Life Update

Things...have been Hell recently, to say the least. I found out last week that I failed organic chem, which means I now have two huge F's in 2 years of college. I've been in depression ever since. Also, i'm now the family's slave/whipping boy while my brother gets treated like a princess. Tonight, my parents saw my grades, and it didn't go well to say the least.

I'm alone, I think no one cares. No body even responds to me! I'm honestly considering running away from home. Maybe sneak into the military or something, not that I got much to lose.

Its just, i'm not good at anything. I could be great at bio, but chem is holding me back. I just feel behind everyone this semester. Maybe I really am worthless and a failure. I mean, no one really texts me, no one calls, there is no one who is interested in me (and yes, i have had the balls to ask and get shot down every time).

Maybe I should just give up? Everyone thinks im batshit crazy anyway. Especially many here after I posted my theory on things a month ago. I mean, look how many people care! No one! Nobody gives a damn about me or what I do.

I mean, look at my life. I live in a room with bugs that always seem to annoy me at the worst times, a mom who could care less and is the most unsympathetic person on earth since hitler (Her cure for depression - "SUCK IT UP!"). A dad who acts more like a mom than anything and is uninvolved most of the time. A younger bro who is annoying as anything and never shuts up and also bullies me non stop over my love of Garry's Mod. Any other familial relationships are deceased/strained into flashpoints by my mom.

I really don't give a rats ass if you dont care. I dont blame ya.

I'm really not sure what to say. It sounds awful, and I really hope things improve for you. This'll sound like a cliché, but don't give up. You're not worthless, and you're not a failure. Nobody who continues trying to improve is a failure. I'm really sorry to hear you're going through all this. Please, though, don't give up.

Alright time for me to post something.
I suppose you have heard this before (i hope at least), but you are not the only one out there who had a thought time in your life. I had some really bad shit happened to me in my past but i don not wish to bring it up here. the only thing i could do was to suck it up and try to continue. it's never easy on your own and there is bound to be difficulties (for me i almost got a split personality disorder). i'm also quite bad at everything but there is nothing that is impossible to learn, given enough time.

i never speak my true thoughts to anyone close to me because if i did i would probably get arrested. instead i chose to hide them all and created a mask that would be like they wanted me to be.

as for you relation with your mom i have the exact same relation with my dad.

my point is: why kill yourself now when there is a way to get out of there even though it is a really hard and difficult path?
I went through that path. it was terrible but it was worth it in the end.

Feeling sorry for yourself is the worst think you can ever do and i recommend you to stop it because it never helps anything.

don't care about what people think, create your own identity and live with it instead.

now i don't know what to write more.

Have a nice day.

I just could use someone to talk to and Rp with. Maybe one of you guys would like to eat a tiny human IRL?

Well, I don´t have a Clue, who or what Gerry´s Mod is - but I can tell You, what I have done, as I felt just the same long ago (okay, my Parents are not this bad): About 20 Years ago I had made one Discovery, which was enlightening - especially if You count Yourself to the Bunch of People, which listen to REASON and THINKING - and not to superstitious Stuff like Religion and Belief. This one Truth is clearing once and for all everything around You - and it did help me personally as much as nothing before or after. This one essential Fact is this:

This Universe isn´t there for the Purpose of being liked by us.

So what did I do? I have armoured my Mind. Because the second biggest Truth is one, which You are already well aware of: No one cares. Really. Jesus loves You? Oh yeah? Well, I suppose someone has to do the Job, right?

Back to me - I never was at a College - or a University - I didn´t enroll anywhere and I didn´t have got a Stipendi...Thingie - but despite this I know a Lot what´s going on in this World - You can believe me that. So after I have armoured my Mind, I shove my Ass out of the Sand and began to help myself - I found a Job, got good Cash and good Palz - and now I have my own Stuff, my own Home and all this - and I have MY PEACE. So no one cares? Well, I don´t care either. Screw them. You have to think about Yourself - because any other Guy is thinking about himself, too. Samaritans are a Myth - and this World is full of Egoists.

Okay, one Thing is a Lie - I care about You. I hope You know that. Otherwise I wouldn´t bore You with all this Crap. But I also know when You are young You tend to take everything personally - but You have to realize: People are fucking dumb. And thick. Even Family Members are - because they think all they see and know is a Given. All there is - is there forever they think.

And You, too. Most People begin to realize the true Value of something or someone only if this Thing or Person is gone all of a Sudden. Before that - who cares - he, she, it - is there, right?

One other Thing: Because everyone thinks he has to study some Bullshit, there is no one more around doing a decent and honest Job - like repairing Cars or TVs. They all think, they have to do some pseudo-intellectual Business-Bullshit like meddling around with Shares and Stocks they don´t even own - juggling with Stuff what´s far away from being real (and being THEIRS, by the Way) - or they wanna be `Corporate Consultants´. Of Course - everyone needs a Consultant for Problems he didn´t have before of this Rubbish. The World is barking mad - and as we have realized - no one cares.

Because most of these Guys nowadays are Stock Traderz, `Banxterz´or Consultants, no one does a REAL Job anymore and anything is `outsourced´ to China - so they don´t have to sweat one Drop. So we have a Population that is growing even too dumb to open up a Can of Ravioli. And we have a wannabe-elitarian Sourcepool which allows the Colleges to be picky. So some Guys - like You - are falling behind. Perhaps You are not a Failure, as You put it - but there are Lotsa Guys, who were better than You - and the Teachers can chose.
Blow them.
Look for a real Job. Oh, of Course You have to work a bit more hard - but it is REAL Work for REAL Money - no bad Awakenings in the Future, when Thousands of Professors, Bachelors and other Eggheads get no Job - because there are so much of them. Perhaps You´ll find something You are really good at - Paintjobs on Cars, Tuning Motorcycles or something else...

Okay - the Universe doesn´t care about You - but this also means, it doesn´t hate You.

So stand up and get Yourself a friggin  Chance, willya?