A short story

He sat in the darkness, thinking.
There wasn't much left he could do now, he could stand up, and walk a few feet, but then he would come to a fleshy wall. He could feel secretions of the darkened room slowly slip down his back, but he was past caring. The boy could feel the enzymes he sat in tingling at his thighs, but his feet had gone numb. His family wouldn't even know he was missing for another few hours, and they would only start to get worried the next day. Even if they knew exactly where he was, however, they would not be able to help him.
A Naga's stomach, easily entered, yet so difficult to leave.
He held their faces in his mind.

Reaching downward he felt his backpack, sodden and warm. He popped open the top, and pulled from the depths of the bag a small torch. His knife sat beside him. He had tried to cut his way from the Naga, but the knife was not nearly sharp enough, nor was he strong enough to breach the walls of his prison. He had then considered ending himself with the blade, but then he had a better idea.
He turned on the torch, revealing the pink walls, and the moisture dripping down them. The sight of massive capillaries in the wall made him retch, that and the smell. He didn't even get to see the Naga that had eaten him. He was grabbed from behind, and swept upward into the dark canopy, vision obstructed by the titanic fingers of his captor. He had gone into shock, and where he should have fought, all he could do was contemplate the massive whorls and spirals of the beast's fingertips. At that point fighting probably wouldn't have made a difference anyway. 

He pulled a heavy metal cylinder out from his bag, an evil looking device, all shiny metal, and sharp edges. It came to a tapered top, and the bottom had a needle like spike protruding from it. He stood up, raised the device above his head, and slammed it into the floor with all his might. It stuck, but only just. The Naga shivered with pleasure. She liked it when he moved, she had told him as much. He squatted next to the device, and carefully unscrewed the top. It came away, revealing what looked like a valve from a water main. He sat again, in the warm wet stomach, and let his senses feed him information. He soaked in the last of his world, bringing forth memories, sending them away, reveling in their simpleness. It all seemed so easy now. He felt the handle of the device cool beneath his fingers, contrasting with the sickening warmth of his resting place. It was his way out. A small pipe bomb. He brought forth his family to him, saw their faces, heard their voices he was comforted by them. Tears streaming down his cheeks, he tightened his grip on the handle, twisted it, and thought no more.

Awfully dark. I could maybe understand being motivated by revenge, but if that's not it, there's really no reason to blow himself up with the naga - it wouldn't save him any more than killing himself with the knife would.
I think were I in that situation (assuming I didn't lose my head... never been in a comparable situation before) I'd try and slash some of those exposed capillaries; with any luck they'd bleed enough to make her vomit.

You are absolutely right, it is a very dark story. Mind you, his future does essentially consist now of either killing himself, or being digested in acid. In his situation I would probably be quite sad as well.

His actions are motivated my revenge, that is the reason he carried this bomb around with him in the first place, in preparation for a scenario like this one. He probably could try to cut some of the capillaries, but if the Naga did throw up, I think it is likely to kill him afterwards. 

I must say that this is quite a cool system, being able to put a story on the internet for people to read, then getting feedback on it so quickly. Extremely gratifying, thank you.

For such a short story, it was nice. We got a good idea of what was going on, the emotions the boy was going through, and a more realistic idea of what the insides of a stomach would be: smelly, dark, and unpleasant to look at.
Of course, this is kind of the story Karbo has indicated he would prefer not to tell, but it's hard to ignore that agonizing death by digestion and broken families would naturally follow from all the vore going on in Felarya.
That said, the resolution was rather convenient, and reminds me of what some people have written about Felarya because they dislike the setting (not saying you're one of these people). I know it's a fantasy world, but nuclear weapons aren't easy to make: you need big facilities to refine radioactive materials to weapons-grade, as well as some standard explosive for a detonator. If they were easy to make, I imagine a lot of giant predators would meet this general fate.

Keep writing. Keep trying. I like grim, dark stories, especially set in ostensibly happy worlds, not that those are the only things to write here.

Thanks Zephyr, the feedback is very helpful, I'm glad you enjoyed my story. I agree, the ending is quite convenient, and funnily enough after I posted the story I had exactly the same thoughts as you, however I can't find the edit button 

If I could edit it, I would change the Nuclear Bomb into some kind of improvised explosive. At the time I assumed the character brought it with him into the world from wherever it was he started out.
Also, I wanted to avoid a hypothetical person saying that the bomb wouldn't hurt the Naga, but I believe in hindsight that I have drastically overcompensated. This fear was brought on by a harpy getting a grenade thrown into its mouth in one of the official book thingies, and barely flinching.

Ah well. Thank you for reading it, I hope I can come up with something else you like in the future. I think I might be here for a while.

Perhaps he was sucked out of whatever world he inhabited in the first place with the nuke?

I was thinking a small device, no more than 5 kilotons. Probably less. I use a site called nukemap to work out blast radius. This kind of bomb would have a radius of deadly effect less than one kilometer from ground zero. Also, with the massive trees that exist on Felarya and the world's healing properties the actuall area of effect would be much smaller.

I feel like its cheating a little bit to change it now, but I might edit that part of it. Thanks for your feedback DarkOne.

If you want something more magical, then having something that summons this itsy-bitsy tipsy  critter, having one in the belly- painful way to go. Worse than swallowing a nuclear explosion.

Also, you can edit it- just hit the tag "edit" that appears when you're online on each of your posts. That said, we already read it, so it just won't be the same thing.


Kind of dark, but I couldn't hit the point where I cared about the guy. All I knew about him was that he was a goner with a family- yet somehow, having a family didn't stop him from bringing a nuke to lunch, hell, it didn't stop him from attending lunch in the first place. I didn't see him ruing the day he decided to walk into the jungle, either, nor do I have any idea of what he meant to accomplish if he lived: it kinda feels like the boy was a few cards short of a deck.

And "sucked"? It doesn't seem right, you had meant to have him prepared for this specific scenario. If you're gonna have him prepared and then sucked, it best be for a different scenario, because no one could ever be so paranoid as to be prepared in case of a dimensional rift sucking him into a different world where something means to swallow him alive (well, no one I know, at least  ).

Don't worry about changing anything, writters edit their stuff all the time and some members here even remake their stories completely. If it makes the story better then why not?

Thanks Stabs. My aim when writing this was to create a character that people would become emotionally invested in quite quickly. I think though that I could have better achieved this by setting him some kind of goal. When I said "sucked out of" I didn't mean to this situation right away. He might have been on Felarya for a week or so before being eaten. I see what you're saying though.

Those Balef things look fantastic, I think that this guy probably isn't magic enough to summon one though. Perhaps he could have had one in a box?


I agree with you DarkOne. I might just do that. It will make it a bit weird for someone reading the comments though

Short but effective. As Stabs said, we can't fully relate to the character in just those brief paragraphs, but I think you did do enough to make us care: his own emotions, the sheer fact that suicide is always wrenching, and above all his painful dwelling on his loved ones.

It is indeed somewhat outside the norm for Felarya stories, but we do need some like this too.

Thank you french snack.

Nice to hear I entertained you with the story, I hope I can make another story that you like too. 

I appreciate it.