god1240 character lineup

http://god1240.deviantart.com/ I'd like to post some of my characters for use in the world.

Read my stories before hating on my characters.


My characters are Reya Minx the Kitsune, Kalina the mist naga, Balin Bantsu, Daine the fairy, Tsuki Mahorei the Draconian, more characters to come. The most forgotten character i possess: Belak the neera.(Forgot him again!)
ShadeofHeave own's the idea of Hal the storm naga, although I made her personality and looks from scratch.
Bishieluver01 owns all rights to Onyx Taisho. Character was made with her name. (and maybe her looks when younger)


Reya Minx: Kitsune race of an unknown dimmension.
Age: 19 Occupation before Felaryian Teleport: Hunter
Current Felaryian Occupation: Los Seraphim of Los Squad (A squad that is a hired gun mainly for helping out felaryian races or offworld travelers. Currently has 4 team members.)
Attributes: All Kitsune's have a fluffy tail up to 3ft long. Reya's is a red tail with brown highlights. Reya's hair color is Brunette, her facial structure is painfully similar to a common neko (the reason for her anger when called 1...)
3 words to discribe her personality: Caring, Protective, Merciful
Abilities: Kitsune race can naturally turn invisible and hide their scent and anything they carry. This includes things like a bag, or a small fairy. Only beings with extreme magic can detect this power. To others affected by this ability, they can feel their bodies, but are unable to see themselves. Mana Wings: Magical wings that uses and stores magic. the more magic that's stored, the heavier the wings become. After they become too heavy, they release all their stored magic in a large shockwave. The bearer of the wings doesn't get hurt during this shockwave, but they leave a wake of destruction to the surrounding area. Artifacts: An item given by a human named Balin Bantsu, Reya started calling the item Pride. This form can take a form of another's powers, such as a scythe or sword. The powers of the weapon are similar to the person who got copied.
Strengths: Her racial strength is roughly the same as a human wrestling champion, her agility is around 45MPH. her eyesight is keen as a hawk's, her hearing is better than a humans, but not by much.
Weaknesses: Um... Magical beings like Katrina and Vivian. Her nightmares. (burning homevilliage and her dormant powers killing everything around her)
Extra Fact: Reya is not a human or a Neko. She is from a race of my creation. Kitsune's are naturally fast, turn invisible, and have good eyesight.


Kalina: Normal Felaryian Naga. Controls her Fire and Ice elements with her eyes.
Age: looks 18 but roughly 36 Occupation: Felaryian Predator (preferances are humans and podmaws {filled} but does allow herself to other nonsentiant creatures)
Attributes: Stands at 80 ft tall, her naga tail is roughly 170 ft long, roughly 200 ft long total. Her naga tail dark brown with a single bright yellow stripe going down the center of her back. Her human half has a light complexion with bluish black hair and green eyes with their centers holding a seperate color, firey red and icy blue.
words to discribe her personality: Kind, Merciful, Vengeful. Kind, but holds a grudge to enemies.
Abilities: Her powers come from her Eyes. Red controls flames and heat. Blue controls Ice and cold. She CAN use both eyes at once, but taxes her body and can cloud her judgement. (Uses sparingly) She can use her eyes individually to attack (Or help people, IE: Fires {Never accept that help in Felarya!}) Her common attacks are shards of ice and fireballs.
Strengths: Constricting tail, tremor sense, other basic naga attributes.
Weakness: none that I know of... other than something bigger trying to eat her. XD


Daine: Unknown type of fairy so far.. (Might figure it out later.)
Age: 15 Occupation: Los Guardian of Los Squad (Her past is a mystery.) (Loves grapes and fruits, tasting Kitsunes)
Attributes: Wings carry an intricate design of light teal swirls, her hair color is dark brown, her eyes are light blue. She wears a military jacket with fleece lining.
3 words to discribe her personality: Protective, Whimsical, Carefree. (Admires Reya and her taste.)
Abilities:So far, they consist of the basic fairy magics, seems skilled in Air based magic.
Strengths: Shrinks and grows gives strength (can affect others)
Weaknesses: Reya's taste. Damage to her wings.


