Let's See How This Character Fairs

After about an hour of thinking, I finally came up with a base for a character. I was also looking through dA when a picture inspired me for the looks, and ironically, the story as well. I hope this one fairs well:

Name: Cazut Amant
Species: Dark Angel
Chrono/Bio Age: 75/17
Sex: Male
Height: 5’11”
Weight: 125 lbs
Skin color: Pale
Hair color: Black
Eye color: When calm, violet. When angered, a dark red to pitch black
Other Characteristics: Cazut always wear his favorite black shirt regardless of the weather. He has lengthy hair like that of a Native American’s. He wears black jeans with a specially made leather belt that holds items that he loves to carry around. He seems to have dual personalities depending on how his mood in. He carries to signature items around with him. A real rose that changes between red and black, varying shades depending on what sort of mood he is in. He carries around a large case around the back of his waist that carries a sword made of thorns. He carries a regular sword and dagger for regular cases. He hides his black feathered wings, being able to summon them and hide them with magic.
Background: Cazut was raised by a human woman by the name of Anne Cazuit. Hence which his name was derived. Anne had found Cazut outside of her home in the city suburbs. She was shocked to see his small black wings at first, then grew to love them as a sign of mystery, but also of hope. As a young child, he was treated well by Anne, and was allowed to do almost everything that a normal human child was allowed to do. One day at school though, Cazut was attacked by the teachers and children, them all seeing him as “A child of Lucifer.” After that, he was homeschooled. He grew to fear the outside world as a dangerous and hostile place. Later in life, when he was 12 years old, he was asked to go to the store by Anne. When he returned, the door was ajar, and gunshots were going off. Through his fear and curiosity, he ran into the home. What he found inside broke him. A man holding a desert eagle had shot his mother, and was now aiming the same gun at him. He heard one gunshot and that was it. When he awoke from his blackened state, he saw the man ripped to pieces, blood splattered across the walls, and skin under his finger nails. He could care less about the man. He staggered over to Anne and sobbed. For days he stood there until eventually a portal appeared as he wished it would. He entered the portal. The minute he stepped through it, he was thrown into an apocalyptic world where chaos and fighting never ceased to stop. He cowered and feared against the fighters, hiding and running until he collapsed. When he awoke, he was in a soft hay bed with a wool blanket over him. A man with a thorn-like and lance-like sword was standing over him. The man smiled lightly at him, calling him a name that he did not understand. After many conversations, Cazut finally had the nerve to ask if the man would train him to fight with different weapons and his fists. The man agreed. After 25 years of training, the war had grown so large; dictators were rising up to crush any oppression. Seeing Cazut’s master as a threat, they attacked the man’s home as well as Cazut. Fighting off nearly 100 men each, both of them began to grow tired. Eventually, Cazut’s master fell. Feeling threat and the pain of loss again, Cazut blacks out again. When he awakens, the men that were attacking were all gone, a massive explosion being caused by their armored tank. When Cazut looked inside his hand he could see a small ball of darkness slowly fade into nothing. He staggered over to take some of his master’s possessions as mementos, including the man’s swords and dagger. He had summoned up something that he normally could not. He again willed for a portal to open, and just as before, it did. He was now perked with curiosity and fear, and began searching for his origins. He traveled through peaceful, chaotic, twisted, normal, and insane planes. Eventually he reaches Felarya, hearing men speak of the ruins there. He was hoping dearly to find some answers…and maybe friends.
Personality: Since Cazut has two personalities, I will list a general statement about them
When Cazut has violet eyes and the rose he has is red, he is a kind, loving person. Though his past experiences have made him slightly into a coward. Also, he has a slightly shy demeanor, and hates it if someone directly addresses him. If faced with danger and no way out, he will face his fear and fight tooth and claw with his opponent regardless of his fears.
When Cazut has red eyes and the rose has turned a dark red color, he is a bit more fierce. He thinks somewhat like a computer, but makes stupid decisions on his next action because he’s only worried about defeating his opponent. Though he gains speed from this, his physical strength suffers greatly. His offensive magic seems to grow greatly, but his defensive magic also suffers greatly.
When Cazut’s eyes and rose turn pitch black, be warned. You have seriously angered him and changed him into a literal killing machine. He goes very primal, ditching his weapons for claws that extend 4 feet from his fingertips, making it seem as if he has 20 swords attached to his hands. He is very cold, and demented in this form, enjoying the kill and hunt. His powers greatly increase in all areas. Though he gains immediate strength like this, he is also extremely reckless, caring less if he takes serious blows or damage from weapons. He has no regard for any life like this.

Abilities/Survival Skills: Varying on his personalities, his abilities and skills differ. His main two magical skills being his Shadow Grenade and Slipstream. The Shadow Grenade is concussive ball of the darkness consumed from the night and sins of the worlds that Cazut has visited. Cazut’s body absorbs these things, and stores them in the center of his spirit for use. The Slipstream is Cazut’s own technique and a rare one. If Cazut so wishes it, he can use this once every 24 hours since it exhausts most of his magical energy. Slipstream allows Cazut to fly into any plane or time he chooses. Meaning if Cazut were about to die, he could simply slip into the stream and move back many years, or even minutes before it happens so he does not run into the lethal experience a second time.

Sanion your character is based on his powers, not driven by his personality. You have taken the personality section and made it an ambassador to the the abilities section. This is a bad thing as characters who revolve around their powers are uninteresting to read about. A character that is driven by their personality however immerses the reader in the story, and make the reader want to read more about them. A character should also have flaws in their personality as this gives them an obstacle to overcome in the form of internal conflict which helps to highlight features of a characters personality. I shall provide more critique after I see that this bio has been updated to accommodate this critique.

