antagonist characters

I put this here because there are a few ideas that I have been thinking about for awhile so if I'm wrong my bad.
I would like to know what people think of these characters that I have come up with. I dicided to ask instead of just going with it because I was afraide of how people would react to them being if they were not felaryaish enough or if they just seemed kind of cheap.
I thought for awhile about what these characters should be, I wanted to try and think of something that hadn't been done yet or at least I haven't noticed yet. Predators have obviousely been done and sence most people seem to favor magic I'm sure wizards or some other magical being has been done. So I decided to take the old fashioned mad scientist into question.

Name: Elizabeth Cromwell
Race: Human
Gender: Female
age: 423
apperance: 20
Hair: Brown
hieght: 5'

Dr. Cromwell is a brilliant scientist who has been in Felarya for many years, She always has a small smile on her face and appears to be harmless on the out side, But the scary truth is that she is sick and twisted and is a great danger to many living creatures. She has no consern for life and views almost all liveing creatures except for her daughters as nothing more then test subjects and use's them as her private test subjects. This has made her wanted by many inhabitants in Felarya with a huge bounty on her head much like Mezzus. She often turns poor travelers into horrible creatures or other things as she finds great joy in makeing new creatures from who ever she captuers by combining thier DNA with random creatures. She often refers to her creations as works of art. She is great at making inventions and other divises that could easily benifit mankind and other races however she dosen't share her inventions or anything else that she comes up with saying that they are also her works of art. She always seem's to be several steps ahead of everyone awlays' seeming to have back up plans for everything. She has several Daughters all of them born as test tube babies, they all seem to have variouse jobs in her lab either being assistance's or something else to help scientificly. The only one of her daughters that doesn't seem to help with science is her oldest Maggie. Dr. Cromwell may not use magic or even seem phiscaly threatinging and she isn't but she never goes any where without her antipredator body guards. The anti predator body gaurds are infact predators them selves although most of them originally wern't most of them are mutated humans that now serve Dr. Cromwell, it is unknown exactly how many of them she has but she always has atleast three when she leaves her lab.

The Lab
On the out side it looks like nothing more then a concret bunker with a chain link fence around it but on the inside it is massive much like how Nemyra's palace is. It is has several rooms both large and small with heavy blast doors capable of holding in most of her more unfriendly experiments. Somehow the lab doesn't stay in one spot too long and has been spotted in several places in Felarya.

*******
Name: Maggie Cromwell
Age:205
Gender: Female
Apperance: 18
Original Race: Human
Curent Race: unknown
Hieght: 10'
hair: white
skin: tan

Maggie is the oldest of the Cromwell daughters and by far the most dangerouse. Growing up she watched her mother preform many experiments on people giving them abbilites such as super srenght and other things and she wanted it. when she was 14 she got her first genetic upgrade Dridder venom glands. sence then Maggie has had several upgrades and is considered more like an abomination then any thing else. With this being said Maggie is vorasiouse and a cannible to boot. she loves eating Nerras and other humanoide creatures and with some of her upgrades she is able to swallow whole decent sized creatures. Sadly probably her favorite thing to eat is small childeren. She loves tormenting people and is very arogant around humans considering them to be no threat to her.
She is more cautiouse when around other predators but still shows no fear as she is very venomes and poisons most of her attackers. She has several peircings and tattos all over her body. her dream is to become one of the top predators in Felarya.

List of Known upgrades
Dridder venom glands
Naga jaws and digestive system. (able to eat larger things this way)
Scorpisais tail (venom)
Mermaide gills
abillity to produce slug girl saliva
super strenght
sensitive hearing
Harpie eyesight (able to see far away)
Elf Ears

********
Name: Hanna
Gender: Female
Original Race: Human
Curent Race: Dragon mutation
Age: 22
hieght: 75'
Hair: blond
scales: green with yellow belly scales

Hanna is the leader of the anti Predator body gaurds for Dr.Cromwell. She was originally the daughter of a cult leader that was trying to reserect a legendary creature. Hannas mother (the cult leader) turned to Dr. Cromwell in hopes that she could bring them back, in return Dr. Cromwell asked to subjects to make into them. Hanna desperatly wanting her mothers attention she ofered herself to be tested on. In the end Hanna did not become the legendary creature and was rejected by her mother, broken and utterly miserable Hanna began to work for Cromwell as one of her body gaurds.
Hanna seem's to be bitter and angry all the time anymore and hates seeing other people being happy.
Hanna's uper half is more human looking except for the horns ontop of her head. Her lower half is much like how a sphinxe's body is except instead of having a cat body with wings hers is a dragon with dark green scales and a light yellow belly scales. Her abillities are sort of classic she can breath fire and is incredibley strong.

