Cigarettes and Fairies

A short story featuring my easily-enraged character Jack "Smokes" Williams. He's a chain-smoking elf with serious temper problems, a field of tobacco, and a lot of pesky fairies living near his house.

Cigarettes and Fairies

Ch. 1: Fun and Games

Lenyal snuck into the field of tobacco carefully, keeping her hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles as she tip-toed down the rows of leafy plants. She kept her wings, iridescent blue and transparent like a dragonfly's, tucked against her back to prevent their glimmer from betraying her presence. The fairy had shrunk down to the size of a human toddler, maybe three feet tall and therefore hidden by the stalks of tobacco.

She could barely hold in her suppressed laughter in, short puffing snickers escaping from her lips. She couldn't wait to see the look on Syln's face when her friend learned she had lost the contest to see who could get farther into the field without being caught. Just a few more steps and she would win!

*THWACK*

Lenyal yelped as a polished steel cane cracked across her bare bottom, the fairy darting into the air and taking flight in an instant. She hovered a few meters above the rich soil of the field, turning around to look down at the person who had gotten her. She huffed at her assailant, rubbing her backside where a narrow red mark was beginning to appear.

The elf was a grizzled old thing, stooped with age and bald as an egg. His only hair to speak of was a shaggy grey beard that hid his whole lower face from view, everything below his nose a bristly ash-colored mess. He was thin, rough cloth shirt and pants, both grey-green in color, hanging on his lean frame like clothes on a stick.

Despite being bent from the years, he wasn't leaning on his cane at all, holding it up in front of him in a fencer's pose. An agressive gleam shone in his nearly-closed lavender eyes. Incomprehensibly, a cigarette, lit and smoking, was sticking out of his beard, held in his hidden lips.

"DAMN FAIRIES!!!"

Heres what I've got so far. Continued in Chapter 1 part two. I'll have it up when I can.

Felarya is Karbo's

Named characters are mine unless otherwise stated.

that's intruiguing XD

Ch. 1 part 2

Lenyal buzzed quickly out of reach as the wizened elf swung his cane at her again, sticking her tongue out as she evaded his strike. The elf came after her, face crimson with fury and slashing at the fairy repeatedly as she flew around the field. The winged woman laughed gaily as she wove in between the stalks, avoiding the elderly man at every turn.

"Can't catch me, you silly old elf!" she squealed, having the time of her life.

The old man, on the other hand, was definitely not enjoying the chase. He was charging across the field after the fairy with his cane held aloft, roaring out strings of swearwords and wheezing like a broken bagpipe as he ran here and there. At last, Lenyal shot up into the air, stopping a dozen meters up to have a laughing fit in midair.

"You little pest! I've told you nasty imps to stay out of my damn field a hundred times!" he snarled, swiping his cane in the empty air viciously.

Lenyal just blew a raspberry at the elf and laughed all the harder. There was nothing better than to bug this old man. He got mad so easily it was hilarious, and the slightest of pranks could have him up and in pursuit of you in a moment.

"I'll plant some feyweed, you see if I don't! Then you bugs won't be laughing!" the elf barked up at her.

Lenyal giggled at his threat, knowing there was no feyweed anywhere around here to dig up and plant. Now she had teased him enough. If she stuck around too long after pulling a prank . . .

A long tongue of yellow-orange flame arced into the spot she had just been at, bright and dangerous but giving off little heat. That was what made the elf a hazard to annoy without getting away quickly. He was a fire mage. His fire was weak and easy to deflect, but scorched wings, as any fairy knows, are a one-way ticket to being eaten.

Two more arcs of fire flickered at her, but she bounced both away with swift shooing motions and a burst of magic. Then she flew higher, out of his fifteen meter range, and pouted jokingly.

"Pfft. You wouldn't do something so mean. Not our sweet, lovable Gramps."

"The hell I wouldn't! I'll plant feyweed and watch every one of you pests get eaten! And don't call me Gramps! I'm not your damn grandpa!"

"Yes you are. All us fairies are your wittle grandkids. That's why we're always coming over to see you." Lenyal snickered, putting a forefinger in her mouth and giving him an innocent look. Then she shot off into the forest.

