Altira (Update: 03 - Sierra [part 2])

These are the first three sections from my first felaryan story.

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Somewhere in the Tolmeshal forest of Felarya; an immensely dense jungle, incredibly beautiful and teeming with life. There was a sudden burst of bright blue light surrounded by strangely tinted blue lightning. Yet, for some reason, this blindingly bright light did not hurt the eyes and neither did anything the lightning touch seem to be harmed.

From this light a human female emerged, alighting on the damp surface of the jungle as if from a short drop. She was an incredibly beautiful girl who looked around 16 years old; she had large bright blue eyes with natural looking hair coloured in all shades of blue. She had a shapely figure with large but not massive breasts leading to a flat stomach and she was roughly 5’4” tall. She was wearing tight black shorts and a small top, a tube of black material about 6” wide hugging her chest. She was also wearing a small black backpack, a watch of blue crystal and a holster was attached to her waist.

With the light fading it became apparent that the surface of the jungle was quite dark. The girl began walking stealthily through the jungle; she was very curious but knew from experience to be extremely cautious when venturing into a new world.

Moving with the shadows of the jungle the girl soon spotted a pack of Kensha Beast. Six enormous (around 30 foot tall) wolves, each with six legs. Staying out of site, and down wind, from the predators she crouched down and withdrew a strange weapon from her holster. It was a small hand pistol made entirely from a blue crystal. She crouched there, hiding with her gun at the ready, and observed as the Kenshas caught and ate several antelope like creatures whole and alive.

She waited several minutes after the Kenshas had moved on and then continued moving through the jungle. Spotting one of the antelopes, a duiker, she pulled out her pistol, glowing this time, and shot the duiker in the head. The shot was soundness and left no visible trace although still highly effective; killing the animal instantly. Pulling a device from her backpack, roughly the size and shape of a digital thermometer although made out of the blue crystal, she stabbed it into the duiker testing to find it was edible.

Finding a small hollow surrounded by the dense underbrush she skinned and gutted the Duiker before cutting it into small chunks and cooking them in a pan over a smokeless propane burner. She had buried the animal's remains so as not to attract scavengers with the smell.

After finishing a fairly large meal she fell asleep always alert to the unknown dangers of a foreign world.

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Not too far away a female Naga, a human woman down to the hips but below that the body of a snake, emerged from a small cave completely hidden in the underbrush. She had smooth features, blue eyes and long dark indigo hair. Her tail was black with swirling blue patterns on the top and a lighter blue underbelly; she was entirely naked, wearing no clothes, the norm for her species.
The naga’s name was Hirena. She was venturing out into the jungle much earlier than usual because she had sensed something rather unusual. A void in the magic field. Something was out there that not only had no magic of its own but was also actively repelling it.

Following this strange absence of magic Hirena soon discovered a young human girl sleeping in a surprisingly well hidden hollow. If it wasn’t for her strange presence Hirena would never have found her.

Judging from the hidden camp Hirena decided, after some careful deliberation, that it was safe to eat the girl and sleep her feast off here. The naga slowly coiled her tail around her meal, being careful to cover her mouth, before beginning to contract her muscles. As she squeezed the life out of the girl the void began to fill up, masking her presence to other predators. Hirena began to smile; she was in for a feast.

The girl wrapped in her tail suddenly awoke, the void snapping back in place, and began to struggle; mumbling under her tail. Hirena realised that she was trying to reach for something, something at her waist, before she saw a flash of light from beneath her coils. Suddenly everything went black.

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Waking in the coils of an enormous snake the girl began struggling, reaching for her weapon. The pressure was phenomenal; it felt like she was being crushed by a hydraulic press. Already she couldn’t breathe, between the pressure and the tail over her mouth her diaphragm just wasn’t strong enough. Finally finding the trigger of the gun she squeezed it and the snake went limp.

Climbing out from under the heavy coils of the still breathing snake the girl soon discovered that the snake was connected to the torso of a young woman; judging from the size of her cranium she guessed that she was intelligent too. She jabbed the naga with a needle coated in a paralytic and then went out to hunt for another duiker.

She was halfway through cooking the duiker meat when the snake-woman began to wake up. She was still paralysed but should be able to speak.

“Hello, do you understand me?” The blue haired girl enquired.

The naga groaned, still groggy from the stun blast, before replying “Yes”

“I’m Altira, what’s your name?”

“Hirena, why can’t I move?”

