Nalea (Debut Character)

BASICS
Name: Nalea Zeiraff
Race: Inu
Age: 33 (Came to Felarya at 24, so of course looks no older than that)
Gender: Female
Height: 6' 2"
Dog Features: Siberian Husky (Bushy upwards curved tail, triangular ears)
Skin Color: White, somewhat tanned
Hair/Fur Color: Snow White
Eye Color: Grey

BIO
Nalea was born and raised on another world where Inu live in an uneasy peace with another race of humanoids, the crustacean-like Squaroo. Because her pack was an unwelcome minority stuck living in Squaroo territory, they lived as bandits and hunter-gatherers- Nalea herself was pushed from an early age to be a survivalist who specialized in light fire arms like hunting rifles and handguns to fight. She hated it, but she learned quickly, and to this day it helps keep her alive. While she grew into a competent hunter and tracker, what she really took to was infiltration and thievery. However, she was taught to take only what she needed, something she took to heart- unless music was concerned. There is nothing Nalea loves more than music. Even the harsh, aggressive harmonies of Squaroo orchestrations enthralled her. If it were related to music, be it written lyrics or notations, or media, or alien Squaroo instruments her five-fingered hands couldn't play, she would take it, even if only for her father to berate her for it and throw it away. Despite her appreciation of music, she never found the time in these early years to learn any musical skills.

Eventually, she was caught in the act of stealing food from a Squaroo village one night. She had made the mistake of wandering away from her pack, lured into a marketplace by a rare string instrument. With a half dozen Squaroo guards chasing her, she fled into the woods. Despite her agility and endurance, they managed to flank and surround her. It was then that this world temporarily intersected with another. Nalea and her pursuers found themselves dwarfed by the monstrous jungle around them- a far cry from the proportional temperate forest they were in just moments ago. All seven of them were too taken aback by this to do much but stare around dumb-founded at first- until some sort of giant hybrid being attacked, something like a freakish jab at the laws of nature comprising of placing a woman's torso atop a spider's legs and sizing it up to titanic sizes. Immediately, Nalea's honed survival instincts kicked in, as did the comparatively dulled ones of the Squaroo who survived that first attack. They were clumsy and careless compared to her, and she learned from their mistakes. By the time they had all been lost, she had acquired just barely enough knowledge of the area that, when combined with her survival skills and athleticism, allowed her to escape the Dridder Forest and stumble, exhausted and terrified but still alive, into the safe zone of Negev. There, she was taken in by a human girl named Erin.

For months afterwards, Nalea was sullen and angry- she was dragged out of her world, away from her pack, and trapped in this hellhole. Eventually, however, with Erin's help she learned to cope and eventually began to build a new life for herself in Negev's Middle Tier, helping Erin run her book shop in the market. She began to build a new circle of friends as she ran errands for Erin and other shop keepers around the city. Even so, however, it was very difficult for her at first; she was raised to fight and survive in the wild as an outlaw. She frequently rubbed people the wrong way and sometimes ran afoul of the law, but managed to adapt to city life well enough. She now lives quite comfortably with Erin- the two have become as close as sisters- although she still has some difficulties coping with city life, and is still sometimes haunted by her separation from her home and her near-death experiences in the Dridder Forest.

PERSONALITY
Like Inu generally are, Nalea is very sociable and frank, although she is a bit withdrawn and cold to people she doesn't know, because she is unfamiliar with non-Inu races and has been raised to be distrustful of anyone who isn't another Inu. As all Inu are, she's a terrible liar, and realizes this. "Why do you think we're so honest all the time?" she asks rhetorically. "It's not like we can lie worth a damn." She's actually rather fond of rhetorical questions and the occasional snarking, although she won't do that with people she respects and cares for, like Erin. She is deeply prejudiced against predator races, even the smaller sub-species, and dislikes Felarya in general, due to her traumatic experiences fighting tooth and nail to just barely survive in the Dridder Forest. She's actually quite close-minded on the subject- "My first experience in the wilds here was a week in hell. I don't care how much treasure is out there past the giant cannibals, I'm NOT leaving Negev unless it's to go home." She's even developed a strong phobia of spiders and spider webs from spending every night hiding under tree roots and rock formations from giant Dridders.

She still hasn't given up hope on going home, and would jump at the chance to do so. Once she got accustomed to life in Negev, she bought herself an acoustic guitar and began teaching herself how to play it... And then heard violin music and bought herself one of those and began to practice... And then she heard recorder and bought on of those and so on and so forth. She now juggles between the three instruments, and has yet to get very good at any of them. Over the years of having her musical loot thrown away by her father back home, she's learned to take slights against her in stride and is willing to tolerate a lot of crap, although she can be spiteful and vindictive to those who manage to really anger her.

