Dart 180's first characters

A character that I came up with. I know I'm not the best and will appreciate any pointers.


Name: Jin

Species: Human

Age: 17

Gender: Male

Height: 5’ 8”

Skin color: Slightly tan

Hair color: Dirty Blond

Eye color: Dull grey left eye, cerulean blue right eye.

Other characteristics: a Cross shaped tattoo over his left eye, placed there by his birth parent in hope to ward off the evil that was said to be born with him due to his different colored eyes.

Jin has a thin, athletic appearance with an angular face and short, messy hair. He usually wears an old grey army jacket with a pair of camouflage cargo pants and wears a rather old set of tan hiking boots. He is always seen with an old, brown shoulder bag that contains his journals.
Jin tries to be friendly towards everyone he meets and views them as potential allies, this has come back to bite him several times but that doesn’t make him think any less of people. He is a kind soul that looks to help out others, though he wouldn’t be stupid about it and get himself eaten. He is sometimes called childish and naïve, which makes it hard to believe that he can survive his explorations in the forest alone. He is a very curious person and likes to listen to the stories of veteran explorers, hunter, etc. If he learns something new from their stories he writes it down in a journal and studies it later. He want to be a great explorer one day but knows his limitations, so he is starting small by staying close to the city or by going with highly experienced adventurers (if they let him). He is cautious despite his curiosity which means that he is willing to wait before trying anything too outrageous for someone his age.
He is a very curious person and this has led to some close calls in the forest, which leads to some not so kind emotions to the other adventurers around him. He tries to keep his curiosity under control when travelling alone and lets it out a bit more when in a group. He isn’t very good with the more advanced technology and usually ends up breaking it.

Background story:

Jin was born on another world that viewed his different colored eyes as a sign of evil. They put a holy symbol over his left eye (the grey one) and tossed him into a river, hoping that he would die and the evil be separated from his body. Lucky for him (or unlucky) that river flowed into the world of Felarya near Negav city.
He was found by a small group of adventurers that were lucky enough to return alive from one of their quests. One female from the group decided to raise the child and took him to her home. There Jin lived with this woman for ten years, listening to her stories and learning much about the dangers of this world. When Jin was nine she joined a group of adventurers and began going on quests again, often leaving Jin alone at home for days at a time.
Then when Jin was ten he learned that the woman had been consumed on her last quest. Jin was deeply stuck by this and developed a fear of being alone. Jin still lived in the small house of the woman and made sure to keep it in good order during his depressed state. Some of the local venders took pity on the orphan boy and provided him with a small amount of food to help sustain him in his lonely days.
It didn’t take long however before he heard the calling of the forest, challenging him to come and find its secrets. One day when he was eleven he decided to see what was in this forest, so he spent all his money on a survival kit and began to explore just outside the city walls. His first trip didn’t go too well when he came across a small Dridder that was heading for its lair with a fresh capture. Lucky for him it didn’t have the need to chase him. He ran back to the wall in fear for his life, but despite his fear, and the laughs and jeers from others, he found that experience exhilarating. It was then that he wanted to explore more of this world though he knew that he would need A LOT more experience before he attempted this again.
So he started to work as a waiter in one of the many taverns in Negav city to obtain the funds he would need to go for his dream. A benefit of this is that he gets to hear many stories of great adventurers and the many dangers. On a few occasions he has talked directly with an experienced adventurer and gained many helpful tips that he wrote down in a journal. Jin didn’t venture out into the forest again until he was 15 years old and still didn’t travel very far. His favorite place to travel is to the Chidokai Forest because of its many hiding places. He is very cautious and always aware of his surroundings. If he finds something interesting he will draw a quick sketch of it in his notebook and ask about it later at the local taverns or the Adventurers Guild.
Most adventurers view Jin as “too young and inexperienced” which can sometimes be very demoralizing, but he doesn’t let that stop him from exploring this world that he was thrown into. Altogether he hasn’t done too much exploring in the forest but that is all about to change when he befriends one of the predators he was told to avoid, opening up a world of possibilities for someone of his young stature.

Dart 180 wrote:

Other characteristics: a Cross shaped tattoo over his left eye, placed there by his birth parent in hope to ward off the evil that was said to be born with him due to his different colored eyes.

Hands off the newb. If he wants heterochromia he will have heterochromia.

Dart 180 wrote:

Jin has a slim, athletic appearance. He doesn’t have much money so his clothes are often tattered and torn but if it fits him then he doesn’t mind. His favorite outfit is a grey jacket over a red t-shirt with a cut off pair of carpenter pants that cover to just below the knees. He always carries around a pack with the necessary gear to handle any predators in the nearby area.

