Narame - a human adventurer

Hey there! Sooo, I decided to finally put my very first OC in existance into the felarya world. I did so like 6 years ago once, but that was preeeeetty bad. So here comes a somewhat revised, yet completely new version of my oldest OC. :3

Please enjoy and as always feedback is strongly appreciated.







Name: Narame
Species: Human
Age: 27
Sex: Female
Height: 5 feet 5 Inches
Skin colour: pale, slightly asian
Hair colour: blonde with a hint of orange
Eye colour: green
Other characteristics: can almost always be seen barefoot.
Predation: Safe, Reluctant
Food category: 1-5 inches

Narames body is that of a grown up human woman. Standing at only 5' 5" she has a slightly shorter appearance than average. However, she shouldn't be underestimated as her arms and legs are somewhat sinewy, not built for looks but for efficiency.
The orange-yellow hair is often knotted back to a very basic ponytail in order to prevent hair from getting in the way of her field of vision. It's not tended perfectly well, some hairs have split ends, but it's considered "sufficient", considering that Narame spends most of her life far away from any settlement. Her green eyes are rather small compared to many other females, but extremely sharp nonetheless. With them, Narame is able to spot things an untrained person would not be able to see at all, making them her most proficient tool when moving about in the felaryan jungles. Narames nose is pretty much average for a human as is her mouth with which she is able to open most fruits edible to the human race.
Below her neck are relatively broad shoulders, slightly muscular, yet still feminine arms that end in tender and dexterous hands. Her chest is slightly below average for felaryan standards. A flat, trained tummy can be seen between her chest and hips that hold a nicely shaped, athletic bottom and legs. The latter end in rather large feet which are toughened up from walking around barefoot almost all the time, providing her with hardened soles and strong toes.
Narame often wears a combination of green and brown to better blend in with her surroundings. She usually wears a top made of hardened leather as well as bracers, knee- and shoulder pads to deflect some hits she might take to lethal or rather important sections of her body, however, they are meant more for quick movement than protection and wouldn't withstand a powerful strike like that of a mantis.
Her equipment is spread across several pouches attached to her body and contails most things that might be needed quickly, what she can't wear on her body is usually stored inside a backpack.


Personality:

Narames character can typically be described as that of a human veteran of Felarya.
Confident and aware of her own skills and lack thereof, she acts independent and logical, trying to think before she acts. Her attempt to always have the initiative and be in control of her fate causes her to often strive to be the leading position inside a group of people. Many people view her as a cold blooded, dominant mercenary and they actually aren't too far away from reality with that assumption. While being mature and experienced, Narame has high expectations of herself any no less of anyone around her. her overly sceptical, sometimes outright pessimistic side sometimes hides the fact that she actually expects people to at least keep up with her so they will all make it through. Narame is overly hardworking and diligent, often taking responsibility even for things she didn't have any influence in. The death of her teammates is something she often had to endure and more often than not, Narame feels guilty for their deaths, even when they were unavoidable. However, she hides that from others, showing no concern at all, thus often appearing as cold blooded and cruel as if she wouldn't care for anyone but herself. She doesn't speak much with her teammates or other people in general either, unless she feels the need to. Narame thinks that both emotions and relationships just get into the way of things and force people to make silly mistakes, which causes her to have a very introverted, reserved nature to boot. She solves problems in the most efficient ways she can think of, and if it breaks some hearts on the way, so be it. This is also the reason for Narame to be not easily angered or frightened. She can take quite a load of stress and just shove it aside. Even in grave danger, Narame just appears as distant as if she was controlling herself on a chess board, however, she would never think of sacrificing herself in favor for others. Self-preservance is her most prioritized aim and she would blatantly use other people as bait in order to get out of a critical situation, if that appears to be her last option.

Morale, Loyalty, those are mere concepts in her eyes and while not breaking laws just for personal profit, she would do so if it meant to save her or the group she's in. Narame prefers to make her own rules and lives according to them and no others. Her unbreakable expectations of herself are surviving no matter what happens, never slacking and always doing her best. Thinking before acting, even before speaking and never do any mistake, never draw attention or even trouble towards you.

