Darkness Within.

Hi, I am a new member ... sort of, I've been a fan of Felarya for a long time and I loved the universe so much that I wrote a story in it, however I hesitated to post it here because .... well I don't think it's on par with the rest of the stories here, I should note that English is not my first language so it was quite a challenge, yet I've tried hard and I think I've failed.

However I am writing my new story now and I thought why not post it, hey nothing wrong with feedback even if it was harsh, I can learn can I ?

Here is part 1 link

Please feel free to criticize and remark what you think

To be honest I found the intro a bit long, but that's really more of my problem than one with your story - I'll probably read it more thoroughly later when I have more free time and end up really liking it. It is a welcome new angle to start with historical fiction as a theme.
As for language issues, your story is by far not the worst I've seen. If you are concerned, I would be happy to proofread any future stories for you - we could maybe work something out where you email me a draft and I fix all the spelling and grammar. I'm seriously really, really good at that kind of thing.
When I've read the rest I shall post any other comments / compliments I think up.

parameciumkid wrote:

To be honest I found the intro a bit long, but that's really more of my problem than one with your story - I'll probably read it more thoroughly later when I have more free time and end up really liking it. It is a welcome new angle to start with historical fiction as a theme.
As for language issues, your story is by far not the worst I've seen. If you are concerned, I would be happy to proofread any future stories for you - we could maybe work something out where you email me a draft and I fix all the spelling and grammar. I'm seriously really, really good at that kind of thing.
When I've read the rest I shall post any other comments / compliments I think up.

Thanks, you have a DA account ? I can workout things from there

http://parameciumkid.deviantart.com