Well this is my idea I was wanting to know what people think incase if I have to edite my story again. ^^;

A character to be hated by all in Felarya. Nice and insane.

I don't like this idea. In my opinion, a global antagonist doesn't work in Felarya. In my opinion, it's best to stick for an antagonist for your stories.

In my opinion the idea of a global villain it's not very interesting because many races and people are not completely good or evil, by example the delurans and the vishmital. And this kind of characters are in general very monotonous, they exist only to be defeated by the main characters.

Your characters are big stereotypes of the classical villains in fantasy world and science fiction.

I'm not fond about antagonist characters=villain , because you can be in opposition with someone without to be necessary a bad person. You have just a different opinion

I'm not too fond of this, either. There are better ways to execute such a concept, to be honest; it comes off as a very generic "everyone unite against the evildoer to save the world!" archvillain.

Also, "Maggie" is just way too over the top. Felarya isn't necessarily a serious place by nature, but an evil teenager with piercings and tattoos all over her body, who likes to eat humanoid creatures small and large, but particularly loves eating children and torture, and has a mashup of pretty much all the primary traits of every Felaryan predator race, and a superiority complex?

That definitely seems to scream "outright parody" rather than "serious villain".

Well this is what I was affraide of I'm glade I asked what people thought of it befor putting them in a story. ^^;

I didn't mean that they were wanted or hated on a globale scale I meant by many of the human settlements in Felarya. sence being wanted on a globale scale in Felarya is rather rediculouse.

As for them being classical they are I admit that but I saw so many storie oppertunities with these characters not only as antagonist's but as protagonists as well, even thing's like making new creatures or something like that came to mind being made in the lab instead of just roaming around the place.

As for Maggie she is a little over the top and a crazy bitch but that is how I wanted her to be. I awlays liked those kind of characters for some reason. It probably was a bad idea for her to be a mix of several different races I guess but I liked the idea where she was addicted to genetic surgurie.

Well I have to start rethinking how my storie is going to go.>.<

It seems that the big stereotypical Villain Goals are kind of moot points in Felarya... Eternal youth, riches, power, vengeance... The first is automatically attained and the rest are right in line with the heroes' goals.

Insanity seems to be the big obvious motivator left.

Of course, there are already some background "villains" to be found: Those who want to re-awaken Sinera, or Demrechelle or who seek to elevate Qaaz or Notys to "the one true Power" of Felarya would be great Sephiroth-caliber villains.

In a way, I have Sherazif set up almost perfectly to be a villain, as he was a cannibal before he got to Felarya and has no connection with or empathy for humanity. The twist is that he finds Felarya to be a place where his past evil gets overshadowed.

Of course... In my story, no one so far is completely good, either.

At best, I would think that a global Felaryan villain (hated or targeted by all or most natives) wouldn't be one character, but rather several. Felarya is a vast and untamed wilderness with little non-foreign electricity and long-distance communication. Even if a villain were to pose a threat to the entire ecosystem, instantaneous worldwide infamy would be an unlikely attribute if you look at it from a realistic standpoint. With a coalition of villainy, multiple characters could focus on vandalizing certain regions and aspects of the land, but even then you have to keep in mind the existence of guardians and incredibly formidable foes far too dangerous for any common creature to handle without going over the top.

I think villains which pertain to one or a series of stories are best suited for Felarya. Not only does it preserve the idea that communication is heavily outweighed by the wild attribute the land so dearly holds, but it keeps things from going far from believable and suitable, even for Felarya (which is why it was a good idea for you to post here ^^).

In my story, I have tried to make my villain somewhat agreeable with given the situation, and to make it seem as if one could find oneself in the exact same position with the same intention. By the end, the reader should ponder what would happen if the first antagonist did pull off his plan, and if it would've been better that way (of course, Felaryan fans will probably not side with this idea). Would he have destroyed Felarya? Actually, even though he planned to, it wouldn't've happened for a reason that I can't explain here (no, it's not guardians). Was he targeted by everything, incredibly fearsome, or largely infamous? Jeez, no; a mere human like everyone else.

Sometimes insanity is necessary for things to go right.

