How time flies

Most of you probably don't even remember me, what I did, what I tried to do, what I failed to do. I want you to know this however - it is with great pain that I write this journal, and for once in my life I have hardly much to say, yet I want to keep on writing, for it helps ease the burning sensation in my chest, this gloomy feeling that has settled down upon my soul.

What happened? Where is everybody? What did I miss in my short absence, was it me who caused it? Somebody please answer me, tell me - what is this!

Perhaps that made little sense to most, if not all of you, but I will do my best to make things clear, to tell you why, on my second ever journal entry (taken directly from DA), I am asking such questions.

I am but a simple guy who enjoyed reading fan-fiction. Enjoyed may be somewhat of an understatement, I loved reading. And in particular I loved the Felaryan tales of magic and adventure. Stories that you could simply read and let your mind wander, seamlessly crossing the border between this world and that one. Becoming one with the fantasy. That was a feeling I could kill for, and I looked forward to it each and every day.

So what happened exactly? Well, right now, after what transpired, I can only tell you this for certain - there's no greater wisdom than this one "Enjoy what you have today, for it may not be there with you tomorrow". I read, I read, I read... and I tried giving back as much as I could, in any way I could, for I was merely a person, one who could could hardly repay for all these great moments given to him by these, dare I say, blessed individuals - the authors, the writers, the artists. The ones who shaped the Felaryan world into what it is today. Or as it stands for me, what it was years ago.

I guess I assumed too much back then, and as a friend told me, the path of least errors is the one with the fewest assumptions. I shouldn't have assumed. I got tired of this site, through circumstances or what else I don't know, but I got tired of this site and I got tired of reading. What the circumstances might have been I can only guess, for my memory has never been one to take pride in. Perhaps it was the fact that the overall quality of what I read dropped, perhaps it was the general feeling I got that people were putting less of their soul in their work than what they used to - I can't tell. Nothing felt the same back then.

And oh what my mistake was. I simply disappeared. Many people know that about me, many don't. But I tend to go away, randomly. Without giving a reason or a warning. In this case, I should have been smarter, I should have asked myself "Hey, you have a great thing going here in the community, don't simply leave it, who knows what might happen!", but I digress. I simply were a child, I didn't think like that back then. And a year or more, I'd reckon 2 ago, I ceased almost all of my activity here. I stopped giving my full support to the authors I loved, and deserved it more than anybody else on this site, I didn't keep the promises I had made...

It all lead to this moment. I would have a hard time defining a "moment", but I've felt this and have known it for a while now. To me, Felarya is dying. The world I have put so much time into, made friends thanks to, experienced emotions because of, is dying. It's as if a part of my own self is going away with it, relentlessly being torn away, small piece by small piece and flung into this never-ending stream of constant deterioration.

I tried looking for people to blame for this. The first and foremost subject of my anger was of course the man, Karbo. Because of what he did I can never forgive him, but I can also never thank him enough - if not for him, none of this would have been here in the first place. None of my experiences, none of these memories - as bleak and distant as they may be, I still cherish them fondly and wish for them to return once more. And I realize I can't blame the creator, he can take it away just as he has given it.

In the end it wasn't just Karbo that built this place however. Oh, far from it. All of you who've played a role, I know who you are and what you've done. And if you read this, know this - even if you think otherwise, your work was not in vain. If you've quit and you're too far gone to return now, at least have my thanks. You've made at least one person happy to have delved into the depths of your imagination together with you, through your writing, through the masterpieces that were your works.

As a lone person I can't do anything to bring these times of old, this golden age that I seem so fond of. I ran out of people to blame a long time ago, until I realized it was perhaps me who's at fault... If I had been there, if I had showed my support to all of you, if I hadn't quit at a time of great prosperity only to return to a wasteland... If only I'd not been so stupid.

On this day, I can only sit here and reminisce the past. I've read a great deal of old works, ones that I used to love. But that only served to increase the intensity of this burning itch. It was as if back then, I lived in a sweet illusion perhaps, that whatever I read, whichever character I grew fond of - I would see more of them, they would be developed indefinitely. Now I sit here and read, and I know that what I read is years old, and it is the last of its kind - the last of the fantasy I so loved.

There are so many characters that... despite my bad memory, I remember the names of. And every time they are abandoned, there is nobody there to continue their epic tale. If only I'd been wise enough to somehow show that to everyone, to make them understand it - I'd have done something worthwhile. My support? My feedback? What good are they, if I just disappeared!

This journal has no meaning but to ease my pain, and I doubt any of you can answer my questions. And probably the right people won't see it, so it's all but in vain. Nonetheless, I apologize to all of you who I've let down, even though I promised to myself that I wouldn't, even though I tend to believe I am a man of my word, a man who sticks to his principles... I failed myself, and I lied. And to you in the process. Forgive me, Felaryan community. Forgive me...

