A Young Jedi in Felarya

"What's your status, Strideer?" The comm clattered as a young man gripped the starship's controls. He was gritting his teeth as his X-Wing Fighter shook violently from the impacts of an enemy fighter not far behind him.

The surrounding beautifull cosmos were full of explosions, flashes of light, and Gigantic cruisers, all battling over Coruscant. This was a war, and this man was caught in the middle of it.
"My hyperspace coordinates were miscalculated!" The man shouted into the comm, trying to be heard over the blasts of the enemy fire. "It brought me right into the middle of the war!" The comm was silent for a moment, then: "Try to stay calm, Mordal. We're sending you hyperspace oordinates that will lead you to a safe area.

Just before Mordal could respond, a large flash of light expanded in front of him. The light blined Mordal for a moment, causing him to become disoriented. The comm was full of static. As Mordal's eyesight came back, he found himself in a landscape that caused him to believe it was all a dream.
Before Mordal's eyes was an immense, lush forest. He felt them, nothing he has ever felt with the Force before. He reached out with his mind, and couldn't believe any of it. There seemed to be large beings on this planet, but he did not know what.

Mordal found a clearing, and decided his starship there. Once on the ground, he opened the cockpit, unstrapped his seat belt, and jumped out. Mordal landed softly on the ground. "What is this planet?" He whispered to himself. "It can't be Felucia....There isn't enough fungi."

Mordal scanned the area, unsure if it was a hostile planet or not. Suddenly, a large tail wrapped itself around Mordal's waist, pinning his arms. Mordal groaned in agony. "What in blazes?!" Before Mordal could act, he was lifted by the large tail that was coiled around his body, up to the face of a giant red headed woman. She stuck her tongue out playfully.

"Hello, lunch." She said in a sweet voice. Mordal took a moment to examine this creature. The upper half was human, and the lower half: "A snake's tail?" Mordal whispered in disbelief. This creature was nothing Mordal has ever seen before. "Wait, what do you mean, Lunch?"

The Naga cocked her head. "I'm a predator, silly human. And you are my prey!"

Mordal's heart raced. "Wait! If I show you something, will you let me go?" He asked with hope that his plan would work. The Naga thought for a moment, putting her finger on her chin.

"Okay, but it better be good." She responded.

Mordal was placed back onto the ground. He tried to find something that would help him out, then he saw a boulder. "Aha!" He concentrated on the boulder, clearing all thoughts from his mind. He felt the Force coursing through his body. He motioned his hands in a posture as if he was lifting it, struggling to lift the heavy object. Finally, it began to lift off the ground.

The Naga watched in awe. "Wow..That's a strong human! Too bad it's not good enou-"

Just as she was finishing her sentence, Mordal flung the boulder into the Naga with great force. The Naga screamed as she flew backward.

Mordal took this chance to run as fast as he could, using the Force to heighten his speed. He leaped into the tree tops, leaping from branch to branch with great percision. "Blast...I don't think that killed her...She's going to be very angry when she gets back up."

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This is chapter one of my Jedi character, Mordal Strideer. I hope you enjoy! If there are any changes that need to be done, please don't hesitate to critisize!

The oldest trick in the book but still terribly efficient !

I like it! I want to see where you go with this.

Hmmm, and here I tought a Jedi could hack and slash a Naga with relative ease. Super hard scales you say ? Your point is ? I guess he is a "young" jedi for a reason. If someone tell me that the stomach of nagas can resist a light saber than I would say that someone clearly underestimate light sabers and would do good to read more on it. In the official pen and paper RPG I have played, light saber could easily cut threw anything excepted a very specific material and some energy shields.

Yeah, but I don't necesarrily want to make y character seem over powered and start slashing at anything that's a threat...lol

mikeimp wrote:

Yeah, but I don't necesarrily want to make y character seem over powered and start slashing at anything that's a threat...lol

I guess I can see you point from a novelist perspective. Then I guess that an "Unexperienced Padawan" or prehapse a "Skilled Force Initiate" may have served your intentions better than a full fledge Jedi knight. Just a tought. Alternatively, the Jedi may have lost his light saber cutting down is offensive power dramaticly. But a Jedi with no saber just do not feel the same does it ?

Its like Soul Calibur IV. A place where a light saber has less effect because of its surroundings or the will of the inhabitants. Plus, it didn't look like he had the time for complicated thinking. Smooth tricks guaranteed to work. Anyway I liked the story.

yeah, could you put battle droids and storm troopers in next post.

i liked this story and i believe that it was a great story. i love the approach of no overpowered jedi. i would like to see the direction that this takes..... i believe that if he has to the jedi will demolish a naga with a lightsaber......

Aha! Someone who speaks my language.
Your concept guarantees that I will be watching your story with great interest.

And I couldn't agree with you more on the "overpowered" thing, Dues Ex Machina is my personal bane.

this may sound cruel but whats taking you so long to post the second chapter ( no offence meant)