Yay more characters...(sarcasm)

Okay so I have started to write stories for Felarya recently and I have(surprise) created some characters for them.

I am currently working on two stories right now..

Pim's quest. This is my main story and wil probably contain most of my effort put into it.
I have currently three characters for this story: 2 heroes and 1 villain.

First of we have Pim. You can find his bio here
Okay obviously this character is based of me... I know unoriginal but I just felt like doing it so no remarks on that please.
Secondly we have his Sphinx friend Miki: you can find her bio here!
These are going to be my main characters and my 2 heroes.
Luckily I also have a villain: you can find her bio here!

My second story is kinda like a spinoff.
Until now it contains two characters.

Miranda: You can find this one here

And

Jimmy: You can find more info here

So read about them and tell me what you think.
Please note however that these characters are still in development and still need to be fleshed out. You mau post remarks but don't come complaining about the fact that they seem incomplete. My characters need to develop themselves through my stories and since I have only just started writing them are they still in the beginning of their development.
I am planning to create more characters so when I create one I will post about them here.
Enjoy!

Well your Pim bio was certainly out of the ordinary. Unfortunately I mean that in the sense that it was somewhat awkward to read as at various points you described his physical attributes by utilizing similes that left me mystified. For instance, your stating that his face is soft while not quite being on "bishonen" level is confusing because as far as I am aware that term isn't even an adjective and is in itself not a part of standard vernacular. Even I was put off by that so you could imagine how accessible it would be to the average person (read; not very much at all). Additionally, I fail to see how one has a soft face whilst having acne, that's rather contradictory. Lastly, there was the simple err of your stating that he appears neglected due to having "orthodox" personal hygiene. "Orthodox" equates to normal and normal implies relative cleanliness. The correct term would've been "unorthodox".

Moving down a ways into the less-than-fleshy backstory section I'm a bit perplexed as to why you felt the need to state that his mothers intention to leave him on earth was in fact followed through upon. It would've sufficed to simply state that she decided to drop him off on Earth. What strikes me about it more though is that you provided the bare minimum in terms of background. From the basis of him being born to a human and a demon and subsequently abandoned on Earth you could've expanded and provided a great deal more detail. For instance, it would've pleased me to know precisely why the relationship between his actual and parents failed (I'm left to presume it failed, anyway, due to what occurred later) and how exactly he avoided being noted as something other than human because I imagine being a half demon would have some visible effects outside simply being pail and bordering upon "bishonen" faced. Also, something I'm tempted to label a fallacy here is the fact that you state his views upon the world shifted towards the bitter yet you also say his two adoptive parents were loving and sheltered him. I don't think a loving and sheltered childhood environment would be be the ideal background from which a mindset like that could be cultivated. if it were simply angst then that would be acceptable but somewhere near the top of the bio you stated he wishes to destroy the world, which goes a bit to the extreme. Oh, and you didn't elucidate at all how exactly he arrived in Felarya.

The personality bit made me form more questions than it actually answered. For one, if indeed he had been passive since his childhood then I'm uncertain of how his adoptive parents could've failed to notice the fact that their child had a tendency to stare vacantly at absolutely nothing. That certainly would've garnered some degree of concern.The second half of his persona has absolutely not rational reason for having formed. As stated above he apparently had a childhood free of abuse and was passive throughout that portion of his life and therefor essentially unresponsive to all but the most basic of stimuli. That in itself means that firstly he would've had nothing sensible to be angry about and secondly I doubt he would have had the capacity to be truly angry because primary urges doesn't include the questioning of societal hierarchies and the unfairness of them. This simply cannot be, you've provided enough contradictory evidence in your own words. (Oh, plus, insanity and hyperactivity aren't emotions, bro.)

Lastly, the cat thing seemed shoehorned in there for no justifiable reason. Why would you do that?

Warrior3000 wrote:

Well your Pim bio was certainly out of the ordinary. Unfortunately I mean that in the sense that it was somewhat awkward to read as at various points you described his physical attributes by utilizing similes that left me mystified. For instance, your stating that his face is soft while not quite being on "bishonen" level is confusing because as far as I am aware that term isn't even an adjective and is in itself not a part of standard vernacular. Even I was put off by that so you could imagine how accessible it would be to the average person (read; not very much at all). Additionally, I fail to see how one has a soft face whilst having acne, that's rather contradictory. Lastly, there was the simple err of your stating that he appears neglected due to having "orthodox" personal hygiene. "Orthodox" equates to normal and normal implies relative cleanliness. The correct term would've been "unorthodox".