I will forever keep these fond memories of you all and I will keep the hope alive that some day, things will return to the way they were.

You can lock this thread should you feel it creates tension or drama, though I felt the need to say what was on my mind...

Might wanna take off those rose tinted glasses.

Hey nice to see you around. I'm glad you keep depth of feeling regarding those times. I like to remember them too, and I'm an older member than you (yet I'm still here)

We're just in a bit of a rut. We gotta teach these newer members the secret of churning out ideas.

Yeah i remember you shade, I remember waiting anxiously for the next chapter of that story with the grey tower, or your re-write of the last chapter of Titan.
And I share your pain because i was gone when shit hit the fan here and we lost a lot of good talent, and friends ;_; And I also have regret, for never evening writing anything more then a biography for a character, I had so much planned, but with the users who inspired me gone....

But Baels right, they're not gonna come back unless karbo apologieses so the only thing left to do is teach these new people how to write a decent story, come up with new and exciting lore, locations, plants, shit like that.

Oh and I cant wait for you to continue your stories Shade

space_samurai wrote:

Yeah i remember you shade, I remember waiting anxiously for the next chapter of that story with the grey tower, or your re-write of the last chapter of Titan.
And I share your pain because i was gone when shit hit the fan here and we lost a lot of good talent, and friends ;_; And I also have regret, for never evening writing anything more then a biography for a character, I had so much planned, but with the users who inspired me gone....

But Baels right, they're not gonna come back unless karbo apologieses so the only thing left to do is teach these new people how to write a decent story, come up with new and exciting lore, locations, plants, shit like that.

Oh and I cant wait for you to continue your stories Shade

You have me mistaken for somebody else, and that somebody is this person. And yes... his stories will be missed as well. He is the "friend" I refer to in my original post.

Archmage_Bael wrote:

Hey nice to see you around. I'm glad you keep depth of feeling regarding those times. I like to remember them too, and I'm an older member than you (yet I'm still here)

We're just in a bit of a rut. We gotta teach these newer members the secret of churning out ideas.

Like I said, it'd be impossible for me to remain emotionally detached from Felarya given what's transpired. Glad to see you're still around, I still follow Mara's Adventures, even though I haven't commented much nowadays, forgive me for that.

timing2 wrote:

Might wanna take off those rose tinted glasses.

Those rose tinted glasses are what keeps my hope alive. To put it this way, even if you've wearing shades of grey, I will still be waiting for your next story, whether it comes or not. I believe, even in these hard times, for that is all I can do.

Don't just sit there hoping, take action! That's the only thing that's going to make our Felarya better! >_< Posting comments, writing stories, teaching newcomers; these are all things that you can do to help, so don't feel so helpless! Take your happiness into your own hands, gosh darnit!

Nyaha wrote:

Don't just sit there hoping, take action! That's the only thing that's going to make our Felarya better! >_< Posting comments, writing stories, teaching newcomers; these are all things that you can do to help, so don't feel so helpless! Take your happiness into your own hands, gosh darnit!

As Anime-Junkie would say: ^This. So much this.

I always feel weird when people label the Felarya of today as a 'wasteland', or that it's dying. It reminds me of how my dad is only too eager to denounce 'modern' society as poor, a shadow of what it once was. I look around and I see promise; he looks around and sees decay. Maybe we're just two very different people or maybe it's an inevitability when recognising the inexorable tide of nostalgia. I'm sure I'll fall into the same trap as time marches on!

Communities go through seasons - times of growth, times of plenty, times of conservation. I've never met you before, but I hope you stick around to enjoy with us the inevitable moving from wherever we are now into a new season that will offer you a taste of the past.

That's...actually very motivating. O.o Thank you Kindle, I found the motivation required to finish working on that temple idea I came up with. OwO

I apologize if I don't remember you. Its been a long time.

I just hope it's not something that will bring back more conflict.

Felarya dying?

As I speak there is...

...Six people in the forum chatroom

...Nineteen people on the forum overall at this very second,

...Thirteen threads that have been updated today so far, three of which are stories.

...Karbo has just released a new manga a few days ago.

Sure, we are at a low point in activity at the moment, but I think there's enougth evidence to suggest that the community is far from dead

There's less people on at any given point, but more of those people are on the chatbox. A couple years ago the average was more like 30-50 people on at once. I remember when there were about 80 people all on at once too.

Activity has fallen, but it feels like that even more so now because there aren't that many people creating and commenting on ideas. There used to be four or five active threads with new ideas. Now we only have one or two. I can really see where he's coming from, I certainly feel that way some times.

I sincerely hope none of you guys ever lose the magic of Felarya, not to sound melodramatic.

Shadeofheave wrote:

not to sound melodramatic.

I think you might be a little late there. XD Hee hee!