I see what you mean. I'll try my best to fix that.

I see some definite potential here, myself. I think he'd be a very interesting character once wroked on some more based on the feedback of others, and any ideas you happen to get about him later on. I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate the excellent grammar and spelling you exhibit in your work; just this bio alone was very pleasant to read. ^_^ Keep up the good work. As of now, I can't think of anything to add, myself, but I will let you know if something comes to mind.

Name: Cazut Amant
Species: Dark Angel
Chrono/Bio Age: 75/17
Sex: Male
Height: 5’11”
Weight: 125 lbs
Skin color: Pale
Hair color: Black
Eye color: When calm, violet. When angered, a dark red to pitch black
Other Characteristics: Cazut always wear his favorite black shirt regardless of the weather. He has lengthy hair like that of a Native American’s. He wears black jeans with a specially made leather belt that holds items that he loves to carry around. He seems to have three personalities depending on how his mood in. He carries to signature items around with him. A real rose that changes between red and black, varying shades depending on what sort of mood he is in. He carries around a large case around the back of his waist that carries a sword made of thorns. He carries a regular sword and dagger for regular cases. He hides his black feathered wings, being able to summon them and hide them with magic.
Background: Cazut was raised by a human woman by the name of Anne Cazuit. Hence which his name was derived. Anne had found Cazut outside of her home in the city suburbs. She was shocked to see his small black wings at first, and then grew to love them as a sign of mystery, but also of hope. As a young child, he was treated well by Anne, and was allowed to do almost everything that a normal human child was allowed to do. One day at school though, Cazut was attacked by the teachers and children, them all seeing him as “A child of Lucifer.” After that, he was homeschooled. He grew to fear the outside world as a dangerous and hostile place. Later in life, when he was 12 years old, he was asked to go to the store by Anne. When he returned, the door was ajar, and gunshots were going off. Through his fear and curiosity, he ran into the home. What he found inside broke him. A man holding a desert eagle had shot his mother, and was now aiming the same gun at him. He heard one gunshot and that was it. When he awoke from his blackened state, he saw the man ripped to pieces, blood splattered across the walls, and skin under his finger nails. He could care less about the man. He staggered over to Anne and sobbed. For days he stood there until eventually a portal appeared as he wished it would. He entered the portal. The minute he stepped through it, he was thrown into an apocalyptic world where chaos and fighting never ceased to stop. He cowered and feared against the fighters, hiding and running until he collapsed. When he awoke, he was in a soft hay bed with a wool blanket over him. A man with a thorn-like and lance-like sword was standing over him. The man’s name was Trandafir Ghimpe. Trandafir smiled lightly at him, calling him a name that he did not understand. After many conversations, Cazut finally had the nerve to ask if the Trandafir would train him to fight with different weapons and his fists. He agreed. After 25 years of training, the war had grown so large; dictators were rising up to crush any oppression. Seeing Cazut’s master as a threat, they attacked the Trandafir’s home as well as Cazut. Fighting off nearly 100 men each, both of them began to grow tired. Eventually, Cazut’s master fell. Feeling threat and the pain of loss again, Cazut blacks out again. When he awakens, the men that were attacking were all gone, a massive explosion being caused by their armored tank. When Cazut looked inside his hand he could see a small ball of darkness slowly fade into nothing. He staggered over to take some of his master’s possessions as mementos, including the Trandafir’s swords and dagger. He had summoned up something that he normally could not. He again willed for a portal to open, and just as before, it did. He was now perked with curiosity and fear, and began searching for his origins. He traveled through peaceful, chaotic, twisted, normal, and insane planes. Eventually he reaches Felarya, hearing men speak of the ruins there. He was hoping dearly to find some answers…and maybe friends.
Personality: Cazut is a naturally curious person, always trying something once before deciding whether or not he likes it. Though this is a good thing, it also gets him in trouble a lot. He is a very kind-hearted person when his eyes are violet. He is willing to help you through anything, even if you recently tried to hurt him. He is extremely shy also, hating when people call him out for any reason. He is also someone who loves to know things, which is one reason that leads him to wish to know where he originated. Not really knowing why, but he is also a very controlled character, feeling his other personality’s desire to kill but ignoring it. His red-eyed personality is far different from his typical self. He is cunning and intelligent, but also somewhat reckless. He has little regard for life, and enjoys spilling blood of just about anyone within his line of sight. He is short-tempered and very sarcastic. He is overconfident. The only similarity between the violet-eyed and red-eyed personalities is that they both have a drive for answers. When the red-eyed personality is angered, his eyes turn black. The black-eyed personality has zero regard for life, enjoying the sheer sight of death and destruction. He has no emotions other than anger, and has no drive for anything other than killing.


Abilities/Survival Skills: Varying on his personalities, his abilities and skills differ. His main two magical skills being his Shadow Grenade and Slipstream. The Shadow Grenade is concussive ball of the darkness consumed from the night and sins of the worlds that Cazut has visited. Cazut’s body absorbs these things, and stores them in the center of his spirit for use. The Slipstream is Cazut’s own technique and a rare one. If Cazut so wishes it, he can use this once every 24 hours since it exhausts most of his magical energy. Slipstream allows Cazut to fly into any plane or place he chooses. Meaning if Cazut were about to die, he could simply slip into the stream and move away before it happens so he does not die. During his red- and black-eyed personalities, he gains the abilities to use his claws that extend out 4 feet from his fingertips. These fingertips are as sharp as any blade and as strong as steel.


Hope I fixed everything this time! I really hope he's more personality emphaisized rather than power.