Moving down a ways into the less-than-fleshy backstory section I'm a bit perplexed as to why you felt the need to state that his mothers intention to leave him on earth was in fact followed through upon. It would've sufficed to simply state that she decided to drop him off on Earth. What strikes me about it more though is that you provided the bare minimum in terms of background. From the basis of him being born to a human and a demon and subsequently abandoned on Earth you could've expanded and provided a great deal more detail. For instance, it would've pleased me to know precisely why the relationship between his actual and parents failed (I'm left to presume it failed, anyway, due to what occurred later) and how exactly he avoided being noted as something other than human because I imagine being a half demon would have some visible effects outside simply being pail and bordering upon "bishonen" faced. Also, something I'm tempted to label a fallacy here is the fact that you state his views upon the world shifted towards the bitter yet you also say his two adoptive parents were loving and sheltered him. I don't think a loving and sheltered childhood environment would be be the ideal background from which a mindset like that could be cultivated. if it were simply angst then that would be acceptable but somewhere near the top of the bio you stated he wishes to destroy the world, which goes a bit to the extreme. Oh, and you didn't elucidate at all how exactly he arrived in Felarya.

The personality bit made me form more questions than it actually answered. For one, if indeed he had been passive since his childhood then I'm uncertain of how his adoptive parents could've failed to notice the fact that their child had a tendency to stare vacantly at absolutely nothing. That certainly would've garnered some degree of concern.The second half of his persona has absolutely not rational reason for having formed. As stated above he apparently had a childhood free of abuse and was passive throughout that portion of his life and therefor essentially unresponsive to all but the most basic of stimuli. That in itself means that firstly he would've had nothing sensible to be angry about and secondly I doubt he would have had the capacity to be truly angry because primary urges doesn't include the questioning of societal hierarchies and the unfairness of them. This simply cannot be, you've provided enough contradictory evidence in your own words. (Oh, plus, insanity and hyperactivity aren't emotions, bro.)

Lastly, the cat thing seemed shoehorned in there for no justifiable reason. Why would you do that?

Well first of all I would like to thank you for your response. Back to business... Pim's bio is the first bio I have ever written so it also contains all the flaws I had when I wrote. I have pointed out before that all of my characters are far from finished. They need to develop during my stories.
When it comes to the face... I can understand that not everyone uses the same kind of slang that I do and I should have thought that through... There however exist a site called tvtropes(google it) which explains things like this. About the acne... I should have pointed this out earlier.. It only appears in stress. You have to remember this Pim's mother may be a succubus but Pim's father is just a regular human(he may be a saint but he is still a human) so naturally Pim stil has the genetic data that causes things that happen when someone hits puberty(like Acne). You are right about the orthodox thing. If you have watched my DA account then you may have noticed that I'm Dutch. English is not my main language so grammatical mistakes are easier to find in my work than in the work of a American. I shall correct it however once I rewrite the bio.

The backstory... Well the entire dropped him of on Earth thing is something I wil reveal in my main story so naturally I can't say a lot about that without spoiling a lot of plot details. I can say you this: There is going to be a confrontation between Pim and his (real) parents about this issue.
About the bitterness. The bitterness ocurred because Pim was thrown outside of his sheltering enviroment into the harsh world. It needed some time to develop. It was not that he was bitter to begin with. About this 'Why doesn't he look more demonic thing' This is Pim in his human form. Pim's true form is going to be revealed later(plot point). About the the destroying the world thing.. You are right on some point. It was a bit thoughtless of me to write it in his bio, however Pim's quest part 2(which I hope to release somewhere this week) is going to explain this more in detail(also reasons why). How did Pim come tot Felarya? My story: "A felaryan dream' explains this(the two stories before Pim's quest are kinda like a prologue).

It is hard to explain Pim's personality so I understand that you might be confused of it. I can answer your questions however.. About the passive thing. I forgot to mention this in the bio so I'm going to explain it now. Pim was passive but not catatonic. If you asked him something then he would reply just like any other person. He was however kind of a dreamer. He would often stare into the blank fantasizing about all kinds of stuff. He also had most of the time no idea what was going on around him. Also his brain hadn't develop yet so he did not really know how to reason. I know that what I am saying right now is vague but please try to understand that it is difficult writing down stuff you can't actually explain really well. About the agressive side of him. Just like his bitterness it took some time to develop. It was not that one day he was passive and then BOOM the other day he was aggresive. It took about 2 years to develop and it is still developing. Also Pim's Demon blood helps to. Demon's are naturally more agressive then humans so Pim also has herited some of these traits. The biggest difference between the anger of a normal person and Pim is that Pim thinks about the following question: Why is he so angry? The social hierachy issue is something Pim came up with during those think sessions. About the insanity thing... If insanity does not at least involve emotions then would you define insanity for me? Then what is insanity accoring to you? I'm not saying that insanity is a emotion but it at least involves some of them.
Finally the cat thing. It is called a gimmick. It does not have a real purpose but to identify a character with.