The same goes for her idea about honesty and loyalty. She would never lie to a person since that would only cause trouble once truth came to light, however, she sometimes leaves out important details, keeping secrets to herself or outright sending people on suicide missions without telling them their likelyhood of survival unless she thinks the person in question would get the job done despite that knowledge. As someone who relies on skill and expertise, Narame  values efficiency, people who are able to analyze things well and devote themselves to a cause. Actually, she envies the latter as Narame has yet to find a higher course to fight for, and thus she currently earns her living through mercenary work - the life of a seasoned adventurer.

What Narame lacks is a defined goal in life. She doesn't really have something to strive for, other than seeing the next day and one may consider her walking aimlessly through life, at least at this moment. And so she is still searching for her place in the whole of the world, her purpose of existance that has yet to be revealed.
With no permanent bonds or a place to truly call home, being out in the jungle, hunting down giant enemies that would be able to squish her flat with a single movement or that see her as little more than an appetizer seem to the the only things capable of making Narame feel truly alive. As she watches the world through the scope of her weapon, she almost feels like a mere spectator, standing outside the very nature of this world.
However, she would rather prefer to live this life and being devoured by the very beast she was hunting than growing old in the anonymity of a city and die as an old woman who never truly lived. So even though Narame is far from having any kind of death wish, she'd rather die in a fight than survive for all eternity until she grows into a useless old grandma who would be too weak to sustain herself or leave the house. And thus, she keeps setting out to new adventures, fully aware of the fact that one of her quests will certainly seal her fate inside the pulsing gut of the one giant predator that would manage to reveal her purpose, even if it turned out to be as small as to provide nutrience to a greater being.



Daily Life:

Narame may best be described as a human predator. Like many of the more successful Adventurers, she feels more at home in the dangerous jungles than within a city as her social shortcomings severely cripple her ability to form any kind of bond. As a loner, she only forms groups with other adventurers in order to gain an edge, as she knows a human's biggest stregth lies in numbers and their abilities to coordinate. Sometimes she joins a mercinary group for several months, however, those relationships often don't last for a long time as she quickly turns away from them as soon as she feels a bond had connected between them. Having seen entire groups of people being wiped out because they wanted to help a friend in need had turned Narame into that lone wolf who merely accepts work she thinks she can handle and get out on her own if needed. And that decision to either accept or decline a request of a client has to be made quite often as Narame is not an ordinary adventurer, looking for great treasures alone. Instead, she's gained a reputation of a "human predator", as she had earned that nickname around the human settlement of Ur-Sagol as a monster assassin. Relying on human technology and her own instincts, Narame has more than a dozen times faced giant predators of all sizes and brought them down, either to protect a village full of women and children, or just for the sake of revenge for a rich man who lost everything he loved or believed in to that creature. Narame does not really care about the reason, as long as it is not completely dishonourable she might take the job. In a way, these especcially dangerous tasks give Narame a strange kick, as if they were some kind of replacement for the social life she lacks. Narame is aware of the fact that her "job" is one of the most dangerous of Felarya, and she has no illusions about her odds of survival,



Hunting Habits:

Narame relies on all the human advantages she can think of. Stregth through numbers, a superior intellect and technology. Proficient with many firearms and even some basic vehicles Narame prefers to track down her prey from a long distance, analyze its daily patterns, potential threats and other things to note before going in for the kill. She tries to take as few risks as possible, having the mindset of a sharpshooter as if she only has one shot left. Narame's preferred method of killing is the use of her crossbow from far, far away. Even though she knows how to use other, more modern weaponry such as rifles and even sniper rifles and other heavy weapons, she prefers the crossbow for being a stealthy, easily sustained weapon that can use all sorts of modified ammunition. Her bolts sport a wide varience of poisoned, explosive or even electrocuting heads that are suitable to take down many different kinds of prey and her deduction during Narame's observations makes her choose a specific type of bolt for each individual target. After going in for the kill, Narame often waits patiently until things have settled down again, sometimes waiting hours in the same spot, moving as little as possible. Only when she's certain that nothing is aware of her presence, Narame will close in on her prey and take what she needs, be it its meat, fur, or any kind of trophy her client wanted to recieve. If a situation looks too unsafe, Narame often aborts the mission, not rarely even leaving behind the rest of her comrades. She's known for being quite unreliable in respect to her quest completions, however, Narame's motto is to live another day to fulfil another mission. An accomplished mission means nothing to her if she can't be around to celebrate it.
Narame also hunts for her personal survival, stalking and shooting prey from a distance before taking their meat and other necessary leftovers. If really desperate for food, Narame would undoubtedly not refrain from eating tinies, however, it is unclear whether she'd eat them whole and alive or have enough mercy to kill them off first since she luckily never had to make that decision yet.