The elf, enraged, shot a dozen fist-sized fireballs in all directions, bellowing furiously. The miniature meteors flared out over the field before landing in the surrounding trees and fizzling out on the damp ground of the Bulvon Woods. He ran out of steam after a few minutes and, energy spent, trudged back to his cabin.

A rickety old house, nearly a shed, really, it was one story and made of splintery boards haphazardly nailed together and sealed with pitch. One door and one window. It had a small wooden porch and a simple chair sitting on the porch, a comforting and ancient watchman looking out on the field. It was in this chair that the old elf sat, the wood creaking under even his meager weight.

Puffing on his cigarette rapidly, he growled sourly into his beard.

"Damn fairies."

There's part two of the Cigarettes and fairies chapter 1. Chapter two will be up soon. Critique as you like.

Felarya is Karbo's

Feyweed and the Bulvon Wood are credited to Zoekin AKA Zoekin-3

Named characters are mine unless otherwise stated.

I find it really enjoyable ^_^

It's simple but you described really nicely her prankish character

Thank you. Its very much a short, very simple comedy piece. Chapter two involves more fairies pestering the old man.

Cool story so far and the threat him planting Feyweed to stop them would certainly work. The problem of finding some is the hard part.

Here's chapter two of Cigarettes and Fairies. Critique and enjoy. No vore, either.

Chapter 2: Infinite Pranks

The sound of glass shattering woke the elderly elf up in the early morning. He nearly swallowed the cigarette he had been smoking in his sleep as he jerked awake.

"Gahk! The -huh, huh- hell was -hugh- that?" he coughed, hacking and spitting out bits of tobacco as he rolled quickly out of bed.

It was difficult to see in the cabin, the sun just barely peeking in the single window. The window was what had made the sound; there was a jagged star in the glass and there was a glinting carpet of the stuff directly under the window. On the inside of the window. Something had broken in.

His training instantly took over, and the old fellow went into a stealthy crouch. Well, not so stealthy, as it caused his knobby knees to creak and pop. With a muttered swearword and a comment on old age, he slowly scanned the interior of his single-room cabin.

There wasn't much to look at. The furnishings were spartan, a simple bed against one wall, a small dresser, a floor-based cupboard, a splintery table, and an equally neglected chair. No sign of any intruders. Until his eyes lighted on the cupboard. It was open.

He cautiously crept over to the open door of the cupboard and took a deep breath. Then he held it, sliding around the edge of the door as silently as a hunting neko. He looked into the cabinet and found . . . a fairy.

A few inches high, she was dark skinned and possessed a set of bright green butterfly wings. Her hair was a sort of rich caramel color, curly red antennae poking out of it like two cinnamon sticks. As it happened, cinnamon was what she was munching on. His cinnamon.

"DAMMIT, YOU LITTLE THIEF! Who the hell told you that you could raid my damn cupboard, you pilfering bug!?" he roared, swiping at the fairy.

The intruder jumped agilely over his hand and shot toward the hole in the window, still carrying a stick of cinnamon under her arm. To add insult to injury, she stuck her tongue out at him as she flew, not through the hole, but through the window. She broke through it, making another opening with the tinkle of shattering glass as well as the tinkle of mischievous laughter.

"Oh, you've done it now! There's no way in hell you're getting away!" he snarled, going for the door.

He burst out the door with his cane at the ready, face tomato red with fury. He was confronted with a dozen sprites, all hovering in place a few feet off the ground and all shrunk to a couple inches. And every one of them had a big, childish grin on their face. As soon as he appeared, they started laughing and chanting.

"Gramps fell for it, Gramps fell for it!" they sung, swirling around excitedly.

"The hell-? What did I fa-?"

The fairy that had been sneaking through his field yesterday, the one with dragonfly wings, buzzed by him. She was human-sized this time, all the better to carry a full sack of his sugar over her shoulder. She gave him a brilliant smile that fairly oozed playful good cheer. Then the whole swarm of fey darted off into the woods to enjoy their prize.

