Mordal Oridium (Revised)

Name: Mordal Oridium

Age: 19

Height: 5'9"

Race: Angelae

Class: Templar

Abilities:
Flight - Mordal has the ability to sprout wings from his back, enabling him to fly when he chooses.

Description: Dirty blonde short hair, blue eyes, Caucasian skin.



Usual clothing:
When not wearing armor, Mordal usually wears a tan cloth shirt, brown cloth pants, and dark brown boots.

Personality:
Mordal always places the needs of others before his own personal needs, no matter what they may be. To those he doesn't know, as well as those who know him personally, he seems to be a kind-hearted and friendly young man. He is loyal to his friends and allies, and will protect those in need, no matter the challenge.

Although he is usually polite and friendly with the people he meets, it is difficult for him to do so when a person is rude to him or his friends.

Mordal has always admired the Harpies ever since he cloud fly. He feels a certain connection to them, being that he now knows the joys and wonders of flight.

Quirks:
Although Mordal knows that it is morally wrong for the predators of Felarya to eat innocent people, he is secretly a voreaphile, and will only tell those who he completely trusts.

Likes: Being near friends, protecting those in need, challenges, flying, traveling, fighting.

Dislikes: Rudeness, obnoxiousness, greediness.

Biography:
Mordal Oridium has been a native to Felarya his entire life. Since he was a boy, he has lived in Negav with his parents. Since the age of thirteen, Mordal has practiced the arts of swordplay and archery.

Mordal grew up to be a fine young man, and joined the Negav Templars when he came of age. As a Templar, Mordal vowed to place the needs of others before his own, as well as protect the innocent from harm.

On Mordal’s nineteenth birthday, his parents wished to speak to him about an urgent matter. When alone in the bedroom away from the party guests, Mordal’s father told him that he was not a human as he grew up to believe, but a member of an angelic race called the Angelae; a race of human-like people who were radiant and pure, and naturally skilled in combat.

Mordal’s parents’ confession overwhelmed him. It all made sense to him then, why he was so skillful with combat and why he was always friendly with everyone.

It was on Mordal’s birthday that his parents planned something truly incredible for him. Following a safe path through the Felaryan wilderness, Mordal and his parents arrived at the top of a large cliff that overlooked the city of Negav.

Mordal’s parents simply told him to leap off of the cliff, and concentrate on flight. Mordal was reluctant, but watched in awe as his parents did so, only to sprout white feathered wings, allowing them to soar safely back to Negav.

Mordal leaped off of the cliff just as his parents did. His heart raced as he closed his eyes, and he spread his arms out to his sides, concentrating on flight. Wings sprouted from his back, and he spread them, gliding safely toward the city. He felt so excited and happy that day.

I am of the opinion that this would not be a good move.

Anime-Junkie wrote:

I am of the opinion that this would not be a good move.

I second this opinion.

Due to a variety of factors that come together and make this seem unwise. For instance, the character in question originates from an MMO, as you've stated. However, seeing as I doubt the majority of the community would be familiar with said MMO, you've successfully prevented us from being able to understand the character fully by shrouding the whole thing in terms specific to the MMO such as "Daeva Templar". Really? When I see that all I'm not certain of what I'm reading at all. It gets confusing and would require a bit of study on our parts, something that shouldn't really be necessary

Furthermore, the MMO thing aside, what fleshing out of the characters persona and means of ending up in Felarya you did provide are relatively little, and only really serve to add onto the aforementioned confusion brought on by your AION lingo, as I shall call it.

I could venture deeper and dissect such things as the lack of sensibility the abilities you've given him , but there's really no need because I'd be whipping at a dead horse. The origins hardly make sense and therefor the rest of the structure here just sort of collapses with the base.


Really, not a good idea.

Spoiler:

I don't know what impulse to follow moar, the desire to comment on this idea, as posted by two others before me, or to remain shocked and awed at W3K's return.

Okay, apparantly it hasn't been established to those who witnessed this idea, so I'm going to go ahead and say it. This character has been revised! So I will kindly ask for you to delete your former comments on my original post, so they do not cause any confusion.

Also, it seems as though people still think i'm using this character from an MMO, so I will explain: Originally, he was based off of an MMO. However, I made different changes to make him an original character that has been a native to Felarya since he was born.

mikeimp wrote:

Okay, apparantly it hasn't been established to those who witnessed this idea, so I'm going to go ahead and say it. This character has been revised! So I will kindly ask for you to delete your former comments on my original post, so they do not cause any confusion.

You can't delete a post once someone has replied to it.

mikeimp wrote:

Also, it seems as though people still think i'm using this character from an MMO, so I will explain: Originally, he was based off of an MMO. However, I made different changes to make him an original character that has been a native to Felarya since he was born.

It's still obviously based off that MMO. Changing the backstory to say he's a native doesn't mean that he's suddenly all good. Especially since he's a new race that we've never heard of before.
Instead of introducing a new race, which in this contest doesn't make sense, how about using what we already have established here.
I suggest something like this:
Both his parents have angelic ancestors and while their own powers aren't major, the combination of their ancestor's blood has enough power to manifest itself in a truer form.

Quote :

Age: 19

Quote :

secretly a voreaphile

This reeks of self insert.

Quote :

a race of human-like people who were radiant and pure

If you couple this statement with the previous quote, it doesn't make that much sense.

Quote :

Mordal grew up to be a fine young man, and joined the Negav Templars when he came of age.

Again something we've never heard of and is redundant by organisations already in Negav.
This shows how you are still basing this too much off the Aion MMO. Replacing the names of places or whatever with the names of Felarya things does not constitute revising. You need to really think about this.