Abilities:

Narame is first and foremost human. She is relatively but not overly smart and her greatest strength lies in her analyzing, calm nature. She rarely gets nervous or distracted and has extremely well trained eyes and patience. These attributes turn her into a perfect sharpshooter, while the rest of her body is more or less toughened up as expected from any successful adventurer.
However, Narame lacks the raw strength, speed or dexterity of other people, even humans. She relies on stealth and steady aim, hoping to not get caught. If something proved to be able to surprise her and get close up and personal before Narame could react, things might turn out pretty dire for her.

What Narame lacks in magical traits as she has never learned a single spell or ability is made up by her proficience with firearms and other weaponry. Always carrying at least one stealthy long range weapon and a large caliber pistol for short range defence Narame often completes her weaponry with a few explosive, smoke and even pepper grenades.

Narame almost always walks around barefoot, causing her to be extremely well trained on foot. She can sense floor vibrations through the soles of her feet and thus spot heavy predators long before they come into view and her toes are able to get a good grip on the ground, causing her to have a much better stand on both ground and large treebranches. Using both hands and feet Narame is able to climb rather quickly for a human, relying on her trained body and sometimes a rope and grappling hook alone to swing herself through the upper foliage of the jungle. Skilled in unarmed close combat Narame is also able to fight unarmed with her bare hands and feet alone, however, that training is pretty much useless against anything larger than human even though a well placed kick may dazzle an opponent long enough for Narame to draw her gun and shoot it at point blank range.

She seems cool.
But on a related note, do you do requests? And can you teach me how you draw feet so uncannily well?

...actually, on a second skim-through, she kind of reminds me of a hybrid between my OC Persephone and my original idea for my OC Helia. That should be taken as a compliment though, as A: I failed to develop Helia very well, and B: If I may say so myself I think Persephone's pretty cool, so as I mentioned (heh) Narame also seems pretty cool.

First it must be said: I Love that complex pose!! 8O So intricate. I'm with Para on the feet you have a excellent mastery of anatomy all around though I think.

Amaroq wrote:

Amaroq wrote:

XD This is a very bad idea. Negav hasn't even covered it's matiance and janitorial departments, but I'm sure there are litters and not to mention in the jugle itself bare feet seem like they could get you into allot of trouble. Like with sticky things like dridder webs and slug girl trails. If you have boots? You can shrug out of them and maybe use them as a surface to attempt at least a slim chance of escape. But with bare feet you have no chance except for maybe pulling the skin off and that would only work if there's not more web or slime around you.

Amaroq wrote:

she can sense floor vibrations through the soles of her feet and thus spot heavy predators long before they come into view and her toes are able to get a good grip on the ground, causing her to have a much better stand on both ground and large treebranches.

But what about splinters? Nah I'm joking. Okay I see why she's not a fan of boots or even sandals now. That is a clever ability. o.o Hadn't thought of anyone being sensitive to vibrations as a defensive power. Good work on that.

Amaroq wrote:

however, they are meant more for quick movement than protection and wouldn't withstand a powerful strike like that of a mantis

Um you mean a Mantoid right? Cause Mantises are still pretty small and weak in Felarya. ^^; At least I hope an Earth Mantis hasn't evolved into some kind of super being from being exposed to-....Darn need to jot that down. <.<

Amaroq wrote:

she would never think of sacrificing herself in favor for others. Self-preservance is her most prioritized aim and she would blatantly use other people as bait in order to get out of a critical situation, if that appears to be her last option

Wow I so respect and fear her for this one. o.O Such a survivor.

A

Amaroq wrote:

"however, she sometimes leaves out important details, keeping secrets to herself or outright sending people on suicide missions without telling them their likelyhood of survival unless she thinks the person in question would get the job done despite that knowledge.