“I gave you a paralytic, wouldn’t want you to try and kill me again would I?” The girl, Altira, chuckled. “Hungry, right?”

“Yeah”

“You can have some of this when, whatever it is, is done” she pointed to the cooking meat “mind it cooked?”

“I wouldn’t know, it’s too dangerous here too start a fire. Speaking of which, every predator within a day can probably sense you.”

Altira just looked at her questioningly, slightly worried.

“You feel like… nothing, empty. That’s unusual.”

“Ahhh, must be that. Tell me if this works” Altira stared into the blue flames of the propane burner, concentrating.

After a few seconds Hirena nodded “that worked, I…” she looked up, surprized, “I can’t sense you at all now”

Altira just winked “so, tell me more about this place, and yourself.”

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This is my first story set in Felarya please comment and I am open to constructive criticism.


[EDIT: replaced 'giant' to avoid confusion]

It's starting nicely I think ^^
My biggest remark is on the size of the naga. You mention her as giant and yet she try to constrict Altira ?

It's from the POV of Altira. To someone who has never seen a naga before even a human sized one would be giant relative to other snakes.

I recommend using a different word, like 'huge.' When speaking of a creature, 'Giant' has a slightly more specific meaning in Felarya than just "really big."

Thanks for the advice, I've updated it now.

thejackle123 wrote:

It's from the POV of Altira. To someone who has never seen a naga before even a human sized one would be giant relative to other snakes.

Ah; that also explains why the naga says it's dangerous for her to start a fire.

Not a bad start!

The second chapter in my Altira story, contains my first vore scene and also my first try at using someone elses characters I hope you enjoy.

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Amidst a flash of blue light surrounded by lightning emerged something rather unusual. An orb made out of a blue crystal through which incomprehensible complex pathways were visible, etched into the crystal. The orb could be seen to emit a faint glow.

The orb had appeared within a small clearing deep into the felaryan jungle. Surrounding the clearing was dense undergrowth dotted with a few game trails and towering above where huge tree, some of which were taller than any found on Earth.

Attracted to the light, and almost as new to this world as the orb, a naïve and clumsy group of humans approached the clearing. Unbeknownst to them they were being tracked by one of Felarya many voracious predators. Like most felaryan predators from the waist up she appeared human with fair skin, blond hair and bluish teal eyes. From the waist down she had the long and powerful body of a snake, her scales were teal whiles the scales of her underbelly were yellow. In her usual ‘standing’ posture, from her head to the ground, she was approximately 100 feet tall. Her name was Crisis, a giant naga.

Stalking her hapless prey, Crisis followed the humans to the clearing, staying unheard and unseen behind the treeline; she saw them begin to examine the orb – though it held little significance to her. Moving silently from cover the deadly predator announced her presence by saying cheerfully “hello” with an innocent smile – not a hint of malice, hatred or even insanity could be seen on her face, for she had none of these. The humans looked up, startled, and tentatively gave their greetings while expertly manoeuvred her tail to ensnare her victims, surrounding them with her tail.

Five humans thought Crisis a nice lunch, but by no means a feast. Crisis’ mouth began to salivate in anticipation of her meal.

The five humans, having noticed their living enclosure began to feel uneasy. Crisis picked up one of the humans, a young woman – quickly and gently – before depositing her onto her tongue. She closed her mouth and rolled the girl around with her tongue, looking for all the world like a human savouring a piece of chocolate. By then the human girl was in hysterics, kicking and screaming inside the giant’s mouth. Crisis swallowed the girl pushing her into her throat with her tongue, enjoying the feel of the humans massaging struggles all of the way into her belly.

The humans on the outside merely watched in stunned silence as the bulge that was their soon to be former companion travel down the naga’s neck. Shortly afterwards they exploded into pure unrestrained panic, running in circles as Crisis gulped them down one by one
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After her meal Crisis patted her slightly distended stomach, filled with the still struggling humans, she gave a slight burp and giggled before noticing the orb.

It looks technical she thought sort of, maybe Anna would like to look at it? Before picking up the orb and slithering into the jungle with a contented expression on her face.

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Elsewhere in the jungle Altira’s watch began beeping.

“What’s that?” Hirena asked.

Altira tapped her watch, bringing up a holographic display, before inhaling in surprise.

“It’s an emergency transponder signal, she’s here… Sierra’s here… but how? Why?”

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Crisis and Anna belong to Karbo, not that anyone here dosn't know that XD

Part 3 is here