Onyx Taisho: Human
Age: 16 Occupations since appearance: Angel of Death 01: Assassin, Major Taisho, Los squad leader: Los Retribution
Attributes: Angel-like facial features with a very light complexion, Eye color is blue with a green outline. Her body is small but suprisingly fit.
3 words to describe her, AOD01: Sadistic, Cunning, Merciless. LosS 01: Merciful, Cunning, Strong-willed
Abilities: her abilities are heavily based of her weapons, she is unnaturally strong and can lift a 750 pound boulder due to her training on heavier gravity planets before transfering to Felarya. Lithe(Scythe) has a trapped mage in the onyx Pommel at the base of her 2ft scythe. The mage can use time altering magics. But his entrapement has caused most of his powers to be sealed to little more than time slowing to 1/16th normal time. Fatal is a cunstom made .75 Intervention, which after joining Los squad, was upgraded with a magic shaping device that shapes residual magic into a bullet, these shots are used for smaller creatures, not large targets such as naga's
Strengths: Her strength surpasses the majority of her race. her weapons cover for her some of her weaknesses, enhanced stamina, excellent eyesight for a human
Weaknesses: average human hearing (Bad in Felarya), can't run very fast (Offset by Lithe)
Extra Facts: She was trained since birth to be a superhuman. Curtasy to a corrupt government.





I can post Tsuki Mahorei, Belak the Neera, and Hal the storm naga at a later time.

Could you please post your character bios as formatted here?
They're a bit hard to read at the moment.

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Reya Minx

To be bunt, this character needs work.

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most noticable is her power to conceal her scent

How does she conceal her scent, is it magic or can her body do it naturally?

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turn almost completely invisible

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to others affected by her powers

So she can turn others invisible, How?

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I dubbed Pride,

Don't use "I" in character bios. Bios are not written from a first person perspective.

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an artifact she aquired earlier allows the weapon to take the shape of their powers, she understands them.

The shape of their powers..?

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(Kalina with a 2edged shortsword.) Downside is it can become dangerous: some forms can affect her as well. Mana Wings: wings that formed on her when she 1st used Tsuki's Pride. They dissapear completely inside her at will. They store enormous ammounts of magic, but can form a powerful backlash when they absorb too much (this doesn't affect the user. just everything near them.)

That's not a drawback, that's a secret weapon. How would an enormus magic energy backlash not harm her?

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Strengths: Her racial strength is roughly the same as a human wrestling champion, her agility is around 45MPH. her eyesight is keen as a hawk's, her hearing is better than a humans, but not by much.

There is no way that anything mid size (human size) is going to run that fast.
45mph is about 72.4 kph. It's just not possible for a being of this size to do so.

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Kalina: Mist Naga born somewhere in Felarya (Mist Ocean i would believe)

Mist naga? There are mist elves, but not mist nagas.

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Age: looks 18 but roughly 36 Occupation: Felaryian Predator (preferances are humans and podmaws {filled} but does allow herself to other nonsentiant creatures)

Allowherself other nonsentiant creatures?
That's not how it works. Predators don't eat mainly humans and nekos. The main diet of a predator is nonsentient animals like duiker as well as various fruits. Humans and such are like cookies, if they see one they'll enjoy it but it's not a main meal at all. There aren't that many humans wandering lost around the forest.

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Attributes: Stands at 80 ft tall, her naga tail is roughly 170 ft long, roughly 200 ft long total. Her naga tail dark brown with a single bright yellow stripe going down the center of her back. Her human half has a light complexion with bluish black hair and green eyes with their centers holding a seperate color, firey red and icy blue.
3 words to discribe her personality: Kind, Merciful, Vengeful. (Has a good memory {bad for others that tick her off})

You're listing personality attributes, conflicting ones at that. Being merciful and vengeful? No, you must pick one.