"DAMN FAIRIES! YOU -!" (further dialogue had to be cut as the writer fled from the harpies attracted to the scene. They were interested in anyone able to speak so "politely")

There's part one. Sorry I couldn't finish, but I have a hard time writing while running from rock harpies. Part two will be up once they clear out.

Felarya is Karbo's

Named characters are mine unless otherwise stated.

LOL this is funny reminds me of a story about a rabbit and a carrot patch from my childhood

Thank you. I'm guessing it was called "Peter Rabbit"? Harpies took a while to lose interest, but here's Chapter three. This has a lot of vore, so I wouldn't advise reading if you don't like vore. Lenyal gets . . . creative . . . with a cat-girl.

Chapter 3: Sugar and Spice

Lenyal laughed as the shrunken neko female in her hand struggled, the fur on her arms tickling the fairy's palm. The cute little thing was squirming around, trying to bite her captor but unable to do so. Lenyal grinned, her bright, predatory smile freezing her prey with fear. The neko, barely two inches tall, squealed in terror as the fairy leaned in and licked the cat-woman's face. Her eyes closed as she savored the succulent flavor of the neko.

"Mmmm. Delicious. You taste really sweet, sweetie." the fairy giggled at her own joke, licking her lips in anticipation of her meal.

The neko, her face slick with spit and shaking violently, started begging.

"Please, please, miss, j-just let me go! I'll never show up again, I swear! I mean, I . . . I-PLEASE! I don't want to be eaten! I-I-I'll do whatever you-Please!- I'll do whatever you w-want me to, a-anything at all! J-just don't eat me!"

Lenyal landed on the forest floor, smiling at the plushness of the moss under her bare feet. Leaning back against a nearby tree, she listened to the neko's pleadings. The neko girl took the fairy's silence and postponement of consumption as a sign of acquiescence and rapidly began to talk.

"Look, I c-can do things for you, r-really I can! I could t-tell y-you secrets about where treasures are, and th-things I've heard about, and . . . and . . . s-stuff. Or I c-could b-be your s-servant or s-something."

The fairy idly twirled a lock of her long, curly, plum-colored hair, not really interested in what the neko was saying. She liked it when her prey talked to her, but it was usually boring things like bargaining or yelling. She could always go over to Gramp's and mess with him, but she wanted more entertainment than just bugging an angry old man. Thinking of him gave her an idea.

The neko paused as the fairy's eyes lit up with delight. YES!, the catgirl thought with a surge of relief, I've said something she liked and convinced her! She was so happy that she wasn't going to die that she actually started crying. Tears ran down her face as she sobbed.

"Thank you, thank you, miss fairy, thank you for not eating me." she managed through her bawling, sniffling loudly.

The fairy looked surprised at her statement. Then the surprise changed into a bright, impish grin. She winked at the neko in her fist, mischievous and cheery.

"I'm not going to eat you . . . PLAIN."

The neko, catching the cadence in the sprite's voice, started screaming and struggling, desperate to escape. She was brought up to the fairy's mouth, the hand holding her adjusting to grip lower, on her legs. The fairy opened her mouth, eliciting an even more frightened shriek from her prey as the neko got a good look at her final destination.

Lenyal didn't put the neko in her mouth, even though she was sorely tempted. She extended her tongue, gently licking the neko, lapping at the cat-girl's mostly bare skin (the neko wearing only a loincloth and armbands, probably a tribal) with careful strokes. The sweet-salty taste was amazing, spreading over her tongue like warm bliss. For a second she almost popped the little treat into her mouth on impulse, but she held the urge back. She had other plans for the little kitty.

With one last, meticulous lick, she withdrew her tongue and inspected the neko. The feline woman was trembling, coated liberally with saliva and dripping, eyes wide and full of fear. Completely wet. Perfect. Lenyal reached down to her side, where a vine belt, her only piece of clothing, was. She reached into a leather pouch tied to it and withdrew a handful of something.

"I'm sooo glad I raided Gramp's cabinet." she laughed, smiling at the memory of the enraged elf swearing a blue streak while ducking into his cabin to hide from the rock harpies that had shown up.

