Good to see that someone is interested in improving.
That said, let's get down to it.
- Quote :
- She possesses a beautiful and sexy body, large breasts, and an alluring voice, rivaling those of Vivian. Her feathers gradually get darker as they approach their tips. Her thighs are covered with short, fluffy feathers, also going from light to dark. Past her thighs her legs become like a birds, ending in a powerful pair of razor sharp talons. Her face is slim with a pair of bright amber eyes and long golden hair, which reaches her lower back.
This is a decent description, except for the first part.
"Beauitiful and sexy" are words that describe other traits. Using them to directly describe a character smacks of sue-ism; the want for your character to be perfect or have perfect looks, but don't know how to describe a character properly.
- Quote :
- Ceruyis and her mother first lived in the northern part of the Great Rocky Fields. On a tragic night, when she was young, her mother was killed by an evil blue Sphinx. Ceruyis never found out the name of her mother’s killer, but she vowed if she found her, that she would take revenge.
A wild Dark And Troubled Past appears!
This is unexplained, has little [explained] impact on the character and appears uninspired and forced. Dead parents killed by generic evil villain is pretty much lazy writing.
- Quote :
- Ceruyis had dove down to get one of the last living centipedes when; a eight foot tall, praying mantis surged out from under its dead comrades and attacked her.
Eight foot tall? Are you sure you didn't mean eighty?
An eight foot tall praying mantis is not a threat to an 84 foot tall golden harpy.
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- In her first year there she found the best place to hunt was high atop the cliff homes of the humans, as a great number of large insects attacked and provided her with food.
You might want to go into more detail about these humans, living near a giant predator isn't optimal for most settlements in Felarya and most settlements would try to drive a newcoming predator away unless they had an agreement.
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- She thought it was all over, but one of the humans came over and saved her.
If the mantis was indeed 8 feet tall, a human could have defeated it. However, if that is the case it wouldn't have been a threat to the harpy in the first place.
If the mantis was 80 feet tall, then it would have been a threat, but a lone human wouldn't have been able to defeat it. Indeed, what reason would they have had to save a giant maneater?
- Quote :
- Back then her body was suffering from malnutrition, it took time, but after spending time with the humans she got better.
I highly doubt that any minor settlement would take on the huge burden of feeding a giant predator voluntarily.
- Quote :
- As she encountered other harpies, Ceruyis learned of the naga Vivian
This is unnessecary. Saying your character knows canon characters does not lend them legitimacy or make them more interesting, especially since you have not stated any consequences or actions taken with this knowledge.
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- Ceruyis learned of the naga Vivian. One day she became the mother of five young harpies she saved from human trappers.
Trapping giant predators? Humans aren't smart all the time, but there are not enough stupid people to enable that venture to work.
That said, transparent aluminium is very thin and while it is indeed quite strong, it is not strong enough to plate an entire 84 foot tall harpy without tearing. It'd be paperlike. If it
was thick enough to provide decent protection, she wouldn't be able to achieve flight. Harpies are not jet propelled.
- Quote :
- Although still young, Ceruyis is very smart when it comes to using what’s available at hand. She’s like a giant, voracious, female version of MacGyver with wings.
This aspect just isn't thought out at all. MacGyver's character was focused around his inventiveness and amazing skill with duct tape and a Swiss Army knife.
Thing is, MavGyver was a govement agent. He was highly educated with an advanced knowledge of science enabling him to construct devices that would work.
Giant predators, as a rule are not educated. They have no training bar what their parents may have given them. (Of course, since Ceruyis' parents died, that's ruled out). Due to this they only have talent and experience. Resourcefulness and cunning don't require training, but they aren't going to let anyone be MacGyver.
- Quote :
- Dislikes: … Humans (not friends of friends though)
This is because she found five of her children were caged by human trappers.
So... She was saved and then cared for by humans, but she hates them because she met some trappers. That's either the intentional sign of a very shallow personality or badly its just written. It seems like the latter in this case.
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- For large groups, she will lure them to her using her body and voice; once their guard is down she will grab as many as she can and fly way with them.
If humans fell that easily for a pretty face and sexy voice then there wouldn't be any left Felarya.
- Quote :
- Though she possesses strong metal based magic, she rarely finds a need for it; other than making more jewelry.
Ok...
- Quote :
- When she does use it for combat purposes; she will form a clear and durable metal and layer it over her entire body; it acts like a resilient second skin. It’s ever capable of forming sharp edges and closing wounds.
Right, transparent metals do exist. Transparent aluminium has been made in a laboratory. However, the conditions it is manufactured under are very, very extreme. If it were to be made via magic only a
]very powerful spellcaster who had been trained to make it would be able to do so.
Overall this isn't bad; there are far, far worse. However she's not that good either. I'd suggest you conduct some major revisions to this character and/or the description. I'd be happy to assist if needed.