I hope this answers your questions. You have to keep one thing in mind though. Pim does not think like a regular human. This explains the weird conclusions and the odd reasoning(think of it like Fairy psyschology only then in a more weird and twisted manner). You could find some of the answers to your questions however if you just had read the stories(that's why I created these bios in the first place, to support the stories).
Keep in mind that these characters are far from finished. I will create newer updated bios when my stories are finished. When I create those bios I will use this so thank you for your feedback!
I think that covers it...
Thank you very much!

Quote :

Keep in mind that these characters are far from finished.

I mean absolutely no harm or anything here but...

what is the point of posting a bio that isn't finished? :/

otherwise, I've read your bios and your characters are definetely more thn original

Krisexy26 wrote:

Quote :

Keep in mind that these characters are far from finished.

I mean absolutely no harm or anything here but...

what is the point of posting a bio that isn't finished? :/

otherwise, I've read your bios and your characters are definetely more thn original

Thank you for saying that they are original! But to answer your question? I created those bios to support my stories. My stories need to develop however and so need my bios. I hope this answers your question!

If you're digging for something deep here then be prepared to be underwhelmed because the dictionary definition of insanity is the repetition of a single action with the expectation of a different result. It's not a subjective thing at all, it has a solid definition and is still not an emotion. Moving along, to an extent I can understand your reasoning behind his aggressiveness given the demon blood thing but it still sounds somewhat awkward to me that his desire to destroy the world essentially spawned from the internal conflict of him questioning his own anger. Outside of that though, you seem to be relying upon the reader to be very proactive in attaining information that fills the broad gaps you've left throughout the bio. That is not how it's supposed to work, in my personal opinion. What the aim of a bio is to do is to introduce and characterize a character in such a way that the reader is able to develop a clear idea of what exactly their backstory, present condition, persona, goals, ect are without forcing them to delve too deeply into other material to find out. That'd be akin to me writing a portion of a biology book but exempting some facts and when questioned by readers as to why I chose to omit material simply telling them to venture into the wild and find out the rest for themselves. It's placing the reader into a weird situation not only because they're going into the whole affair half blind from lack of information but because they are left to draw conjectures due to you not having stated some things about the character definitely, which could ultimately lead to skewed character interpretation.

Honestly, if you had enough information already thought out and on hand to form that reply then I don't see why you couldn't have simply placed it into the bio to clarify things in the first place.

I admit you've got a point here. I agree that the purpose of Bios are to introduce a character to a public and so they must be clear but I did mention already that these bios are not finished yet.. I am going to rewrite them sometime.. The reason why I didn't put these information in the bios is because I thought that it would make the bio to long(especially compared to the other ones). And to be honest? When I wrote it down I hadn't thought so far yet. So you win on that point. I do not agree with you that readers are not supossed to be proactive. What would you do when you encounter a term you don't recognize? You look it up! As simple as that. Also(if you follow the Felarya group on DA at least) if you watched my DA acount you would have noticed that I published a story at the same time I published the bio. Then maybe the thought would occur that these two might be related! Okay maybe I should have posted the link to the story already but honestly? I don't feel like it... It it not that difficult to select a story! I know some might be to lazy to do that but if people are to lazy to read a story that might clarify things for them but they do complain that my bio is incomplete then I'm sorry but don't expect a lot of sympathy from me.
Don't hate me for this. I know I come off as a asshole in these replies but the fact is that these replies are my opinion.
If I have offended you in any way then I apologize.

You certainly are presuming a lot and simultaneously flattering yourself to think I would've actually been watching you at all, let alone with enough interest to take note of how your submissions coincide. The comparison you made failed to put anything into perspective or back your argument because quite frankly looking up the definition of a single word is far less of a task than wading through pages of material in an attempt to elucidate what the author didn't have the care to clarify. Furthermore I think that excuse you've provided is a bit hypocritical because if you're going to depend fully upon the reader being proactive in the place of being informed by you from the start then you should at least have the level of simple consideration necessary to enable them to do so. If it's not difficult to select a story then surely it can't be much harder to post a link to one, now can it? I recognize that you're responding with opinions here and opinions aren't things that can be correct or incorrect but with that being said I think you should hear my thoughts on the matter; I genuinley feel that you're simply trying to dodge around mistakes that you've made in order to allow yourself to retain the appearance of having some semblance of competence, which is quite obviously absent given the fact that you need to resort to outright stating that you require your readers to dig through the rest of your works before they can have the absolute privilege of grasping the full scope of your brilliant creative mind and ideas. If you're not quite grasping my cynicism here then I'll paint it in black and white for you; You're not special. That is to say that you cannot even begin to think that the readers will voluntarily go along with half baked bios in favor of piecing together bits and pieces of information (Or the ones you actually give in the story, if any at all) because that requires far more effort on their part than would be required of them to read the works of any of the other countless writers on DeviantArt or the many in the Felarya group. If you're not willing to do what is expected of you as a writer then I see no reason to follow through as a reader and make any attempt to intake anything you're putting out. That, much like this entire conversation as I'm beginning to see, is not worth my time or energy at all, or that of anyone really.