Then she tossed the substance in her hand onto the neko. The neko wheezed as she got a face-full of white stuff, coughing and gagging on its . . . sweetness? The neko, swiping at her eyes to clear them, looked down at herself. She was white from the tips of her ears to her waist. She licked her palm . . . and screamed when she realized what was covering her.

The fairy had coated her with sugar.

"Now, come on, it's not so bad. Your sweeter than ever! Hee-hee." the sprite giggled, reaching down to a second pouch on her belt.

She withdrew another handful of something, sprinkling the cat-girl with it. It was red powder of some kind, with a slight bite to it . . . cinnamon. That was the final blow. The cat-girl gave up. The neko started crying, going limp and falling into despair. There was no way she could get away from this. She was doomed, a well-seasoned snack for a fairy. Her tears made tracks in the sugar and cinnamon covering her face.

"I give up . . . I give UP . . . I can't take this anymore. Just eat me. I don't even care." she sobbed, no more fight left in her.

Lenyal grinned, pleased that her treat wasn't going to fight and mess up her coating. She placed the neko's head into her mouth, then closed her lips around the neko and slowly sucked the morsel up. It was . . . delicious. Utterly delicious.

"Mmmmmmm-mmmm!" the fairy hummed joyfully, spinning in place with sheer delight at the burst of wonderful flavor on her tongue. It was like . . . nothing she had ever tasted, sweet and with a cinnamon aftertaste that was indescribable. Pursing her lips, she sucked in the neko's tail and feet, the last sign of the cat-girl vanishing.

* * * * *

Seli let herself get shoved around inside the fairy's mouth, the tongue of the sprite rolling her back and forth. Soaked in saliva, dead already, she just stayed limp, no fighting or thrashing anymore. All she could do was accept her fate and cry silently.

She was startled when she was suddenly blinded by her return to sunlight. She had been spat out. Seli looked up at the fairy from where she sat on the sprite's palm. The fairy was grinning, licking the last little bit of sugar and cinnamon from her lips. The sprite lowered her to the ground and put the neko down on the soft soil of the jungle.

"A-are you letting me go?" Seli asked tremulously, barely daring to let hope flutter up into her being again.

"Yepper-doodles. You were so good I almost swallowed, but then I thought, 'Hey, this is my first-ever sugar-and-cinnamon-coated snack. That counts for something, right?' So I decided I'd let you loose and eat all the others I season from now on. You can go on your merry little kitty way."

Then the fairy gave her a big smile and a wink.

"But if I catch you again, I'll eat you up for real."

Seli couldn't believe her good fortune. She went to her knees, legs turned to jelly with sweet relief.

"Th-thank you so mu-"

"Oh, and you've got twenty seconds until I consider you ready to catch again."

"Wha-?"

"Eighteen seconds, kitty."

* * * * *

Lenyal laughed her head off as the shrunken neko bolted, sprinting away at full speed and quickly vanishing into the undergrowth. She laughed until she was almost crying.

"Hahahahahaha! Hahaha . . . whew . . . That was hilarious. Hmhmhm." she finished, wiping away a few tears of mirth.

She licked her lips one more time, searching for any leftover flavor, and was rewarded with a little sweetness from the sugar. With a happy smile at the taste, she shrank down to five inches and took off, buzzing back homeward. She was eager to look around on her home turf for some prey to try her new method of eating on. She could already taste the blissful flavor of sugar, cinnamon, and shrunken adventurers.


Well, there's Chapter 3, which gives a bit of insight into Lenyal's attitude. Critique as you like.

Felarya is Karbo's

Named characters are mine unless otherwise stated

Amusing series. It brings out fairies' playful, mischievous nature very nicely. And I do like the idea of "sweet and spicy" neko! (I'm also glad that Lenyal let her go.)