APPEARANCE
Nalea is athletic in physique, fit yet slender. Her hair is short, only down to about her cheeks, and wavy. Despite her generally personable nature she doesn't smile unless given a reason to, although her otherwise somewhat-plain face is said to light up very nicely when she does. A distinctive feature of Inus from her world are their sharp, fang-like incisors, leading some people to mistake her for a Neko until they notice her Husky tail. Nalea isn't particularly picky about what she wears, although she does have a preference for baggy shorts and loose-fitting tank tops. Her eyes, while warm and welcoming as an Inu's should be, thinly hide a deep sadness, the sadness of being separated from her pack with no guarantee of ever finding a way back to them.

LIKES: Music of any kind, meeting new people, marking her way around Negev via parkour, eating meat (ground beef with mint and thyme sprinkled on top is her favorite), Negev
DISLIKES: Spiders, Felarya outside Negev (never mind that she's only seen the Dridder Forest), quiet, crabs (don't forget the Squaroo)
SKILLS: Gun-fighting, stealth, parkour, survivalism, writing and playing music, cardio, infiltration

I'm thinking Nalea here is going to be my main Felarya character, with Erin (profile coming eventually) as the second, but my capacity to miss glaring flaws in my own work seems limitless, so out of respect for these two characters I'm trying to bring to fruition here and the world they will inhabit, please help me out here; what could I improve/expand upon here?

My first thought: Yaaaay, a new Inu character.

My second thought: Wow, this bio is actually pretty good.

I think you've done a pretty good job here. Her backstory is plausible enough, and I like the way you have her behaving towards Felarya. She actually acts like someone who is stuck far from home in the middle of a death-world. I also like how she's adapted to life within Negav. Seems like there's a good story to be told with that.

Her personality seems interesting, and easy to relate to as well. It makes sense that she'd be a bit melancholy after being seperated from her home, her family and her pack...but I like how she doesn't let that dominate her personality. A little bit of snark is always a nice touch too.

There's no crazy super-powers or anything either. Its always nice to see another character that relies on its wits and instincts to survive.

Also, it is pretty clear that you've read the wiki article on the Inu, or the article I wrote here on the forum, from which the wiki article was made. You've managed to include a lot of traits and behaviors that an Inu would actually have. Thank you for taking the time to read up on them before making a character.

Nice job overall. Nalea seems like a pretty solid character at this point. Now you just have to do the hard part, and actually write her story.

Oh, one thing to keep in mind is that Negav would have other Inu living within it, either Felaryan-born ones, or other offworlders. So, in theory, she could seek out members of her own race at some point, if she feels like interacting with her own kind for a change. Also, there's likely to be a bit of distrust from some of the other humans in Negav, given their distrust for demi-humans in general. It probably won't be as bad as with Nekos, since their leadership lead Negav to the Great Destruction, but there's probably going to be some distrust towards Inu as well.

Looks good to me...

It helps that I like Inus.

One, are you sure that you are new? This is a very nice right up for a character, and props to you for using an underused race (you may have 5 internetz for that). The only thing that I can see that I don’t like myself, would be how after your character and the Squaroo guards are transported to Felarya they immediately are encountered by a giant predator. This is rather cliché as not every square inch of Felarya is covered with predators. I could see them encountering one after some time but not instantly. I think that if you gave the Squaroos’ and your character a chance to interact with one another would provide you as an author to provide the relations between the Inu and Squaroos. Being found in this situation would they work together or would they bicker? Would they betray one another to save themselves?
So that is the only thing I have to say in the way of critique. Very nice job here I look forward to reading your next profile.

Also a question to you. When you start posting stories will you post them here on the forum or on dA?

JaetteTroll approves.

Oh wow, thanks for the feedback, everyone! I'm glad you like her, and I'm glad there's nothing too glaringly wrong with her! Yes, I am new here, but I've been writing for a few years now and I try to research something thoroughly before writing about it.

I can understand the criticism about she and the guards immediately being attacked as soon as they arrive in Felarya, so I'll fix that later (it's pretty late where I am and I'll be logging off for the night after this comment). Another little problem I thought of myself was that she was raised as an outlaw for 24 years, and then is forced to live lawfully, and actually transitions into it pretty smoothly after not too long. This just doesn't seem very plausible to me- wouldn't she relapse into her old habits and steal something every now and then?- but then that could just be me. And yeah, I need to work on the Inu/Squaroo relationship some more.

I plan to write a couple of stories with her and Erin in the fairly near future, most of which would be on here, including one where Nalea and a predator character are forced to work together to survive. I will eventually write another one or two that won't be as central to the theme of Felarya that will only be on my dA account, which will include crossovers with some characters from my original stories.

Thanks again everyone, glad I seem to be doing alright now. I'll be putting up more soon in the not too distant future.

zersergathant wrote:

I try to research something thoroughly before writing about it.

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