The inherent problem with these guys is that you're trying to make an irredeemably evil villain set, yet the traits that make them villains - thinking everyone else is inferior, racial prejudice, wanting to take over the world, eating children, etc.... - have been found in protagonists in Felarya stories. Case in point: Crisis & Scarecrow. And while words cannot express my hatred for that book, it does indeed show that you can make such characters into protagonists. It's firm proof that you shouldn't, but you can.

The miratans have similar ambitions, but are also protagonists... sortof.

These guys just don't make very good villains in the context of Felarya. They're too polar and don't really make very good characters anyway.

Feign wrote:

Of course, there are already some background "villains" to be found: Those who want to re-awaken Sinera, or Demrechelle or who seek to elevate Qaaz or Notys to "the one true Power" of Felarya would be great Sephiroth-caliber villains.

The problem with deciding to throw in your lot with a being of immense power who has completely alien behavior and is notoriously enigmatic and/or erratic, like say, Notys... is the same thing that usually comes back to bite cults trying to summon Cthulhu, or any Cosmic Horror in general.

Your master plan works magnificently, until you reach the end game, and then discover that you neglected to consider one important thing when summoning or empowering a being to enslave or destroy the world.

Notys/Cthulhu/whoever: "What? No, of course I'm going to eat/destroy/enslave you, too, don't be silly."

Remember, all you would-be villains out there: Planning and Execution, Planning and Execution...

"So, what are these crazy peoples' motives, anyway?"

"Well, duh, to take over the world."

"OF COURSE!"

Yeah...now, before I go on, I'm not really trying to piss anyone off, but I'm just going to say the first thing that comes to mind when I look at the characters. Not trying to be offensive, just honest.

Now that that's out of the way, let the butchering reviewing begin.

Elizabeth:

Kinda generic evil scientist. I swear I must have seen this kind of personality in a few places before, but it just feels way too familiar. The lab moving around really doesn't make that much sense, even being Felarya. The closest thing to that I can think of is either a large mobile fortress, a stationary underground base. If it just teleports, I would think that would be impossible, (without immense magical power, but as stated, Elizabeth can't use magic.)

Maggie:

*twitch*

Alright, there's this line between evil and too evil. Then theres that other, seldom mentioned line between too evil, and way too far. This is pretty much crossing that line. Now, an addiction to genetic enhancements is kind of a cool idea, depending on context. On the other hand, it feels like it was extracted almost flawlessly from Bioshock. Having a sweet spot for children is just messed up, even by Felarya standards.

Hanna:

Oeww kay. This almost fits, but is kinda thrown off by Elizabeth. This is one of those chain reactions where you can have a not-too-bad character that kinda goes sour once it interacts with a bad character. The genetic stuff is just awkward, and being angry at other people for being happy is a little weird, or understandable, depending on the context. Here, it just doesn't fit very well. I kind of like the tribe idea though.

Ok. Now I'm just hoping I don't get hunted down and chased into the sea by overly offended angry mobs wielding torches and pitchforks.

Well I was leaving a few things out about them so the story wouldn't be given away but I don't see the point now as I have more or less abandoned them. their goal was never to take over the world I dont' know where that came from anyway but none the less. Elizabeth was originaly an Apocalypse angel and was turned into a mortal by another Judgment angel, so her entire thing with experimenting on people was to help her find a way to turn back into and apocalypse angel.
https://felarya.forumotion.com/angels-and-succubi-f11/judgement-angels-and-apocalypse-angels-t665.htm

as for the lab teliporting I said she couldn't use magic but that doesn't mean she didn't have people doing it for her. again that doesn't matter anymore

and yes I made maggie way over the top but I saw her more or less as how dridders are discribed as being evil.

either way there were reasons behinde thier behaviore and I just didn't go into it.
I simply was taking a risk in makeing these characters but aparently it wouldn't have paid off.

The taking over the world bit was a Nostalgia Critic reference.
Well, making characters isn't easy, it takes some refining. For reference, I was working on Mica for 5 months, (way back then her name was Kira, I think.) she first started as a Fox-girl, then she (seriously.) turned into a furry for several weeks, then somewhere around there I learned about Felarya, and decided to start over. Now, my other character, the one that doesn't have a name yet, that was in development for a year or so before I found out about Felarya. Now, I'm not saying it will always take this long, just that it takes a lot of thought.

I think they would be very interesting characters. But becoming say the world hated might not let them live long in Felarya.
If they get to powerful won't the Gurdians of Felarya jump in and slap them down?