Drizztmonks Character Den W.I.P

W.I.P


name: Scarlet
Race: Human
Gender: Female
History: She was born to one of the poor families on the island of Ghong. Ghong is ruled by dragon, that are worshiped as gods. On the island any young children that show skill is the magical arts are taken away to be put in service of one of the god dragons. During her infancy she displayed her natural talent by mistake, during a child's hissy fit she blew up the small hut killing her family and neighbours. The magic was a responce to her emotional outburst, During her screaming fit the magic was just unleashed as pure chaotic fire. When the guards came to investigate they just found a small crying child. So they took before the great god dragons, and she was selected to join the service of the great red dragon.

So she was schooled in the arcane arts and learnt to focus her might into a powerful breath weapon like that of her dragon lords. during her schooling she taught not only the arcane arts but other skills she would require as a preistess of the red dragon. She learnt about sailing and how command men onboard a ship. After she had completed her schooling she was given command of a large warship and told to go out for a year and take as much treasure as she could to be tribute to her god. IT is the sworn duity of all mortals to give treasure and wealth to the holy dragons. To the Dragons the mortals on there island are tools to be used to gain there own wealth without risk to themselves, and so they can remain in a pampered lifestyle surrounded by devoted worshipers. To fail at giving tribute is one of the greatest crimes a mortal can preform.

Her Command went well for the first year, She Raided every ship and town as far as the silver city. In her confidence she sent word back to her home about the amount of wealth and power she ahd acumulated. Back on her island her god was pleased and prepared a large welcome party in order to get the wealth and treasure back to his lair faster. But all did not go well, she had dodged the great pirate fleet many times before then but on her return she did not get lucky enough to avoid the fleet. In a few short moments she lost everything, all the treasure and wealth she ahd gather in the last year. Her crew was slaughtered and her ship was sunk, her only saving grace was the magical arts she had allowed her to escape and return to her home. She arrived home to a victors parade as a broken woman with no treausre. This act was an embarassment for her lord had all ready made room in his hord and started to brag to the other dragon lord about his servent. When she returned not only emtpy handed but broken and without any crew or ship her lord was furious And in his rage he banished her from the island. She was told she can return when she can repay for everything she had lost, all the wealth that she had promised and the crew and ship she lost. Now she needs to gain a new warship, and to fill that ships hold with wealth and treasure.

THe seas and island that make up the area around the island are dangerous and ancient. With old ruins that are rumored to have treausre thusands of years old, But some ruins are never made to be reopened... The acient ruins contained old portals that lead to unknown lands.... who knows where she ended up while trying to find treasure.
Appearance:a 5'6 red head, a very slender form almost flatchested but not quite. she normally wears a Chinese style red silk dress that has a mirthrial shirt under it along with a bit of chain on her legs.


abilities: During her training Scarlet has learnt to manifest her breath weapon in the form of fire,sonic, and force. But that was not the only magic she learnt, she also learnt magical powers that would assist her in manipulating in a battle feild. Her breath weapon is her offensive magic and her invocations are primarly defensive and crowd control that she uses in order to get the upper hand in a fight.

Personality: Scarlet is a very direct person often telling things as she sees them and not careing about waht other people think of that. She has a confident attitude and can come across ass bossy or aloft. She does care about others after seeing her last crew and her friends being slaughtered she will stand up for her friends even if she calls you a fool afterwards.
(( i normaly do not add personality in since i like to let other people make the choice on what they think of her on there own....)

Sniff, sniff, my snark senses smells a D&D fan here. I can't really comment since it's a work in progress, but I can already tell that this is a D&D character, and for that, I strongly advise you revise this. While Felarya employs of fantasy elements, they're not entirely like D&D. First and foremost, draconic magic. While there are technically dragons in Felarya, they're not like those on D&D, very intelligent and skilled magic users. They're more like ferocious, wild beasts, and don't really possess magic.

