Sora's Story (chapter 1 now reworked)

Okay I just can't seem to think of a name for this story that sticks. Suggestions are very welcome.

Okay now, I've started to edit the chapters. Eventually I'll have all of them done in the same fashion as the new chapter one (go to where the original chapter one was to read it). Warhammer (AKA Warrior3000) pointed out what I was doing wrong with the format of the story and soon it'll all be fixed. The basic plot will stay the same, but the format will be much different. I hope you enjoy the updated chapters.

hehe nice chapters here ^_^
He can't have a break it seems, between those fairies "possessing" him and vampire having a small bite XD

Karbo wrote:

hehe nice chapters here ^_^
He can't have a break it seems, between those fairies "possessing" him and vampire having a small bite XD

Well you know what they say. One man's misfortune is another man's entertainment.

Sora's gotta keep from losing consciousness at the end of these chapters, that's not good for his health. Of course, neither is having ones blood sucked by a vampire.

I like the story so far. There's a mix of action and dialog and while certain scenes strain my sense of what Sora should be capable of, you do a good job of keeping the story flowing. One thing you might want to think about is how easy Sora seems to make friends with complete strangers. Considering what he's been through, he should be a little less trusting and a little more restrained in his actions.

timing2 wrote:

Sora's gotta keep from losing consciousness at the end of these chapters, that's not good for his health. Of course, neither is having ones blood sucked by a vampire.

Yeah, he does. lol But you gotta give him credit for not dying.

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One thing you might want to think about is how easy Sora seems to make friends with complete strangers. Considering what he's been through, he should be a little less trusting and a little more restrained in his actions.

True, but he felt sorry for Maria and figured that since he hadn't been eaten yet, he should be able to trust her. As with Tammy, I tried to make him seem intrigued and he felt he needed help from somebody else who actually had a physical form. Besides, if he needed to, he could probably flip her hood down for a bit.

I apologize but I won't be doing any more of this story for now. I haven't abondoned it, that's for dang sure, but I've come to a bit of a block with this story, not to mention I'm undermotivated to repolish all of my current chapters. In addition to my inactivity in doing this story, I will also be inactive within the Felarya community, and the vore community as a whole. I apologize.

Well, SuperPieGuy...

Here's my after-reading report. I've read up to Chapter 12, the one with the vampire.
Sora seems to be possessed of intermittent incompetence. Had he never boiled a canteen before, or swam? Also, Jackie's note... was it really written by Jackie? How did he get the time to write something THAT long if it wasn't in blood? Did his clone kill him slowly, with poison, or something?
By the way, if you see a frozen arrow, take several, you never know when you might need them.
Also, Bonnie and Clyde have gotten my common sense tingling. If they were petrifying people, some must've gotten away. Actually, scratch that, PLENTY should've gotten away as soon as they saw that fighting didn't really work. Matter of fact, Daddy should've gotten away once there was no one left to fight for.
Unless you're using Shinra Tensei or a doujutsu like Itachi*, you can't catch everyone in the village. Also, why did they smash ONE statue in particular, and the rest were simply left for the birds to crap on? Was Sora the only guy they got to taunt despite the fact Daddy stayed over to fight?
That said I wish them an horrible end, that part you did well.

Also, lolita vampires FTW! Makes you think how many vampires are pedos, doesn't it?



*it's a Naruto reference, I'm not saying only those two things and nothing else in the whole extension of human imagination can do the trick, but it's either that or something like it.

Stabs wrote:

Sora seems to be possessed of intermittent incompetence. Had he never boiled a canteen before, or swam?

He's a village boy, so he never got the chance to do it. And actually, I've recently been working on completely reworking Sora's character (but that shouldn't change the story that much, and probably even for the better).

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Also, Jackie's note... was it really written by Jackie? How did he get the time to write something THAT long if it wasn't in blood?

Well, I never thought about that. Stupid me. I'll have to fix that.

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Did his clone kill him slowly, with poison, or something?

Actually, he was just bleeding. That was how his clone intended to try to kill him.

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By the way, if you see a frozen arrow, take several, you never know when you might need them.

lol He doesn't have a bow to shoot them with.

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Also, Bonnie and Clyde have gotten my common sense tingling. If they were petrifying people, some must've gotten away. Actually, scratch that, PLENTY should've gotten away as soon as they saw that fighting didn't really work. Matter of fact, Daddy should've gotten away once there was no one left to fight for. Unless you're using Shinra Tensei or a doujutsu like Itachi*, you can't catch everyone in the village. Also, why did they smash ONE statue in particular, and the rest were simply left for the birds to crap on? Was Sora the only guy they got to taunt despite the fact Daddy stayed over to fight?
That said I wish them an horrible end, that part you did well.

You'll get those answers soon. Just to clear things up, his Dad was bound to the village by duty so it was out of the question for him to run away.

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Also, lolita vampires FTW! Makes you think how many vampires are pedos, doesn't it?

*it's a Naruto reference, I'm not saying only those two things and nothing else in the whole extension of human imagination can do the trick, but it's either that or something like it.

Yeah, I know Naruto. It's my favorite anime.