My stories and characters

Though, to be frank, these folk have had their share of tough times lately, what with that unexpected voyage through the misty mountains all the way to the river. That took some serious luck, multiple times. No wonder they say they're favored by Minalca!

In order to break out, you need to either open the door, or pry open the bars. Doesn't that sound impossible? Well, there's a way to do it. Whether the cage walls are cross-reinforced or not, I doubt they're modern manufacture. So we'll exploit some metallic weaknesses- corrode it out. You'll need two things: a cathode, and a medium. We'll assume Felaryan air is a disaster just waiting to happen, and work on a cathode. That's what you need some gold coins for: gold is a good conductor, and a metal that doesn't rust. Ironically, this means that if you put it in contact with something else that will rust, it'll act as a cathode, forcing its companion metal to act as a sacrifice anode. It's recommended to use some liquid to improve ionic conductivity in the area- I recommend sweat. There are better options, but they're kind of icky.

The effect greatens the more area of gold you get in contact with air, and the less you get in contact with the metal. If you can beat some gold into foil, and then wrap it around the area you need corroded out, it'll practically eat the cage. Now, just substracting a little metal won't snap the cage on its own, and you might need time. That's what the next paragraph is for.

Next, keep Milly from taking you out. To do this, well, you never specified as to the locking mechanism. I'm assuming it's got a lock, otherwise, it would be a pushover to engineer a way into applying sufficient force to force the hinge open.

I'm assuming no one has picked the lock because it's on the outside of the cage, and the bars are a bit close to each other. There's a way around this- you don't see yourself out. You lock yourself in instead, using a piece of malleable metal. Stick it inside the lock, and when Milly thrusts the key in, it'll deform and fill out everything. It'll be impossible to pull out the stuff, and the lock will be ruined until serviced. Which buys you a precious few hours while Milly goes look for someone. Alternatively, stuff the lock with glue.

You can wait for the corrosion as long as you dare. Once you're sure you shouldn't be waiting anymore, you can remove the gold, and begin using your rope. I recommend grade III nylon paracord. It's the most compact a man can get, though it's got an elongation of 30%, which isn't good. Wrap the cord around the bar, which we previously damaged electrochemically, loop it around another bar, fold back, loop back, wrap again, and so on. Having four lengths of cord should give you the freedom to apply up to 2200 pounds of force. Might not seem like you can do it, but it won't take that much to break the bars. And with every bar you break, the strength of the rest of the system decreases.

Once you're done breaking bars comes the difficult part. It's impossible to climb down paracord- it's got a diameter of only 4 mm. Can't even rappel down that kind of rope. The solution is to use those bars you've pried off. Take your paracord again, and make two loops at the end of the cord. You'll make a handhold with one, and tie firmly the bars you snapped off to the other end. Run the cord out of the cage, then loop it from outside around a bar, then back inside. If it's long enough, the bars should hit the ground. That means, if you weighed the bars carefully so that they were around the same as you, you can do a stage entrance into the ground: hold on to your handholds, and the bars that rise will slow down your fall. This reduces the amount of cord you need from 100 feet to about 50 feet: you can swing down to the table, then let the bars bring the cord down to the table for you to use again. If you can find anything to tie the bars to in the table, you can rappel downwards again. Bam. You've hit the ground. And all you needed for that was paracord and gold.


Now here's the fun part. How to walk outta there without Milly killing you once she finds out. You take an alsumi hostage. The first part is easy- just tell Milly, once she sees you, to stay right where she is. Your friends can just walk out the door that way. If you have to kill one alsumi to show her you mean business, don't worry, there's plenty more. And the best way to kill 'em all is to douse their tunnels with rubbing alcohol or some high grade spirit. All you'd need afterwards is a match. Doubt she'll take the chance.

Once you're sure your friends are out, here comes the hardest part. You grab one alsumi, and you're going to need bubblegum, a cellphone, and a paperclip. Warn her not to follow you- and because that's how those stories work, someone else will.

So take the bubblegum and bluff it's plastic explosive: no one has any concept of such, but you can say that's how you shattered the cage. Given those pesky Alsumi might have been watching you, Milly would know- but anyone who knew a friend was in danger wouldn't have bothered with the detail of how you broke the cage. Place the paperclip around the alsumi's neck, then place the bubblegum on the back of their neck, so they can't tell what you stuck in there. I know, I know, bubblegum on girls' hair is mean, you might wanna pick a boy.

Anyway, now that Milly's friend has found you, they're probably going to call your bluff and require you to blow up something. Now listen close- see how I told you to stick the bubblegum on the back of their neck? By the same token, you're going to need some duct tape now, to tape the alsumi to their... underboob (or tailbone, in Yemic's case). Why, you ask? Because they can't see there well enough to fiddle, and now you're raising the bet: not only are you going to kill the tomthumb, you'll also hurt them. It's going to make them a bit more loath to call yer bluff.

Now here's where the magic happens. Tell 'em the explosive will go off in 15 minutes, if fiddled with, or if you trigger it early- unless it's fully submerged at the time. That'll keep 'em busy for 15 minutes finding somewhere to soak their boobs (or tailbone, in Yemic's case), 15 minutes that will be critical to your escaping and finding somewhere to hide, while they panic trying not to waterboard the alsumi too much. If they ever find out it's bubblegum (likely in Jissy's case), well, they'll know you had 'em for fools.

Materials required:
-A supply of gold coins (silver and copper will do too)
-50 feet of IIIA paracord (100, if the table is not directly beneath the cage). Paracord is usually woven into wearable accessories; IIIA cord can also be cut open to separate core and sheath, both of which can function as cord on their own right (with half strength tho).
-A knife of some sort.
-Your blood
-Alcohol, rubbing/whiskey/wine.
-A match
-Bubblegum
-A paperclip
-Duct tape

So in short, you'd need...
-A leprechaun, for the gold.
-A hipster, for the paracord accessory, bubblegum, paperclips and duct tape (sewing is SO mainstream).
-An emo, for the blood. Might also provide silver.
-A hobo, for the alcohol and matches.

The knife can come from either the emo or the hobo lol j/k. A more respectable recipe would be a sailor and an elf.