I was told that characters in this world place get pulled from all over the place? Different worlds and universes from what my friend told me. There is more to her background coming coming tho. And yes she a dnd character, a dragon fire adept in fact from my world.

Shady Knight wrote:

Sniff, sniff, my snark senses smells a D&D fan here. I can't really comment since it's a work in progress, but I can already tell that this is a D&D character, and for that, I strongly advise you revise this. While Felarya employs of fantasy elements, they're not entirely like D&D. First and foremost, draconic magic. While there are technically dragons in Felarya, they're not like those on D&D, very intelligent and skilled magic users. They're more like ferocious, wild beasts, and don't really possess magic.

Considering the Felarya steals things and people from other worlds, it is very possible to have a different version of dragons and some of them could be magical and even mactch the worlds or DnD, so therefore the characters work just fine, you don't like it, go talk to Darth I believe he uses alot from dnd -shoos you away- don't be so rough and the new people

They do get pulled from different universes, but these universes, by and large, are original creations, and not something already existing. One thing people largely disagree in these parts are crossovers. It just reinforces laziness by taking something that already exist, instead of making something of your own. Oh, and while I'm at it, I did call Nergal for translating D&D here one to one. His response? He accepted that bringing some of the more blatant elements, such as the Bag of Holding, was overall a bad idea. Let me get this straight: could similar elements, such as a ring that turns you invisible exist? Of course. Could an item act as its own pocket dimension? Perhaps. Hell, Subby's glove is one, but they'd be ridiculously rare. But is the setting D&D? No. What you want is a character inspired by D&D stuff, something I shameless do, but not something taken straight from D&D.

Yeah... in general, crossovers tend to be a hassle to deal with. Different settings have different rules, standards, power levels and so on. Usually when someone just tries to take someone from another existing setting, and cram them into Felarya, there are quite a few thematic and balance issues. When most people say "People get sucked into Felarya from a bunch of different worlds and universes"... they usually mean different worlds and universes within the Felarya multiverse setting. This lets you make a character more in line with Felarya's levels of balance, instead of grabbing someone from a totally different setting and trying to make them fit.

As a side note, I'd say you've covered her history to a fairly extensive degree - what you might want to consider is providing more information in terms of her personality. Her looking for a way to redeem herself on its own just doesn't quite cut the mustard - perhaps talk about how she acts around strangers? Is she able to make friends? Does she feel guilt over killing her own family; has it affected her at all?

Where to begin with that backstory? First of all, it's amazing she was only three and accidentally cast a spell that blew up her house, killed her family and neighbors. I recall that most people with gifted magic manifest their powers around puberty. Second of all, how amazing she was a runt and survived an explosion, no doubt she was at the epicenter of. Thirdly, how amazing she was given command of a warship at age 20, making her an absurdly young captain, when there is no mention that she was trained in navigation, or was even a part of a ship's crew, as all she did for nearly two decades was learn how to control her powers. Am I the only one who sees the problem in all of this?

I feel like what she is seeking redemption for is kind of vague. Is she trying to make up for getting her crew killed? Is she just mad that her gods don't like her any more and barred her from returning home? Not that she had much to return to besides fanatical devotion to her dragon overlords... since her family was dead, and such.

Also, these dragons. They spend, seemingly, years worth of time and effort getting this girl trained and turned into one of their servants. I find it odd that...

1: Such an investment would be totally cast aside after one botched operation. Why not just reprimand her, or demote her to a lesser duty, or other such thing? If you've trained this women from childhood, why cast her aside after one failure? It just seems extremely wasteful, especially since this is supposed to be happening on a island... meaning that the local population will only have a very small number of sufficiently skilled mages to begin with.

and 2: If she was such a horrible failure, enough to be kicked out of her service to the dragons, why not just kill her? I mean, her bosses are big-ass dragons. Why not just kill her as an example to other potential failures. Why would they let a powerful asset like her just... leave? After years of training and time invested? All that does is potentially let her go serve one of your enemies, especially if she's upset at being exiled.