From what I've seen so far, you want someone who's learning how to survive. I'll recommend doing away with the red t-shirt. Use something with long sleeves instead- more material if he ever needs to rip some off, and don't make it red. There's no point in wearing anything red.
From the US survival manual, when in the jungle, always wear long sleeves and trousers to make sure nothing cuts you. You can find the manual at M40's page. Google it.

Dart 180 wrote:

Jin tries to be friendly towards everyone he meets and views them as potential allies, this has come back to bite him several times but that doesn’t make him think any less of people. He is a kind soul that looks to help out others, though he wouldn’t be stupid about it and get himself eaten. He is sometimes called childish and naïve, which makes it hard to believe that he can survive his explorations in the forest alone though but he rarely travels that far. He is a very curious person and likes to listen to the stories of veteran explorers, hunter, etc. If he learns something new from their stories he writes it down in a journal and studies it later. He want to be a great explorer one day but knows his limitations, so he is starting small by staying close to the city or by going with highly experienced adventurers (if they let him). He is cautious despite his curiosity which means that he is willing to wait before trying anything too outrageous for someone his age.
He is a very curious person and this has led to some close calls in the forest, which leads to some not so kind emotions to the other adventurers around him. He tries to keep his curiosity under control when travelling alone and lets it out a bit more when in a group. He isn’t very good with the more advanced technology and usually ends up breaking it.

Alright, curious. That's most preds' favourite taste...

Dart 180 wrote:

Background story:

Jin was born on another world that viewed his different colored eyes as a sign of evil. They put a holy symbol over his left eye (the grey one) and tossed him into a river, hoping that he would die and the evil be separated from his body. Lucky for him (or unlucky) that river flowed into the world of Felarya near Negav city. He was found by a small group of adventurers that were lucky enough to return alive from one of their quests. One female from the group decided to raise the child and took him to her home. There Jin lived with this woman for ten years. He grew up listening to her stories and she taught him as much as she could about the forest and all its dangers. When Jin was nine she joined a group of adventurers and began going on quests again, often leaving Jin alone at home for days at a time. Then when Jin was ten he learned that the woman had been consumed on her last quest. Jin was deeply stuck by this and developed a fear of being alone. Jin still lived in the small house of the woman and made sure to keep it in good order during his depressed state. Some of the local venders took pity on the orphan boy and provided him with a small amount of food to help sustain him in his lonely days. It didn’t take long however before he heard the calling of the forest, challenging him to come and find its secrets. One day when he was eleven he decided to see what was in this forest, so he spent all his money on a survival kit and began to explore just outside the city walls. His first trip didn’t go too well when he came across a small Dridder that was heading for its lair with a fresh capture. Lucky for him it didn’t have the need to chase him. He ran back to the wall in fear for his life, but despite his fear, and the laughs and jeers from others, he found that experience exhilarating. It was then that he wanted to explore more of this world though he knew that he would need A LOT more experience before he attempted this again. So he started to work as a waiter in one of the many taverns in Negav city to obtain the funds he would need to go for his dream. A benefit of this is that he gets to hear many stories of great adventurers and the many dangers. On a few occasions he has talked directly with an experienced adventurer and gained many helpful tips that he wrote down in a journal. Jin didn’t venture out into the forest again until he was 15 years old and still didn’t travel very far. His favorite place to travel is to the Chidokai Forest because of its many hiding places. He is very cautious and always aware of his surroundings. If he finds something interesting he will draw a quick sketch of it in his notebook and ask about it later at the local taverns. Most adventurers view Jin as “Too young and inexperienced” which can sometimes be very demoralizing, but he doesn’t let that stop him from exploring this world that he was thrown into. Altogether he has made a total of seven trips into the forest, four trips with a group and three times by himself. It is on his eighth trip into the forest that his life becomes more interesting

Formatting needs work. Paragraphs are a good idea.

That said, despite the kinda emo past- being cast away for being different- everything seems to check out, since that's not going to bother him (or us) ever again. Everything else is plausible enough to be allowed.


I'd say J checks out, Dart. He's a little bland, though- aside from the fact he's going to survive, I don't see much fun stuff happening with him...

Thanks Stabs.

I'll work him a little more then edit the post.

Again thanks.

This guy seems like a very viable and likable character. There's nothing really keeping him from being a great story character. Much better than my first attempt at a character. Am I saying the word 'character' too much? Oh well. Good job.

I agree with everything stabs said, but I want to add that I can see this character being used for slice of life stories, he's perfectly suited to it I reckon.

It appears that this is my 1500th post. Yay

Thanks for the pointers. I'm making a few other characters for a my first story about Felarya. Hopefully it will turn out well.