Oh, but forgive me. These are my opinions you see and even if I am being quite an asshole this is just how I feel.

Warrior3000 wrote:

You certainly are presuming a lot and simultaneously flattering yourself to think I would've actually been watching you at all, let alone with enough interest to take note of how your submissions coincide. The comparison you made failed to put anything into perspective or back your argument because quite frankly looking up the definition of a single word is far less of a task than wading through pages of material in an attempt to elucidate what the author didn't have the care to clarify. Furthermore I think that excuse you've provided is a bit hypocritical because if you're going to depend fully upon the reader being proactive in the place of being informed by you from the start then you should at least have the level of simple consideration necessary to enable them to do so. If it's not difficult to select a story then surely it can't be much harder to post a link to one, now can it? I recognize that you're responding with opinions here and opinions aren't things that can be correct or incorrect but with that being said I think you should hear my thoughts on the matter; I genuinley feel that you're simply trying to dodge around mistakes that you've made in order to allow yourself to retain the appearance of having some semblance of competence, which is quite obviously absent given the fact that you need to resort to outright stating that you require your readers to dig through the rest of your works before they can have the absolute privilege of grasping the full scope of your brilliant creative mind and ideas. If you're not quite grasping my cynicism here then I'll paint it in black and white for you; You're not special. That is to say that you cannot even begin to think that the readers will voluntarily go along with half baked bios in favor of piecing together bits and pieces of information (Or the ones you actually give in the story, if any at all) because that requires far more effort on their part than would be required of them to read the works of any of the other countless writers on DeviantArt or the many in the Felarya group. If you're not willing to do what is expected of you as a writer then I see no reason to follow through as a reader and make any attempt to intake anything you're putting out. That, much like this entire conversation as I'm beginning to see, is not worth my time or energy at all, or that of anyone really.

Oh, but forgive me. These are my opinions you see and even if I am being quite an asshole this is just how I feel.

Ok I tried to be as polite as possible but now you are just pissing me off! I even apologized which is something I rarely do and you stil complain? I agree with you on one thing though. You are a waste of my time! Don't respond to this comment just leave. If you really do not agree with me so much then why do you respond? You know what f*ck it(there I said it) I don't care about you anymore. It is pointless argueing with some internet troll...

You very clearly don't know what a troll is, firstly. Secondly, I was simply discussing something with you. It was an exchange of opinions and ideas which I think was good for us both. I don't really know why you're so mad even if we did have conflicting viewpoints about the matter. I already told you, I was just stating my opinion in return to you stating your own. Although, for clarification reasons I did state that the conversation as it was progressing was unworth the while simply because nothing could be resolved with it. If you agree with me on that point then you would be agreeing to the statement that this is a waste of time for me, not the other way around. Additionally, I returned your formality of apologizing in advance for any material you might have not agreed with. I'm perplexed as to why you are so vexed.

Warrior3000 wrote:

You very clearly don't know what a troll is, firstly. Secondly, I was simply discussing something with you. It was an exchange of opinions and ideas which I think was good for us both. I don't really know why you're so mad even if we did have conflicting viewpoints about the matter. I already told you, I was just stating my opinion in return to you stating your own. Although, for clarification reasons I did state that the conversation as it was progressing was unworth the while simply because nothing could be resolved with it. If you agree with me on that point then you would be agreeing to the statement that this is a waste of time for me, not the other way around. Additionally, I returned your formality of apologizing in advance for any material you might have not agreed with. I'm perplexed as to why you are so vexed.

Maybe I misunderstood you(I have anger issues) So I apologize for that. Uhhmmm I don't really know what to say really... I have a suggestion. How about we wrap this up and leave each other alone. I guess that's better for both of us. I understand that my character has flaws and I thank you for pointing them out. Thank you also for your feedback but I guess that our ways of thinking just differ to much. So do you accept this stance?