Also... these are a bunch of intelligent, magical dragons. Why do they need human servants? Why do they need people to go plunder ships and coastal cities for treasure? Are they just too lazy to do their own killing and plundering?

Well, I took a look. As it stands, it doesn't give us a good idea of what the character is like. You'll have to change a few things, or maybe the wording on some things.

drizztmonk wrote:

History: Scarlet was born named jade. She was born to one of the poor families on the island of Ghong. Ghong is ruled by dragon, that are worshiped as gods. On the island any young children that show skill is the magical arts are taken away to be put in service of one of the god dragons. At the age of three she displayed her natural talent by mistake, during a child's hissy fit she blew up the small hut killing her family and neighbours. When the guards came to investigate they just found a small crying child. So they took before the great god dragons, and she was selected to join the service of the great red dragon. So she was schooled in the arcane arts and learnt to focus her might into a powerful breath weapon like that of her dragon lords. At the age if 20 she was given command of a large warship and told to go out for a year and take as much treasure as she could to be tribute to her god. The year went well for her untill she was unlucky enough to cross paths with the pirate fleet, she was forced to flee on her own using her magic to escape but leaving behind the treasure and ships to be plundered by the pirates. Her god was not impressed with her failure and banished her from her home. She was forced to leave then finding passage on a merchant ship and never again allowed on her home nation....so she now travels trying to find a way to redeem herself....

First of all, you'll have to throw in a few line breaks. As a single paragraph, this is hard to read.

Now, 3 might seem like too little, but it's never too early to kill your family and neighbors. Then again, it's a bit hard to tell how old you are when you're three and killed all the witnesses- maybe you should leave it as "as an infant"? It's early, but not needlessly specific.

20 years old doesn't have to mean much. Back in the middle ages, 35 was your full life expectancy. Considering the fact that the dragons sent her to kill stuff, I'm guessing the quality of life in Ghong isn't all that good. Still, I'd say that you don't need to tell us her exact age here either. No one is keeping track. Just say that she was given command of a warship of her own almost straight out of training.

Which let me say... makes them dragon overlords look like they either care for humans only as toys, or maybe their designs are impossible to grasp by our human minds, or their designs for using humans as toys are impossible to grasp by our human minds. There are skills related to commanding a warship which, if she was taught, could've been spelled out in the bio.

To address Rcs619's point, you could change the reason for her banishment. A mere defeat, considering they got someone who killed her mom as an infant with no previous training, doesn't sound like a good enough reason to give her the sack. I'd say, go for having her commit heresy, blasphemy... or rebellion- otherwise, we're left to assume either this is poorly thought out, or her god had ulterior motives and wanted to either test her loyalty or get her to adventure beyond the island. Maybe they were worried she could blow up the island too?

And If I may ask, why do you point out her birth name?

drizztmonk wrote:

abilities: she is very skilled in dragonic magic that manifests it;s self in the form of breath weapons and her mastery over breath effects and the few dragonic invocations she knows. HEr invocations let her preform limited magical arts that mimic dragon magic. Her dragonic magic is primarily crowd control and defensive while her breath weapons are offensive and can range from fire, to lighting, sonic, acid, and pure concussive force.

"Her invocations." "Dragon magic." OK, I saw the dragonfire adept... I don't really like it, but I'll respect this. Just... a thing, if you're going to write a long list of powers, you might want to describe them differently, but stay vague- as in, instead of a common function, tell me a common theme for her powers. Spelling out what each does isn't a good idea, so be general, but let me get an idea of what they do.

I have made a few edits to straighten out some of the confusions that was first posted.

And I amde a DND character yes, I choice her becasue i did really enjoy RPing her when i played in the game with my friends at home. I know that every different world has different flows and tweeks and i am willing to work with them so everyone has fun in the roleplay. I have no issues with tweeking and chaning her abilites to allow it to be more fun for all involved. XD

I will aslo think about two more characters later on if i can get the time and effort to write them up and put them in