Jedi Truth. Nice add on that. You see so many people who either lean to the Truth or Lies path when they make a character, but it seems you went right down the middle of the road. Looove that!

Amaroq wrote:

Narame's preferred method of killing is the use of her crossbow from far, far away

Ah! Finally somebody who give credence to the less known and mightest of assassin/rogue equipment! Also sounds like she ins't a strange to "trick arrows" Mayhaps a Hawkeye/Green Arrow/Arsenal fan? XD

Depends on the request. But if you talk about me drawing pictures per request, no I don't do that unfortunately.

Might do some sort of foot tutorial though if people like them that much. ^^ However, I dont know when I'll have the time and mood to do that, so it mught take a while.


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Yeah, Slug slime and bad grounds in general are naturally something bad for someone when they run around barefoot. Then again, one usually notices such dangers before stepping on them I suppose. Her good eyes should see to that, but in some way of course this might still be a downside / disadvantage.

And yes I meant Mantoids. Or dangerous creatures with long sharp claws in general. ^^

About the honesty and loyalty stuff: Well, she's an opportunist and does what's necessary to survive in Felarya. ^^ At least for a human. I don't like those truly heroic or villainy humans who just survive thanks to plot armor.

No, I've never seen either of those movies. But I used to shoot the crossbow back when I was young and when I heard that with special forces its still in use even today, I felt like that this thing might be a very well suited weapon for Felarya. ^^

So the first major chunk is about how she looks? Or is it about her abilities? Or an overview? I'm not quite sure. You don't go into things like her backstory, and you have separated daily life by personality, when personality, should be directly below the overview (from an organization standpoint).

You went into things like the specific details of her face though, which I'll be honest, is entirely uneccessary. I see it as fluff with no real purpose other than to tell us she has a pretty, delicate looking face, that is in fact the opposite. Those last few words basically summarized half of what you said. With the exception of things like 'her eyes are very sharp and able to keep track and spot things more so than many other people.

Keep in mind these are all still little details. A lot of them are very nice, but they could be put in other sections, or reworded so you don't write such a massive wall every time you write someone's bio. I'm just saying it could be a little more concise.

Quote :

Her green eyes are rather small compared to many other females, but extremely sharp nonetheless. With them, Narame is able to spot things an untrained person would not be able to see at all, making them her most proficient tool when moving about in the felaryan jungles. Narames nose is pretty much average for a human as is her mouth with which she is able to open most fruits edible to the human race.

You can kind of see what I mean here. You also include nose and mouth. The part about fruits can be part of a basic dietary section, which might be better suited for the end of the Everyday Life part.

The second part, her Personality:

Okay...how to put this? Much better. Its incredibly thorough, but I would still work on shortening it as best as possible. From a writing perspective, the more specific you are about the way someone acts, the easier it is for someone else to come along and call "out of character!", especially if that personality quirk is the deciding factor of a plot point.

That being said, I want to say there's phenomenal amounts of fluff that could all be trimmed down, but I cannot seem to find a way to say it. Each sentence addresses something else. The only other thing is that you sort of fuse her professional life in with it. I had no idea she was a mercenary until here. You could take that out, and add that to daily life, I think. That sort of thing. Keep in mind, personality should be below her "history" and "daily life"

her Daily life:

Quote :

she feels more at home in the dangerous jungles than within a city as her social shortcomings severely cripple her ability to form any kind of bond.

Right off the bat here I can say that this belongs with personality since you're talking about how she feels. I do admit though, you cannot avoid feelings in everything but her personality section, simply put because people do many things based on how they feel. This includes why someone lives in a certain area, goes to work a certain way, etc. So as long as its directly relevant to what she does every day, then by all means, keep this in this section.

Quote :

Instead, she's gained a reputation of a "human predator", as she had earned that nickname around the human settlement of Ur-Sagol as a monster assassin. Relying on human technology and her own instincts, Narame has more than a dozen times faced giant predators of all sizes and brought them down,

I hope she doesn't let anyone see her face. Might be hard for her to get contracts with other mercenary outfits if they know what the dangerous assassin looks like.

