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Slimetoad
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Slimetoad


Posts : 617
Join date : 2010-09-13
Age : 35

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PostSubject: Luck   Luck Icon_minitimeTue Feb 22, 2011 3:10 am

It was getting late, the young neko noticed, and that meant it was time to go home. The large peat bogs near his village were starting to dry out, all bloated with brown scummy mud, but still they offered rich pickings of life that the nekos could always rely on. Ducks, fish, rats, the occasional tiny…the young one felt proud of himself as he walked through the thin layer of water. He had managed quite a good catch. He couldn’t wait to show his family!

His senses alerted him before the wading birds behind did. Something was off, and as he turned around and the last of the feathery critters leaped upwards to the sky, he saw why.

First it was but a bubbling, and then this massive lump of mud rose and swelled, like a big churning island on the bog’s surface. It rose and descended again and again, as if trying to stay afloat. Then suddenly it was “swimming” forward in this undulating motion. Growing as it did, even. Growing….

Wait! It was going after him!!!

The neko almost let out a scream before turning back and starting to run as fast as he could, clutching his precious bag tightly. He leaped between protruding stones, darted where the bottom was at its shallowest, pushed madly through reed beds. Sometimes he splashed on zones where the mud was loose, but he quickly swam and jumped his way out. He couldn’t stop at anything. That lump was only getting closer and closer, ever so fast, so massive. Reach the edge, the neko repeated to himself, reach the edge of the marsh and leave, quick. Or he was as good as dead

But so frenzied he was that when only a little was left to reach it, he tripped. Falling flat against the marsh-scum, cursing and punching loudly as he tried desperately to get up and keep running. The lump was now truly humungous, just a few feet away from him. And…what was that thing that had burst from its side? Was it an arm???

There was no escaping from this. In complete despair the neko curled up in place, arms over his head, heart beating so fast it could burst. This was the end, and he didn’t want to see it.

The monstrous thing let out a gurgling, terrible groan, and exploded before him.

Grendel stumbled in the dry rushes, the great reptilian claws pushing and steadying his hulking form now he was back on dry ground. For a little while the muck-engulfed squamataur stood in place, slightly disoriented, and then he swung his human half wildly, shaking off the mud that covered him in all directions. He snorted and sniffed, clearing his nose and letting the cool air enter his lungs again. A relaxed smile could actually be seen in him; a mud bath always made Grendel feel good.

Still, he probably had been in there far longer than he should have. The sun was setting and he hadn’t had anything resembling dinner yet. Not to mention he had to find somewhere safe to dig a hole and sleep. So much to do…but it had been worth it. He sniffed the air again, made a quick look around the quiet marsh and began lumbering towards the valley. The bog shuddered with every thunder of his footsteps until he was lost in the horizon

The neko was now on his knees, half-buried in the mud, shaking uncontrollably. The monster hadn’t even noticed him!

In an instant he got up and wandered away from the marsh, stumbling in a daze more than walking, and an incredulous laugh was escaping from his lips like he was drunk. He couldn’t believe it. He felt like he could run screaming to the ends of the world. He was alive! Alive!!

And as he twirled around the nearby trees, singing about such an amazing feat, a delicate giant hand snatched him from the ground.

The dryad felt so lucky.
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Warrior3000
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Warrior3000


Posts : 646
Join date : 2008-04-27
Age : 28
Location : New Jersey

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PostSubject: Re: Luck   Luck Icon_minitimeTue Feb 22, 2011 2:12 pm

You really do have a certain way with your writings that makes them impressive no matter how many times I see your techniques implemented. Everything is short and sweet length wise, so that I'm not deterred by the sight of a wall of text, but you manage to elicit feelings with such relatively small segments that stories multiple times larger couldn't bring about within me. I can't really complain at all in regards to your works, because they're free of elementary mistakes and contradictory points and so forth, but I suppose that was to be expected of you.

It's always enjoyable reading these.

.......Really can't be too much of a help because this was entirely acclaim as apposed to critique. Oh well.
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Slimetoad
Temple scourge
Temple scourge
Slimetoad


Posts : 617
Join date : 2010-09-13
Age : 35

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PostSubject: Re: Luck   Luck Icon_minitimeWed Feb 23, 2011 12:51 am

It still is appreciated, thanks Smile

Which is funny, I've been feeling as of late that my stories kind of feel sub-par
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PostSubject: Re: Luck   Luck Icon_minitime

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