
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Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Empty
PostSubject: Re: Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins   Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Icon_minitimeSat Mar 22, 2008 6:32 pm

That was a nice chapter ^_^
The little comedy part with Anna was fun XD
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Mickilla
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Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Empty
PostSubject: Re: Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins   Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Icon_minitimeSat Mar 22, 2008 7:10 pm

Thanks, any other comments will be very useful to me for I'm still trying to figure out where I've been successful and unsuccessful in my storytelling. Also, for the next chapter I'll need all the information I can get on the Deluran underground base. How big it is, how many inhabitants it has, who's in charge there, the design features of the base and its defense measures, etc.
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Karbo
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PostSubject: Re: Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins   Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Icon_minitimeSun Mar 23, 2008 4:28 am

Well not much have been made on Delurans yet.. It's mostly only what you can see on the wiki..

Concerning your story, well the remark I got is like I told you , your character is a bit sue-ish ^^;
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Mickilla
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Mickilla


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Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Empty
PostSubject: Re: Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins   Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Icon_minitimeSun Mar 23, 2008 8:45 am

Sue-ish, you say? Now then, what would you recommend to solve that, because honestly I'm not even sure what that means.
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Shady Knight
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PostSubject: Re: Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins   Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Icon_minitimeSun Mar 23, 2008 9:09 am

Mickilla wrote:
Sue-ish, you say? Now then, what would you recommend to solve that, because honestly I'm not even sure what that means.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary-sue

I think the problem is that he befriended Crisis a bit too easily, and we don't see many of his negative traits.
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Mickilla
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Mickilla


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Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Empty
PostSubject: Re: Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins   Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Icon_minitimeSun Mar 23, 2008 10:01 am

Ah, so that's what he meant. I wasn't sure if I had accidentally made a character too similar to an existing one named 'Sue', if he was afraid of being sued, or some other nonsense.

With this being the real issue then I can breath a sigh of relief, to be honest a good deal of my material felt a little too gritty so I toned the fighting down to try and fit in better, but I can always try and go with my original train of thought in future additions.
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Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins Empty
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Ch. 2 -The Hunt Begins
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