Also, whoah, hold on a second. "Narame has more than a dozen times faced giant predators of all sizes and brought them down". Uh...no. This is where we say "take it out, and make it a story." Taking down giant predators is possible not easy, which is what you make it sound like here.

Now people can make cases for incredibly potent toxins that even overpower the the felaryan healing soil, but it would look rediculous to find a colony of neeras, buy their toxins (Which for their own safety, probably never would as it'd be the one thing they use to make sure they're not ravenously eaten), and with that tiny little dart take down something like a Giant Naga, who has 300+ feet and several dozen thousand pounds worth of weight to over come.

I only assume she'd use toxins because she favors ranged combat. Otherwise, taking out a giant predator with a crossbow would be insanely difficult. Taking out one in general is ridiculous, but twelve? Most of my problems with your bio/profile is merely just how you chose to write/organize it. You can ignore that at you're whim, its fine, but this is a major issue.

Abilities:

Pretty good here. This sums up a lot of what you said from other sections, like her eyes and her feet. I imagine being barefoot in felarya can be rough. I'm concerned if she steps on something that's poisonous or a dangerous plant catches her feet somehow it'd topple her. I still recommend shoes, I'd personally say the pay off isn't worth it, but that's not up to me.

Narame is still a great character, I like how rogue she is, and her cold calculating mentality. She's very thorough, and clearly you've put in a lot of effort.

History/Personality/Ability wise she has no problems.

Except for the part where she's taken down a dozen giant predators of all sizes. Also the fact that you could heavily re-work this so its a lot shorter and easier to read. I don't mind a long read though, and people who come to a forum probably don't either, so you're likely fine. This is all my opinion though, and despite the negative things I said about this profile's construction, as a person, I quite like her.

Amaroq wrote:

Then again, one usually notices such dangers before stepping on them I suppose.

XD If that were true I imagine there'd be alot less hungry slug girls and dridders. ^^; Though I'm sure her "Sure Sight" at least adds a bonus to her her saving throws.

Amaroq wrote:

I don't like those truly heroic or villainy humans who just survive thanks to plot armor.

Oh I do. They're great and all but you see allot of them to be fair so it's nice and refreshing to see somebody who doesn't stray to close to either boarder.

Amaroq wrote:

No, I've never seen either of those movies

That's cause I'm referencing comic book heroes who haven't had their own movies. Likely won't see any Green Arrow movies with the Arrow TV series still surviving and Hawkeye appeared in Avengers so we may see him in AV2: Age of Ultron.

Amaroq wrote:

But I used to shoot the crossbow back when I was young and when I heard that with special forces its still in use even today, I felt like that this thing might be a very well suited weapon for Felarya.

O.o Really now? I would have loved to learn to shoot one. Did a little bow and arrow once, but I'm more profecient with a riffle or sword. Probably I favor both for choices in characters weapons. The only thing that's a little irratating about Crossbows is the bolts. They're smaller but somehow more irratating to carry I find when I imagine how to keep them on oneself. it's not evident in the pic, but how would you carry them? Both from teh character Narame's stand point and your own?

So Narame has strong toes, but are they dextrous? Can she quad-wield?

@ paracemiumkid:

No, she would probably be able to grab small things like arrows with her toes to throw them off the ground and catch them with her hands or something, but seriously nothing youd call omnidextrous. O.o

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@ jedi-explorer
I assume dridder webs to be much more dangerous than slug slime. Unless you dont watch your step at all, you are very likely to spot a wet slimey surface, so I just cant see how one would step in there without any other issue going on such as that person running away from something else.

About the bolts: Narame has a (in this picture not visible) pouch on her right leg thats supposed to carry some bolts (around 24, stacked on top of each other) of different kinds, her crossbow has a 6-shot magazine (before someone complains about realism, its called a "Repeating crossbow" and has been invented several thousand years ago in asia). The rest of her ammunition would be stored inside her backpack. The idea is that if she ever needs MORE than 30 shots at once, she's in big trouble anyways and should look for some other way out, thats why she has only so little ammunition on her body.


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@ Archmage_Bael:

unlike what you are used to, I prefer to fill the descriptions of my characters with life, sometimes by the addition of flavour text that might not entirely necessary but specifies the description.
Also, you are contradicting yourself when at some point you complain about my description being too vague and sometimes about it being too specified.
On the other hand I admit its not the best result as I wrote this between 1 and 2 AM in the night, so there is indeed room for optimization.