MUST! USE! PLAN! "GET THE F*** OUTTA HERE!!!" *Runs away at 99% of the speed of light. Hits tree.* Oww...bad idea. Time for plan "Teleport the f*** outta there!" *Teleports away.*

Good story, by the way. Keep it up.

sparkythechu wrote:

MUST! USE! PLAN! "GET THE F*** OUTTA HERE!!!" *Runs away at 99% of the speed of light. Hits tree.* Oww...bad idea. Time for plan "Teleport the f*** outta there!" *Teleports away.*

Good story, by the way. Keep it up.

First: Wat?

Second: Thank you both. I should get another part up in a little while, if I can get done with all my college work (sigh).

This was a fun read, I thought the plot was pretty clever. Also, nice job finding a way to seamlessly mesh vore into the story!

Thank you, Rev. I figured fairies would be the type of creature that might enjoy "experimenting" with thier food.

Hehe funny chapters
I love how you depict those fairies ^^ and the mention of the harpies attracted made me chucckle XP

Oh, I just have a deep and somewhat irrational, yet justified, fear of fairies. And yeah, good work.

Wow, I've been horribly neglectful of these other works since getting on a roll with Strange Friends. Heres chapter four. We get to learn more about "Gramps"

Chapter 4: Ignite

It felt like the whole city had turned into one huge bonfire. Even the fact that the buildings were made of concrete and steel made no difference. Everything was ablaze, metal fences and lamp-posts wilting and melting in the heat, glass and brick shattering from the temperature spike. Here and there, people ran, on fire, screaming, thrashing torches that showed vague outlines of the writhing victims. One of the flame-wrapped figures collapsed right at the feet of the man who had set this massive fire.

A black military boot kicked the burning corpse aside. The boots were shiny and buffed, unaffected by the flames, as were the grey-and-red clothes of the man wearing those smartly polished shoes. On his chest was a handful of medals, gleaming a ruddy red in the light of the inferno around them, that same gleam reflected in the man's furious eyes.

"Wrath", the highest-powered fire mage in the Sadwacth military, was worthy of his title. The rage in his eyes was as hot and unquenchable as the blaze engulfing the city. Perhaps thirty at this point, he had risen up through the ranks of the elite military fire mages, the Flamethrowers, and was now the fourth-ranking officer. He could have been the first-ranking, but his temper . . .

That fury manifested itself as a dozen regular footsoldiers, armed with pistols, rounded a corner and spotted him. They had doused themselves with ice-water to escape the heat, but that defense was already disappearing in the boiling air as steam. They raised their guns, but he had sent forth his magic first; there was no time to shoot.

A wave of fire ten feet high rolled down the street in an inescapable wall, burning everything in its path to cinders. The soldiers were crisped to ash in a moment, sizzled instantly, guns melting. Jack "Smokes" Williams puffed furiously on his cigarette, the end of it on fire rather than smoldering. He would ignite this whole area, burn it right down to the foundat-

* * * * *

"HEY, GRAAAAAMPS!"

The shout, right next to his ear as he slept, jerked him awake. For the third time this week he nearly swallowed his night-time cig, wheezing as he sat up.

"DAMN YOU PEST IMP-MONSTER BUGS!" he roared, rolling out of bed in his long-johns.

It was that one fairy again, the one who had stolen his sugar and been grubbing about in his tobacco field. She was a bit less than a foot tall, hovering a meter from the floor with her wings an iridescent blur, a massive idiot grin on her face.

"Got you, Gramps. Poor old man, needs a wake up call to get up in the morning, hahaha!"

"If we weren't in my house, surrounded by wood, I would fry you, you damn bug! Get the hell out of my cabin!"

"Awww, did the senile old elf forget to drink a nice cup of happy this morning? Poor old elfie!" she laughed, slapping her knee in midair.

The elf's face turned a unique shade of purple-red. One hand slipped under his pillow, gripping the heavy knife he kept there. He had had enough of these damn fairies.

"I. will. KILL. you." he snarled.

Lenyal just stuck her tongue out at him, then turned to fly out the broken window.

And suddenly, a chunk of her wings had been neatly sliced off.

She hadn't been expecting him to go straight for her wings, and certainly not with a blade. She fell to the floor, no longer able to fly, the breath knocked out of her from the impact of hitting the floor at her size. Lenyal felt panic hit her, a punch to the gut, as she realized she was in deep trouble.