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Abilities: Her powers come from her Eyes. Red controls flames and heat. Blue controls Ice and cold. She CAN use both eyes at once, but taxes her body and can cloud her judgement. (Uses sparingly) She can use her eyes individually to attack (Or help people, IE: Fires {Never accept that help in Felarya!}) Her common attacks are shards of ice and fireballs.

Yes, there are elemental spellcaster nagas. But you can't have two elements in one person, it just doesn't work like that.

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Onyx Taisho: Human
Age: 16

That's really young you know. Reading the rest of this bio makes me wonder how she can do all that.

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Occupations since appearance: Angel of Death 01: Assassin, Major Taisho, Los squad leader: Los Retribution
Attributes: Angel-like facial features with a very light complexion, Eye color is blue with a green outline. Her body is small but suprisingly fit.
3 words to describe her, AOD01: Sadistic, Cunning, Merciless. LosS 01: Merciful, Cunning, Strong-willed
Abilities: her abilities are heavily based of her weapons, she is unnaturally strong and can lift a 750 pound boulder.

That's 340 kilograms. How can a 16 year old do this? This is smelling of overpowered.

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Lithe(Scythe) has a trapped mage in the onyx Pommel at the base of her 2ft scythe. The mage can use time altering magics. But his entrapement has caused most of his powers to be sealed to little more than time slowing to 1/16th normal time. Fatal is a cunstom made .75 Intervention, which after joining Los squad, was upgraded to carry a magic conversion system for a bullet generator (Magic=unlimited ammo)
Strengths: Her strength surpasses the majority of her race. her weapons cover for her some of her weaknesses, enhanced stamina, excellent eyesight for a human

Unlimited ammo? Magic isn't a handwave. You can't materialize bullets out of think air (it's too thin). You can't create matter.

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A bit of advice: Don't use nagas, they are already extremely overused. Try looking in the wiki and pick a race that's not naga or fairy.
I believe you should rethink these characters.

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You're listing personality attributes, conflicting ones at that. Being merciful and vengeful? No, you must pick one.

I disagree, you can have both. You can always be merciful, vengeance doesn't have to mean cruelty, it can just mean one person seeks out another and gets payback. Payback can be interpreted by the person taking revenge, yet when it comes down to it, it could be merciful not to kill the person.

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Yes, there are elemental spellcaster nagas. But you can't have two elements in one person, it just doesn't work like that.

actually, that's assuming you're talking about something related to avatar the last airbender, where you can only be a bender of one element. It depends on how the magic works, as it is different in a lot of fantasy universes.

However, I do agree with AJ that these characters need work.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

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You're listing personality attributes, conflicting ones at that. Being merciful and vengeful? No, you must pick one.

I disagree, you can have both. You can always be merciful, vengeance doesn't have to mean cruelty, it can just mean one person seeks out another and gets payback. Payback can be interpreted by the person taking revenge, yet when it comes down to it, it could be merciful not to kill the person.

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Yes, there are elemental spellcaster nagas. But you can't have two elements in one person, it just doesn't work like that.

actually, that's assuming you're talking about something related to avatar the last airbender, where you can only be a bender of one element. It depends on how the magic works, as it is different in a lot of fantasy universes.

However, I do agree with AJ that these characters need work.

I think a formally trained mage could use multiple elements, but it would take training.

I imagine the different magial diciplines would work in vastly different ways. Magic is really just a form of energy that can be manipulated by a mage to have an effect on the world around them. I imagine the actual mechanics of manipulating, say, fire and manipulating water would be COMPLETELY different.

Its kind of like two different martial arts. They use the same tool (your body), but they have completely different techniques, goals, movements and so on. You can be skilled in multiple martial arts, but it takes patience, and training. I imagine magic is similar.

The ONLY preds i could see being able to use multiple magic types are fairies. They have a pack to support and help train eachother. A naga just growing up in the wild is probably just going to be good at the type of magic they are naturally predisposed towards.

As for the characters, yeah, some work is needed. Especially that last one. A 16 year old expert assassin with super-powerful time-manipulating weapons and unlimited ammo is just too OP. It sounds like something from a bad anime.

The other aren't that bad, but they do need some work and clarifications.