Also I never said it was easy to take out large or giant preds. I said she did take down more than a dozen during her lifespan. In other sections of the article I wrote how she counts on numerical advantage with people she doesn't mind to sacrify if necessary and specialized equipment as well. Like an insect in our world, Narame relies on poison mostly (and explosives in case of armored foes) in order to threaten much larger opponents. Of course, the weapons are DESIGNED to penetrate the thick skin of a Human body part of a giant demi. Of course the explosive bolts are designed to burst open the protective scales of a Naga tail. And if a creature cant be harmed by her, she just calls it a day and goes home, so to speak. Having killed 13-23 giant beings of a size between 50 and 150 feet (thats what I consider giant) within around 6 years sounds more than reasonable to a monster hunter in my eyes. Or rather having participated in killing them if you need that wording in order to tell she's not 1vs.1-ing them in a straight up and fair fight. Narame fights unfair from afar, while the victim doesn't know its being stalked. Thats what makes her able to fight them in the first place. Considering that there are other popular human characters who can straight out battle a giant in a swordfight, I feel like my character is rather normal. Also remember that many stories and pictures provide the giant creatures with unrealistic plot armors or magical abilities in order to protect them, especcially from eaten prey. If you take out all the bullshit about cancelling any form of magic used or "can withstand any force used against the stomach walls" then you might find out that in the end, giant preds are not much different than lets say a T-rex on earth. Dangerous without question, but far from invinceable with proper equipment.
people dont need giant amounts of toxin either. Some snakes are able to kill an elephant with a single tiny little drop of their poison. And thats a natural one. Humankind has managed to develop far more deadly toxins by today. A phiole that inserts the poison through a hollow tube inside the tip of the bolt is more than enough, assuming it manages to get into the bloodflow.

I think you are overestimating the necessarity of boots. Back in the past, humankind went on bare foot as well and they didnt cut themselves all the time. Of course she'd be smart enough to wear boots when its really necessary such as a grove of poisonous scorpions, but really I dont see the issue that much. its a matter of being used to it.

Amaroq wrote:

Unless you dont watch your step at all, you are very likely to spot a wet slimey surface

XD You haven't observed many slug slime trails in real life have you? One thing that makes them deadly is they don't reflect light from certain directions. This means, due to their translucent color, that unless you're standing at the right angle you can't see it till it's nigh on too late.

jedi-explorer wrote:

Amaroq wrote:

Unless you dont watch your step at all, you are very likely to spot a wet slimey surface

XD You haven't observed many slug slime trails in real life have you? One thing that makes them deadly is they don't reflect light from certain directions. This means, due to their translucent color, that unless you're standing at the right angle you can't see it till it's nigh on too late.

This is why shoes are important. Leave the shoes, and get off the slime trail. If you can determine where the parts of the slime trail are....

Hey, if Ama doesn't want his character to have shoes, that's up to him and his character. There's more than one way to get out of a 'sticky' situation. XD Ahahah ahah....mmmh. >.>;

Anyway, I think you guys should stop pushing so hard on this one issue. I personally think that it would be interesting to allow her that weakness that comes with the strength of being able to feel through your feet. And as I said, she could have alternate ways of dealing with dangerous terrain. And thirdly, it seems to me, looking at her bio, that she'd generally keep to the trees, where terrain hazards are less likely to affect her anyway.

Nyaha wrote:

Hey, if Ama doesn't want his character to have shoes, that's up to him and his character. There's more than one way to get out of a 'sticky' situation. XD Ahahah ahah....mmmh. >.>;

Anyway, I think you guys should stop pushing so hard on this one issue. I personally think that it would be interesting to allow her that weakness that comes with the strength of being able to feel through your feet. And as I said, she could have alternate ways of dealing with dangerous terrain. And thirdly, it seems to me, looking at her bio, that she'd generally keep to the trees, where terrain hazards are less likely to affect her anyway.

I'm not pushing her to get shoes! No, no, no! I was just pointing out the dangers of being bare foot in Felarya. Or any fantasy world with rough terrain. I personally would be sad if she got shoes.