She had taken for granted Gramp's general inability to harm her, since she was a predator, and now she was in a VERY bad position. With her wings damaged, she couldn't use magic, and she couldn't fly. This was going to be ugly.

She turned over onto her back, and propped herself up on her elbows, crawling backwards as she tried to talk her way out. It was the only thing she could attempt, in her current position. She was sweating and stammering as she gave excuses; Gramps was seriously mad, and now she was helpless.

"H-hey now, let's calm down, yeah!? It was just a j-joke, Gramps, just a harmless prank!"

"You and your pranks can go to hell."

He rubbed his thumb on the edge of his wickedly sharp combat knife, and Lenyal's pupils shrank to pinpricks.


First part of chapter four. Now, sleep is required. Second part up when I can get around to it. Lenyal . . . is in big trouble.

Felarya is Karbo's

Named characters are mine unless otherwise stated.

Ack, poor Lenyal! That's a nasty wake-up call. For her, I mean, more than for him!

Awesome story. Love your work. To quote Homer Simpson, "Vengence will be mine!!!" She should have followed Nagi's first rule of fighting, "Never drop your guard."

Second part of chapter four. Lenyal is in a bad spot, and who knows what the enraged "Smokes" will do. No vore. Critiques welcome.

Chapter 4: Ignite (part 2)

"L-let's cool down, huh? Come on, no need for violence!" Lenyal sputtered, rising to her feet and backing up.

"You shut the hell up! You malicious little creeps have been tormenting me since you all showed up all over my piece of land like a damn plague of locusts. Now I'm going to pay it back, like you've never seen. I've had enough of you monsters."

Lenyal gulped, fear growing, rising like a flood. This was bad, very bad. Her wings were too damaged for her to change size, her magic was unusable, and she was currently only eight inches tall. At present, she was completely at the elf's mercy.

And she was pretty sure he had no concept of mercy.

She felt a sharp pain drive icy spikes into her back, a shockwave of frozen glass rippling through her, as her sliced wings touched the wall of the cabin. Panic overwhelmed the pain as she realized she was cornered, no way to escape and powerless to fight.

"Gramps! Can't we talk this over!? It wasn't like I did anything wrong! It was just a prank, really!"

The elderly man's eyes glittered with rage; it felt like she was going to burst into flames if his glare intensified much more. She already knew negotiating wasn't going to happen, but there was nothing else she could do at this point.

"You nasty pests. I told you I'd exterminate you to a one right when you showed up a year ago, but you just insisted on staying around and pestering me. Now you'll get yours." he growled, snatching her up and carrying her to the rough wooden table.

He wasn't being gentle, her ribs creaking under the pressure of his grip. He slapped her onto the table hard enough to drive the breath from her lungs, then slammed a drinking glass over her before she could even move. Lenyal leapt to her feet instantly, now trapped in a glass prison just barely big enough for her to stand up.

"Let me out! Please, it was just a joke! A joke! What did we ever do to you!?" she yelled, beating her fists futilely on the walls of her confinement.

"WHAT DID YOU EVER DO TO ME?!" he roared, voice distorted by the glass.

"I'll tell you what you did! You want a damned list!? You ruined my tobacco crops, you broke my damn window, you stole my food and drink and whatever wasn't nailed down, invaded my house, disturbed my privacy, and made nuisances of yourselves! You want to see what happens when you do that kind of thing to me?!"

"No, no, we never hurt you! Never! Just let me out! It was only a little fun!" Lenyal begged.

"Smokes" took a deep drag from his cigarette, then leaned in. He began to lift the glass. Lenyal gave a sigh of relief; it seemed Gramps was going to let her off the hook. He wasn't so mean as she had first thought of hi-

"Let's see how you like a little carbon monoxide, you damn imp."

And then he blew a cloud of smoke under the rim of the glass and clapped it back down.

