Outdated / Expunged Ideas 002

This idea is hereby wiped.

Giant bugs that don't eat people? Blasphemy! But in all seriousness it does seem like an interesting idea to me.

Looks promising. Too much text so I just skimmed through.

Post wiped.

Post wiped.

Give more time and I will give you a good critic but I can say it's very long and detailed
There is no way to shorten a bit their description without sacrifice the important point.

I never thought I'd see the day gwada would say "Too many words."

Well first of all, that little "log entry" with the date is pointless and is just empty space.

Post wiped.

After reading all of this, the problem is not "too many words" because it was a bit late when I start to read but too many paragraph, Overview, General appearance, Behavior Patterns and Fighting Style, Miscellaneous are useful the others can be summed in one paragraph.

I don't agree. If you where to try to summarize this you would lose a lot of useful information. Its a new race idea, there for it needs the info to back it up.

Post wiped.

Here's an idea: break down the information in smaller paragraphs. That way it's at least easier for the eyes.

Post wiped.

I mean something like when you talk about reproduction it would go something like this: You explain the mating ritual, paragraph break and the next paragraph talks about gestation and all that.

Post wiped.

Okay, I've read the whole thing, mostly because it had a LOT of fluff and here's my short answer: I once had a dream where you called me an idiot for my limited vernacular and it's seem to be closer to reality than I expected. >_>

On a more serious note, it's EXTREMELY detailed, but maybe a bit too much. That was literally a Wikipedia article and a lot of the terms aren't "pick-up and read" material unless you're high on insect terminology, which a lot of people aren't. If a random person came up and read that, he'll most likely scratch its head in confusion when his eyes will gleam over the terms you used. Also, their salve is too powerful to me. A Cure-All made from Holy Oak, Cogamosia and Lamiole is pretty overkill if you ask me. Their personality don't strike me as varied enough. It sounds more like their society only has white-and-gray morality. Do you remember when you said that you didn't like it when everything is black on white because it doesn't leave room to imagination and interpretation? Well, it's sort of the same deal with them for me. Also, I checked wikipedia and I couldn't find what a coupler is except that it's some kind of link between two rotating parts in machinery. You probably meant a knee pad, then I think you mean a Poleyn. It has a lot of promise, but you need to lighten the description, be a bit less formal even if it's painful, and maybe revise the Cure-All.

Post wiped.

Post wiped.

I can't access it. It needs a password.

Sean Okotami wrote:

I can't access it. It needs a password.

Yep, sure does. Site requires registration for entry due to the mature content. Something I've recently been changing.