She couldn't breathe. The smoke was choking her, stinging her eyes, cutting off her oxygen. She was crying, tears spilling from her bloodshot, reddened eyes, no longer able to see between the smoke and her irritated retinas. Her lungs were on fire, the smoke burning inside. She wheezed and coughed, pounding desperately at the glass, pleading for him to let her out.

She was going to die if she were in here much lon-

Then the glass was gone and glorious fresh air rushed back into her like a wonderful, pure wave. The breath came back out in a grey cloud, bringing the cigarette smoke back out as she exhaled. She hacked weakly, knees so wobbly from the fear and nearly choking to death that she sank down until she was sitting. She looked up through a blur of tears, at the fire mage.

"Now, get the hell out of my cabin. If ANY of you screw around with ANYTHING of mine again, I'll find a patch of feyweed and bring it back if I have to walk clear to the Jungle of Perils and fight a horde of Bloodclaw apes to do it."

Lenyal wiped her eyes, rubbed at them to ease the burning feeling, and rose shakily. Gramps. He had a volcanic temper, but it seemed he wasn't as bad as he liked to appear. She took another deep breath of lovely air, thankful for it. He had stuck her under a glass, but she had to admit her tribe had caused him quite a bit of grief.

They had come here a year ago, driven out of their original home by a swarm of Gyspas showing up, and found this area to be ideal for their new hunting grounds. Finding an elderly elf all by himself out here had been a surprise, but they had refrained from eating him, instead choosing to keep him around to annoy. She figured she owed him at least a little for constantly pranking him.

"I swear I won't steal your stuff anymore. Not a thing. Not so much as a grain of salt without your permission! I'll even tell the other fairies to lay off. Yepper-doodles, nobody will pester you on my watch! Official Gramps Anti-Annoyance One-Fairy Squad, Lenyal! Epic theme-song cue!"

"Smokes" slapped his face, then dragged his fingers down slowly. The magma that had been boiling in his chest had eased up, now turning to exasperated disgust. These idiot bugs . . . this one didn't even have the attention span and common sense required for anything to stick in her head. She had nearly suffocated, a harsh reprimand to teach her a lesson, and here she was being stupid not twenty seconds later.

"Da . . . da-da-da daaaaaaa! Dun-nun-Duuuun! DAAAAAA-!"

"Just . . . shut the hell up and leave. I don't give a damn what you do, but go do it somewhere else."

"DA-DA-DA DAAAAA-DUUUUUUUN! DUN-DUN-DA-DUN-NUN-DAAAA-"

"STOP! SINGING! NOW!"

Lenyal shut up, raising her hands in a placating gesture. Gramps was such a grouch all the time. Couldn't even appreciate a little joke. Or, apparently, a super-cool theme-song. In any case, he didn't seem to be particularly ticked off, so she was alright. For the moment. And there was the problem of her injured wings. They would heal in a few days, but until they did . . .

"Hey Gramps, can I stay here a couple days?"

"HELL NO!"



Chapter four finished. Lenyal decides to become Gramp's liaison and guard.

Felarya is Karbo's

Gyspas (mentioned) are property of Melancholy Melody 13/Gregole

Named characters are mine unless otherwise stated.

Well... They've reached an understanding. Sort of. In a way. And it seems Lenyal wasn't permanently traumatised.

lol i think she pranks him cause shes in love lol

Most interesting. What a crazy fairy

Not bad. "Smokes" could use Kai's smokes. Those things have twice the potency with half or less of the bad side effects.

Thanks for the comments. Chapter Five. In which Lenyal and the other fairies invade "Smokes' " house.Despite her epic theme-song, she doesn't seem like much of a help in preventing annoyance. No vore. Critique and comment as you wish.

Chapter 5: Incursion

"How the hell did it come to this?"

Smokes was sitting in his rocking chair out on the porch, rocking rapidly and puffing on his cigarette so hard the tip was bright yellow in an attempt to keep his temper. A vein was standing out on his forehead, pulsing, as he looked over his tobacco field and yard.

Both areas were filled with fairies.

It had been two days since he had kicked that idiot sprite out of his house, and now the whole tribe was here. There were at least twenty fairies, ranging from human size to no taller than his hand, running and laughing and buzzing around his yard and even in his cabin. The damn pests were all over the place, flitting around and fiddling with whatever they could get their grubby little paws on.

The only thing that kept him in his chair was their numbers. He couldn't take on this many fairies at once. Back in the day, when he had been young and able to turn whole neighborhoods into massive infernos and melt steel, he could have barbecued the lot of them, but now he was old and his fire magic weak.

Even if he would never age any further here in Felarya, he was biologically in his mid-sixties. He wasn't feeble, but he didn't have the strength and endurance of his earlier years, and now his fires could only burn wood and the like. He couldn't take even one fairy head-on, not with what little brute force he had, and twenty was out of the question.

One of the fey flew up, hovering in front of his face, maybe ten inches tall and grinning like an idiot.

"What the hell do you want, you damn bug?" he snapped.

"Innit great!? I pulled the whole pack together to come see you!" Lenyal laughed, enthused.

"No, it is not great! You said you monstrosities were going to leave me alone, not move into my damn house! Get these pests the hell off my property!"

"Awww, but we came to visit our angry old Gramps and cheer you up."

"The hell do I care!? This isn't cheering me up, it's being annoying!"

"Come on, Gramps, lighten up a little. It's not like we're doing any damage."

The sound of something shattering inside the cabin came from the open door. A male fairy stuck his head out of the house, and apologetic smile on his face.

"Sorry, I busted a jar of herbs." he said, and then ducked back into the cabin.

Lenyal gave Gramps a sheepish smile, along with a "what-can-you-do" shrug.

"Well, not THAT much damag-"

A louder crash came, along with a "ah, crap! The whole cabinet fell over!". Another vein popped up on Smokes' head, this one at his temple. His face started to darken, going scarlet as he puffed on his cigarette even harder. The tip of it actually burst into flame. Lenyal made a "settle-down" gesture with her hands.

"Uhhhh . . . well, don't worry. I'll make sure nobody takes off with your stuff."

A blonde fairy flew by carrying a tin of oats under one arm.

"CLEARLY TOO LATE FOR THAT!" Gramps snarled.

"Yeeeeeaaaaah . . . She'll bring it back . . . maybe . . . um. Well, I'll make up for it! After all, I'm the one-fairy anti-annoyance squad! Da . . . da-da-d-"

"NO! Don't you dare start that again!"

The fairy pouted; the old elf couldn't even know a great theme-song when he heard it. Oh well. She could still be cool without epic music. She buzzed up into the air, then grew, skin tingling as she expanded. She stopped at fifty feet and yelled with her now-thunderous voice to get everyone's attention.

"Okay, guys, let's not mess with Gramps' things! Come on, hands off the tobacco, you four!" she barked.

Lenyal was actually (kind of) in charge of her pack, as much as any fairy could be in charge. She didn't really do much of anything, but if something big happened then she was the one who made the decisions. For the most part, the others listened to her.

Her pack reluctantly gave up their investigations and assembled into a rough knot in front of the cabin.

"Oh-kay! Gramps is now officially a grouchy grouch that we only bug when I say so! If you steal his things without my permission, you will be TICKLED UNTIL YOU TURN PURPLE AND CRY! Yeah, you heard me! Tickled! Purple!"

A plum-coloured hand started to rise in the crowd of fey, but Lenyal preempted it.

"And if you're already purple, you'll be tickled until you turn . . . um . . . green? White? Orange? A really weird color, anyway! Any objections? No? Good!"

Smokes let out a long sigh, a thick cloud of smoke swirling out of his grizzled beard. Now, at least, he could get some peace. That fairy might be an idiot, but at least she was a useful idiot. Those imps would leave hi-

"Question! Can we go back to screwing around with his stuff now?"

"Yepper-doodles!" Lenyal answered, a bright smile on her face.

Smokes blew up instantly.

"FFFFUUUUUUU-!"


Smokes now has a whole swarm of fairies invading his property, and Lenyal isn't much help. Just lots of comedy in here.

Felarya is Karbo's

Named characters are mine unless otherwise stated.